Blow it out.

Since high school I haven't kept up with many of my old friends on a regular basis. I can literally count on one hand people I graduated with and never disconnected from: Thurm, La, Kesi, Jeremy... That's it. I didnt even need my pinky. Every once in a whilel through the advent of facebook, MySpace, or the aforementioned friends, a friendship is rekindled. And so our story begins.

Kesi is the king of internet. One of his best friends these days is a girl from Canada who he met on a site for this Canadian rapper that we frequented back in the day. If he can become cool with what was once a total stranger and is now someone we'd like to someday visit, then its no wonder he can hook me and a highschool friend back up.

I won't go into details but she went to college and I held a grudge against her for a mistake she made for way too long. But they still kept in touch, and he gave her my email address just in time for her wedding. I would have hated to miss that, and the birth of her beautiful baby, and I'm glad we're friends again.

Our frequent conversation led to the next rekindling. Barbie. I haven't mentioned her in a while. When I called her a few months ago, it was all very new and interesting and so worth the settling of our minds. For my part, it was all about our friendship independent of her husband- my ex- and clearing up misunderstandings. On her end it was about bringing old friends back into her life and atonement for wrongs from so long ago. We texted a lot, almost every day, she would talk about her kids and her newfound beliefs in Christianity; I would help guide her in that and talk about Kesi and work.

And then things started to get... Weird. In my opinion. She couldn't talk when he was around. Is it just because it was me she was talking to? I didn't ask but I was sort of answered when she said they hardly spent time together so when they did it was all about the 2 of them. I can understand that. She'd send me messages saying she wanted a divorce because he said this and that. She left him alone and drunk on new years eve because he was being a jerk. His mom and adult brother moved in to their house and did nothing. I wondered if she was complaining to me to vent, and if she was expressing this to him. It just kind of made me pity her.

Meanwhile I tend not to focus on the bad. I'm looking for a new job. Kesi and I had our anniversary, even little things like going to the movies. I wasn't trying to brag, but I felt like saying I tied my shoes would have been more positive than what was coming from her side of the text.

The straw for me, I think, was this time last week. She texts me every week or two, mainly because I don't know when I can text her. I'm not trying to start drama in nobody's family. So she texts me: "hey, its been a minute, what's up?"

"nothing much. Working as usual. Headed to Miami this Friday."

"sounds cool, have fun. I was invited to NYC this weekend but Ken won't let me go because my friend is a jehovah's witness (he doesn't like the girl because of this and the fact that he feels like she's trying to convert Barbie. By the same token he won't use his lifelong Christianity to help her in her new Christianity, and she has no one to turn to with questions except this chick, especially when he says God is not to be questioned. When she told me this, I told her seek ye first)."

"you should go! Its nice. I think I might take Kesi when we go to CT this summer." so here I am encouraging her while playing to her jealousy. It is a motivator.

"I can't be that far from my kids."

"Maybe you could all go."

"we don't have the money..."

I didn't respond. Do you want to do anything? Do you want to finish school, get a job, leave that man who thinks of little more than himself? Or do you want to live in that crowded house with your inlaws, never go anywhere or do anything? I think that's the case. I can't continue to encourage you if you refuse to be encouraged. I can't continue to let you bring me down when all I wanna do is go up.

So with that, I'm done. This rekindled friendship is blown out. I made a wish though. I wish you'd get everything you want. I wish Ken's brother a job. I wish your kids a sane and successful life.

In high school I wrote a letter to Barbie. I told her that I was trying to get my stuff together, graduate, and do things with my life. I told her it didn't look like we were on the same path. She got offended and we didn't speak until she chose to fake a rekindling with me, all so she could tell me what a horrible person I was. I never saw her again after that day. 6 years later she apologizes and we start all over... And here we are, and I'm ending it again for the same reasons. We're not on the same path. We never were. We never will be.
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