Shout out!

Please read on; posted something new below this. But also, check out my cousin's refurbished blog at http://www.alyseshaunte.blogspot.com/. She's almost 23, pregnant, and just moved to Atlanta, and she has tons of thoughts to share.
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Losing touch.

"you can be whatever you want to be."

When I was little, I wanted to go to spellman and be a teacher. Or a hairdresser like my mom. Or a reporter.

When I got to middle school I had stopped thinking of what I wanted to be. Something had clicked in me once I moved to Atlanta, and the future was not so relevant. I was too busy trying to get through now.

I wanted to be an actress by high school, but through a series of events I became disenfranchised. I had jobs, none could I say I would want to do forever. Ideas would pop into my head, but I had never been taught ambition. It was something I envied in my best friends- knowing what it was and going for it.

After high school I drifted. I was not so happy as I could have been, but I began to travel and associate myself with people who wanted to do more than "right now." annoying as it was to hear, I now know people who asked "why aren't you in school'" were saying, "you can do better than where you are now, we can see it."

One day a thought smacked me in the face. "I can do this." and I began to. I knew that I had to move up, and I began.

About that time, I started writing this blog.

I've always had some idea of what I wanted to be. Even when I'm not working at it, there's a nagging voice that says, "and why not?" now though, I need to know what I don't want to be. At this moment I'm starting to lose grip on my goals. And I don't like it. I'm going back to "right now" mode. Right now I need money, and my goals are sitting in the background.

So I'm trying to change that. Finding a new job is not only helping my immediate goals, but its changing my environment and giving me a chance to be a person who is growing. I'm not living life to the fullest right now and I don't like it. I can do better! I had 26 as an age where I have achieved certain goals. I'll be 24 really soon. If I haven't reached those goals by then that's fine, but I at least need to be moving toward them.

Things are going to get better. I know it.
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But first...

I have a very important post to get to, but first...

Lauren and Jameil, stop hating! firstly, I can't post comments still buy I'm getting closer to the promised land. Secondly, not all those quotes were mine. I didn't say lil mama was the hottest in the game, but she is 16 and if given time she could really do sumn. Thirdly, was East point or college park ever called the most dangerous city in America? Yeah, my home town was. Actually it was referred to as the "armpit of America" by Barbara bush. Yeah. Connecticut fools ya with its richest people ish, but I'm from a pretty ishy town. And when I say its more fast paced I mean in the way of conveniences and comforts. Everything down south is spread the eff out. I gotta walk a mile to get to the store. There are three corner stores near my grandma's house. And yep, new York city is a ferry ride away! Woo woo!

Moving on. R Kelly, you are blowing my mind. You are blowing it at 8 AM on a monday while lauren looks down on us from her truck. What the hell is this? You put out a video version of your latest nonsense which is trapped in the closet, then you have the balls to put it on the independent film channel! I'm looking at commercials with you looking like the security guard from "Martin," looking at the camera talking about "stop pimpin!" your brain is trapped in the closet. I hate you.

Is kimora not a drag queen? I just saw the episode where she buys the house that Victoria Beckham turned down (the one with the insane cliff) and she's just so over the top! That is why I love her. She's fabulous in general and in specific. snd who has a spa for kids? Leave it to Los Angeles. It did look like a cute lil spot, but for your lil kids? My mom used to do that kind of stuff for me AT HOME, when she used to do me and my cousin's perms she'd dress us up like we were in a singing group- so fun! Oddly I never liked to wear makeup once I could- but in the end we'd wash it off and be kids. Plus my mom was a cosmetologist and I think she enjoyed it too.

Did you know if you wiki your electronics you can find all kindsa ish about it? I was looking for the solution to this "502 error" that I'm having, and I found out that my pearl lights up! Its pink right now. I might coordinate it with my outfits when I go out. Too much? Yeah so I looked up lauren's sidekick and apparently there's a secret game on there... I love learning.

Yeah so like I said more purposeful post is a-coming.

And just to piggy back: boo ebony! You're showing all your sad lil low self esteem by calling someone out just because you don't approve of her lifestyle choices. We'll see what her story is when they do the nude poses. Bet she does it. Cuz she is wack.
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North vs South

So I walked into starbucks in the middle of a heated convo monday. Apparently, Walter Lee, Ricky Bobby, Hartford and this other dude were arguing over which was better, the north (read, NYC) or the south. Since I had spent equal time in both regions, I was the tie breaker. I said...

The north. I mean, I love Atlanta, but its not as fast paced as the north in general. Its getting there. But the argument was so funny. It turned into a roast:

Fashion-
"why people up north wear timbs and boots?" I have no clue. Can anyone give me an answer? I've seen it and it really drives me nuts too.

"why do southerners wear thermals and shorts?" Tacky! I volunteered that one and also...

"slouch socks? Really?" I ended up getting a talking to about my pink and grey argyle socks. But those are fly, so...

"why do northerners wear bubble vests? Why not the whole jacket?" sigh.

Dudes really still wear FILAs down here. Why? Oh boo. Should we bring back BKs too?

Behavior and environment-
"east point and college park (south atl) are not the hood. 'Gang' members should not live in the suburbs. Stop it."

"you can't be a gangster dude with skinny jeans on." apparently new Yorkers are to fashionable to be hood.

"in the south we got trees and ish."

"if a new Yorker wants trees they can come to CT. We got all the trees."

"south got the best strippers." well, can't argue there.

Music-
"the best rapper out of new York right now is a 16 year old singing about lip gloss."

"she might be 16 but how old is Fabo singing about laffy taffy?" I had to concede that the south is better musically, but the good ones from the south are influenced my old school northern rappers, and lil mama is better that a lot of people out right now.

"nobody in Atlanta is doing "aunt Jackie," but if you go up north everyone is walking it out, and doing it so wrong."

"Jay-Z." an argument in favor of NY.

"camron." good point.

"but Juelz can get it. All day."

Eventually two other people who worked there came in and one offered this wisdom, "Houston is better than all that." BOO! I think we all recall lauren saying everthing in Houston shuts down at 2. And you dare compare that to "the city that never sleeps"? Gtfoh!

Misc-
My cousin texted and said north had better "greenery."

"ya'll don't got purp!" lmao!
That was the end of that argument.

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Don't know what I want,

But this is what I want. You know what I mean? Its like, who made a list of what kind of guy she would like? You have your things that you definitely want in a man, although not one specific man in mind. So this is what I want in a job, though I don't have one job in mind.

*i would like a job where I can sit down. Standing all day is making the physical problems I already have worse. And I think I saw a spider vein!

*one where I can wear cute outfits and not a uniform. I have tons of outfits that I've only worn once or twice, cuz where am I going?

*speaking of, I would like a set schedule of days off so I can have a social life!

*maybe an office with a diverse group of people. Men, women, old, young, from all over to all over.

*i would like to be able to wear a fashionable scarf around my head when I don't feel like doing anything to my hair.

*i would like to make at least $3 more than I make now to start. Ideally, I would like to start at 2x as much as I make now, but that might be asking a lot.

*to finish school while working in this awesome place.

*to work downtown and be able to access it by train.

*paid/ non working holidays.

*a starbucks nearby.

*a computer with which to blog, play music, and shop on my hour break.

*this new job must be secured by the end of October so that I can have the weekends off for my halloween party and kesi's birthday, respectively. (My current job would not be pleased with me taking two weekends off in a row.)

*a better insurance plan than I have right now.

*currently unforseen perks.

Is this too much to ask for? I don't think so. Some people might already have such things in their current job. I'm willing to compromise on some of these things, but certainly not others. I can't allow myself to move on and still be in a situation where I'm not satisfied. I'm feeling really serious about this. Its like a restlessness in my body that I can't get rid of. I like it though. its motivating me.
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Drunk blogging.

Went to a house party last night. Got a lil messed up. For some reason, I thought I might blog at this time. Luckily I thought better of it, and also my phone was dying, or this entry would go something like...

Hello peeps. I am so effed up right now. When did effed become a word, that I can say it and you now what I means? Its so hot. Its like 5 am and I need water. I ripped my pants. It did made it easiere to dance tho. Every time I stop dancing my stomacg hrts. I must keep dancing! I like that Kanye song about drunken hot girls. That's so mr right now. That's soo gonna be my facebook thingie!

...and so on. And what info am I really giving besides the fact that I was a tad disoriented and had a rip in a pair of jeans I have had for way to long?

What really happened was, a coworker had his BYOB and me and Breezy's B was a bottle of coffee patron. He picked it out and I gave him the eyebrow, because I hate coffee. He said it wasn't so crazy that I wouldn't enjoy it. He's my drinking patnah, so I trust him...

Before the party we went to the bar because it was also Mr Puerto Rico's birthday and we wanted to grab a few drinks with him. Omg I have never had such a strong midori sour. Maybe its because I was with 3 big dudes the bartender figured I could hang. Cuz when I ordered the first one, it was regular, and when PR ordered the second it tasted totally different. Omg we saw some prostitutes at the bar. They were hitting on everyone and I think we saw them pick pocket a guy. Awesome! One was trying to get this chick that reminded me of Teena Marie: clearly hung out with some black people in her life. Fire and de-si-ire... She had the bangingest legs and PR was gonna hit on her until it started looking like she was a lesbian. What is it with guys and the white girl thing? I mean, do white guys say, "yeah I wanna do a black girl, just to see what its like?" the probably do. I never said I wanted to sleep with a white guy to see what its like. But then again I have dated white guys and black dudes always want me to make a comparison. No! Not gonna! Not out loud I mean...

Breezy had to go home and change and I stayed in the car. After about 10 minutes, the music cuts off in the car because of the lil battery saver. The first thought in my head was, "scary movie, I'm gonna die." a minute later I see B at the door and figure I'm ok, til I hear him go "oh! What the fuck!" and hop on the trunk of his brand new car. Do I need to remind you that this dude is probably 2x my size? 250 easy. So if he did the dash to the car its time for me to lock the doors and grab a weapon. Turns out his pit bull got out and was chasing him around. Whew!

Party time. Patron time. It was good. The people I work with are freaks. The girl who was sharing all her relationship with me was literally upside down dancing with someone, and there are a few people who I couldn't identify cuz I couldn't see their face because all I saw was ass. I can't profess my complete innocence, I did rip my jeans, but that's cuz they played "back that azz up" and I was drop droppin it like its hot. Damn you Lil Wayne! But me and Hartford were having a "which part of CT can dance the best" moment. I won. Though she might say she did.

We ended up leaving at about 5... I did change my facebook thing to "Joy is a drunken hot girl" and then the phone died, praise the lord. When I got home I realized I didn't have my key and had to use my side entrance to get in. I haven't used it since the "our neighbors are gross and there are rats in my yard" incident and there was a nice spider web waiting for me. I had to use the classified ads I brought home to wipe them away so I wouldn't wake the house up with my drunken squeaking. Fun and slightly memorable. I'm a lil hungover, but not so much that I'm gonna call in for work. But I'm not taking crap from anyone today.
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the main reaon i love drummers.

further explaination to follow shortly.

Work dramas 2

I had no intent of having a sequel to yesterday's post so quickly, but today was quite a day.

*i got into an argument with a fellow employee on the elevator. Actually, about the elevator. I got on and pressed my floor, and he, a man I have never seen before, starts yelling at me about "what did you do that for, im using this!" duh, its an elevator and I'm using it too. Its pretty big. So I ask him, how was I supposed to know, you don't have it blocked off. "well I gotta do my work, I'm going down(I was going up and when the doors opened the up button was lit), yada yada, I need you to get off the elevator." all the while he's giving me the tone of "do as I say lil girl." so I told him, while still in the elevator, that he needed to stop talking to me like I was slow. "I'm not. I'm ex-plain-ing to you..." you're not actually telling me anything and as a matter of fact, if you would have just let me ride up, since the elevator has to go to the floor I pressed anyway, we could have avoided this situation. So he keeps yapping off and all I kept saying was that I didn't like the way he was talking to me. Then he says "I'm arguing over shit that aint mine." so I tell him that I'm arguing over respect and that's damn sure mine. Had my pressure up! I hadn't been clocked in for 3 minutes! Ugh! I would have had no problem if he would have told me from the get-go that they were using the elevators for whatever they were doing, when he saw me get in, instead of talking at me like he's my dad. Who btw doesn't even raise his voice at me, so what makes you think ima take it from you?

*then I come upstairs to find next weeks schedule finished. Yay! But then our new manager (the old one left to be with her fam, and this guy works in room svc and is here for the interim) is bitching cuz he didn't approve it first. So now he and mom-hating supervisor are arguing about that, and about how mom hater had finished the schedule and was tending to a crying associate "cuz that's what we do up here." and he's all, "its your job to care, not mine." uh uh rudeness, don't nobody get paid to care. And I guess that means if you saw her crying you'd just walk right by? Damn. No heart. So he proceeds to say very loudly that he wants to see the schedule before she puts it out. You been managing for a few weeks. She's been doing our schedule for years. What does she need your approval for? Boo! I just wanna know what days I got off this week.

*when I walked into starbucks, later that day, I see a man at the drink cooler. He is putting tazo bottles into his bag. Then I see him walk to the counter to -i assume- pay. I know Breezy saw him too, cuz we were talking, looking dead at the man. Come to find out, the man didn't pay, and probably would have gotten away with it had he not spit in the direction of the security manager. Nasty. So now I'm a witness to a shoplifting and cops have to take my statement. I just wanna go on break, man! So I walk down to security, go in their office and wait for the cop to come question me. And hells yeah I'm gonna keep drinking my chocolate chip frappucino with raspberry syrup (yum) whilst I wait. So Officer Friendly comes in and asks for my ID, writes ALL my info down, and asks what I saw. I told him dude was putting drinks in his bag and he was so bold with it I thought clearly he sees me and would be a lil more sneaky about stealing. But apparently I was wrong... And so he got arrested. In addition to the teas, he also had a bag of socks, a pair of reeboks, some women's shoes, and an outstanding warrant. Gotcha! I just don't wanna have to wake up early to testify or some nonsense.

*goes to start Microsoft office.* I know they got a resume helper on this mug...

Work dramas

*before I begin, can I ask... Are record stores going out of style? I never noticed that Atlantic Station has like no cd spots. And there are none near my job. And I been hitting up target for my joints. WTF? I just ordered Kanye and MIA online since I can't get to target to save my life.* anyways...

Work peoples, I tell ya.

*My other supervisor, not to be confused with the one I abhor, is really trippin on moms lately. First there's the woman who got me the job's daughter, who now works with me. The woman called asking for said manager. She wasn't there, but the woman proceeded to tell me why she was looking for her(I didn't ask). Apparently the daughter's son had thrush (what I had a few months ago with the yuck mouf) and she needed to take a day to be with him. When she came back to work, the manager allegedly said "frankly, I aint heard of someone getting thrush since slavery times." what? Shit... Let a bitch accuse me of lying on my kids and my mom might be calling up there too.

Then, the other day, another coworker's mom got into an accident, totalled the car, with her baby in the back. So of course she had to leave. Why when she left, the supervisor says "oh she's overreacting. Its not all that serious, yada yada." um, her 2 year old was in a car accident! Are you fucking joking? So needless to say she is tripping and we don't like the looks of it.

*This dude from engineering is having a "secret party," BYOB style. Why he had a sheet of paper, talking about write down what you're bringing. I was like "napkins." how are you trying to organize a secret BYOB? If its my B, what biz is it of Y's? Lol. And we didn't really decide if we were gonna go cuz its some other event popping, and when you work with hella young people you later hear, "ooh I heard what happened..." boo.

*i gotta appologize to la, sista toldja, and anyone else who was loving them some young ass Chris Brown. The new dude at my job is a lil 17 year old cutie. So fresh faced, lol. He has the same name as one of the members of New Edition, and sometimes I can't remember which one. So I call him Ricky, Johnny, Bobby, Ronnie. I know its got a Y sound at the end. So anyways, tonight we were talking about this woman who had NO THIGHS- ugh, I just don't get it. I think I was born with thighs. Never lost them- and I was like "damn that's you all day, Ricky Bobby." we roasted each other back and forth and he said I shouldn't be talking about people just cuz I got big thighs. Why you looking at my thighs youngin? Mmmhmm. Better have a seat.

*I made something for someone at my job and they only paid me half. I try to be nice cuz I clearly know you got a job, and I know they fucked up your check, but its been a month. And now you talking about balling out cuz its your birthday and shit, but can I get mine before you go? And don't come over here trying to chit chat cuz until you pay me that's all we got to talk about. Know that.

Gotta work on my resume...
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1022

October 22, 2007...

Breezy's birthday. He'll be 23. I don't know what I'm getting him, but he mentioned he wanted more headbands, lol. I bought him the elastic ones for his dreds so they'd stay out of his face at work. This year... Who knows. But I've still got time.

Lauren and my friendaversary. This would be the third one we're celebrating I think. Hopefully she'll be here. I've been trying not to be selfish about her being in TX, cuz I feel like that might make her feel bad about being there so long. I may try to see if I can go there, but my trips have not been so successful this year.

Its also the day my brother Jay (both of my brothers like to be called Jay. How silly) leaves for bootcamp. Then, to parts unknown, at least unknown for now.

I kind of had a breakdown to him the other night. We were all born in CT, but his mom moved to NC when he was a toddler. Then we moved to Ga when I was 11. We haven't seen each other much since we were very small, and now were adults. I feel myself scambling with the hope that we can get to know each other as he prepares to go into a dangerous situation.

"I think our moms knew we'd do better than CT, lol. But now its like, ok, here's this grown man who is related to me and we can't really have a brother/sister thing- we've seen each other twice since we were too young to remember- and I wanna be friends with you, but I don't wanna send you a questionaire so we can catch up and know the things we should already know. Blahh. I'd like to visit, and be cool, and not have circumstances be an excuse anymore. You know? That was a lot huh?"

It was a lot but it needed to be said. I needed to let my brother know these things I couldn't say before. Funny how life puts you in place to say what's on your mind. Now I have a month of stability. I'd like to see him before he has to go.
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GWS

That's what I'm on. My Grown Woman Shit.

Thursday, the day I left my wallet at walmart, I did something even more daring.
I walked into the cute lil boutique and asked the lady if she was interested in my scarves and such.

Long story short, she liked my technique and said that if I could make some stuff to "fit the store," we'd talk.

I left feeling very good, and not only because I got a good response, but because I actually took the initiative to ask. I actually have confidence in my work, and I think it propels me mentally, and in this case, physically. So now my hustle is in full effect. Get at me while I'm cheap!

On a different note, I took some pix of two of my female friends, and while we were reviewing them we ran into some other pix of a male friend I have. One says, "ooh who is that? What's his myspace page?" I figure its a cute lil thing and I'm like, "if ya'll two get married, I did that, lol."

Why, since that day, have I had like a minute to minute update on their lil romance?

*should I send him a message?
*we were on the phone for hours last night.
*i really like him!
*we kissed!

Then she gives me this totally private note on some "should I give him this" type shit, and I was like you should have asked if you should give ME this cuz I'm not in your relationship. I'm 23, I have my own man, and you are really giving me high school right now. I'm on my GWS. Get on yours.

Today, my dad called my ma out the blue, but it ended up kinda being a good thing cuz she told him about my grandma and her kidney issue (but not about my brother going to the marines, because its not our fault he has no relationship with his son). So she asks, what are you doing, and he says "nothing, at work sitting here." and in the background mom hears "with his girl!" and my dad repeats, "with my girl." they continue the convo and lil chick is throwing her 2cent in until my dad goes, "damn do you wanna talk to her?" and chick's like no. At which point my mother is like, why don't you call me back later.

Bitch pah-leez! My mom already got 2 kids by this man and she's done on that level. So uh, why don't you and your young crazy ass have a seat. Yeah you may be a year younger than me, but you're acting real class of '08. Don't jump stupid when I call him to look at my car because remember, I'm #1. And as my boy Clarence used to say, "there is no #2."

*adendum to GWS: OWS. Old woman shit.*

I had this horrible pinched nerve type situation at work Sunday. My back/posterior connection was hurting and I could barely walk. So when we went to walmart, I used one of those scooters they have. Ugh. At first it was fun, but then I realized this thing might go .5 mph. I'm a fast walker. You know that Comcast commercial with the speed walker? Me all day. So I'm cruising hella slow, thinking how do old people do this, and was I really gonna try to get my grandma one of these? And it was all bad. One of my concerns with my bad back (did I tell you guys I have scoliosis? Yeah but I'm still sexy.) is that when I get preggy I'll need a wheelchair. I don't think I can cope with that ish.
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I got a secret!

And some info that's not so secret.

*i am having a secret party. A Halloween party. The reason its a secret is because the other planners don't want their significant others to come and we don't want our coworkers there. Lmao! Kesi will be there, but they don't want their peoples there? Ooh wee! But people will be there and it will be fun. And do you remember what I said last year that I'd be this year? Its a go.

*Not so much of a secret: I'm a bloody sped. I left my wallet at stinking walmart. Not just at walmart, but in a cart outside of the garden center. And I didn't realize that I left it until I got through shopping at Ross (got this fly outfit and a gift for my buddy and spent less than $30) and I had to leave and run 3 stores down and pray the whole way. As soon as I stepped in the line at customer service the lady was looking for my ID and I screamed "that's my wallet!" that was a waste of my life over my stupid act.

*btw my outfit is so cute! Its brown knee-length shorts with beige stripes, and a peach, beige and brown 4 button blazer. We're going to a dinner party next week and I am gonna look so cute!

*im on facebook! I'm super late but I decided to join so I could see pix of my pregnant friend and my brother. But I love it. Its better than myspace! I'm catching up with middle school friends.

*my brother is joining the marines. Now before you go nutty Lauren, its my middle brother, not the one I was raised with. Still, its a bit of a shock. I'm the type of person that hates the fact that people have to go to the armed forces as a last resort in order to go to college, and now its really effecting my family. I'm kind of in a mad rush to get to know him and talk to him before he leaves... I just found out though and my mind is racing. Sigh.

*i was gonna post pix but blogger is tripping. Whateva!
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My first boyfriend

Breezy and I went to the same middle school and high school, at different times. This makes talking about old times interesting, as we didn't meet until well into our adult lives.

"remember that teacher you had that used to dress all sexy? What was her name?"

"and the one you had with the implants?"

"I had my first boner during the 8th grade dance."

"Cap said I danced too aggressively during mine. He was my date."

"Cap was so gay."

"Probably so."

"Oh no, he was. No probably about it."

And how did I not realize that that scenario totally makes sense until 10 years after we dated? Because I was 14. Wasn't thinking on that level yet.

Cap- I call him that because he was in the CAP program and had to dress in military gear once a week for school- was totally my type. Tall, cute, gorgeous green eyes and curly hair. Lived down the street from me and sometimes we walked home together. I think we ran track together too. We met playing around after school like kids do.

8th grade was the year I had started to grow out of my awkward phase. When I started to look like an actual girl, and that hair trauma my mother put me in was almost grown out. I was what you could call a kiss whore. I kissed all kinds of boys. I'm surprised I didn't have mono, but I definitely perfected my craft.

One day near the end of the school year I happened upon a date with Mr Cap. A mutual friend asked me if I liked him and I was like yeah. Then it gets fuzzy but I think there was a note asking if I wanted to go to the dance with him. I definitely remember another definitely gay friend being involved- he may have given me said note, or, being the gossip queen that he was, hyped me up over Cap. He was actually a big part of my dating my first high school boyfriend, who- shocker!- was also gay. I think he was trying to set me up as a professional beard.

So anyways, Cap and I were walking home after school, with Lauren doing that "I'll give you privacy" walk a few steps in front. I think I was skipping, and skipped right onto a branch on the ground. Part of it jabbed into the back of my leg and gave me a pretty nasty splinter. I notice now that Cap really didn't care, as he suggested we take the long way through the park near my house. He did offer to carry me, but started complaining half way through the trip and I had to limp the rest of the way home. Down a very large hill, with a nice sized piece of wood sticking out of the back of my lower calf. By the time I got home the blood and puss had softened the wood and made it really hard to remove, which my mother attempted and worked at for a very painful 20 minutes, even pulling a piece of my nerve ending out so that to this day I cannot feel anything poking that area of my leg. Just to give you an idea of the severity of that injury, and the lack of care he showed.

A few days later when I was a little better, we went to his house to "get a bandaid." In my mind, this was the time for unsupervised making out. Any private place without adults equalled unsupervised making out. Stairwells, empty houses, long walks through the woods with a tree branch in your leg... And I guess in his mind, this meant I didn't have any bandaids at my house and could be bothered to walk the extra block to get one from him. And that's it.

He showed me around his house. When we approached his room he went in, got something, and came back out without my seeing even the general color scheme of the room. Now I ask you, what kind of 14 year old boy passes up the opportunity to have a girl in his room, even just for a second, just to say he did? Ugh.

In the basement I inched toward him, hoping he'd catch the hint. I remember sitting on his weight bench, after he got up because there "wasn't room for 2 people," watching him wander around the edge of the room. As far away from me as possible. I wasn't as aggressive as I got to be in high school, so I sat there hoping he'd just kiss me already. And then his dad came. I waited for dad to leave, then I went back home myself.

The night of the prom I wore a long, sky/navy blue Bebe gown my dad got me, and my mom did my makeup. Somewhere in my room there are photos of Lauren in her pretty red gown- I think she got ready at my house- and Cap and I looking like 2 awkward teens. For some reason he felt his head should be right next to mine, despite the fact that he was a foot taller than me. The pix used to hang on the mantle, but I think everyone had objections to that. But my mother still carried it around in her wallet until it was replaced with my senior prom picture.

I was raised with Jamaicans and Latinos, and I am African. These facts insure that I dance with my ass. I'm not a two stepper. I'd rather pop it. And I'm pretty sure I could belly dance if I tried. I say this to tell you this: Cap did not know what to do with me. The chaperones threatened to sit us down more than once because we were dancing too close. And eventually he left me there doing the "count of 6," a dance my friend taneisha made up, because I "dance to aggressively" and he didn't want to dance with me anymore. I was a little hurt, but then my boy Omar jumped on it and that helped.

Later he apologized and told me that he didn't mean it the way it came out. We slow danced to some song that I can't remember, but I remember thinking, "he must really like me!" Ha! I'd like to have a talk with pre teen joy.

Through whole thing we never kissed. Maybe once. And he didn't call me after school let out. One rainy day a few weeks later, I smelled smoke and made a joke to the next boy who took me on a long walk, one who dared to kiss me. "Who's house catches fire in the rain?" Turns out it was Cap's. I felt kind of bad, but not that bad. I saw him a few years later when I worked at CVS. He hadn't come out yet, but I was wise enough to pretend not to know him. I don't think I ever knew him.
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Got Damn Hercules!

So this weekend wasn't what I expected, then again it was. Because of the credit card debacle, and the fact that the sales room wasn't in our hotel this year, I didn't do any shopping. Friday night was slow as molasses (for this group, a slow night is a regular busy night.) but Saturday was in the game, and tons more fun. I didn't take many pix, but the ones I did, you will see eventually. Here are some highlights. Since I'm on my phone I can't hyperlink, but I'll put the relevant sites up so you can click them.

* my first "celebrity" encounter was Ellen Muth. I didn't want her to know I recognized her because she looked like the anorexic Olsen twin. I mean, you can be small and have muscle mass. Ironically, she visited a few times a day and always purchased food. Saturday she got about $60 worth. She may have been on drugs- her agent dude would only give her $20 at a time.

*then I met Lori petty. can I just tell you I watched Tank Girl a million times? But she was the sweetest. She still looks like she's in her 20s. Ok, 30s, but she is so cool and asked the whole room if she could cut the line to buy wine for her autograph signing. They obliged.

*this man's money smelled like salt and vinegar. Barf! It actually stank up my register. Foolish. Ok, maybe if this happened on Sunday, I could sort of forgive it, as people in costumes tend to get ripe after a few days(there was a man who was "con fresh" and was febreezing everyone he deemed worthy. Thanks!) but Dragon con hadn't even begun and he was in street clothes. You sir, are nasty.

*Superman. Ooh lawd. I used to watch the original Superman tv show on nick at night. This guy looked like him. And then he had the nerve, the gall, to come back shirtless. He knew what he was doing. Mo called him hot when he was in there earlier, and took a pic with him. I mean he wasnt overly muscled, but he was definitely cut, and it was nice. (solja boy is all in my head right now.)

*this man was dressed as a rather skinny darth maul, and he was literally yelling at Mo about AA batteries. It was the funniest. She played the scared role very well.

* the two of us basically turned into the Olly girls. Everything was "hot" or warranted a "wooo!" at 1245am, you gotta get your energy up. "4 red bulls? That's $12! Wooo!"

* my supervisor was a little bone in our yummy dinner this weekend. She just was pitiful about everything. Friday we didn't have enough of a crowd, and we were to push souvenirs. Nobody buys gifts their first night there, she should know that. Then she starts making comments about "you'd never see black people in these kinds of things." well firstly, I see lots of Negros, secondly, as a chosen culture, you can't divide such things into race. I would say it was majority white because the country is majority white. When it comes to things like that you can't say its a white thing. And she said that culture and race are the same (uh no.) and I told her that is mostly true when you are born into a culture, but this is a subculture, and I got an A in sociology. She should look into her own race to see that her statement was false, as she is from Africa and her country has hundreds of tribes. But she's so fucking narrowminded.

*i want to actually attend dragon con next year, and I wanna go as a lolcat. I think that'd be so cute. I'm trying to figure out a really good "can I has..." phrase. Mo wants to be something half naked. If I don't go as that, I'm gonna be a dominatrix, which is also my Halloween costume if A has party.

* Kevin Sorbo came in right before closing Friday Which prompted the phrase "got damn hercules!" to cross my lips. And mo flirted with him, hard. I told her if she hit on him I would fall out. She was hugging all on him and everything. Heelarious.

*pimp Vader and pimp George Bush. Complete with stables. That's all I'm saying about that.

*the dad from Dawson's creek came in and took pictures with me and the evil supervisor. She asked him how is Katie Holmes in real life. I wanted to burn her with my eyes.

*many marriage proposals and phone numbers from white guys who either thought Mo could be their "exotic black experience" or were impressed with my knowledge of their costumes or internet-based jokes. The pirate in heels wanted to take a pic with Mo and his friend made kissy faces at me.

*The polyamorous podcaster who invited me to check out her site because I told her that I thought it was cool that she was one. Guess she thought I was too? Didn't help that Mo kept calling me her wife. Lmao!

*4 friends came as tetris. Yes!

*Erik Estrada and Elizabeth Rohm both hopped on the elevator with me in the same day. Couldn't get a photo with Erik, but I got one with Liz and she even called me adorable because, yes, I did squeak a little.

*breezy proclaiming that he wanted a chewbacca costume just so he could scare people.

*

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Black Lady

Black lady, you gone miss your bus,
Talkin on the phone, like that,
I guess nobody ever told you,
student loans will hold you,
Tax you, treat you,
Oh yes they do-oh-ooh...

My friend Troy and I used to change the words to songs in 9th grade. I guess if you can stick to the subject, its not so hard to make a song if you have the right melody. But that's not what this post is about.

I must take responsibility for some of the situation, such as:

*not opening that sallie mae mail that came earlier this month and got lost on the table full o' mail until thursday,

*waiting until I left the house to call the number,

*not being dilligent about my mail in general, which is why my check card has arrived and I am pretty sure I threw it away or even shredded it thinking it was a pre-approved card offer.

Thursday, I called the loan peoples and let them know I needed to hold off my payments. One of the reasons I waited til then is because I needed to wait til pay day because I knew I needed to give them $50 for the fee. So anyways, the girl told me that since this is my third one, I had to pay a good faith payment, which was more than I had. So I said, are there any more options? She then proceeds to take 15 minutes (just about the entire walk to the bus stop)to explain to me the other options, none of which would work for me, because they all involved paying that day, which I couldn't do.

*also, it probably would not have taken 15 minutes if she didn't have a speech problem. Not a lisp or a stutter, no, its that she said EVERYTHING twice, just in a different inflection. "and the payments will be held for 6 months to a year. YOUR payments WILL be held FOR, for 6 months, 6 MONTHS, to a year." are you repeating this for my benefit? Cuz I heard you dear. I really think she was new and nervous, but I was hot and impatient.*

So after listing the other options, she THEN tells me that the good faith payments don't have to be made for a month. I can make the money in a month, why didn't you tell me that ish before you twit? Geez. So we decide to do that, and I run down all my info...

But there's a problem. My card expires like, Saturday. Literally. So I can't use it to make a payment a month out. "well you can use another credit card, or check by phone. Check by phone, or another card." "that's not an option right now, because clearly I am standing out in the street and my check book is at home, and I don't have another card."

So after all that I had to hang up with this chick, try to lower my pressure, and call the bank to find out where my card was. Meanwhile, my ear is sweating. "its been mailed out. It was sent on the 11th." Oh. Shite. So... I think I threw it away. Luckily I don't have any crazy charges, and they canceled that card.

So Friday I called the loan people back. Totally different girl. Took me literally 5 minutes. No joke. Where was she Thursday? They need to fire that girl I talked to first. She's not meant to talk to people. Clearly.

*singing*
So... Act right,
ooh, ooh,
What about my bank account lady, let it go let it go let it go let it go,
What about my student loans baby?
The second woman made it better...

Ps: I found my now canceled bank card. It was sitting on that damn table. Too late now, can't buy a THING til Tuesday.
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