Losing touch.

"you can be whatever you want to be."

When I was little, I wanted to go to spellman and be a teacher. Or a hairdresser like my mom. Or a reporter.

When I got to middle school I had stopped thinking of what I wanted to be. Something had clicked in me once I moved to Atlanta, and the future was not so relevant. I was too busy trying to get through now.

I wanted to be an actress by high school, but through a series of events I became disenfranchised. I had jobs, none could I say I would want to do forever. Ideas would pop into my head, but I had never been taught ambition. It was something I envied in my best friends- knowing what it was and going for it.

After high school I drifted. I was not so happy as I could have been, but I began to travel and associate myself with people who wanted to do more than "right now." annoying as it was to hear, I now know people who asked "why aren't you in school'" were saying, "you can do better than where you are now, we can see it."

One day a thought smacked me in the face. "I can do this." and I began to. I knew that I had to move up, and I began.

About that time, I started writing this blog.

I've always had some idea of what I wanted to be. Even when I'm not working at it, there's a nagging voice that says, "and why not?" now though, I need to know what I don't want to be. At this moment I'm starting to lose grip on my goals. And I don't like it. I'm going back to "right now" mode. Right now I need money, and my goals are sitting in the background.

So I'm trying to change that. Finding a new job is not only helping my immediate goals, but its changing my environment and giving me a chance to be a person who is growing. I'm not living life to the fullest right now and I don't like it. I can do better! I had 26 as an age where I have achieved certain goals. I'll be 24 really soon. If I haven't reached those goals by then that's fine, but I at least need to be moving toward them.

Things are going to get better. I know it.
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