ooh slim boy ya killin me

Certain lyrics make me think of my boo. Hence the title. 6 more days! Yesss! Enjoy the vid. I was trying to figure out all the album covers... I think I spotted 4 or 5.

*****why did this man ask me to smile (he was a guest, and was an older gentleman, possibly clergy given the guestage we had in the hotel) then when I did, he said "ooh yeah, I'ma put you on my top 8!" um, MySpace should have an age limit. You shouldn't even have the phrase "top8" in your vocab. I didn't know what to say!*****

*****my gift came from Lauren last night. It was such a bitch to open. But I loved it! What was it? A gift card from express! Mama's going shopping! Gonna get me a cute blouse! Her gift was sent out last night and should be there by the end of the week. Then I'll put up pix and share the story and what have you.*****

10 Things I hate about you

Unlike Julia styles, this is not a love letter to my heath ledger disguised as a hate poem. I'm really considering my friendships lately and its led me to this.


1. Well, my boyfriend doesn't like you much lately.

2. Lauren hasn't liked you for a while.

3. You seem to have goals, but no work ethic.

4. You use me as a middleman to the things you shouldn't associate yourself with. I've allowed it because I figured you had self restraint and wanted closure, but you seem to make things worse. I've learned my lesson.

5. You lie to me about the things you do in moments of weakness, as if I would stop being your friend because you admitted the truth to me.

6. No matter that you say, you don't care for your SO. If you did, you wouldn't lie and do things behind their back. Or cheat.

7. I make more of an effort to see you than you do to see me.

8. You make reference to the life you want as if its the life you already have. And not in the way that's good, because remember, #3.

9. You remind me of my ex boyfriend in your idealism and narcisism.

10. I've been telling you these things, but you haven't been listening.
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Making the band

My requisite show to blog about. I'll probably live blog Lost too... On wif it!

Puffy has to talk a lot. God, he really thinks he's so fly! Recap time. Dwoods! I loves her. I have yet to find her on my/face cuz I really don't think she remembers me... She graduated a year or two before me and was in dance. I was in drama.

Intro song... It sounds cool. But these boys better come with the hotness if they want my 9.99 from target.

God, Brian has such a small head. I'm sorry. If it weren't for those regular ass braids...

Guido Donnie. He looks like an old school NKOTB picture. He looks like Jordan knight. I loves him! Now and fer fucking ever.
What a random interjection of aubrey... She's gonna be haggard when she gets older. FACE LIFT. I love aundrea. She reminds me of my bff from CT. And I'm a fan of dimples. Shannon's a red head. Nice. I want her to have a baby. Lmao I think that will give her personality. Or one that will give her more air time.

They're off to see puffy (I don't call him diddy. I just don't feel like self correcting). Take dat! Take dat! *shoulder wiggle, arm in the air, spin!*

*sidenote* Aubrey is spokesmodel for famous stars and straps. She looks like an addict on the site. I saw this dude with a so so def/ famous shirt on. It was so cool. But they only make street wear so I won't be getting anything they sell. I'm grown this year.

Commercials over. Diddy's gonna flood the market with 3 acts? Psh... mike is a lil cutie with his pretty eyes. You better lose weight baby! He's the only one who's cute. Quanell? His name alone turns me off. Donnie's got a thick neck to be so skinny.

Donnie and Aubrey making eyes. "I just wanna give you a hug." I just wanna give you a haircut!!! What is that? Justin timberlake ca. "tearing up my heart." all he needs is a billowy shirt and fire dance moves.

Puffy isn't giving any info about them making albums at once. ooh DK background music. I like. I gotta get on MySpace and listen to their new song. I love dawn's skirt! Tartan pencil skirt.

Ooh Aubrey's in trouble! Commercial.

Cherry chocolate diet Dr pepper? Are you guys on drugs? That sounds gross. What happened to plain cherry? Too many adjectives.

And we're back. Ooh she's holding the group back. Stop hanging out with Kim Kardashian! Crazy... Ooh you better work for the UN! Do your hair chick! It looks tragic right now. See, this goes back to the famous spokesmodel thing. Please do google.

Can I see these boys in a suit one good time? Mike's pants aren't on his butt! You are a bad boy recording artist! Pull your pants up!

"they're boys. I want a man!" aundrea. Yes lil mama. That is a big ass limo. Ooh these boys are lame! (is that the muzak version of "one shot"? *dead*) commercial.

Aw Eva longoria added Parker to her SAG name! You better represent for your hubby!

Commercial over. This limo looks like a wack 7th grade social. And once again Aubrey chumped them off. They need to step it up! Woo! Tequila! Patron is so smooth. Rum and vodka give me heartburn, or reflux maybe, but I still drink it. but patron don't do that. I love it for that.

Ooh you're a club banger! Ooh Aubrey that's a lap dance... I feel like I'm calling your name way too much honey. And you fell out the car. Sigh. Ooh Q and dawn. Yall better flirt and what not. All in the corner. "watch my man?" take it away, miss O'Day. (is that an Irish last name?) Kiss her! Kiss Dawn! Do it! Oh that was cute!! All on the cheek. Now Donnie, let it sit. She's drunk and wild. And is it me or does she seem unstable? Commercial.

My mom said cloverfield sucks. But that's not really her kindof movie. I'll wait for the DVD anyways. Roscoe Jenkins got every black comedy actor in that joint. I like this Sara Barrieles chick. I'm sure I spelled her name wrong. I like that love song song... And we're back.

Robert needs to get that texturizer back. His fro is wack.

Diddy makes his epic entrance. I just want him to all of a sudden be in the room without all the lights and intros and extra angles. And the shades. Though I'd rather not see his eyes I guess.

5 weeks? Get on the grind! At this point its clear they won't be writing any of the songs if they aren't already written. 5 weeks is no time to try to create from scratch.

Don't like this DK song I don't think. I guess I'll have to hear the finished project. I love dawn's voice. I hope Shannon gets a solo on this album. D woods why do you have no hair on the left, a lil on the back, and a cascade on the right?!

"costar?" boo! Reminds me of usher's "groupie." boo small-head! You sing good but know the words.

You better come see Dawn, Q! Loves it. How high school! I love it. He's 19! No wonder. Oops. How old is dawn? Come on! Take a chance in life! (Kesi says that all the time) Commercial.

"I don't care." Donnie, make me care. Ooh straight pop. He's giving me more Justin. I can see his album cover now: trendy button down, jeans, off center shot, head down, looking up at you, the consumer. Quote me.

Ooh puffy came back. Small-head is singing. He doesn't like it! What animal is puff wearing? Fake jodeci. Yeah I hear that. Puff took an acting class and he can now school you on how to emote apparently.

Ooh this season: drama, barfing, conflict, scheming, fights, fun, yachts, broken beds, cake in the face, making out! Yes! Loves it!
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Jameil doesn't like to go camping

But I do! (btw it took forever to find this post, what with her blogging daily) I've been twice, but its been a while. I'll tell you about the second time, because the first time involved post breakup recouperations, and me on the beach with sand in unpleasant places. Let's just say it was fun, but the second was funner.

So I was 18. It was the week after prom. There was maybe a dozen students and 3 chaperones: my softball coach (bo), my 10th grade English teacher (ro), and one of the Spanish teacher (we'll call her celine, cuz she looked like celine Dion). Somehow I convinced Kesi to come. I think the belief that we'd be "on a getaway" helped.

It was a 5 hour bus ride to the south Ga/ Fl swamps area where we camped. We basically kept to ourselves on the bus. I tried to sleep but it was hella bumpy on the road and it was hard not to look out the window at the trees and fields. Plus there was this one guy, Clarence, who INSISTED to sing mariah carey and Janet the WHOLE way there. Some things you must know about Clarence. 1: mariah is his diva. "there is no #2." because no one could stand near Mimi in his head. 2: he has no vocal inflections. He sounds like Ben Stein. You know, "beuler, beuler, clear eyes, etc." he spoke and sang in 1 tone: Mono. He got pulled by the current the year before and could not yell to literally save his life! "rooooo. Roooo." that's him calling the teacher. He was so far away from us, if we hadn't known he was missing he woulda been gone. And he sang the whole way there! And he sat across from me. Sigh.

We get to the campsite in south Georgia and set up. They made the "no coed tents" thing very clear, as there were 3 couples on this trip. I bunked with 2 girls from the book club. They were nice and small and quiet. Didn't wake me up when they got in and out and such. Kesi, bless his heart, bunked with Clarence. We were right by the water, in the same spot as the year before, where we'd nursed a dying wildkitten (a mountain lion I think) the year before. It was nice and shady. Coach set up the grills and I think that was the night we had the simple dinner, burgers and dogs and beans. the next night was steak night. We played taboo and whooped ass! Kesi and I are an unfair team really. One of the words was "burger king" and all I said was, "my favorite restaurant" and he got it, of course.

Anyways, on to the camping. We went on a beautiful nature walk along this wooden boardwalk near the swamps (did I mention we were in the okeefenokee swamps?) and there were beautiful flowers and lil animals! And this tower at the end of the walk where you just see swamp for miles and miles. Its prettier than it sounds. We took this picture up there and every time I look at it all I see is my abs. Sigh, lol.

We also went on a 7 mile canoe ride through alligator infested waters. Ooh! The year before it was 14 miles, but there was a fire warning so we could only go but so far. I was the "experienced" canoer, so I steered, and Kesi freaked when he saw the gators, cuz they'd be there then just dive under when they got close to you and you had no idea if they were gonna bump the boat or what! We saw swans too, or cranes maybe?

But the best part was Cumberland island. Hands freaking down. We took a boat to a virtually deserted island. How deserted? The only electricity was in the tourist center and a hotel that was nowhere near us. It was set up as a nature preserve after the Carnegies decided they didn't want to live there anymore. Our ranger had literally worked on that island for 27 years. He was an older guy and knew every inch of this place. He told us about the walking trees, and during his explanation of something, a family of horses ran by us! Mommy horse and baby horse! Stop!! It was all secret garden and shit! They were everywhere! Like all the animals on the island they were used to seeing people, and if we didn't mess with them they didn't mess with us. We walked into the ruins of this place called dungeness (background of this pic), which was the Carnegie manor until it was burnt down by a surly groundsman, as the story goes. The place was huge, and right on the water. The trees there were great for climbing. if you cant see me in this one its cuz im the only one not on the ground. I was like a lil monkey. I mean, barefoot and all. Later, we went to the beach. Had never seen an empty beach before. We were literally the only people who were there that day. Even if we weren't we couldn't see anyone else. We napped while listening to the waves, and unfortunately Kesi didn't know you had to turn when lying in the sun... Half of his face was tan. Hilarious.

So yes at the end of it I was hella filthy and had to soak the swamps off myself, but it was worth it. I guess if you can stand to be unkempt (I don't think I brushed my teeth every day and wore flipflops and sandals) and really love nature like that, and just a change of pace, than I recommend it. I had a great guide to keep us from dying (water mocs are all over the place there) and our chaperones were a bit of a mess so we still got to fool around (the teacher who Jameil said seems a lil dumb got the car stuck in a ditch when trying to find a "real bathroom" and the 3rd chaperone had to go get her out), and we learned and I felt really spiritual. Honestly with all the stuff that comes at you living in a city, sometimes you should just go to a quiet place and I think being immersed in nature is a good way to be with God. You see all this stuff He made and put together... I mean you can take a deep breath of clean air! And I learned that the reason why the swamps are green is from decaying plants, so that water is probably safer than tap water.

Anybody wanna go camping?

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Gonna have to do this more often

I'm so tired. I just lost about 12 lbs at my first ever trip to a gay club. I know, right? I have had gay friends since I was 12, but I have never been to a gay club? Quoi? Honestly I'm insulted! Anyways, here's my musings on the experience, in list form, naturally:

1. ANY song can be an anthem.

2. Drill teams were clearly created by J setters. They were looking like the "dazzling dawgs" (our drill team from hs) up in that bitch. All smiles and hands on hips... But that shit was hot. Please YouTube j sett. Its deep.

3. You have never danced with a man until you have danced with a gay man. I got worked out! Are you SURE you're gay?

4. I realize that regardless of whether or not the men are attracted to me, they must pay attention to me. With that said, that feeling deep inside of me, mixed with the song "percolator" had all eyes on me. Seriously, Joy. Where did that come from?

5. "she aint better than me though!" but clearly I am cuz you didn't challenge me. Perk on that boo.

6. Bad taste transcends sexuality. Its winter outside but its summer in here boo. And besides that, that sweater is ugly.

7. Your dad is gay. Or your friend's dad. Or your uncle. Trust me. I seen him at the club. He had "dad" written all over him.

8. Gay dudes don't huddle up like chicks do to decide whether or not to bring dudes back to the crib/hotel. Or, at least not the ones I was with.

9. I'm not in the business of blowing up spots. Yeah I saw you, and you know you saw me hours before you said hi. But unless you mention it at work, I won't.

10. Mmmhmm kappa, I see you.

11. You know your town's scene is small when you come to Atlanta and see people from home.

12. Apparently I have a "pastry." I think that's too dainty a term for my butt. Especially when you have to use 8 different desserts to describe it.

13. This didn't happen at the club but it was still funny. When you ask an old married couple on the elevator which one's the top, you are basically trying to kill me. Especially when the old couple has no idea you are even talking to them, and you continue to give your assessment on why the husband is a sub.
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Voter discrimination

So if you don't know the tv at my job is on CNN all. freaking. day. I watch all the election coverage and consider myself to be an informed voter. I have been asking people I care for if they're voting and listening to their opinions while not telling them who I am voting for, because for 1 I want to really hear what they are saying, and 2 I have decided not to vote until Feb 5. You know what I mean? People are definitely casting their vote before their primary day, which makes them not listen to the people they've decided not to vote for. I just want to listen right now. Trust that the dem debates Monday made things a lil easier while simultaneously a lil harder.

Anyways, on to the point of my post. CNN had this special called "race and politics." while watching I was thinking, "I'm really flattered that the dem primaries will come down to me and my fellow black females and how we vote, but why does it seem like they are saying I'd vote for hills solely because I'm a woman? Or Barack solely because I'm black? Or that the choice is down to only those two and that there's a lil black angel on one shoulder and a lady angel on the other, telling me what to do, a la family matters or full house? Why are you pigeon holing me CNN?"

and then there was talk on the view, which I wouldn't watch if not for the voice of reason named whoopi (who would have thought?) who was thinking just what I was! Then Joy said it comes down to whether the country is more sexist or racist, which was quite the Sherri Shepard thing for her to say... And totally wrong.

So CNN took the hint and last night they asked the women of SC what they thought and whether the race or gender of the candidates affected them that way. Turns out it didn't. I'm happy the station admitted their mistake, and ok, they addressed whoopi in their apology, but Anderson Cooper may as well have said my name cuz I felt vindicated in that moment. The unchangable factors may have shaped their views, but now let's judge them on their views.

That said...

I would not vote for a man with one foot in the grave. Besides the fact that I think he's a fear mongering "bush 2: the sequel," and that he has not one good idea that I've heard of, I really don't think a 72 year old man should be my president. I love my grandma to death, but I don't want her to be the next leader of our nation. Being the pres ages you. He's had tons of surgeries. No. Just, no. I don't look McCain's age as an unchangeable factor the likes of race or gender, because every day he gets older! He could die on the campaign trail! He once (probably more than once) said, "I'll get osama if I have to follow him to hell." yeah... You're pretty much gonna have to since you'll be gone from us soon.

Does anyone else feel me on this? Seriously, I think I'm an ageist! Old people are probably pissed at me.
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i might just scream. *editted*

Ok, timbo can do no wrong in my book. This song is hot, I love it and the video looks good too! Except... What's up with the ski masks? Is this one of those "to be continued" vids? Kesi's brother said they're the equivalent of a paper bag over these very pretty girls' heads. Who directed this and can I punch them? The worst part is that keri and Nicole are like, "I'm still sexy! Look at my eyes and lips!" stop!

*wait* stop.


Apparently there is a sex tape out there that's supposed to feature stace's twin (I'm playing, you do not look like her, your braids are cute!) New York. So this woman calls in to the porcha foxx show to say that is indeed her, and she's trying to set the record straight because she doesn't want people to sully tiff's name and she wants to find out who illegally hosted her sex tape on bossip and celebrity takeout, two sites I don't go to... Anyway, she proceeds to say that the guy in the video is her friend and they were fooling around one day so she put it on her site. "why would you put that on your site?" "well I'm a phone sex operator any way..." oh lawd! She's on some site that, when she said the name with her thick African or Haitian accent, sounded like "night slut. Com" and ended in her bra size, 38DD. And she got on one of the most popular daytime radio shows to say this, and I was walking down the street with my mouth agape. Je-sus. I pray that somewhere that interview is taped. It was literally the foolery.

Also, the R Kelly remix to flashing lights. Coulda kept that R-uh.

Update:

*there is a girl sitting next to me on the train who I went to hs with and I can not remember her name. I slightly remember her face... I hate that!! I wouldn't say I was popular in hs, but it seems people took time out to know my name... I can barely remember the names in my photo albums sometimes.

*my brother is back from basic training. He's now a full-fledged marine. Semper fi! Lol. I'm happy he's back and made it through that. We don't know where he's headed yet, so I'm just praying and hoping that its not that one place. When I mentioned it to kesi's mom she had absolutely NOTHING good to say. Its like wow thanks for that... She was going on about white people getting the real money in it, and black dudes getting the shaft. Yeah this is what I need. Its not like I'm feeling ANY sort of pride about my blood going into the service during wartime, all for the sake of furthering education, because he's really smart (he is going to NCAT, which someone recently said on their blog isn't for anyone but computer people. He's studying to be a comp engineer, so I wasn't insulted) and would like to make more of himself than his 3 parents has.

*speaking of she, she said I run Kesi, but only a little. Lmao!! I kind of agree, because I do ask him to do for me, but I always try to show him that I appreciate him. And I think I do for him too. Shit if I don't he better speak up!

*one of my guests found $20 on the floor in front of the register and handed it to me. Dude! Seriously? Cuz if I was on the other side that joint woulda been in my pocket!!! That was some good karma for him and a dub for me! And I didn't spend it; I put it away along with the money I made for the two scarves I'm currently making.

*did I ever tell you about the girl my brother works with named quancy? Well if I didn't, I laughed so hard at that name and compared her name to a throat illness. As in, "I got a bad case of quancy." my friend Jason took it one step further, with, "once a quancy, always a quancy!" and "quance me once, shame on you, quance me twice, shame on me!" we were cracking up for the longest time!

*is anyone else super psyched about making the band coming back? Super drama! Dawn from danity kane is gonna be dating the small headed one from the boy's band, and Donnie is a lil player! I pray puffy makes him cut that guido looking hair though. Its all gel and hairspray. And frosted tips. Stop it! I'm loving that and celebrity rehab. I hope Jeff conaway gets his shit together. Its sad really.

*birthday countdown!!! 22 days! But more importantly, 15 days til the anniversary!! I got the concept for kesi's gift, I just gotta buy it. I usually like to buy gifts more than receive, but this year I'm looking forward to whatever he gets me, since he's guaranteed to love what I get him. I'm dropping hints baby!! If you haven't heard them, just listen harder! And Lauren's volunteered her services. And for the record, I think he's dropping hints too, and if he is, I hear you! Lol.

*my friend is coming to town this weekend and we're getting Lauren's valentine. I think she'll love it. You can email me if you wanna know what it is, cuz everyone I've told loves it and thinks its so her. And Lauren don't you be trying to email cuz I'm not telling you! Crazy.
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Um, excuse me?

There is snow. On the ground. In Atlanta.

Now this isn't so bad, I aint no chump Charlie as my BIL's would say, but no one will be there to take me home from work, so I'm not going. I forgot to bring proper shoes (my work shoes are clothy material on the top and don't block any cold) or I would have walked from the bus stop, since kesi's mom wasn't gonna let him come get me.

Am I the only one who wanted to go to work today but couldn't? Ugh! This is bull! Its not even real snow! Its not snow ball quantity... It just looked pretty for a few hours. I'll take a picture if I deem it worthy... I'll probably do a real post too. Since, you know, I'm not making money...
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my love

It was some white shit fallin out the sky Wednesday. People keep calling it snow, but they don't know it doesn't snow unless it sticks. For all I know it coulda been raining cocaine. There could have been an accident at the recycling plant. Remember when south ga was on fire and we had smoke all the way up here? Maybe this is just ash! We all might be haluccinating! Meanwhile my mind is on better thangs.

Did you know "Miami" means my love? Mi ami. And not my love as in "you are my love," but as in "my love grows deeper." it speaks not of a person, but of the emotion that you own. Deep huh? I did very good en la clase de espanol. My profesora y yo hablamos con frequencia. And the Poultry and Egg conference is coming to town. Most of them are Spanish speakers. And I practice my Spanish with them. Quires bolsa? Muchas gracias senor, cerado a once(that's "on-say", not "wonse.")

But back to the point. Miami! I'm going, come hell or hurricane. Actually, come hurricane, Joy stays in the A. But I'm not going during H season. I'm excited! But I have to save money! So here's what I'm gonna do:

*cut down on my fast food.
I eat fast food literally every day. Mainly because our caf at work does a horrible job of making chicken look appetizing. Its always oily. And then, why would you cook spaghetti noodles and put them in those heater trays? Don't you know that re-dries the noodles? Barf! So I go to the food court and spend like 5 on a subway or a mcdonalds chicken sammich. I'm gonna try to cut back to twice a week, in desperate measures. This will also help me lose a few lbs, which couldn't hurt.

*put a lil of my income tax check away.
I did my taxes Saturday. Gotta be a record! I decided that I'd definitely have my money by my birthday. But yeah I can either put that money up, or use it to buy my plane ticket, whichever comes first.

*sell more scarves.
I'm doing well and the weather is on my side, but when people are ambivalent, so am I. You spend a week waffling about what you want? Its gonna take me a while to make it. Who's to say you're not gonna change your mind again? But I'm almost done with a big blanket and that money gets put away too. I'm focused!!!

I got 2.5 months to get right. Gotta have some spending money too, so I'm gonna write Miami on my hand so that every time I think about buying something I don't need I'll see it and hopefully change my mind, lol.
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TMI Tuesday!!!

moar funny pictures

I haven't done this in a while but the questions were really good this week, so I decided to participate.

1. If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?

I'd have to say... The fresh prince house. Come on that thing is huge! And there was a pool house? Which implies there's a pool... Come on!

2. If you had a clone, what would you make it do so you could have free time?

This one's easy: work. Clones are probably very efficient. So the clone can go to my job, and I can stay home and crochet and finish school and watch soaps.

3. Who was your best friend when you were 8? When you were 13?

When I was 8, it was a girl named Anne Hennessey. We would read "lil house in the big woods" together and play touch football with the boys. For probably the smallest girls in the class, we were two lil toughies.

When I was 13 it was Lauren. She was fairly new and so was I, and we'd hang out after school at my house because I lived the closest. Sometimes we'd stay after school and run the halls and hang out in her future stepdad's class (he never seemed tired of us) when she wasn't in cheerleading practice.

4. If you could travel anywhere, where would it be & why?

I'd go to Cape Verde. At first my answer was CT, but I figure I'll branch out. I really want to see this place. My aunt nanie went in the 80s and she has such beautiful pix! I mean, its like Rome, how there's all these old buildings and ruins and villiage people, ugh, gorgeous.

5. Would you hate loosing your sight or hearing most?

I'd hate losing my sight more. If I lost my hearing I just wouldn't be able to hear music, which I'd miss, but I remember a scene from "Mr Holland's Opus," when his deaf son was sitting on the speakers so he could feel the music. Plus my godbrother is deaf and I grew up with that as kind of the norm.

If I lost my sight, I wouldn't be able to go anywhere alone, I couldn't watch tv, I couldn't write or crochet. Of course there's braille, but honestly I think I'm too impatient to learn braille. My uncle is partially blind and I don't think he bothers with it either. And there's always something new to see. I want to travel the world, and what's the point if I can't see, right?

Bonus (as in optional): Nature or nurture?

Both! I believe there are some things that are born with you, but the way you're raised brings you to act on it or not. I don't think they're either/or. Its like evolution v creation. I believe in both. Not to say I believe I evolved from monkeys, cuz I don't, but just because I didn't come from a monkey doesn't mean dogs didn't evolve from wolves. Feel me? So back to the point: I watched an episode of law and order SVU where this boy was a child of rape and was also a rapist. Was it because his father was a rapist? No, it was actually because his family alienated him and treated him like a "devil child." so despite the fact that it should have been nature, it was actually nurture. Then you got people who grew up well and still end up crazy (Britney, I'm looking at you!)

first kiss.

So, I've already told you that its less than a month to my 6th anniversary, and I've already written about the first time we met andour first time. Hell, he was even the inspiration for the blog in its inception.

But I haven't talked about our first kiss, and the events surrounding it.

January 2002. I had decided, after the dissolvement of my previous relationship, that this year was Joy Year. This meant I was going to do whatever I wanted to make myself happy. This included sneaking an 11th grader I had a crush on into my house to make out and get high. it also meant developing absolutely no feelings for him after he went home in the middle of the night. But we had mutual friends and hung out frequently.

A day or two after this, Kesi and I and a group of friends were being photographed for the year book. We were thinking about buying a page for the poetry group we were in. We were laughing and chilling with the group, but also kind of flirting off to the side. I remember him leaning against a wall and me hugging him, and he was giving me a serious look. "What?" "man, if I didn't have a girlfriend..." I gave him the one eyebrow. Mmhmm... The seed we'd planted a year before was peeking its lil head out. (link to that story coming soon!)

Meanwhile, Mr Sneaky Hookup was trying to get me alone again. We and our friends would hang out after school, but I knew I wasn't that into him. How? I realized I didn't want to kiss him. And his ass was always talking! About some quasi intellectual bull! And saying his father was an Egyptian prince. Negro you live in the SWATS. Boo. Even around him, I was thinking, "I wonder what kesi's up to?" there was one particular Monday when I had really realized I didn't like like Mr SH, that I decided I was going to kiss Kesi. Muahahaha! I'd imagined in my head just walking up to him and planting a good one on him. I mean, I already told him we were gonna have kids together, what's a kiss?

The next day, as per usual, we were all having lunch: Kesi, me, chick named keshia, and dude named Pierre, among others. I was having a lunch "snack:" iced tea and granola bars. No wonder I was so small. He was sitting directly across from me, eating chicken fingers and fries (the lunch people RAN to the cafeteria for).

"Pierre! No one wants to kiss me!" I knew Pierre would know if Kesi was feeling me; they were homeys. And Pierre's a horny bastard, all deep voiced sax player, so judging by HIS reaction to this statement, I would know if I had a shot.

"what about Kesi? He'll kiss anything." real nice P.

Meanwhile Kesi was a cute lil deer in headlights. He'd barely had a fry in his mouth and already I was on him.

"so? You want to?" he gave me a shrug I now know to mean, "I want to, but I don't want to seem too eager." woo hoo!

I too, was trying not to seem eager, so I took pause to swish some tea around in my mouth to make sure I didn't breathe granola all over him, though I could feel my poor face heating up. "you ready?" I stood up, leaned across the table, and laid a quick smooch on his lips.

Oh my. For a kiss that that lasted .005sec, it was fan freaking tastic. He had nice, big soft lips. And of course there was this energy between us that left us both red faced, as keshia started out, in her generally loud way, "damn! People are trying to eat, and yall making out at the table!" which led the people who didn't witness it to ask about whether or not we were dating, and why did we kiss if we weren't? This lasted about 10 minutes, then things died down and we got back to our chicken and granola.

After lunch, we went our separate ways (though our classes were next door, and I wrote him a note telling him that I liked him. He wrote back saying he'd liked me for a long time. We made it official like a week later, and we've been joined at the lips ever since.

"Not always there when you call

But I'm always on time."

Ja and ashanti took liberties with scripture, but that phrase describes me.

I don't tend to pick up the phone when you call (I prefer texts) but I am ALWAYS ontime. Even to shit I don't wanna do. As much as I complained about work in December, I got PERFECT attendance. I don't want to be late. I don't want to miss anything on account of lateness, because my mind tends to wander and I will certainly miss something due to zoning out. Plus I'm short. I was so mad when I went to see kanye and I couldn't get there early enough to actually see him (it was a $5 concert). So when it comes to fun stuff, I come ontime to get a good seat.

Saturday I was supposed to meet my peoples at a restaurant for a party. Yay! So a friend was supposed to take us, but she planned on staying later than us so we took the car to the train station, despite the fact that Kesi's uncle was fixing it earlier, yada yada. Then trained it to the restaurant downtown near my job.

We were supposed to meet at 8. We were asked to wear green. Now, lemme tell you about green. Kesi has notta one green shirt. He hates it. He's a bold color kinda guy. Royal blue, true red, black, etc. His brother has a lot of green (truly and metaphorically) so he borrowed a shirt from him. Yesterday was literally the first time in my 9 years of knowing him that I have ever seen him in green. Think on that for a second.......... Moving on... Me? I have 3 green items in rotation. A green and black dress which was last worn to my friend's grandma's funeral, a Victoria's secret tunic length cami which, its warm-ish out but it aint that warm, and a forest green tee that says "yes, but not with you." and I only got that one because the colors are very Indian. Anyways, that's the one I wore, despite the fact that I'm on the fashion come-up. I could have easily looked fly-er in a different color, but you asked for green, and honestly, I don't plan on buying a green shirt when I go fashion come-up shopping. Unless its jewel toned.

Moving on (again). Kesi and I took the train and arrived at the restaurant downtown, in the middle of mart week. "Mart" is a big, big retail buyers convention, full of women. I had sent my friend a text asking him if there were any bathroom emergencies this time; he was late to his birthday party for having to go #2, lol. He said he was running late. I said "well I'LL be on time." and we were.

But he was not. In fact, we waited there til like 830, and even tried to get the seats but the place didn't do reservations, not even for large parties, and I have to say the chick I talked to was such a bitch. It took me a lot not to tell her weave-a-liscous ass off. I told her the info he gave me, and she kept giving me this "and what is this supposed to mean to me?" gesture. She wanted me to cut her, that's all that was. Apparently we weren't the only ones there from our party, but I didn't know these people, and so Kesi and I were chilling, or rather steaming. I was so hungry!

So my friend calls back and asks if we can meet him at a location not only NOT downtown, but also, in a complete other direction of our neighborhood. Which means we'd have to take the train back, get in the car, and get on the highway and meet them somewhere else. Kesi was pissed! He was already having a rough day, and had mentioned something I hadn't noticed: every time we went somewhere with this friend, he was late. Kesi was like fuck it (he basically wipes his hands of the whole thing), and I know he's serious. Though our friend offered to take us out to lunch or something, I'm sure Kesi won't be going. Woo sah.

So instead, we went to waffle house, got full (but I don't recommend the blueberry waffles, I don't know what it is but it isn't right in the texture) and watched pulp fiction. We both had never seen the whole thing, and I liked it, how everthing kind of looped around. But there was some gratuitous brandishing of the N word that I didn't appreciate. But I figured out where that "say what again!" line came from on the boondocks. Hilarious.

So I'd have to say I broke even on the day. Can't say the same for Kesi, but he was better Sunday, so. All I'm saying is, if I'm asked to be somewhere at X:00, I'll be there. Remember that.

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I don't know what this meme is called,

But Lauren tagged me. Here we go.


Two Names I go by:
1. Kaori
2. Yoj

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Pink tank top
2. Green hospital pants

Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship:
1. Laughter
2. A pillow

Two of your favorite things to do:
1. Sleep
2. Crochet

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. An unbroken pig
2. Lots of money

Two pets you had/have:1. Mikey the turtle
2. Fieldy the snake (I like reptiles)

Two people you think will fill this out:
1. I really think I may be the last one to do this. I'm not tagging anyone.

2 Things that you did last night:
1. Had pizza
2. washed my hair

Two things you ate today:1. Cocoa puffs
2. A #5 at mcdonalds

Two people you last talked to:
1. Mo
2. Kesi

Two things you're doing tomorrow:
1. Curling my hair
2. Going to hooters

Two longest car rides:
1. Atl to saint Louis
2. CT to south Carolina

Two favorite holidays:
1. New Year's Eve
2. Lincoln's birthday (bonus if you can figure out why)

Favorite beverages:
1. Welch's Apple orange peach juice
2. Pomtini

Person no longer alive who you'd like to talk to:

1. My grandma Lula
2. My grandpa Paul
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Today is...

My dad's birthday. He's 47.

I realized this fact at about 3PM today.

I haven't talked to him since May.

Around this time last year, he was drunk in my kitchen, telling my brother and I he was proud of us.

But he didn't show up to his graduation, and he has no excuse. Or apology.

He is wack.

But I love him.

And I miss him, and I wish he would just act right.

When I was 9, he was a counselor at a camp, and when my mom went to TX for a week, I stayed with him and went to the camp. I remembered thinking, "I didn't know my daddy had a job." turns out, my dad is a jack of all trades. You name it, he can do it, or at least try and do a better job than a novice should. He is very smart.

Anyway, the field trip that week was to one of our favorite places: a beach in CT called Sherwood Island. It was further out I think, closer to rhode island. The sand was the same color as my skin, and so much cleaner than Seaside, which was littered with sea shells and the trash of urbanites.

The summer before, my 3 year old brother had caught an almost record setting fish, and I had sworn off fishing because it was boring, and I couldn't understand why my brother could do it and I couldn't. He respected that and took me for a walk on the rock cliffs.

This year, I was his shadow. I don't think I was officially enrolled in the camp, so no one missed me and I just stayed by his side. He took me out on a canoe. I wore a lil life jacket under my pink and black racing-themed suit and was so scared. But I knew he wouldn't let me fall overboard and drown. This was my daddy.

We seemed so far from everyone. They were on the shore, and if they were waving at us, we couldn't tell. It was just he and I. "you having fun joy-joy?" I was.

That seems like so long ago. But it really exemplifies me and my dad. We were so cool when we were together. I could trust him to keep me safe. As long as he was around.

So today is his birthday. And I couldn't call to say hi. Not that I wouldn't, I just don't have a number. And he didn't dial up on Dec 6. Does he even know Jay's in the marines? I really love him. And he's such an ass.
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Two totally random yet specific conversations

Let me first say that the N's- my boyfriend and his younger brothers- are damn fools. You can't help but laugh when they're around. It was they who I threatened with my empty bottle of champagne during the trouble game.

And now, story 1, the latest Kesi in the Car: keshia vs Joy.

*kesi, Joy, N2 and N3 (the brothers) are in the car, riding home. Keshia cole's "I remember" (or whatever the song's called) comes on as the radio is switched on. Kesi begins to half smile as he is clearly thinking of her breasts. He may have even made a gleeful noise.

Me: naw, fuck that. Wait til I see this heffa. You know she be around here. (I tend to lose all grammar in my fits of hysteria)

Kesi: she does not be in East Point.

Me: not East Point, Atlanta. You didn't watch her show on BET?

Kesi: no.

N3: yeah man, her family is crazy.

*we then break into a conversation about how she has 6 brothers and sisters who she doesn't look like, and a toothless mom who she kind of looks like. Somehow, while I've drifted off reading someone's blog, the conversation turns to marrying into said family and how crazy it would be. Kesi goes into how her mom would be all in their biz and whatnot. I tune back in.

Me: (yelling) well you aint gotta worry about that shit, cuz you aint marrying her, you're marrying me! So you can fuck all that right now!

Kesi: I'm just saying...

Me: naw! Ima whoop her ass! Wait til I see her!

N3: for real, keshia cole looks like she could whoop your ass. Easy.

Me: (calmer now) yeah she does. Maybe I can sneak up on her and stab her.*

N3: she'd probably hear you coming.

Me: yeah she was in foster care for hella long. She's probably a ninja scrapper.

The conversation continues with me getting denied any opportunity to kick her ass. But if I knew he was gonna jump out the window and declare his love for her, I would have at least let out a "yes..." when Will Smith was doing his shirtless pull ups in "I am Legend." that ish was hot.

*yes I carry a knife, but I would never willfully attack anyone, especially not keshia cole. She's Jeezy's people. I'm not trying to die.
-------------------

Story 2.

Same characters, different day. Sitting in kesi's room, watching tv. Best Year Ever is on and this woman is trying to convince a doctor to give her colagen injections in her anus (I know right?). While she's talking, she's playing with a sample silicone implant.

N3: what if somebody just threw an implant at you shawty?

Me. That might be fun. Like a water fight, but no splash.

Kesi: hell yeah. I could just bean someone in the head with an implant?

N3: if you could throw an implant at anyone at work, who would it be?

Me: I think it'd be Mo. I think she'd appreciate it the most. "biiiitch! Did you just throw a breast at me?" (she'd probably say the t word, but I hate that word.) she'd probably throw it back and itd be hella fun.

Who do you think would enjoy a good implant fight? I've got to befriend a plastic surgeon.
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Wrap it in a bow.

November 2, 2004.
I woke up at 7 or so AM. Now, by now you know that Joy don't do 7AM. So it had to be something. My mom and I get on a bus, then a train, then another bus, and head out on a walk to the school "closest" to the house we used to live in. Mind you, there was a school 3 blocks from our old house that we all had walked to/from in the 9 years we lived there. Was that our designated poling place? Hell naw! It was this all out the way, not bus accessible joint. Can the church say "disenfranchised"?

So as we and a couple other ladies get off the bus and prepare to walk down this street, a couple of girls my age stops and offers us a ride. Praise Jesus! Its now 830, I'm about to dig into my reserve snack already, and you want me to walk? Is voting worth all this? We'll see damn it.

We get to the school, I can't remember which one. Oak knoll I think, but that's irrelevant unless you want to google said school and are how far that joint was from the main road. There's so many people there! And I must say, besides the chicks what brung us, me, and a chick who lived down the street from me through middle/high school, I didn't see many more 20 year olds. Most of the people there were:

Women
Mom/ grandma- aged
In no shape to be standing in line for long periods of time.

The line moved fairly quickly, with different stations for each point in the process. Verification, explanation, actually voting. While in the line, my mom asked me how I planned to vote on the gay marriage resolution, which was also on the ballot. Clearly I was for it. I told her that it wasn't depleting anything in my future marriage, and that my gay friends (and family, but I left that part out of this convo with her) deserve to get married if they wanted to. We canceled each other out on that vote.

So I voted. Got my lil peach "I'm a Ga voter" sticker, and rolled out to meet my boo. It, in addition to election day, was his birthday.

We met at our favorite Chinese restaurant at the time, China Bistro. He had nasty as sesame chicken, and I had calamari. God I miss that calamari. I think that during lunch we even prayed that Kerry would win and stated that it would be the ultimate birthday present.

Well we all know how that shit turnt out.

Well this year, Feb 5 is super Tuesday. Its also my anniversary. Coincidence? Naw man. This is fate. This is America's chance to make it up to us. Don't fail me America! I need you now! Now I'm not telling you WHO to vote for, just to be an informed voter. Be a smart voter. Be a damn voter! Don't be wack. Choose your candidate! I wish I could have wrote this 2 days ago before it was to late for you to register for the primary (at least in Ga), but I was busy, and you should have been registered. If I can wake up at 7, so can you. And I'm gonna walk to my polling place this time- its only 2 blocks away this time, no busses, no trains. Come on! All I want for this anniversary is something good to come out of this country.
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Keeping me sane

Well yeah I been a lil blue lately, but its 2008 and I'm not about to kick the year off in pessimism. I'm focused on the good stuff, the funny stuff, the comfy stuff.

*my anniversary is a month away. 6 years! Insane! Kesi said its the longest relationship he's ever been in, which is something he says every year and is clearly stating the obvious, but I love to hear it. This month actually occurs the same as when we started dating too, which helps me remember the days and dates that things happened. After our first kiss we were joined at the freaking hip. We would stay after school to hang out with each other. I lived in east point, so it took me 15 minutes by bus to get home, if that, but he took 2 trains and a bus, then walked a mile, to get home to stone mountain. I'd call him at like 8 and he'd just be getting home. Now we live within walking distance of each other (though neither of us wants to walk) and its all good. I think back on stuff like that and think, "damn, he must have really liked me!"

*my cousin BJ (yeah I gave him a nickname) is almost a month old, and he's already perfected the "feed me" head nudge. I held him Friday night and he just wiggled his lil body on me and cooed... And then he pooed. Or tried to at least. And a plus, Kesi sat there and asked me questions and DIDN'T run for the nearest exit. He's still at the point where his cry isn't deafening, although he does do it a lot. You know how they say babies just eat, poop and cry? That's him! Though he does smile and stare too. And wiggle. So I'll take it.

*i left that damn supervisor's key in my manager's mailbox. No more work without pay for me. He took it well, which was good.

*i didn't have to wait forever for another day off after my vacation. I was off this Saturday, and I think I'm off next Saturday too. And I got a Thursday off. I hate having random off days, except when they're convenient to things in my life.

*i haven't heard a yes or no about my transfer(the acct dept is working on budgets right now) and have decided to resume my job search. There's still a possibility I'll get the job, but I can't totally rely on just the possibility. I'm focused!

*i had a guest whose last name was Kock. It took all I had in me not to laugh in his face.

*im wearing a sweatshirt right now. Its 1130 at night.

*I finished my new years champagne on Friday night, then sat around with my people (some of whom were also intoxicated) and played Trouble. You know, the kids game. I lost, but had a good time waving the empty bottle around and hitting that clicky thing.

*I hated that everyone took a week off from blogging over the holidays. Except like a handful of people. But now they're back! And I have something to read during my train ride.

*when its slow in the hotel we have the silliest conversations. Breezy asked one of the security guards if she'd eat tiger penis soup, an Asian delicacy and aphrodesiac. Her response was, "if it was the last thing in the fridge..." would you? I feel that it is my duty to eat any meat that can be hunted. Within the bounds of morality. I've had alligator before. They served it at the restaurant in the hotel a few years ago. Kesi said tigers are endangered though, so I guess eating one's genitals would be a part of my definition of wrong, you know?
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Sigh...

One week.
One week, and 2 days.

Sitting on the floor after wrestling with my favortie 3 year old cousin, I watched his eyes wander around the room.

Lauren came to town right before Christmas. She spent about 3 hours at work with me, keeping me company when the hotel barely had 200 of its 1700 rooms filled. Watching CSI with me and chatting. Disliking the evil manager with me. Commiserating about being stuck in retail, wanting to do so much more with my life and time. She's sweet like that.

Lauren and I have been friends for 11 years. We've never fought, never fallen out. We've been jealous of each other, but never in a hateful way. Its been purely motivational. We share. She is my best friend. We comfort and support. We've shared without boundaries or hesitation. I have something to tell her now, but I know the words won't come, so I'm writing this little tale.

Before she left Atlanta, she directed me to her purse and two crudely wrapped, solid objects. "now dont scream," her mom said as I opened the paper. But of course, I squeaked anyway, as is my nature.

Two pigs. One fuschia, one teal. Shiny and pretty and perfect. Anyone whose ever been in my room knows I've loved pigs for a while. I feel pigs are underestimated, and are actually very cute and smart despite conceptions about them. So I have lots of pigs, as a sort of, symbol maybe? I, too, feel misunderstood sometimes, and when I defend the virtues of the piggies, I'm sometimes defending myself.

So these two pigs sat to the left of my tv, holding quite a collection of foreign coins, about 50 in each. The fuschia one named La, and the teal one named K, after my nickname.

And my little cousin, in all innocence, dropped K on my cement, basement, bedroom floor. She shattered. Coins in a pile. Teal in about 7 pieces. I wanted to cry right then. One week and two days I had it.

I sent him upstairs and grabbed the dirt devil. Sat on the floor, defeated, and vacuumed up the dust. Grabbed the bigger parts, "maybe I can put it back together."

I think if the La would have broken, I'd have been mad. but this is the one I designated a few days earlier to represent me. And now I was collecting me to put in a bag, while Kesi tried to distract me by asking me about the coins. I let him, for a minute. But aint that life, even your symbolism is subject to tragedy.

I don't think I want to replace it, try to pretend it never happened. K has character now, a story. I went to the grocery store and got some glue. Later today, I'm going to put me back together. Funny enough, its what Lauren's done for me so many times before, so art imitates life maybe?
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chew first.

Ok chick. So your name is tyra B. Every time someone mentions your name, people are gonna think of the more famous tyra B. But you can't help what your mom named you.

And you kinda look like MC Lyte. But you can't help that either. Hell, you might be her child. I don't know.

But, um, could you give ciara back her goodies? I mean, she took her swag from aaliyah anyway, so, if you wanna give that back to missy? she has a shrine, so she'll have somewhere to put it...

Also, Paula abdul? At least you bit her best song. No offense to "straight up." "oh, oh oh, do do ya love me, come on now!" its a very close second. But "rush, rush?". You sound like her too, just a lil.

And Michael Jackson... A lot of people have used that one. Why? Why? Tell them that its kinda cliché.

All these things might have been ok, had you(r producers/ directors/ stylist) chosen like one thing for this video, and I'd be like "oh, that's clever." but now all I see when I watch the video is who it reminds me of. Let's not bite quite so much next time, K?

The only resolution

If you didn't know, I took a week off from work. I got a lot of stuff done! I basically took time off to finish the crochet projects I had and spend time with the people I love. I also cleaned my room and refolded my shirts.

I stacked each shirt according to type: cute tees, tanks, long sleeve, clubby/ fancy (fancy guest- name that show), professional.

And I kid you not, I have no less than 30 shirts that had some kind of cute phrase, a lil character, crazy "look at me I'm young and carefree" design. Adversely, I have 6- SIX long sleeved shirts. Guess what? I'm not carefree, at least not in the way my fashion is saying, and I AM cold.

So here's my resolution. I will not shop for clothing I cannot wear in a professional setting. Its fair to say I've got fun covered, no? And the crazy part is, I don't wear most of these shirts. A few I forgot I had. I make special exception if I can get the "Jesus is the new black" shirt from wet seal. Other than that, I need some freaking button downs, some cute cardigans, maybe even a sweater or two (I really don't like sweaters unless they're of the longer, comfy variety).

This is a resolution I want to keep, but old habits die hard. When I go shopping, I'll surely include pix of what I got, and welcome suggestions of what I should return.
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7 deadly sins.

Found this on Stephen rader's blog (Stephenrader.blogspot.com) and decided to do it too, despite the fact that I didn't already have predetermined answers. So we'll see what comes of it! Feel free to join in!

1.  If you could kill someone (or injure them eggregiously) who would it be and why?

Hmmm... Lessee... I dont have anyone personal who I'd wanna kill. So who would I wanna kill that I don't know? Probably Glenn Beck. He's a pain in the ass! He just talks out his rear. Ooh, wait. I might be inspired to egregiously injure the evil manager. I'd cut out her tongue. Or have it done rather. I'm a lady. I'm not violent. Lol.

2.  You have been given 25 Million dollars, and you have to spend it all (no donations to charity or investing).  What do you spend it on? 

Oh this is one I think about. Pay off my house. College for me and Kesi and the kids (our brothers and future kids). Since I can't invest I'll just throw that money in a safe, a la Adam Chandler. Another house, complete with all my crazy architectural ideas, and plenty of bedrooms. Crazy all out desitnation wedding (all inclusive). Cars for us. Lauren gets some money of course. I can't ball alone! Clothes shopping! I think thatll cover all.

3.  You have the opportunity to steal anything in the world without getting caught.  What is it and why?

It'd have to be something that I couldn't buy, something that just had a particular worth to me. I'd steal... Damn. I have no idea! Can it be abstract? Ooh, I'd steal someone's manuscript, make it my own, become a success and then carry on writing my own books. I know its unethical, but what theft is?

4.  You have the opportunity to pawn off one facet of your life to someone else forever.  What is it and why?

Assuming that these questions build on each other, as I have been, I would not pawn off work or bill paying.
I'm already pretty successful. I'd give someone all my back/ leg pain. Its very prevalent in my life, and I am sure that no matter what my occupation it will be there. So you there, take it. Let me wear my heels and do back flips.

5.  If you could have sex with anyone (or anything) throughout the history of the world without repercussions, who or what would it be and why?

Anything? What kind of freaky nonsense? Anyone, huh? Brad Pitt circa "Fight club." I like that he was so confident but also kind of dirty and unkempt. Actually, he was like that in "snatch" too. These days he looks kind of old, but back then...

6.  Describe the time in your life when you were the most bitterly jealous.

I don't tend to get jealous, so one particular time stands out to me. I was 19 or 20, and it was spring. A Sunday. I was feeling kinda blah so I asked Kesi to meet me at the mall for some retail therapy after I got off work. I was wearing a blue puma tee and a pair of sloppy jeans, my hair was in 2 braids and at some point he put his baseball cap on my head. We went into Victoria's Secret, and I barely made a revolution around the PINK table when he says, "there goes India." India was his ex. Right before me. And she was effing hot. And she was working at my sanctuary! All up in my happy place with her cleavage going strong. This heffa looked like a grown woman, but I think she was barely out of high school, tall and curvy. And I was looking like his lil brother. He introduced us and I just was not feeling as I should: in my mind I should have been so fly that when we left she'd be cursing my name. Instead it was kind of the other way around. I've never been jealous before or since, and I was so embarassed by this moment of craziness that I don't think I've ever mentioned it to him.

7.  If you could have free, no-death, GOOD plastic surgery on anything and everything that you want, what would you alter and why?

I'd get dimples, because I'd be 2x as cute with them. I'd get lipo, cuz I'm lazy. Maybe a nose job, since this is GOOD plastic surgery that would guarantee that I'd still look like Joy in the end. That's about it. Oh, and maybe I'd get rid of SOME of the scars on my legs. They have character.
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