why do i do these things to myself???

what do you get when you add this....



and this?


well, you get this.



morphthing.com, youre making my uterus ache. thank you.

PS: you can see kesi's moustsche. weird. and the fact that neither pic had a visible hairline shows too. lol.

yippee!!!!

i got my computer!!! it looks like this:

and you can check out its specs here. it turns out that kesi's internet means his house has wireless, so i probably wont be getting my own connection. i'll just shoot him a fiver every now and then, lol. itll be here sooner than i expected and i'll love it forever. yeee!

i also finally got my party pix online. this is actually the anniversary, but, bygones:

he is smiling, btw. i know its hard to believe.

and here's me and my lil brother.

aw, siblings.

a look back.

this is the last post of the day, i swear... i been wanting to just put a bunch of pix of kesi and i on here. what better day than today? i have tons of photos- its one of my favorite things to do- since even before we were a couple, but these are just a few of the ones that we had saved on the cpu.... enjoy, but be nice!!! and see the love in all of them.

prom, may 2002

ct, june 2003

late 2003

stl, july 2004

feb 2005

dec 2005

2006

feb 2006

summer 2006

feb 2007

today (please excuse our appearance, we're drunk with affection)

ooh slim boy ya killin me

Certain lyrics make me think of my boo. Hence the title. 6 more days! Yesss! Enjoy the vid. I was trying to figure out all the album covers... I think I spotted 4 or 5.

*****why did this man ask me to smile (he was a guest, and was an older gentleman, possibly clergy given the guestage we had in the hotel) then when I did, he said "ooh yeah, I'ma put you on my top 8!" um, MySpace should have an age limit. You shouldn't even have the phrase "top8" in your vocab. I didn't know what to say!*****

*****my gift came from Lauren last night. It was such a bitch to open. But I loved it! What was it? A gift card from express! Mama's going shopping! Gonna get me a cute blouse! Her gift was sent out last night and should be there by the end of the week. Then I'll put up pix and share the story and what have you.*****

Dinner and a movie

Its not yet the anniversary, but unfortunately I have to work tommorrow, so kesi and I celebrated yesterday.

We went to maggiano's. Yum. I'd never been there but he had. We took the train cuz its all the way in buckhead and traffic and parking, blah. I tried to curb my phone use on the train so we could talk and be silly, but after we snapped a few pictures pictures he nodded off. He hadn't eaten all day. I don't know how he manages. That morning I was up maybe 15 minutes before I reached for my leftover apple pie. Maybe I should have shared?

It wasn't a very long trip, and the spot was a half block from the station. It was packed! I knew we should have made reservations. Eh. An hour wait. For a while we stood up but hunger and prolonged standing are not the ish. Glad I wore sneakers. By the way, I wore the exact same thing I wore to Lauren's grad. White pants, white cardigan and a red/orange paisley silk-esque shirt with my white pumas. He wore a beige phat farm sweater medium blue denim pants and tan timbs. Whoo sexy. He can wear a sweater. I don't know what it is, but I love to see him in one.

Eventually we sat at the piano. The two singers/players were good. Classy love songs, that old Sinatra sound. The lady sounded like Karen Walker. I kind of expected her to say "honey what are we doing with this?" and make some snarky comment about will or grace. They also played the peanuts song. Lol, if I weren't so hungry I woulda done the snoopy dance.

I lost my patience just as they were about to call us. We sat in a back corner and as soon as we ordered I let him read the letter I wrote him. It was really deep. I spilled my heart. You need something epic after 5 years. He asked me if it was easy to make it this far and I told him no, because I had to throw out my ideals and realize that just because we love each other doesn't mean we don't disagree. And when we do its not the end of the world.

Dinner was delish. He had chicken and broccoli alfredo and I had shrimp and tomato linguine. Drool. The waiter forgot our garlic bread and then told me I didn't order any. That's bad waiter etiquite, especially when we discussed how much we wanted right in front of you. But I let it go. This lady in a party of 10 was so loud. Talking pure nonsense. Then when she found out the manager was black she got louder with him. Ugh. Shut it! None of it ruined my night though.

And yes, I cried. Sue me. I got into my "smooshy" mode and welled up a little. Kesi called me a mashed potato and told me to rough up. He hates to see me cry. For any reason. I could win the lotto and he'd not wanna see me cry. I told him we're in a milestone and I have to shed a tear or two.

After dinner we went to walmart. No date is complete without errands. Lmao we can't stay away. After that we watched Blow, which he never saw and I never saw the end of. I think he liked it. We said our good nights and he went home.

Great night. 5 years ago our day was hanging out after school and him asking me to be his girl before the light changed for us to cross the street. Its led to so much I never imagined.

Kesi if you are reading this, feel free to respond, you lurker. I love you.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

happy blogiversary!

i started this blog about a year ago. my things have changed! and stayed the same...

i'm still in the quest for self improvement. still trying. i know what i want to do to become the person i want to be, but no matter what its day to day. i've been better about breaking people down, taking things in grey rather than black and white.

i still hate salespeople. grrr. i got offered a position in sales at work, which i didnt take partially because of school and partially because i didnt see myself happy there at all.

my dad is back in georgia. i never did tell him how i felt. dont know if it's moot, but i havent gotten to the point where i can say how i feel. sigh.

never blogged this, but i accidentally posted that comedian josh blue was mentally retarded and had MS. i meant to say cerebral palsy. i get them mixed up though they are two different things. didnt mean to imply that montel williams and tamia were retarded.

the creepy guy, the drunk girl, and mr not gay no longer work with me. i still keep in touch with the girl though.

the hotel whore had a baby and disappeared. i stopped thinking she was my friend's sister.

i go to wendy's way more than the kang now.

i call people less but i text way more.

X and his girlfriend broke up then got back together. i started to become cordial with her until she decided to get crazy and hate on two of my friends. so i kinda stressed over nothin... its not so important to me that i like her anymore.

kesi hasn't changed his name yet. he also doesnt associate much with the family member who was fucking up his credit.

funny how i said i hated that people think guys and girls cant be friends, then wrote a whole post about how i thought they couldnt. contradictory, but honest when they were written. and of course i think they can, above all else.

my ankle is better but my back is worse.

my mom still comments on my weight but she's nicer about it now.

i wanna make another hate list and love list. its the kind of thing where i cant just sit and think of things i love or hate. its cumulative.

that's all i can think of. just interesting points of convo. maybe take it back to the entries only lauren was reading, lol.

the heart is like a marching band. i'm a fan in the stands.

one month and one week. it was a tuesday.

we were headed to oz, the best pizza place in atlanta, also conveniently located next to the subway station we'd need to go to to get home from school.

we'd sit at the high, bar style tables by the window. that way our bookbags could sit in the sills and not touch the floor. two cheese slices for him, one for me. and share a root beer. its possible we'd have a staring contest that day, though who won is lost in history. we're locked in a tie right now. he never wants a tie breaker, lol. this was 4 years ago mind you.

after eating and talking we'd always retreat to the coffee house section with the ugly but comfortable green chairs. in the one that faced the street, we'd sit and watch traffic until it was time for him to go. of course we'd talk and make out a little. but mostly watch people go by.

this particular day, in the quiet of the room, watching people walk and drive, i got to thinking. about how, in this one month and one week, i'd been happier than in two years with the ex who'd inevitably let me down. with the man who let me sit on his lap after every other school day, sometimes watched me fall asleep and never complained about my being too heavy or his leg cramps, i'd had the most innocent fun. nothing was ever expected of me. he just wanted me to be there.

and here we were, him staring out the picture window, oblivious, me with my head on his shoulder looking deeply at the bricks, trying so hard not to... but i did.

i started to cry. ok, like weep. but the fact is, no one ever sees me cry. no matter if we were friends for three years beforehand.

"what's wrong?" he looked so concerned.

"i'm scared."

"why?"

"i think i love you."

that's right. i quoted david cassidy. cheesy but all true.

and he just held me. he smiled a little. he wiped the tears from my eyes. i told him he didnt have to say it back. thats how i really knew i meant it. i wasnt looking for validation. just understanding. i calmed down and we stared out the window a little longer before we left. i felt a little embarrassed but very light. i almost started crying again on the bus home, as i almost did as i type this.

one month, one week, one day. he says it back. said he wanted to wait a day so it didnt seem like he was just saying it.

while you losers are watching the super bowl... (part 2)

so was everyone else at red lobster. it wasnt pacted, but it wasnt empty as i expected. damn bar tvs...

but dinner was great, and the night was great. we also went to the drive in and saw "big mama's house2." it was so old fashioned! we laid under the blanket i made him a few years back and cuddled. i dont want to share too much because it is something i would just like to preserve in my memory. just everyone be aware that i am more in love today than i was on feb 4.

also, my dear friend, the one who got drunk, called me to wish me a happy birthday. very sweet, but a tad early, yeah?

while you losers are watching the super bowl...

we'll have red lobster all to ourselves. i will indeed not be at work. no matter how they presume to schedule me for this sunday, they can sit on it.

on to the post's purpose. kesi's and my anniversary is sunday. And i want a lobster tail and some blush. so i'm going somewhere classy. ok, i'm going to the place for "seafood lover in me" but that seafood lover is fat and must be satiated.

last night was the anniversary preview. i made fried chicken, (which i havent done in almost a year. it was bangin though) and we watched My Name Is Earl and a documentary on multiple birth families. this may not seem like a fun date to you, but i had a great time. all i wanted to do was make sure my man relaxed, which he did, in many ways, and it culminated in this texting to lauren:

me: i'm trapped. he fell asleep. and his feet smelled. i made him clean them before we did it.
her: Lmao!! hands down the funniest text i've gitten in forever. Ew stinky feet. thats real love.
me: it smelled so bad. apparently he'd gone right to sleep after he got home last night and since he was supposed to take my mom somewhere early this morning he never changed his socks. so it is a result of hard work that he stinks and is asleep.
her: still gross no matter what the explaination. spray him with something. or... cut off his feet.
me: i will not Kunta my man. he'd be really pissed. and then i'd have to wheel him around.
her: but you wouldnt have to deal with his feet. and arent the vows all about in sickness and in health?
me: yeah, A, i'm not married. and B, the vows say nothing about violence and maiming.
her: youre as good as married. and i mean, be original. must you take the same vows as everyone else?:-p
me: love cant survive attempted murder. i'm not a hillbilly.
her: are you sure? if anyone could its you two.
me: i know. we're so strong. he moved! i'm free! he was sweating too. i cant win...
her: eww youve officially shared too much w/me. so really what youre telling me is that you smell like a sweaty sex foot. niiiice.
me: this is an indeed accurate description of the woman you read before you. and i had chicken, if you wanna add that in. but above all, i'm satisfied.
her: must you taint the chicken that way? yuck.

one of the funniest convos we've had in a while. after we finished texting, i watched him sleep and ultimately cried, which always happens around this time of year. he just looked so peaceful- like a baby. i told him later how lucky i was to be the only one who gets to love him like i do. i really am. despite his stinky feet.