Nothing to say.

I really don't have nothing to say. Ooh that was bad grammar. I was thinking of two different sentence structures and I just decided not to delete the messed up amalgamation of them.. Bah.

Let's see... I apparently I lost 5 lbs, which is nice. I found this out last Thursday when I went over kesi's house and I weighed myself on his scale. And I was on my period so it may be a lil more. We'll see when I go back. I wasn't doing anything different... Maybe my body feels bad from those 10 lbs it threw at me last fall. Since I've been in the 'Bucks I've not been snackinh as much. Maybe because there's more to do? I tend to eat when I'm bored. I got nothing to do so I might as well chew, lol. I've been drinking a lot of Odwala juice. Oh that stuff is so good! And, good for ya!

This chick that I almost fought in high school friend requested me on facebook. Weird. I mean, it was 10 years ago that I threatened to beat her with my steel toed boot... Maybe I should just go ahead and accept, lmao.

We went to this place called Verve Lounge Saturday. It was cool. We were supposed to see my friend Niko Villamor perform, but we were literally minutes too late. But it was all good. Here's my problem: you're at an event which is literally called "Bitch I Came To Party," and you're just standing around while the DJ is giving you the jams? Boo! I was getting my groove on. We did catch this group called Holly Weerd, which was pretty cool, if not hella hype. They were on some Kid Sister, Cool Kids type stuff, rapping about members only jackets and "have you ever made love to a weirdo." Breezy was flexing like he wasn't feeling them but he's been singing their song for a couple of days. My girl Mary Lou too, lol. The other girl I went with, who doesn't have a nickname, well she will not let go of the fact that all she likes is go go and reggae. Both valid genres, but loosen up! 2 step or something. Anyway Niko was glad we came to show love even though we missed him.

Speaking of Breezy, I'm so happy we work together again. I kinda missed us being silly all day. For those that don't know, breezy is my best friend who I work with, not to be confused with my bff who I date or my bff who I've known since we were 12. He and I went to the same high school and lived in the same neighborhood, but didn't meet until we started working together. He's my drinking partner. Yesterday, while I was concerning myself with giving him gas money for taking me to kesi's job 3 nights in a row, he gave me ALL his tips. "you did all the work, I just rang them up." how sweet! It was like $10. When we work together I think people who aren't as close as we are might feel left out. We have a lil code, I guess. We speak in what my friend's dad calls "non committal phrases." yesterday I mentioned how our female coworker has chin hairs, and he said "my barber will fix that right up, have her clean as Shawty Lo!" oh my God I died!

There's a guy at kesi's job who cut his eyebrows in protest of them having to cut their mustaches. Kesi is NOT cutting his mustache. Not happenin.

A guy who I've mentioned in this blog... His girlfriend is pregnant with his 3rd child. He's 20. She seems way more excited than he, especially considering that he works with us and didn't even tell us she was pregnant, but she came and visited and told me that AND that they were getting married. Then she called Breezy on some "are you the best man," and he was like for who. Wow.

I think I'm done ranting... Time to frapp it up!
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Got damn frapp!

*this kid jay used to say that about another guy senior year who would have a frappucino EVERY day. Trust that its what's been running through my head all day.

Ok, so finally the story arc has concluded, so I can tell you all the whole story.

A few weeks ago, it came to my attn that we were getting a new associate. Cool. So my evil supervisor (ES) went on a week's vacation which may or may not have been a honeymoon, but who cares cuz nobody likes her crazy ass, during which time I mentioned to the cooler supervisor (CS) the new girl who would be starting in all of 5 days.

"there's no new hire."
"that's not what ES told me and Shaina."
"well she sure as hell didn't tell me."

Long story short, on our manager's last day at our property, he and ES took it upon themselves to hire a new girl, although our budget barely supported the people we have. So now CS has to scramble to see if this girl who we don't know from Adam can rearrange her life and work in starbucks. Luckily I was in the room when she made that revelation, also, this is when CS said "she is a dirty bitch. A dirty ass bitch!" because ES didn't ask the part time girl if she wanted to go full time, because if I would not have chosen to transfer she would have about 10 hours a week. And this girl has a 7 month old child.

So anyway. CS talks to the food and bev manager, and he agrees to my transfer. That was 2 weeks before Miami. So you see how long this process has taken cuz it was mad bootleg. I had to wait 2 weeks after the new girl started before I could change over. Somehow that turned to 3, and during that last week ES had the nerve to come to me with some, "are you sure you want to transfer? I mean, we can't stop you, but..."

"I do, and I know you can't."
"I mean, they really don't have room for you..."
"we already got that taken care of." we did. By the time we got my timeline straight, 2 people in starbucks asked to change hours or locations, and a girl in the morning in the gift shop put in her 2 weeks notice. And the way things fell, itd be the new girl coming in at night, me moving to starbucks at night, a night girl moving to mornings when she finished school for the summer, a morning shifter moving to my (former) store, and the morning girl leaving. Full circle. But see, ES is the type to try to throw stuff around without knowing all the facts, which is A) how we got in this mess, and B) why she's a dirty bitch.

The funny part is she was only asking me if I was sure I wanted to leave is because I'm the best associate a supervisor could ask for. But I wasn't going to keep letting her keep walking over me. Why is it I'm doing all the work and you're in the cut playing computer solitaire? Talking about paperwork. Fuck alla that. So hell yeah I'm sure. Now you gotta do some work. I told her I needed structure and she got all huffy and said she gave me opportunities for leadership, which pissed me off alll the more. "no, yall left me with a key to act like a supervisor and not get paid for it, and a whole bunch of other shit that I didn't ask for." that shut her up cuz while I was sitting in that store BY MYSELF for quite a few weeks this winter, for some reason the supervisor needed an extra person on her shift, even though we were at 12% occupancy. Wtf? So remember that ish.

So Saturday was my first day. Hella busy. And I don't know shit! I remember some things from when we were a "we proudly brew," but we winged that as we went, lol. I learned to make a few frappucinnos and because of course because we had a high school group there, that's ALL they wanted. I was crankin em out! Got me some tips too, lol. The good thing about my brain is, if its a system, I'll never forget it. So I'm good with the recipes. I'm having fun and making more money and I don't have to deal that crazy heffa on a daily basis. But its not all about that... People are telling me I look happier and more relaxed already. I needed a change, in addition to needing a "real" job. Ok so I got one of those, and the other is soon coming, but I'm feeling better about life in general.
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lemme get my camera*

*jameil was it ray j? rather than snoop? anywhoo i hate that song. its like "mother may i" with different words. no, you mat not.*

on to the point... pichers!

look what the eff i just found?! i was going into "browse" to take pix off my mem card, and i see a folder marked "joy's modeling pix." he's had my portfolio since i stopped modeling... how sweet that my #1 fan put some up. this one was taken right before jr prom at my old house, in what i called my "deal closer dress." not for any dirty reason, just that every one loves me in it. i still have it (that quirk popping up)...i wore it to my friend's grandma's funeral. when i saw her hubby (the grandma's) a few weeks later he said "it was nice that you came to show your respects. you wpre the green dress, right?" i was so embarassed.



here's one of the dress kesi's mom got me. belt by express, scarf by fendi. is fendi still popular? i dont care, i loves my scarves. this was right before lauren and i parted ways. we were kinda quiet after we went back to the hotel after this pic.



kesi and i had a lil picnic thang at the park today. before we left the house he saw a lizard on my shutters. is it really lizard weather already? i usually dont see them til august. or maybe theyre always there and i dont know it. they live in my shutters cuz there's shade and plenty of bugs. i dont mind cuz theyre cute.



us on the swings. thats alll i really wanted to do for the whole excursion. my whole motivation was the swings. while on them we talked about the games we played with our parents and the games we want to play with our kids. we also talked about how everyone should just be a kid again for a little while and go play on the playground. he tried to do the monkey bars, but they were so small that even on his knees he could reach the bars too easily. then i went down the slide and conducted enough electricity to start the car with...




last but not least, my alin page dress!!!! i just got it yesterday at ross. for 80% off retail! i mean whoa. i had already gotten what i needed (black work pants) and something i wanted (brown short shorts with sky blue dots), and i turn down the aisle and what do i see? the same dress i had taken a picture with out of harper's bazaar on a slow day at work a few weeks ago. remember my "i need" list where i said i needed a yellow sundress? this was why! but then i saw it in purple... and i had a crisis because even though it was so cheap i just could not get two. so i called lauren and she restrained from laughing at me and we decided on purple. no pics of it on me yet; that will have to wait til my grandma's birthday party in july, inless some other event comes up. and ive gotta find some yellow shoes first...

I've been tagged!

I don't know what to call this but cannon and diamonds tagged me about my quirks... I don't know who to tag, so feel free to do it at your whim. Some of these I may have mentioned before. But they're still weird, so...

1. I have a thinking dance. I also have a trying on clothes clothes dance. The thinking dance is a lil hoe down thingy, a la Ashlee Simpson. Somehow it helps me get to a solution. Although people often say, "uh, what was that?" the clothes dance, its more of a lil wiggle that I do when I hold clothes up to myself to ask for an opinion. People again look at me crazy when I do it. The other day in Miami we were in Express and my friend Reka was like "why are you shimmying at me?" they're both compulsive. I can't stop the music(in my head)!

2. I can't throw out clothes. I have a dress from middle school. Sometimes I use them to make other things out of, like lil crafts and things. Other times I just keep them until I think I could wear them again. Why do I think I could wear a dress I have had since I was 12? Delusion. That's the only thing I can say. I filled a bag full of clothes to send to Africa last year, but I STILL have tons of stuff! I have a lot of sweaters too. I don't even like sweaters too much.

3. I hate for bare underarms to touch me. Deodorant or not, I don't care who you are, I hate it. I hugged Kesi the other day and spent the next few minutes dusting deodorant off me. I think ONE time someone was taking a picture with me and they wrapped their arm around me and it was sweaty. I don't ever want to feel that again. So now I'm paranoid, lol.

4. I have shoes everwhere. Instead of putting them away when they're in the way, I just kick them. I didn't find the match to my white flip flop until I moved my dresser... 5 pair of shoes are out of place right now. My shoe rack is almost empty. I just take them off and leave them. I could very well just get up now and put them away, since I'm really not doing anything. But I don't think I'd know to look for them there, lol.

5. I have a fear that I'm going to say something in my sleep that I don't want to say. For instance, my mom comes in my room when I'm asleep to raid my piggy bank for cab fare (grumble) very early in the morning. I'm afraid I'm going to tell her about my Miami accessory, and then be stunned awake by her lecturing me about it. Crazy huh? But I recently said something in my sleep to my brother and he told me about it in the morning, and I also have been worried that I said something to Kesi our first night sleeping in the same bed because he slept so far away from me. Turns out he's just a wild sleeper.

6. I'm left handed but my right hand is dominant. I can't use my phone with just my right hand. My first year at softball I played right. I pour right and use my right hand for tools. I do however write and crochet left, and I'm always in my right mind, lol.
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Funny birth control story.

Inspired by stace's skin drama...

so... Full disclosure, I've been on birth control since I was 16. I had a steady boyfriend at the time and my mom said she was NOT taking care of no grandkids (see, it is possible to be realistic while promoting abstinence... Ask me how long my mom has gone w/o). I would get it from planned parenthood and I was on it even when I wasn't having sex, so... 8 years strong.

Anyway, I had (have) this friend who we'll call latrice, cuz that's part of her name. Her parents didn't like me very much; I was a bit too... Free with my thoughts for their tastes. One time they kissed in front of us and I said "ew," (as a joke!) and the next thing I know her dad is lecturing her on my rudeness and her friends. Any other parent of my friends (ie, Lauren's mom or my aunts) would have laughed, I think. I mean I call la's daddy old all the time. He calls me chubby. This is our rapport.

So one day, latrice and I are on the phone and she's talking about how her period is unpredictable and heavy and just all bad. So I told her that my period was pretty steady and painless since I'd been taking BC. She was a virgin and had no use for the pills in their traditional sense, but I thought I'd share this info with her.

And at this point in the conversation, I guess her mom walked by, so she yells to her, "hey mom, can I get on birth control? Joy is on it!"

And then they started thinking I was a rude, daughter corrupting whore.

The end.
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Be a better consumer.

So this weekend was an interesting one. It was spent with the FIRST robotics group, which is about a billion (rounding upward) teens who build robots for competition. As my supervisor put it, future sci fi conference goers. And not the kind I enjoy, the fun loving, ooh-remember-that-one-guy-dressed-as-Superman-drool kind. The socially inept, smelly kind. I don't remember being so stupid as a teen. Really I don't.

I was going to put all the dumb things they said in list form, but there wasn't much said so much as done. So I decided to give you a list of DONTs, so that you may be a better retail consumer. Note that when I refer to myself, I am talking about all retail associates. But especially me.

1. Don't say stupid ish to me. I will look at you like you're crazy and you will deserve it. Think before you ask me the question. Here are a few things I heard this weekend:
*"is there anywhere private I can smoke?" seeing how you can only smoke outside, I'm gonna say no.
*"which door is the front door?" the one you just walked in from.
*"do you have ice?" no, but starbucks does. "you think they'd give me some?" no, they're very stingy.
*after this one chick was let in after we were closed, I mentioned to my supervisors that I was out of change. The girl says "well hopefully you won't have any more guests!" If I didn't have to ring you up, it wouldn't matter now would it?

2. Do not make a big stink about prices. At least not to me. I don't make the prices, and I don't care what you think of them. And certainly don't give me a speech about it and then still buy the thing you complained about. Why do I have to listen to you gripe about how water should not be $4.50 and definitely should not be taxed, when you're going to buy it and drink it anyway?

3. Speaking of rants and raves, don't give me undeserved attitude. I remember one time this man accused my coworker of being racist because he waited on another man before him. Apparently it was because the first guy wanted coffee, but wasn't giving any signals that he was ready to pay; he was wandering around the cashier area, looking at and touching things. If you wanna do all that expect that I ring up the next person rather than wait for you. But the man decided that he didn't wanna buy coffee from someone who didn't wanna wait on him because he was black. Now I know there are ways for people to be racist against their own people, but damn. Where did you get this "racism over coffee" scenario from? Also, I've had people huff at me for no reason too. This one lady threw up her hands and walked away because she wanted to ask me 52 questions and I told her to hold on a minute.

4. Even worse than an attitude is you completely ignoring me. Get off the phone! For 5 seconds. Please. They can wait. Or you can. If the phone call is so important that you can't hear me when I ask you to pay me, then finish your call and then get in line. You'll really make me hate you less that way.

5. Don't make your own line. Its busy, there are 2 or 3 cashiers, but there is ONE LINE. You are not special. I will ignore you. Do not stand to my side unless you have questions, because I will not take your money. The reason for this is simple. My line may speed up or slow down depending on what I have to do with the guest in front of me. I may even have to walk away from the register. Meanwhile you're mad at me cuz the other line is moving faster. So we just keep it at one. Trust me, it will move quicker that way.

6. When you get to the cashier, do NOT walk away from her while she is ringing you up. If I tell you your cereal has free milk, get it after you pay. Its free, remember?! If you need a fork, or want me to add an extra water to your tab, again, get it after you pay. If its not possible for me to ring up the item without scanning it, this is an exception. But please move quickly. If you take too long I'll close you out and move on to the next person.

7. Don't hit on me. Just don't. I'm paid to be nice to you. You're not cute. I don't want you to be at the door when we close trying to take me out (this has happened). I will sneak out the back on you. I can't come to your room, and by asking you pretty much called me a ho.

8. Don't ask for freebees or discounts. Its just rude. If I haven't done anything eroneous or offensive, you don't deserve for me to give you a "hook up." I don't know you. Boo. And don't act hurt or think I'm joking when I ring you up for full price. You're not worth my job.

9. Don't ask for stuff I just told you we don't carry. If you ask if we have tobacco, and I say, "just cigarettes," don't ask me for snuff. Cuz I'm going to say, " just cigarettes," in a tone that implies that you may be deaf. If you ask for shampoo and I say we have pert, don't ask for head and shoulders. Again, I will advise you to see an ear doctor. This is not to be confused with Jameil's problem wherein I say I have something and bring you something else. I told you we don't carry that at all.

10. Don't assume that I don't know what I'm talking about. I know we don't have the item that you want. But you INSIST I check the back. I'll go back there, but I very well may not actually search for what I know is not there. I'll wait a few minutes, come back, and explain that I "looked everywhere." you are none the wiser, and I just spent the last 5 minutes on the phone with my boyfriend. Additionally, don't ask me a question and then ask someone else because you don't like my answer. Cuz you're going to hate it just as much the 2nd time you hear it. I had one person do this to me as if I was speaking gibberish.

11. And lastly, on the subject of gibberish, I know that if you don't speak English you're probably not reading this, but consider it if you go to another country or to Chinatown or something. Do not speak your language to me! Do you know how I don't speak anything but English and a lil bit of functional Spanish? Don't come at me with Italian, Italian dude! And lil Brazilian lady? Cut it. Lemme tell you one of the reasons I have yet to visit Cape Verde: I don't speak kriolu. I'm wanting to learn though. And so, when you come to America, I need you to speak functional English. "How much?" "Where's the bathroom?" that sort of thing. All I know of Italian is rigatoni, and all I know of Brazil is big booties. You get the face.

Take this. Run with it. Don't let me talk about you.
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My boyfriend's back!

And you're gonna be in trouble, hey now, hey now, my boyfriend's back!

Lmao the only reason I know that song is because of the chipmunks. When the chippettes would do old school do wop songs, lol.

Aaanyway... He's back! He came back from a very long 5 days in ashburn Ga, 3 hours away from me and all he loves (except the family that also went down there), but mostly me. I started to see what its like for him when I go on vacation and whatnot and he's still at home. It sucks. All the time I would have spent with him was spent being ABSOLUTELY bored. To. Death. I wanted to call him and text him and stuff but I also didn't wanna be selfish so I restrained myself. I just let him do what he was doing down there and every so often I would ask how he and his family were and ask when he was coming back. I knew the whole thing was gonna be a trial, what with his grandma dying, and the repercussions of a family that essentially ran away from that small town, and now had to come back to each other and that place for the first time in literally years.

But he returned, as I knew he was going to. And with stories. Some funny, some crazy, some sad. The kind of things that should be written down or recorded, for retelling. I wonder if he will. His brother Keem's yarn about how "everybody was ashy!" including the town alcohol/ crack dealer, was about the best thing I've heard in a long time. And that's all I'll share because its not my stories to tell, and that's not what this post is really about.

Its about my boyfriend! Kesi has returned to me! I literally dove into the driver's seat from the passenger side when he came to pick me up last night. Then I stopped him in the parkinglot of Kroger to smooch him and give him a hug. You guys have no idea. In the past 6 years the longest time we'd spent apart was 3 weeks when we first started dating and I went to CT. Since we've moved into the same neighborhood we see each other EVERY DAY. Even if its just for a few minutes on the ride home. We've built up a codependency, which sounds bad, but damn it its not. Poo on you if you think it is.

This morning while I was eating my lucky charms in bed, he kept running his hands across my back. "you really like my back, huh?"

"its easy to get to and nice and soft."

Thing is, he had been doing it for the past 15 minutes. Back and forth, back and forth. Despite the fact that we'd said it about 35 times since we met last night, it was at that moment that I knew he really had missed me. He hadn't really let go of me the entire night. He'd half wake me when his breathing on my neck would pause long enough to replace itself with a kiss.

"is it bothering you?"

"no. I like it. Its relaxing."

I'm relaxed. Finally. Its going to be a good day.
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Blow it out.

Since high school I haven't kept up with many of my old friends on a regular basis. I can literally count on one hand people I graduated with and never disconnected from: Thurm, La, Kesi, Jeremy... That's it. I didnt even need my pinky. Every once in a whilel through the advent of facebook, MySpace, or the aforementioned friends, a friendship is rekindled. And so our story begins.

Kesi is the king of internet. One of his best friends these days is a girl from Canada who he met on a site for this Canadian rapper that we frequented back in the day. If he can become cool with what was once a total stranger and is now someone we'd like to someday visit, then its no wonder he can hook me and a highschool friend back up.

I won't go into details but she went to college and I held a grudge against her for a mistake she made for way too long. But they still kept in touch, and he gave her my email address just in time for her wedding. I would have hated to miss that, and the birth of her beautiful baby, and I'm glad we're friends again.

Our frequent conversation led to the next rekindling. Barbie. I haven't mentioned her in a while. When I called her a few months ago, it was all very new and interesting and so worth the settling of our minds. For my part, it was all about our friendship independent of her husband- my ex- and clearing up misunderstandings. On her end it was about bringing old friends back into her life and atonement for wrongs from so long ago. We texted a lot, almost every day, she would talk about her kids and her newfound beliefs in Christianity; I would help guide her in that and talk about Kesi and work.

And then things started to get... Weird. In my opinion. She couldn't talk when he was around. Is it just because it was me she was talking to? I didn't ask but I was sort of answered when she said they hardly spent time together so when they did it was all about the 2 of them. I can understand that. She'd send me messages saying she wanted a divorce because he said this and that. She left him alone and drunk on new years eve because he was being a jerk. His mom and adult brother moved in to their house and did nothing. I wondered if she was complaining to me to vent, and if she was expressing this to him. It just kind of made me pity her.

Meanwhile I tend not to focus on the bad. I'm looking for a new job. Kesi and I had our anniversary, even little things like going to the movies. I wasn't trying to brag, but I felt like saying I tied my shoes would have been more positive than what was coming from her side of the text.

The straw for me, I think, was this time last week. She texts me every week or two, mainly because I don't know when I can text her. I'm not trying to start drama in nobody's family. So she texts me: "hey, its been a minute, what's up?"

"nothing much. Working as usual. Headed to Miami this Friday."

"sounds cool, have fun. I was invited to NYC this weekend but Ken won't let me go because my friend is a jehovah's witness (he doesn't like the girl because of this and the fact that he feels like she's trying to convert Barbie. By the same token he won't use his lifelong Christianity to help her in her new Christianity, and she has no one to turn to with questions except this chick, especially when he says God is not to be questioned. When she told me this, I told her seek ye first)."

"you should go! Its nice. I think I might take Kesi when we go to CT this summer." so here I am encouraging her while playing to her jealousy. It is a motivator.

"I can't be that far from my kids."

"Maybe you could all go."

"we don't have the money..."

I didn't respond. Do you want to do anything? Do you want to finish school, get a job, leave that man who thinks of little more than himself? Or do you want to live in that crowded house with your inlaws, never go anywhere or do anything? I think that's the case. I can't continue to encourage you if you refuse to be encouraged. I can't continue to let you bring me down when all I wanna do is go up.

So with that, I'm done. This rekindled friendship is blown out. I made a wish though. I wish you'd get everything you want. I wish Ken's brother a job. I wish your kids a sane and successful life.

In high school I wrote a letter to Barbie. I told her that I was trying to get my stuff together, graduate, and do things with my life. I told her it didn't look like we were on the same path. She got offended and we didn't speak until she chose to fake a rekindling with me, all so she could tell me what a horrible person I was. I never saw her again after that day. 6 years later she apologizes and we start all over... And here we are, and I'm ending it again for the same reasons. We're not on the same path. We never were. We never will be.
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Miami

So I'm gonna give you a brief overview of Miami. Since I've been back in Atlanta reality has been all in my face, between it being cold, having to work, my neighbor being held hostage, Kesi's grandma being in a coma, and my having jury duty, forgetting about it, and oversleeping and missing it. And its only Tuesday.

So Friday, I had such a peaceful flight into Miami, with a layover in Orlando, rather than Tennessee as I first assumed, lol. Turns out spirit air is "your airline for Latin island destinations." so there were tons of Latinos on the flight and I sat next to a lovely PR couple who had no desire to speak English, lol. The sky was beautiful and I was having spiritual moments up there and whatnot.

When on the ground, La and I and our friend Reka met up and ate. We went to this restaurant where the hostess was NOT having a good day. She was not attracting anyone with her timid vocals, lol. But we ate there cuz we were hungry. I had stone crab and a drink called a Blue Miami. They forgot my fries and I had to ask for them. Bah. Overall we had issues everywhere we went with trying to get the waitresses to bring us our checks in a timely manner. But the food tasted great going down. After that we went to Reka's friend's friend's house to get her stuff, cuz she'd been there for a while before we got there. He was such a nice guy and his house was gorgeous! He looked like a surfer but was actually a doctor. We all bonded over our frugality. He had purchased the house for a good price despite the fact that it had once belonged to a Cuban dignitary of some sort. I mentioned that my shorts only cost 3 dollars, lol. We had some champagne while there and toasted to the birthday girl... Oh my God you guys his house was a dream. Big rooms but still homey. Not just a collection of things. He half joked that we could stay there if we'd cook and assist him, lol. If you'd seen this place you would have agreed on the spot.

After that we rested a while and then went for a swim. By this time it was dark and the beach was almost empty. The water was so warm and the waves were calm. Beautiful. Then we jumped in the pool, which others must have done cuz it tasted like salt too. We did flips, and handstands, and just floated and looked at the sky. Peace personified.

After that we rested some more and left to eat again at about 1. Wet Willie's. It was there that I threw up. Reka was at the ATM and I started to get that familiar mouth watery feeling. Luckily the bathroom was only 10 feet away. but someone was in there! Damn it! So I barfed in the corner. All stone crab. Note that I'd eaten 7 hours before. I should have already digested that and everything! Plus, I'd done so much between eating and throwing up. And after I did, I felt fine. Went upstairs and ate, lol. We got prime seats by the stairs and spent the whole time talking about people's hair and outfits. Can't take us nowhere! Lol. Once again the waitress was on some other stuff. Can't say she was slow, cuz she was standing at the next table chit chatting. Boo.

Hotel, sleep, wake, breakfast, beach. Debut of the new hot bathing suit. Love. High tide. Water literally clearing my sinuses and smacking me about the face and ears. La tried tho help me float out a little, which is the only swim basic I haven't mastered. I have to have one big toe on the ground or I panic. It was at this time a wave got both of us real nice, and we decided to just lay out for a while and let the ocean have that one. We returned with a lil color. (here's a lil cosmetology lesson for you kids, I may be mid skinned, but I'm also pale. I have olive undertones. So a lil sun makes me look a lil... Richer. Ya feel me?) after this we were hungry again and headed back down to ocean Ave. This time we went to Lario's, aka bongos owned by everyone's favorite Cubano, Gloria Estefan! Oh my God it was so good. You've never seen 3 girls so focused and quiet. I had shrimp, red beans and rice, and fried plantains. And a yummy mango daiquiri in a souvenir glass. And it was too much to eat! We took a lovely doggie bag and headed out shopping. I got Kesi a shot glass, and la got him one that said "albert's," which is her nickname for him. Btw he laughed and said "I got you Silver!" when he saw it. We also went to this lil spot called Philly in Miami, where I got him a devin tha dude mixtape.

It was after this that I fulfilled one of the promises I made to Lauren on her birthday. I won't say which one, just cuz some people don't need to know that info, but I think you can figure it out if you re-read the list. There's video tape of the event, in which I state, in a squeaky voice while holding Lauren's hand, "I'm a tough bitch!" lol. We walked along trying to find a late dinner because keeping promises sometimes takes 3 hours, and we were hungry again. We decided to eat back at the room cuz Reka had to catch her flight in a few hours.

The next morning we went to the beach one more time to take some more pictures and so I could bottle some sand. I wore the dress kesi's mom got me, accessorized with a new pink express belt. Great for Miami, bad for Atlanta. When I got back I was FREEZING! La and I said our goodbyes and tried not to cry. We're definitely gonna have to go back soon. It was so relaxing! Stace how do you live there and get things done? How do people move away? I miss you Miami!
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Loser week hits hard.

So I'm back in the A and its cold. What the eff? Also kesi's grandma had a stroke and is brain dead.... So he's leaving. He won't be back til Thursday.

I had a great time in Miami and could totally see myself going back. Didn't get to meet up with stace cuz I got barfy (I feel the need to express that I was not drunk). I miss Lauren and I've gotta go to work tomorrow. Bah. Real post coming soon, but I won't be putting up pix til Kesi gets back. If you want they're on my facebook pg or I can email you some, lol.

Smooches...
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No Sleep til Miami

I don't think I'll get to sleep tonight. I had presumed as much because I don't get home til late, and I decided to cab it with mom to the airport, and she has to be at work at 630am so we're leaving at 530am for my 10am flight so the kid can save money.

Fine, just fine. Problem is, and this has been the problem for the past couple of weeks, people keep calling me before my regular wake up time. Either that or I have to get up and pee, but I fixed that problem. So this morning, some odd number calls me at 8something. I don't get up til 1030 because I usually don't get to bed til 3ish. And then I couldn't go back to sleep! What the? And the funny part is, its never the same person, so they wouldn't know that I am not going to pick up.

So I am woken up to, "oh, its you again, listen this isn't a re-you-ny-en..." and if they leave a message: "when will we get, the time to be just, just friends..." both of which are very appropriate in this situation, both of which wake me up, and with the excitement I feel for leaving town in less than 24 hrs, I'm up damn it.

So here's why I won't get to sleep. I have to go to work. Itl be a long day. I'm with the devil- I mean, the evil supervisor, and she has to train the girl who will be replacing me (oh I didn't tell you? I'm leaving the m store and going to a different dept. More on that later, but its the reason why the supervisor is a dirty bitch). and if its anything like it was yesterday, its gonna be a long freaking day of some cosmetics sales group. And yall know I don't like salespeople. And I wanted to clock the devil- evil bitch- whatever we're calling her with a bottle of evian for making me stock the cooler for the 2nd time after it got beat up because SHE didn't wanna hear anyone's mouth. So why don't you stock it since you're so worried? I swear 2 weeks is too long.

So after work, I have to come home, then pick up the brothers at Ruby, which will put me home at about 130am if no one needs to go to the grocery or to get fast food. Btw I'm doing well on my "diet" and haven't been eating heavy after midnight. I haven't lost any weight but I haven't gained any either.

So, 130, and then Kesi wants to come over and hang out before his woman leaves him, but he won't be spending the night because how much sleep would be happening? There's 4 hours between the time I get home and the time I have to leave again. So I'm just gonna stay up. I'll sleep on the plane since I have a layover in Memphis or something.

I'm so excited! I get to see my La! In a town we've never been to! I get to see the ocean! I miss it almost as much as her. Yall don't even know. Just pray for me that they don't take my 5 oz of hair grease that I hid amongst my head scarves.
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Neck Tats

Here we are faced with a somewhat typical female:
*Average height
*early 20s
*one infant child
*Unmarried
*attractive
*full time job.
*certified occupational job training (that means she didn't go to college but she was certified in some sort of job training)

I have many problems with this girl. Not for the reasons listed, but because for all outward assumptions that she has her head on her shoulders she makes really dumb decisions. We were talking about our respective "boyfriends" when she says hers wants her to wear shorts to the beach cuz "he doesn't want anyone looking at me." of course this doesn't fly with me because as I mentioned Kesi lives for having a girlfriend as fly as me. He is proud of the fact that dudes may look but he's the one that gets to touch, ya dig? So I'm like boo folk. And she tends to say things that lead me to believe that he's a bit possessive, like the fact that his ex is pregnant (or just had a baby, I'm not sure) but yet he's looking to marry my "friend" and he mentioned this a week into their "relationship." Um, why are you talking about marriage so soon? Boo!

*at this point you have noticed my liberal use of quotations. The one around the term "friend" is due to the fact that I used the term as a differentiator, cuz this girl is not stable enough to be my friend. The others will be revealed in due time.*

So last week I said something about kesi's lips and she says "my boyfriend looks like he'd have soft lips." uh wha? So this is where I find out that they haven't actually met in person, cuz this nigga (yeah I said it) is in JAIL! Wtf?!? No sir! Call me old fashioned, but I was under the assumption that in order to have a relationship with someone you must first go on a date or two, maybe kiss, and most certainly MEET IN PERSON! How did she find this fool? Jesus be a fence.

So I'm sure she felt me wanting to shake her crazy ass when she said that to me. And every time she mentions him, like yesterday when she ran down her trials in trying to go down to the jail and see him for the first time ever in life, I changed the subject without commenting on the fact that he is locked up and is probably a skanky ass thug. But she must like that, cuz her baby's father has neck tattoos. *shudder*

So after I found out that he was in OZ, I told Kesi that if he ends up in jail for something that's not noble (ie, protesting or defending himself or his family) then the judge broke us up. And then he joked that he was gonna get a cartoon character tatted on his neck (darkwing duck I believe), and my friend dani said if he ever did that she was gonna call me and ask what happened. And I said I'd reply, "shoot, we aint even together anymore..." no seriously, I would have to really reevaluate our love if he got a tattoo on the side of his neck. There are better places for tattoos.

*kesi, you know I love you but I'm real serious about this. Don't make me choose!*

Btw, 2 more days til I spend a lovely weekend in Fla with my La and another friend of ours. And its gonna be sunny all weekend! Thunderstorms right before we leave, but whatever on them. I'm very scared of lightning, but I'm sure I'll be too drunk/hungover to worry about all that.

Woo!
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A new kind of cookout.

*before I begin, let me tell you all that I'm wearing shades today. Its overcast, but its a tad windy out and pollen is a-flyin. I bite my lips when the wind blows because I don't want my lips to be green by the time I get to work. I do believe that if it hadn't rained every 3rd day down here, itd be tons worse and I would not have survived yesterday.*

So as Saturday was La's birthday, Friday was my friend Karina's birthday. I knew there was a reason I liked her. Sunday she had a lil cook out and I told her I'd help her get ready if I could get a ride (she lives around the corner from me). She said sure cuz she really wanted me to be there. Aw!

So after a long night in which I closed the store late and for some reason couldn't sleep, Karina calls me at 9am! She said she'd be there at 1030. That gives me an hour more to sleep. Cool. She calls me again at 930 asking if she can change the time and could I help her cook. Right there I should have known it was gonna be a new thing. You cook AT a cookout, not before, right? Unless its potato salad, and I know you make that the night before. But I was still half asleep and now faced with the task of eating and dressing in a half hour.

So I get up, get dressed, eat, and wait. In the enterim I play with my lil cousin who was crying and sick, and watch this pastor on tv with my mom and Ms Lady. She went back home today guys! I'm happy for her but I'll miss her. So anyway, 10, 1030, 11? Where's K? She literally lives around the corner! Like, she lives across the main road from me which is only 2 miles. I call and she says she's preping. She'll be there soon.... I keep playing with my lil pookie doodles.

Fast forward past the trip to walmart and to the house. We go to her house and her mom and boyfriend are in the kitchen with all kindsa meats. There's turkey eggrolls, pork of some sort in the oven, yall know I don't mess with pork so I don't know what it was, mom's starting to marinate some chicken, K's starting on fruit salad, her lil 9 year old bro is making pudding... I mean the kitchen is popping. I was in there like this is not a hamburger/ hot dog situation. Did I mention K is philipino? Yeah. So some of this stuff I'd never had and it was more like dinner than bbq. When Karina said something to me about calling a friend about burgers, mom was like "oh this is plenty!" it wasn't, we'd soon find out. There was no left overs.

So we get everything packed up, chase down the dog who got out, and hit the road. By this time its like 130.

The cookout started at 3ish. It was at this nice quiet park in lil 5 points. Lots of tennis players there, and a big pavilion which we quickly filled up. People brought kids and babies, and someone brought BB guns, which started a girl vs boy fight over the guns, and aim practice. Then people started taking leftover buns in a bag and smacking each other with them, which led to a busted bag and bread everywhere... Which was around the time my camera died... Bah.

The food was too good. I had some sort of Asian noodles with veggies, the aforementioned turkey eggrolls with this sweet chili sauce, and of course potato salad. Flan! I had flan and it was pretty good. And meat on s stick, which people just kept calling meat on a stick as a sophomoric joke, and because they weren't sure what kind of meat it was. And of course there was joking and riding on people. My bff Bre made jokes about the things his girlfriend ate when she lived in Vietnam, and the phrase "uncle Paul was really yummy" came up. We even at one point came out with "guess what race I am," because if you looked at everyone you'd just be like, its a bunch of Asians, but there was Laos, Cambodia, Japan, Hawaii, and China, in addition to the other races mentioned earlier. So suffice it to say me and the white girl who were playing with this crowd of people were like, boy, we're boring and regular as a mug. Oh and there were 2 other Joys there too. THAT was fun *sarcasm*. Bre's lil brother kept saying, "Joy! Not, you, you! Not you, you! Ha ha ha!"

I had some deep convos too with my friend who just had a baby and another new mom who had the cutest lil baby. He had on a lil shirt that said "hi, I'm new here." melt! But yeah they started talking about child birth and making me wanna close my legs forever. Then there was talk of one friend who is separated from her husband, and that was just too deep for me at a cookout.

It got dusk and we the crowd dwindled from 40 to about 12. Slim was there, and his girlfriend Candi was so funny! She told us about her first fight with a girl a foot taller than her. I can't recreate the story with just words, but it was so funny. There was talk of body slams and how the girl came running from across the CLUB at her, with shoes in hand. I told them how Kesi said at the baseball game Asians are prettier in the face than me, and they said they were gonna beat him up, lol. I really feel like we'd still be out there talking if we had nothing to do. And if it didn't get really cold out.

So that was my Sunday. Now I'm considering having a cookout. If it was as much fun as that one...
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Life Partner

So Wednesday was national autism awareness month. On CNN I was watching a lil story on how a woman used a sperm donor and her son inherited his gene for autism. She joined a registry for people who had used donors and found a woman whose son was her son's brother and was also autistic. So the evil supervisor says, "that's just the reason why things like this are dangerous. You could end up with a retarded baby." of course I don't agree with her but that's another story for another day....

I say, "well I am blessed to have people in my life who love and care for me so I wouldn't have to go the anonymous route."

She gives me a look as I begin to ring up the next guest.

"my best friend would have my babies if I couldn't." more crazy looks. "I'd do the same for her."

The guest chimes in: "I told my best friend I would have her babies. I never had to... But I totally would have."

"See?" I turn my attention to my newfound kindred. "I call my boyfriend my boyfriend, and my best friend my life partner."

"I'm gonna call my best friend and tell her that! That's so clever!"

I say this not to say how clever I am, cuz you've been reading this blog long enough to understand that. I say this to let you know how much I love this woman who I used to call "the sister itd be impossible for me to have." and her birthday is today. And since she probably would hate me forever for doing what I did to Kesi this year -post pics of us through the years- I'm just going to leave her a list of promises to her.

I promise...
*to be your life partner for as long as you'll have me.

*to have your kids if you need a womb.

*to never steal your thunder (intentionally, and feel free to let me know when I'm inching towards the thunder).

*to keep your secrets longer than you do, especially the ones you forget about.

*to bring you the "work cookies" whenever I can.

*to try not to sleep so close to you despite the fact that I'm a cuddler, whenever we are in close quarters.

*to, speaking of sleep, wake you up when you're having nightmares and calm you down until you're asleep again.

*to pass this info on to the person you intend on sharing your life with.

*to not put you in an ugly dress at my wedding.

*to call you at midnight, or as close to it, on April 5, and tell you I love you and that you're not old.

*to only ever fight your self destruction.

*to harmonize with you.

*to take your side against your family when necessary.

*to always be honest.

*to visit you wherever you live (although TX may not be feesible if you leave too soon).

*to listen.

*to whoop ass if necessary, although you'd mostly be doing all the work.

*to get a lil upset every time Kesi calls you "Ricki" or "Silver".

*to sing tv theme songs in reference to our friendship and current events, not limited to "friends" and most recently, via text, "the love boat".

*to get that tattoo, cuz I think it took you a couple of months to make me go from "I'm never getting tattooed" to "ooh that's a good one, I'm gonna get it." damn you.

*to hug you like I'll never see you again.

*to drink with you when drinks are in order... And when they're not.

*thats all I got.... Anything you think I should promise, you let me know and I'll consider it, because I know how... interesting your suggestions can be.

I love you! Happy birthday! And now to make that phonecall.
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Quick note...

My brother is in the desert. Are they trying to pretend the mojave is comparable to Iraq? Bah. I just looked at a picture of him he uploaded onto facebook (I would not put his pictures on here cuz I wouldn't want any of my opinions to reflect on him) and its got a nice clear view of our last name on his chest. Sigh. He sent me a pic of him in his marine uniform, you know the one with the white hat? Thanks to all who gave me something, but that was my favorite birthday gift by far. I've been meaning to write about him since then, but I couldn't bring myself to. I don't want him to get hurt before I even get to know him better. I hate for my mom to ask me if I've talked to him. I know she cares about him as if he were her own, and that's not why I hate it. I'm glad she cares for him. She always said "there's no such thing as a half brother." Its the fact that she's the only one who does, and when she does I want to start ranting and raving about Bush, this war, the fact that his mom moved away with him, that my dad didn't keep up with him (and probably still doesn't know he's in the military), about the cost of college, about all the things I can't control that put my brother in the desert. About the fact that he's brave enough to put his life on the line so he can better himself and be the best man ever to come out of our dad's side of the fam (he's already got a nice lead). And I can't take myself through that so I say he's fine, I talked to him last week. Do you know that the rate of suicides are so much higher for veterans than any other group? I used to think about him dying. Now I'm thinking about him surviving. Losing a limb. Brain trauma. Shell shock. On and fucking on. Memory loss. Blindness. My uncle Gene is legally blind from Vietnam. He's also very crabby, though we know he loves us. how much of that anger is from a pointless war? Does he still wake up with vivid memories of the things he saw when he could still see? When you think of things on this level, how can someone stand behind a person who says "as long as it takes"? More like, "as long as its not me." cuz its not. Its me. Its my brother. My friends. My childrens' friends parents. The woman who lost her memory from a car accident and has to be continuously reminded that her son died in Iraq.

I've gone off on a tangent. I'm sorry. But this is real and it hurts. I just want it to be over. Don't ever wonder why I feel so strongly about voting. Why I feel so passionately about the things I do. Cuz these are all the thoughts that come along with it.
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Double date

So, there's one thing you must understand about me...

For the longest time, most of my friends have been single. Nowadays, they're all not. So there's this part of me that's wanted to do something that I rarely get a chance to with them. But today I did.

I went on a double date! Yay!

The assumption was that my friend dani and Kesi and I would be having lunch together. But she brought her boyfriend. Its all good. Sometimes Kesi and I are like double the everything. Remember how I said people thought dani and I looked alike? Well her boyfriend and Kesi are even more alike than we girls. Their names are even kind of alike, which is why I haven't shared it (remember, Kesi is his middle name). They're both thin and lightskinned. And his birthday is a day before mine, which is just cool in general.

So we went to chili's and had margaritas! Woo! Apparently they have this margarita madness thing going on. I hav a sunrise, which had oranges and some kind of lime something, lol. Dani and her dude had a patron margarita, and Kesi had a TX margarita, which for some reason confused the girl when he asked for the patron on the side, so she ended up bringing him the drink AND an extra shot. Did I mention we didn't eat breakfast and the drinks came 20 minutes before the food? Yeah he was a bit prickly.

I didn't know you could make alfredo spicy. But it was and it was good. Can you believe I didn't take a single picture? Bah. But I think there'll be opportunity for that later as I'm sure this won't be the last time we hang out.

After lunch we went to dani's house and watched some of "alpha dog," which featured Brendan Sexton, who I mentioned last week. But the movie was on mute cuz we were being all philosophical about spirituality and the govt and talking about ANOTHER girl who went to my hs who's gay. We also discussed D wood's high right/low left. And lots of YouTube videos. Then we decided to see "the bank job."

We went to TI's theater. Gotta support his lawyer, or something. So... the previews. There's this one ill conceived film coming out with a dumber name than its premise. "Midnight Meat Train." yeah. Is it just us or does that sound like some really really dirty nasty porn? Yeah. But apparently its about a photographer who witnessed a murder by a butcher on a train. Or some other contrived ish. I had a lil laugh because when Lauren and Reka and I went to see "Saw" there's that one scene where the guy is snapping pictures so he can see in the darkened room, and one of us says, "what are you going to do, paparazzi him to death?" and we laughed so loud and probably disrupted the whole theater, but it was funny! I'm still laughing about it all these years later.

So anyway, the movie was good. The guy from "snatch" and "the transporter" was in it. Jason Statham. He's totally making up for every unattractive skimp looking English guy. He's kinda hot, lol. Always lookin gruff and whatnot. Kesi said when he's in a movie you know someone's getting their ass whooped, lol. So true. The commercial paints the movie as funny and actiony, but it wasn't that funny. I mean, it wasn't not funny cuz they tried and failed, there was just more action than crack ups, you know? I found the whole "Michael X" thing very funny, but apparently he was a real person. And the part where Jamal told his white girlfriend's dad he changed her name, we were like HA! Please go see the movie. Worth it.

I gotta say this about the theater. Yall need to pull it together. When we went to see "semi pro" a few weeks ago, we sat in a dark theater for 5 minutes when the lil commercials ended and the movie previews hadn't started. Why? Nobody was in the lil booth. This time, the movie was almost over, and the joint cut off! I mean, like, it went silent and you could hear the reel clicking. Why? Same reason. Whomever is in that booth, maybe you need to send someone over to crack their knuckles or something, TIP. Straighten them out. That's bad benny.

So all in all it was a good day. Saw an old friend, made a new friend. They listened to kesi's music and dani wants to write in it. Did I mention she's a singer? Yes I did, you weren't paying attn. As a person on the outside of that, I'm excited about it. I think good things could come of it.

Next up? Baseball! Yay! What shall I wear?
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Ask and she shall receive.

*Rashan. Please look back to Feb when I wrote about camping, "Jameil doesn't like camping" or something like that, to read about the guy who's in love with mariah Carey. Suffice it to say that she's the only woman he's ever loved, if you know what I mean. Anyway, he changed his status to reflect his actions today. His profile pic is still Mimi though.

*apparently TI isn't on house arrest... Or something? Bah. Anyway he was giving away $100 an hour as part of a radio promotion/ community service. How do you calculate that though? Is it a whole weekend of service, or just when they tell you to call in? Btw I didn't call in. I had to work.

*I'm finally off! Yay! This was a hard won day off too man. I'm not gonna tell you how my feet hurt, I was on my period, and I had a little meltdown in the bread aisle at the Kroger. I'd just like to thank my baby for putting up with me while simultaneously putting me in my place.

*well, what can I say. I'm 11 days closer to Miami..

*still can't tell you about the work drama. But it got a tad juicier, and some faces got tightened, lol. But its all good for the Joy!

*kesi's mom got me a sundress! And it has yellow in it, so... Also blue, green, purple, and fuschia. Its black backgrounded, yet still summery. And can we point out that this was kinda out of nowhere? She's so nice! I'll take a "speech" anyday if they come with presents.

*the evil manager is still a dirty bitch... And no one will stand up for her

*got me some haagen dazs cookie dough icecream. Its good but it wasn't soft! Like, usually when I buy blue bell, and I first open it, its soft. But not the HD. I had to fight it... But it was still good, and it kinda kept me from eating too much...

*Look! I turned one post into 2! Lol. I'm still delirious from working, but I think I'll be better tomorrow. We're going to chili's! I have not been there in a... Possibly ever, really. I mean my bf/ BIL's/ brother works for their competitor, so why would I? But who wants to go eat what they cook all day? Not Kesi. So we're going to chili's to hang out with our friend dani. We haven't seen her in like 2 years, when she and another friend performed at this showcase. People used to think we were related in high school. I think its cuz we were the same shade of brown. You know how people are. So we expect to hear that tomorrow. Until then, holla!

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