a yabba dabba doo time!!!

lets see...

tons of margaritas,

yummy mexican by mexicans,

thai dinner,

tattoos,

aquarium, complete with the above attacky stingray,

and more to come!

im having a good time.

and she's not just lying on the floor mopey, cuz im awesome. and also theres no booze here that ive seen, so of course we have to leave sometime.

2.5 more days!!!

chalenge!

So la tagged me as an honest blogger. How sweet, right? Wrong! She did it because she thinks I'll flake and write boring things. How dare she!!! My best friend thinks I'm boring! Boo bitch. So here's some honest things about me, some she probably doesn't even know. But first, rules.

1. When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back
2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.
3. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘honest weblog’
4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize (optional).
5. And then we pass it on!


1. I was thought to be blind or nearly blind at birth because I didn't respond to the doctor's stimulation. I was just ignoring him. I was literally almost blinded when a car hit the car I was in, on the door I was leaning against. Glass cut up the left side of my face around my eye. I still have scars.

2 I was kidnapped by a former close family friend. At least that's what I refer to it as. I was in school everyday but never able to go home. On my mom's end, it seemed like she was being done a favor, but the person was unstable and tried to make me replace the child she lost.

3 I once fooled around on a greyhound bus. It was still the worst form of transportation I ever took.

4 In 5 the grade I promised a boy that we'd go on a date in 7th grade, knowing that I would be in Atlanta by then. When I came back to visit the summer before 8th grade I found out he told people in our class. I denied it. I still feel bad.

5 someone close to me got pregnant with her son because she was jealous that another woman had a boy with her son's father. I love her son so much and sometimes contemplate telling him, but I worry that knowing the truth may break him, rather than fix him.

6 I kissed my uncle's fiance's son when I was 10. I just want to make it perfectly clear that I am not bama. We were not related!

7 I only resent my mother for reading my diary. Multiple times. Anything else she's ever done I can forgive. That, I have trouble with. Most likely because she's unapologetic about it.

8 my dream is to win wheel of fortune.

9 one of my exes killed someone. I only ever told Kesi, but he told a group of our friends.

10. I sometimes wish there was a concrete explanation for my weirdness, so that it could be explained away. Adversely, I hate when people dismissively state that I *would* like, do, or believe something because I am a little off-beat. Not in a "this is interesting, Joy would like it," kind of way, more like, "I don't get it, it gives me the same confusion as she does so she must enjoy it."



so here's who i tag.....

diva
diamondsrforeva
jameil
rashan
adei
v dizzle
wise

yeah some have been tagged already, but shoot, that aint in the rules.

knock yourselves out kids!!!

it came!!!!

so id been thinking of getting a barack the vote tee for a LONG time. i think since my birthday. but i had decided that i'd wait until he secured the mon, despite the fact that the price would go up. THEN, kesi asked me what i wanted him to buy me with his stimulus check, and i couldnt resist. well....



it came yesterday!

is it a coincidence? is it a coincidence that the as i was trying it on, mr O was 5 and counting away from becoming the democratic nominee? id like to think it isnt. i spent the night text-yelling "5! 4! he's the nominee!" at everyone who would listen.



i think i have a problem.... lol im a bit obsessed. and lastly, an excerpt from the hilarious text comedy stylings of Joy and La:

La: i think im a bit overwhelmed. a black man is the presidential nominee. the most degraded, discounted, depressed and oppressed entity in this country. jesus christ.
me: woo hoo! go black man, its your birthday! im gonna use this as a jumping point every time i see a negro doing somthing stupid. "so a black man is the presidential nominee, and youre cheating on your girlfriend? hmmm."
LMFAO thats perfect!
a black man is the dem nominee, and you came at me with that wack line? bah.
LMFAO! a black man is the presidential nominee and u cant find weave that matches your real hair? no ma'am.

ooh slim boy ya killin me

Certain lyrics make me think of my boo. Hence the title. 6 more days! Yesss! Enjoy the vid. I was trying to figure out all the album covers... I think I spotted 4 or 5.

*****why did this man ask me to smile (he was a guest, and was an older gentleman, possibly clergy given the guestage we had in the hotel) then when I did, he said "ooh yeah, I'ma put you on my top 8!" um, MySpace should have an age limit. You shouldn't even have the phrase "top8" in your vocab. I didn't know what to say!*****

*****my gift came from Lauren last night. It was such a bitch to open. But I loved it! What was it? A gift card from express! Mama's going shopping! Gonna get me a cute blouse! Her gift was sent out last night and should be there by the end of the week. Then I'll put up pix and share the story and what have you.*****

laurenday

saturday was laurenday. even though i had to work. we had fun.

i woke up that morning sick throat swolen, feeling like boo boo on wheels. might have had to do with my 56 hour work week... but i was determined to exercise. i did holly's express workout. 15 minutes. i felt pretty good and it was nice to do someone's exercise that i dont just know from the fitness world. it made me feel less pressured. next i'll try out kendra's work out.

lauren came by around 2. i had to be at work at 3 but i really didnt care because lauren is NEVER in town and i'd been working so much i was over it. she got her blanket! she wanted to wear it as a cape. lol no, please. especially since it was hotter than necessary out. btw it was a granny square design and it was beige, chocolate, black and hot red. she picked the colors in a fit of confusion but they looked so good together. she asked me how i chose the colors; i was like, you did. she was trying to decide on one or two and i just got every one she asked for. i also gave her a belated friendaversary gift, a silver card holder that says "Its not shopping, its retail therapy" on it. cute!

we look forever with my brother in the dollar general. ugh. my mom's card was acting up and i was over it. i was gonna be late for work! over something not particularly fun. so i paid for the stuff so we could damn go.

lauren's car- truck- is nice. its roomy. and all new and stuff. i cant work her cd player but i think that was a result of me not paying attention. we went to checkers, which i hadnt eaten at in a year. yummy. then i went to work. boo.

after work we went to a party. it was for lauren's mom's friend, so we were the youngest ones there. but it was still survivable. this man came in there in a cool mo dee hat with a feather in it, and tassels on his jacket. i mean this was the biggest hat i've ever seen in actual life. he thought he was so fly! at one point, after lauren and i refused to dance, walk it out came on. oh my god. these people should never be allowed to hear an unk song again. awful. so we got up to show them how its done, then promptly sat back down.

then we went to the waffle house. it was like 2am and i ordered the chocolate chip waffle. it wasnt the bomb. this man kept turning in his booth to talk to us. ick. then we had to go! why?

i cant wait til next month. i'm having a birthday party and hopefully she'll be back. i'm glad she spent her only weekend off until jesus returns in atlanta so we could hang out.

the roadtrips part...

so yeah, saturday morning lauren calls me way earlier than i am accustomed to being awakened on a saturday morning by anyone/thing i love. it was like 11am. "you awake?" no not really. i so went back to sleep after we finished texting. strangely enough we didnt really get going until about 4pm, after i watched a lil tv and my mom lectured la about her tattoos. lol. so we hop into the Mpala- purposely spelled that way- and head south. did i fail to mention where we were going? to "look, there's alabama!" georgia to see pseudo. it wasnt a far drive cuz lauren does 80 from the driveway, but the fact that she drove an hour says alot about how much she feels for this boy.

so we're drivin, and sharing stories, on this LOOOOOOng stretch of highway, when we come across, no joke, Whiteville, Ga. OMG, am i gonna get lynched? whiteville? shiiii.... can we drive faster? so finally we make it to exit 1. 1! we were really in alabama almost! we pull into a motor lodge and head to pseudo's room. AW!!! they are the cutest. i was jealous. they were cuddles and snuggles and all, and i really missed my booski. of course he was back in the A making music, and in most situations that would be us all snuggly, and everyone else looking on. now i know how it feels. they hadnt seen each other in a bit. you could tell. so huggy. my phone screen saver is them cuddling and looking at tv. it may make me wierd but its a darling photo. the next day i sent him a text message with the pic and a threat/seal of approval. something to the effect of "i think youre a great guy but i will kill you if you hurt her." kesi got one too. its tradition.

so anyway we drive back to atlanta with pseudo SNORING in the back seat. i mean letting the nasal passages have it! so we get into a deep ass convo about their relationship and how they work together and others who have not quite done it for her, one guy in particular. (the man vs. man guy.) we see a billion deer and freaked out over that. damn deer. growl. really nice night to talk and be scared by deer. just peaceful and quiet and beautiful. we get off the highway and pseudo pops up to announce way enthusiastically that we are home. yes we are.

sunday i spent at home, coloring my hair, laden with calls from lauren and a mutual friend who is dying to see her. funny, we're really close but we BARELY see each other. lauren comes to town and suddenly he's mr find-a-way. i'm just saying. yeah he might be in love with her or something, but damn. can a sister get some love? lauren and i planned to take her brother to the movies so he was gonna meet her at my house cuz he had to "pick someone up." lauren's bro is too grown. i told him he needs to be 7 again. he was such a cutie patootie! still is. but i cant call him that cuz he's near grown.

so our mutual friend arrives to see lauren and mock my turtle. they chat for a bit and we head to the movies. lauren says to me, "who's car is he driving?" not his. is it a honda? "yeah." probably his girlfriend's. "so he came to see me in his girlfriend's car?" and she's probably the someone he has to pick up. tacky! now if kesi went to see someone i didnt like, in my car... just, tacky! on to the movies. we saw SawIII. my second time seeing it but it was so good. please watch it. there was one scene i couldnt bear to watch twice, but still i loved it. btw did i mention the food cost a billion dollars? ok yeah we expect movie food to cost but still come on. 8 dollars and they gave me this gigantic coke which i couldnt get through half of. i shoulda snuck something in.

so movie, then it was time to say bye to my friend. i didnt wanna. i dont think we'll see each other til we go to VEGAS BABY in feb. sad face. on the up side, kesi came over and he got the rest of his present, heh heh.

birthdays and roadtrips

so this weekend was kesi, keem and lauren's lil bro's birthdays. i had three days off in a row! lets go back to thursday.

thursday was kesi's bday but we both had to work. whilst at work i get a text from la. "how's the weather there?" haha i thought she was just making convo. so i told her and asked why she wanted to know. "So i know what to pack." stop playin! i was so excited. couldnt wait to get home. so when finally we do get off work, we head to his house. i got him a card, a piece of his favorite lemon cake with a candle in it, and the grand finale, the rare and elusive sifl and olly complete dvds. (do ya'll remember sifl and olly? great mtv puppet show that he loves and has all over his myspace page. you were about 14 when it came out.) the first thing he saw when he walked into the kitchen was the candle. i wonder what he wished for. we watched the dvd till i was sleepy.

friday we woke up just in time to watch our soaps, lol. then we went to wendy's and i got him a birthday lunch. my plan was for us to go to the aquarium but i didnt have the money for it. so we went back to his place and i searched for a vet nearby to take mikey to. as i said before it took forever and the vet was gone. so we kept driving down ben hill so we could go to my mom's drycleaners at the "ghetto mall." but we got lost! somehow we ended up by his job. i dont know if you know but atlanta streets not only twist and turn but also travel through black holes and time warps. well since we're there, we picked up some crickets and went to target. when we got back home i happy birthdayed his bro and gave him $20. then lauren came over. yay! i ran out to the car. btw i noticed she was driving an Mpala rather than an Impala. lol, the i apparently came off. it was still a fresh car. we watched basketball. why? cuz she wanted to. at one point tony parker was doing something sporty and i said, "Oh, that's eva longoria's boyfriend!" i watch too much E! she couldnt stay and go to the club with us, but we ended up not going anyways, so... she asked if i wanted to go to columbus with her. sure. kesi couldnt go cuz he had to record a song. damn.

this is pretty long i think. or it will be if i continue on. more to come.

commissioned

so firstly, its my kesi's birthday weekend. and my lauren is in town. but we're all in the midst of that so i wont blog about it til like tuesday. on with the post:

i crochet. not knit. knitting involves two straight needles. i use one hooked one. and i'm damn good at it.

i started when i was 9. my grandma lula taught my mom and she taught me. back in the day i'd make something then unravel it and make something else.

lately i've been making stuff for friends and family. but you gotta understand that since it takes so long to make, lately has been some years. i first made kesi a king size blanket, black and blue double stitch. with a crazy patern. hot patern. took me four months. labor of love.

i made a scarf for lauren her first winter at howard simple, red, cozy. her blanket is coming up. maybe a throw?

i made a baby blankie for my friend sheria. big enough to swaddle her cute lil daughter in. granny square grouped stitch. pink and lavender. how darling.

for me, another labor of love. a cape verdean flag. not so hard to do, just blue, white and red, then yellow stars. stars are hard man. i havent really finished because of that. my mom's supposed to show me how.

so my friend calls me last week to ask me to make her a baby blankie for her friend. she saw the other one i made and wanted to know how much i charged. wha? i got a hustle! i told her $25 because she's my girl and she talks. she'll get me some business. and then my other friend asked me about the king blanket i made and when i told him it'd be $150, he was like yeah? hell yeah! if people wanna give me money for doing something i'm damn good at, shoot... pay me!

lalala...i luv you...

i decided that i would write an entry about the 4 people i consider my best friends. then i decided trying to write about all of them in one entry would be really long. so this one's about lauren.

i met lauren the first week of school in 7th grade. she's transfered from a catholic school and i'd been in ga for a year from ct. people who never went to school in ct dont realize how alike those two things are.

our relationship was almost doomed when someone told her i said she was a whore. i didnt. but clearly that's a reason for her not to like me.

we had mutual friends though. she was dating one of the funnest guys ever, name withheld, and there was another lauren who she became attached to. by spring everything was cool and she we were having sleepovers and the usual 13 year old thang.

i liken our relationship to a sisterhood, but its more than that. we can tell each other everything and not get judged. we can hang out and do absolutely nothing and feel completely comfortable. we have similar sense of humor.

she's the only girl who i have been consistently close to. its funny. you hear alot of women say they dont hang out with other females too much but she is literally the only one. kesi says when we're together its like i'm a different person. probably cuz i hang around boys all day.

so after 10 years, (our friendship anniversary is oct 22) our friendship has grown and changed but i dont think i'd be such a sane person if i didnt have her to rely on. i think we were destined to be friends in order to keep the other from going totally nuts. my mom has a friend like that too- 25 years or so. no matter how far they are from each other they know the other is there.

so yes... lauren and i will be, pardon the cliche, friends forever. sans cats, no matter what she says. no cats woman! our kids will grow up together and be like cousins except that two of them will fall in love and have genetically superior children. lol.

labor day weekend

did you know that if you jump out a hotel window and dont die, you could be charged with destruction of property? yep. but that's monday. lets go back to friday.

if you didnt know, i work in one of the biggest hotels in atlanta. and every labor day we and two other hotels host the biggest sci-fi convention in america. as a people-watcher, this is my favorite weekend to work. here are some pix from this year and last year, of some people dressed in the most elaborate costumes you will ever see.

on friday, the day started off pretty slow. i saw one of my old high school friends, jvoc as i called him, in a yellow ranger costume. his friend was trying to hit on my "not gay" coworker which was funny. he got all stuttery and protested way too much...

we stayed open late and around midnight we started getting the giggles. then a man in a horrible jesus type costume that was too short, he decided to grace us with his presence. and so came a coworker's comment that he could have tried harder. if you looked at my pics you can see that a man in two sheets wasnt winning any costume contests. then his friend walked up. his friend was wearing what could be described as a jiggly puff halter dress. he kept pulling it up as if he had the proper- ahem- accessories to hold up his outfit. then, THEN, he starts singing the jiggly puff song! at which point i am in the back coffee station literally screaming in laughter! i mean i was on the floor. and it was only friday.

saturday was shopping day. i went to work an hour early on a search for a shirt inspired by aqua teen hunger force. for the boy. couldnt find it in his size, so i bought it for myself. before you start calling me selfish, i got him an awesome thundercats shirt which he loves and has worn 22 times since last saturday night. yes that's him modeling it in the photos.

while taking pictures a little later i witnessed an obvious cry for help. a black woman began talking to me. despite the words she said her subtext cried, "hello fellow black person. i was so uncomfortable until you came along. stay with me?" but i rarely feel the discomfort of being the only anything anywhere. and plus it was time to go to work and she smelled a little, as people who wear the same thing three days in a row often do...

a woman came up in an awesome rainbow bright costume. i really wish i'd had a picture of it. she had to have made it. one of my coworkers decided it'd be the perfect outfit for her to wear while giving him a lapdance. i immediately got images of the doll dancing for him. childhood memories tainted. to add to the horror of rainbow bright on a pole, two men came up in their superman costumes and ordered sandwiches. the one in the silver costume had the misfortune of not having that funky red undie thing the classic supe has, and alas, i could see his- ahem- beans and franks. barf. i mean, this is an adult man who might usually have the luxury, during more intimate moments, of more fabric. it was like a car wreck. i could only imagine how classic superman felt about his bud's... attire.

sunday was a great day. i saw lauren, whom i havent seen since april. we did what we usually do, pretty much nothing, but it was nice. we watched wrestling in spanish because kesi hadnt seen it when it aired in english. she made fun of my having cassie as kesi's ringtone. also she laughed at me when the boy didnt catch me and i fell in the laundry basket. i was so happy to see her. probably wont again for 20 years...

sunday was also the last day before my day off. at this point we were out of potato chips and just about anything caffeinated. also all the atms within a three block radius were out of money. fun day. i did see people dressed as the burger king, wendy and the colonel. i was gonna leave early but the hater said her daughter was sick and she left. i dont think the child was sick and but who am i to get in her business, haha? and so i stayed and made my money. and i had the next day off.

when i got back to work on wednesday, there was a nice story there about a man who drove in from ackworth with $8000 and some drugs, got a room got high, and here's where it gets funky: he sliced off part of his calf, threw a table out of his second story window, and jumped. he landed on the tunnel to one of our restaurants and broke the glass on that window. oh yeah, and his back. and clearly didnt succeed in killing himself... and just when life cant suck any more, it does. he's going to jail.

and that was my weekend. and it only took a week to write.

Some things that's going on.

1. my dad's in town. he's staying in the guest room, at least until my mom finishes having him fix stuff. then he'll probably head to my aunt's house. not that my mom is kicking him out... a bug- a big one- crawled on my hand last night and he came running downstairs to kill it. i screamed my face off, but he noted that i wouldnt hang up the phone or even drop it. that was kind of nice that he rescued me, lol.

2. lauren tells me every day how much she hates houston. i hate it too. i wish she could come live here. she could, but two broke people does not a plane ticket make.

3. went out again last friday. i'm really bummed that i cant see kid capri this friday. my job is staying open an extra two hours for TD jakes mega fest. its a documented fact that church groups are terrible tippers. but i'll be working 54 hours this week. back to the club- fun times. some guy put his boner on my stomach while we were dancing. needless to say i didnt dance with him no more. ew.

4. i hate on that rihanna song but if i cheated on my man it'd probably kill him too. and i'm sorry, but that cassie song is a tad whorish. the guys heard she was good? who told? but its good to dance to. and beyonce! her video is insane! lauren, that's your ringtone. whoo!

5. i spent saturday and sunday morning with kesi. i felt like i hadnt seen him in ages, when it was really only a week. took goofy pix of him asleep. ah, love.

6. i cant wait for dom to get here so we can run through the fountain in centennial olympic park. i'm saving the moment for the two of us.

the joy update...

1. lauren will be here wednesday. i call a monopoly on wednesday so we can go to the movies.

2. if someone offers you something, dont say, "yes, if you have it." if they didnt have it, why would they offer it?

3. there's this song i liked when i was younger called "the one." i used to think it was a happy song, but now i realize its not. here's part of a verse: "I slave the day away, giving you all i can, ready to reach new lows, dying to wash my hands." wow.

4. i decided to sleep under my own covers last night because i almost beat up kesi monday night after he kept stealing the covers from me and waking me up. i slept through the night but we didnt sleep very close to each other. i felt a little lonely...

5. a crack head said that anyone who didnt think i was beautiful was a fag. i was scattered- scared and flattered. he should know though, that gay guys think i'm hot too.

6. read jamiel.blogspot.com. the girl's a genius. that is all.

if you leave, i wont cry...

i just got some pretty sucky news today. my best friend, who was supposed to come this weekend, isnt. boo.

what's worse is that she's moving to texas and not staying here when she leaves DC. more boo. i assumed i'd only have to spend 4 years without her.

we dont talk much. we usually text or im each other. besides the random voicemail, i havent heard her voice since i saw her a month ago. but that's how we are. even when we were in the same room our best times were spent not saying much- just writing, singing, sleeping. much non verbal communication.

i'm talking like this is the end. its not. we'll always be best friends, i'm sure of it. it just comes so naturally. but its so odd to not have her around. odd after 4 years. thats why i travel so much. there's nothing else in dc for me anymore. i hope houston is fun.

and so i guess i'll be spending this sunday with my dad or something. blah. i really wanted to see nacho libre with my homie. dont go seeing it without me lady.

ps: i hope whoever soured you against this city leaves or makes things right or never comes back here. i want you to live here again.

riding, riding, swerving, swerving....

ok, so it's been a minute. and in that minute here's what has occured...

i turned 22. conciderably unevetfully, despite my best efforts. seems jabre was right.- "no one cares after 21." (ok, pity party is a little too crunk) honestly i had a great time. i went to gladys night's chicken and waffles with kesi, although i had planned on more people being there. turns out all my friends are broke. but jabre and another friend kyle and us went to the bar near my job and played pool. and i kicked ass. won every game i played, though i was a tad tipsy. i did look cute doing it, naturally.

after we left the bar a homeless man proceeded to talk to kesi for a good five minutes NONSTOP, until i had to cut him off and tell kesi to roll up the car window. i mean, he already had all the money we could spare, but he just kept talking...after that i really didnt want to hear anyone talking.

after that was valentines day, a day that i think is a waste of time. every year that i have worked in retail, i see people come in to wherever it is that i work and rush last minute to show their love for whomever. but if you feel obligated, then it really isnt sincere, is it? and why do you do it? because its valentines day and thats what you are supposed to do, not because you actually love them (whether you do or not isnt the point). i didnt get anything from kesi. honestly all i wanted were some hotwings and to cuddle. i didnt get either for circumstantial reasons, but my friend who is a cook made all the girls at work chocolate covered strawberries. really sweet, and he didnt have to do it. he's not dating any of us. proves my point. i also got two boxes of mini reeses from my manager because i had mentioned that i was gonna try to pick up some on-sale valentines candy the next day, and she happened to have my favorite in her office. i shared one box and kept the other for myself.

the rest of the week i worked and worked. i really needed money. still do, but my refund should be coming in a few days. lauren called me on saturday and said she was in town, and where was i? stuck with 25,000 cheerleaders (that is NOT an exagerated number), all who want iced caramel macchiatos. youre 11, what do you need with coffee?

i finally got to see her monday night, after her dear dad decided not to drop her off at my house and my dear boyfriend decided to drive 50 miles to go get her(that boy gets a hero cookie). she also had my birthday gift, but if i had known she was coming, i would have told her to save the money and bring herself to ATL. (ok, maybe not- i love my coach wristlet!)

on the drive back we listened to some mixtapes kesi had and lauren heard some new stuff, which she should have heard since our friend Pizo claims to hold it down for the A in DC. one of which was "riding, swerving" featuring Project Pat, who i love...we stayed up til 4AM and ate the last of those valentine reeses, which i was happy to share. she slept on my side of my big bed and took all the covers. i still love her though.

lauren's back in DC now, and i am sad. kind of sad. i will see her in a month, and i'll be done with school for a few months by then. for now we will both be stressed and tired and working and learning and getting older, and forsaking our already late speech outline to type a blog.

my buddy and me!!!

shani-o said...
Hey Joy... I've really been enjoying your writing... it's similar to Lauren's, but quite a bit less depressing.Take care...


so, lala and i had our first friendaversary this year, after 9 (or to hear her tell it 10) years of friendship. i told her this was proof of the kind of unconventional relationship we have.

it all started when we were 12. she and i were both new to this school where people would soon weave in and out of our futures. whether it be our math teacher or fellow students or stupid boys, they came and went. we went and came.

long story short, someone told her i said she was a whore. i would never say that about a person who i had just met. i'm from ct, for god sakes. i have a higher sensibility than that. ;) so we werent friends at first, but we had mutual friends. that brought us closer and while other best friends came and went- holly, nyshia, the other lauren, brandi, symone....the list goes on people- she and i were always there.

we listened to each other, read each others diaries, read each other's poetry...listened to the same music, kissed the same boys- which i must say did niether of us any good cuz those boys were ragedy. we envied the other's strength and aspired to be because the other was. neither of us had sisters and our mothers were (are?) nuts, so we were it.

9 years later, we are adults. we still affect each other and know that no matter who comes and goes we will be two old, crazy women together. any man that i love has to love her, and any man who loves her must be loved by me, and any variation of the sort. but who doesnt love her? she and kesi are constantly in this A-town bond that i cant ever get (hellyoutalkinbout....?).

and so i love her. i can see what shani was saying. we have had the same influences, but i dont think i am less depressing than lauren. i am generaly in denial. i force myself to see the smallest of bright sides where she is the realist. isnt that more depressing? who knows.

but if she's there wont there always be a bright side to see?