ahhhh!!!!

so im packing for kesi's and my 2 day get away to luxurious downtown atlanta, and i move my bag, and what do i see? this lil homey on the left side of the pic.... for reals, i am a friend of all things reptile, but this lil gecko dude freaked me out!!!! i tiptoed upstairs and squealed at my mom and brother that there was a lizard in my room!!!! my mom seemed unphased: "why dont you just pick it up? i thjought you liked those things." yes, when theyre outside and not hiding in my room since god knows when! geez. so my bro followed me downstairs armed with a pringles can and chased the poor lil thing around the room. then we got the idea to cover it with a chip bowl and slide something under the bowl to trap it (actually this was kesi's idea, when i told him he may have to come get me if the lizard wasnt trapped asap). then we started taking video. yes, parts are dark, but i think that the audio is worth the listen, especially when my brother and i go into our geico impression.

shalom in the home.

1. my mom just called. our roommate moved out. didnt know we had one? 3, actually. she has kids too. but i dont much talk about my family so i dont much talk about the others in the house either.

my mom's been kind of annoyed on this woman, who she worked with and saw hard on her luck 4 months ago. she'd make comments about my dad being around as if my mom still wanted to be with him. they've been apart for years but are still friends. and, hello, they have two great kids! case you didnt know i will always need my daddy and he'll always be around, no matter how grown i am. not only that, but roommate and her kids are a bit sensitive. my fam is one which doesnt tolerate whining and says what we mean. but her kids cry over nothing and it drives me nuts. it also wakes me up when i'd rather be sleeping.

top of the list: not very hygienic either. and that's where the drama began. last couple of weeks my mom had been asking about our face towels. where are they? joy do you have any with your stuff? (i do my laundry separate) she even purchased a cute lil set. they disappeared too. so today my mom wrote her a letter before church- they dont go; my mom is a youth minister- asking if they could take the towels out of their room so she can wash them and open the windows to air out the room. she also wrote out the money she'd given us the past few months and stated that she was writing to keep the records straight. i kid you not there was a basket and a half of just towels. ew! this is probably every towel they ever used while staying with us. i'm not gonna make this a laundry list, no pun intended- cuz there's more i could say.

so apparently the letter offended roommate and i was awakened by them once more, packing. no skin off my back. i'm still pissed about buying food i never get to eat. she and my mom got into an argument where she once again brought up my dad and how her kids dont have that support. not to be mean, but that's not our fault. she also listed "all she's done for us" and my mom said that it was never discussed that those things were to replace the money she owed because all we needed from her was money. i'm sure she cried, and i'm sure my mom was unphased. except that she called me to tell me what's up. she was really trying to help this woman get ahead. but you cant help someone who doesnt want it. i felt like i couldnt move freely in my own house sometimes. and mikey got blamed for the fruit flies. i didnt like that.

2. Speaking of mikey, i noticed the cutest thing today: sprouts. i dont know what they are, some kind of berry- he eats them once a week at least, but i know how they got there. the tank is pretty warm, and i tend to spray water daily. and seeds dont digest... i dont know how to take care of plants. i'm hoping he'll eat them before i have to find out. he'll need a bigger tank soon.

3. this star is driving me up the wall. i want to be done with it already. i'm almost to the tips of the star, but then i have to do the background til its 6ft long. i have another project lined up after that which i'm excited about, which is making the current one more of a pain. i'm gonna keep going though. gotta get that dough.

Eh, i'll get to it.

had two days off. today i cleaned my room.

basically my room is the biggest in the house. its the basement, separated into two parts by a wall built by my mom's 'gentleman suitor.' i call him that because he's too old to be called a boyfriend. but i digress.

one part of my room is literally that. where i sleep. its generally clean, except that i'm a nester. there's stuff near my bed. so that was easy. i moved stuff and swept.

but the other part, the den, if you will, is a hot mess. i dont go in there much, since there's no tv in there anymore. and plus my neighbors are disgusting and they infested my yard with rats, so i cant use my private entrance that leads to that part of the room.

and so- hot mess. cobwebs everywhere. my skin was crawling. alot of dust. my problem is that i knew i had to do it but i kept saying, eh, i'll get to it. blah. its not that dirty... but it was.

i've got to stop being a procrastinator. otherwise, i will end up with spiders all over my house.

is butter a carb?

Ok, its not that i'm fat-i've only gained 15lbs since high school, and i'm still midrange for my height. But that doesnt stop my mom from telling me, seemingly every time she sees me middrift, that she really wishes i would exercise. "because you dont want this to be your future. " of course, she's refering to herself. Her overweight self.

Ok, yes, i do have a bit of a belly and it annoys me, but i'm pretty sure that if i were to do some crunches it would be taken care of. And having my mother tell me what can be interpreted as, "you look cute but not cute enough," can tend to give a chick a complex. I'm pretty sure if i wasnt so strong in mind-and such a food lover- i'd be annorexic.

The funny thing is, she says these things, and i wonder if she really heartfully means it. For one, just the other night, she went grocery shopping and brought back oreos and cookies and cream icecream. Of which i will have none because it'll be gone by the time i realize i want some.when i got upset the last time this happened(when food that was bought for me was eaten before i knew it was there) she said i should keep it in my room or hide it. Contradiction, maybe? i dont want to have to hide foor from my own family.

Also, why so worried about my figure and not your own? I like exercise, hanging in the sun, sweat, running. And i cant tell you how many times she's said she's gonna get on this machine or that machine we have at the house, only to do so once a week and feel accomplished. So is it projection? is she taking out her own self image issues on me? cuz thats just not fair.

yes people in my family have a weight problem, and i dont think its hereditary. i think our lack of will power and low self image is. my grandmother, whose parents were immigrants, came from a land of drought to america, where everywhere you look, there is food. and she ate. still eats. i think its adoreable how she puts a klondike bar on a little plate and eats it with a spoon. only now did i put it together that its probably because she's missing teeth. and she doesnt like to take pictures. she'll gett steaming mad at you if you do. and its carried on to generations. my mother wants to lose weight but wont stop buying junk food. and she looks to me and says, "have you noticed i'm losing weight?" no, but apparently youve noticed all 2.5 pounds i've gained over the past four years, which is all just a result of my not playing softball anymore.

do all parents do this? i dont want to be this way with my daughters... i know she loves me, but all the nagging? it may happen like once a week or so but it feels like every day. i worry about what she might say if i wear this or that, and i'm not comfortable. any suggestions?