Two totally random yet specific conversations

Let me first say that the N's- my boyfriend and his younger brothers- are damn fools. You can't help but laugh when they're around. It was they who I threatened with my empty bottle of champagne during the trouble game.

And now, story 1, the latest Kesi in the Car: keshia vs Joy.

*kesi, Joy, N2 and N3 (the brothers) are in the car, riding home. Keshia cole's "I remember" (or whatever the song's called) comes on as the radio is switched on. Kesi begins to half smile as he is clearly thinking of her breasts. He may have even made a gleeful noise.

Me: naw, fuck that. Wait til I see this heffa. You know she be around here. (I tend to lose all grammar in my fits of hysteria)

Kesi: she does not be in East Point.

Me: not East Point, Atlanta. You didn't watch her show on BET?

Kesi: no.

N3: yeah man, her family is crazy.

*we then break into a conversation about how she has 6 brothers and sisters who she doesn't look like, and a toothless mom who she kind of looks like. Somehow, while I've drifted off reading someone's blog, the conversation turns to marrying into said family and how crazy it would be. Kesi goes into how her mom would be all in their biz and whatnot. I tune back in.

Me: (yelling) well you aint gotta worry about that shit, cuz you aint marrying her, you're marrying me! So you can fuck all that right now!

Kesi: I'm just saying...

Me: naw! Ima whoop her ass! Wait til I see her!

N3: for real, keshia cole looks like she could whoop your ass. Easy.

Me: (calmer now) yeah she does. Maybe I can sneak up on her and stab her.*

N3: she'd probably hear you coming.

Me: yeah she was in foster care for hella long. She's probably a ninja scrapper.

The conversation continues with me getting denied any opportunity to kick her ass. But if I knew he was gonna jump out the window and declare his love for her, I would have at least let out a "yes..." when Will Smith was doing his shirtless pull ups in "I am Legend." that ish was hot.

*yes I carry a knife, but I would never willfully attack anyone, especially not keshia cole. She's Jeezy's people. I'm not trying to die.
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Story 2.

Same characters, different day. Sitting in kesi's room, watching tv. Best Year Ever is on and this woman is trying to convince a doctor to give her colagen injections in her anus (I know right?). While she's talking, she's playing with a sample silicone implant.

N3: what if somebody just threw an implant at you shawty?

Me. That might be fun. Like a water fight, but no splash.

Kesi: hell yeah. I could just bean someone in the head with an implant?

N3: if you could throw an implant at anyone at work, who would it be?

Me: I think it'd be Mo. I think she'd appreciate it the most. "biiiitch! Did you just throw a breast at me?" (she'd probably say the t word, but I hate that word.) she'd probably throw it back and itd be hella fun.

Who do you think would enjoy a good implant fight? I've got to befriend a plastic surgeon.
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