i get it from my mama!

yeah these are a tad old but i wanted to share. arent they nice? she pretty much sticks to baby blankets but she's bad a--. i wont curse cuz she doesnt like that.

stuffed

today was a good day.

i woke up at the boo's house, way too early. mama in law was up cooking and blasting music. btw there's no food except thanksgiving stuff so i have nothing to eat for breakfast. or lunch, seeing as how i went back to sleep and woke up at noon. ah. but now i'm hungry. so i get up and sit in the kitchen where everyone is doing something. i ask for something to do and end up cleaning the tables which i hate. i have to be compelled to clean. things that compel me to clean:

*utter ickiness (Like turtle poop)
*need to impress- this isnt my house, so its null.
*The knowledge that i'm a little messy
*Money- i clean at work.

i hate to clean for other people. i can never do it the way they want and it annoys me. luckily i was just cleaning tables... i was to volunteer at a shelter today at 4. but our car is leaking oil- >:-s - so i had to wait for the in law to take me home so i could leave. wack. i was late but only by a little bit. i also overdresred. why was it a million degrees out? and me with my bubble coat. ha!

we get to the shelter and announce that we're here to help. the guy outside says, you with the white people? que? rude! and yeah we are asswipe. my mom's friends are already there, ingrid and sabrina. ingrid brought some church friends. sabrina is a missionary. wow. the whole thing is pretty easy.its a wonder more people dont serve food. so many are needed.

we make plates and serve sweet tea. the kids are beyond adorable. they are bedorable. this one lady had three kids, one was an infant. angel. he just stared at me then when i pouted he started smiling. works every time. the women in there, man they drink some tea. i kept coming back to refill. they all grubbed, yo. there was tons of food. we ate too but i didnt eat too much cuz i wanted to wait for mom's food. plus i felt wierd about eating food i was supposed to be eating. even though there was alot left over. kid you not, after everyone finished, a guy came by with a literal truckload of food. bread, juice, sodas, veggies... the lady said they were set for the week. only a week? gee. then hosea feed the hungry (a big charity here) dropped off leftovers from their dinner. wowee.

we even had candy for the kids. this one girl got upset because she wanted to help pass them out. we just wanted her to enjoy it and sit for a minute and she was all over cleaning up. she just wanted to help and she was so little. like 9. she wanted to help inventory food and mop and everything. so cute.

my brother, the big hungry almost man that he is, took a cake and two pies home. did i mention he already had cake at home? he's fat-brained. we made a pledge to donate our old fridge- which is currently in my room taking up space cuz we cant get it up the stairs- so they can put all that food somewhere. headed home and ate so much. so good! oh my mom is the bestest cook. i took a photo of the turkey bone for memories. man. i'm sleepy. and i had a great day. pictures to come soon.

you ever been broke put your hands up...

so of course that song's playing when i get in the car. field mob's 1st album. i cant put my hands any higher.

yesterday i found out i need a cosigner for my student loan. this after weeks of thinking the one i had was approved. so now i'm behind. what's really effed up is that i cant apply for the hope grant unless i get a student loan in line.

school starts in 11 days. i really dont think i'll be going. besides the fact i'm still trying to get my money stuff in order, there's a $250 late fee. i'll be damned! i.no wait three months, cuz i dont have that kind of cheese.

my mom just left her job. they're being sued for misappropriation of funds. they didnt find out until a lawyer called and my ma picked up the phone. they were just gonna lead everyone to think everything was fine until the company was gone.

so i'm the only person in the house with a job. sigh.

when will people give me money just for being cute and needy?

is butter a carb?

Ok, its not that i'm fat-i've only gained 15lbs since high school, and i'm still midrange for my height. But that doesnt stop my mom from telling me, seemingly every time she sees me middrift, that she really wishes i would exercise. "because you dont want this to be your future. " of course, she's refering to herself. Her overweight self.

Ok, yes, i do have a bit of a belly and it annoys me, but i'm pretty sure that if i were to do some crunches it would be taken care of. And having my mother tell me what can be interpreted as, "you look cute but not cute enough," can tend to give a chick a complex. I'm pretty sure if i wasnt so strong in mind-and such a food lover- i'd be annorexic.

The funny thing is, she says these things, and i wonder if she really heartfully means it. For one, just the other night, she went grocery shopping and brought back oreos and cookies and cream icecream. Of which i will have none because it'll be gone by the time i realize i want some.when i got upset the last time this happened(when food that was bought for me was eaten before i knew it was there) she said i should keep it in my room or hide it. Contradiction, maybe? i dont want to have to hide foor from my own family.

Also, why so worried about my figure and not your own? I like exercise, hanging in the sun, sweat, running. And i cant tell you how many times she's said she's gonna get on this machine or that machine we have at the house, only to do so once a week and feel accomplished. So is it projection? is she taking out her own self image issues on me? cuz thats just not fair.

yes people in my family have a weight problem, and i dont think its hereditary. i think our lack of will power and low self image is. my grandmother, whose parents were immigrants, came from a land of drought to america, where everywhere you look, there is food. and she ate. still eats. i think its adoreable how she puts a klondike bar on a little plate and eats it with a spoon. only now did i put it together that its probably because she's missing teeth. and she doesnt like to take pictures. she'll gett steaming mad at you if you do. and its carried on to generations. my mother wants to lose weight but wont stop buying junk food. and she looks to me and says, "have you noticed i'm losing weight?" no, but apparently youve noticed all 2.5 pounds i've gained over the past four years, which is all just a result of my not playing softball anymore.

do all parents do this? i dont want to be this way with my daughters... i know she loves me, but all the nagging? it may happen like once a week or so but it feels like every day. i worry about what she might say if i wear this or that, and i'm not comfortable. any suggestions?