13 things I did this weekend

1 got dissed by my brother via text.

Every Friday night I go to Kesi's job, which is also his and my brothers' jobs. So when on the way my bro texts me saying he has a question. It was strange because he was at one point sitting next to me but we were in public and we still texted rather than talked. Anyway, I said "I hope you don't date any of my friends," and he said, "oh no. I have an age limit." what?! We're less than 5 years apart! Its not so far fetched! Buster. Age limit...

2 took pics of same brother with underwear on his head.

So apparently grown ass, dad-aged men think its ok to give college students (one of the chicks that works at their job) Victoria secret underwear. Uh, no. So while we're all lamenting this situation, my brother decides they'd go great as a hat. And since I had my camera in my hand... And now they're on facebook. I'm pretty sure that's what he wanted anyway, lol.

3 got into a thing with Kesi

Without rehashing the events, I'll say apparently I had a tude, I was tired, he was tired, things need to be addressed in a timely fashion, I'm a details person, etc. It ended in my crying because it was 430 and I just wanted to go to sleep but I knew I couldn't until it was resolved. And I was already losing my voice because after my bro put draws on his head at his job, we went outside and acted a whole other kind of fool, reenacting Olympic gymnastics and ish in the drizzle. So I was crying and whispering and just a total mess.

4 checked into a hotel just to go swimming.

During Fay's cloudy Saturday. Damn her! Its Wednesday and its still rainy. Anyway the boys and I went swimming, searched for pennies on the floor of the pool, did backflips, and avoided the outdoor portion of the pool at ALL costs. All. It was freezing out there! We took pix too, although Kesi has all those. I tried to teach them how to float like I did with La, but I don't know what went wrong. They have heavy upper bodies, lol.

5 saw my friend Carla.

We went to hs together! She came by to hang and show off her still teeny body in a cute swim suit that she got for free. Hate! Kesi's brothers kept calling her Maxine Shaw. She really looked like her too, down to the styled dreds.

6 had a hot tub argument

The N family believes hot tubs are "people stew" my brother, Carla and I jumped in anyways, because we say its good for your pores and stuff. They weren't buying it. But it sure felt good. Until we thought we'd jump back in the cold pool... That wasn't the brightest idea, nerve-ending-wise. But I saw on the travel channel that going from a steam to the cold is actually good for you. It just doesn't feel good.

7 found the car battery dead

After a shower and change, we went to eat. When Carla and I pulled up to Kesi's new Yorker, the boys were still standing outside the car. "I left the lights on." argh! So we all piled into Carla's tiny car. I'm talking, like a tercel.

8 ate at Joe's

This is the same place I went on my birthday. Did I mention it was walking distance from the cars? But there's a big fence around the hotel property. So we had to drive even though I was so hungry that if I'd brought sneakers I would have jumped the fence. I had the same thing I had last time, and so did my brother and I think Kesi too. We're boring, lol. But their shrimp it STILL bangin.

9 spent the night at the hotel

With Kesi. And my brother. Fun...

10 woke up too early

Kesi's mother gave the car a jump. But since everyone had to work except me, we had to be up at 7am! Wtf!? On top of that, the battery didn't take the jump, it was drizzling, and I still had on flip flops. I was so full of hatred, lol. Not toward anyone, just against the time of day. When we got home around 9, I couldn't sleep. Irony.

11 tried to study

There's this big management training book I've been trying to crack for a week. Its not complicated, just EXTREMELY boring. And the Olympics were on... And then I fell asleep.

12 avoided my voice mail

My dad called my brother and I on Saturday. I had heard my brother's message, wherein my dad said (and meant) everything we wanted to hear: he's an idiot, he missed us, he's sorry. And I KNEW there was a similar message on my phone, so I didn't check it. Until Tuesday. La said I was "choosing the conditions under which I am miserable." sigh. I texted him because this is a very busy work week and I know that if I call him I'll get all teary and it won't be a quick conversation. I decided not to be a jerk and be silent just because that's what he did.

13 talked to Sallie Mae

They were actually nice considering I've been avoiding them since God knows when. Hopefully I'll be in a good place to finally finish school (I know you've heard that one before) and then I won't have to worry about them til next year. Let us pray.

*btw I'm pretty sure I won't be posting this weekend, as it is Dragon Con and I'll be either working or sleeping. But I'll be back Monday with pictures and recaps of the crazy. And money! But no money for you.*
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Shhh...

I like to think I'm good at keeping secrets. There of course have been times when I have slipped, and naturally I don't consider sharing with Kesi or La "telling." that's just like repeating it to an empty room, lol. But when talking at work the other day, I shared the story of why I'm so good at keeping secrets:

Does anyone remember DARE? Drug awarenes resistance education? I don't know if they had it in the south, but up north they had this program where in 4th grade a cop would come in and tell you why drugs are bad and to stay away from them. They tell you what drugs and drug periphenalia and even drug dealers look like, all with the aid of "The Simpsons" -esque cartoons. And they gave you a chance to ask anonymous questions. This is where the trouble started.

My best friend in 4th grade was a 5th grader named Adela. We rode the same bus and had a crush on the same boy, my classmate Eric "Shorty" Santiago. Swoon! We used to yell out "Shorty!" on the bus after school and embarrass the eff out of that poor boy. Adela and I were tight and told each other everything. We even sang together, which, is no small feat because both of us were shy, violin playing type chickies.

I remember Adela was so upset one day. We leaned our heads against the back of the seat in front of us and whispered to each other. Turns out, her friend Evelia, who was also a 5th grader, was bragging in their neighborhood (Adela lived close enough that we rode the same bus, but far enough that I wasn't allowed to bike to her house. I was 10 after all) that she smoked cigarettes. Adela tried to get her to stop but there were other kids influencing Evelia, and it was just all bad. Now I see that it probably wasn't about the smoking, but more about the fact that she was losing a friend. I tried to make Adela feel better but of course it was no use. I really had nothing poignant to say.

The next day during DARE, I decided to get some help. "this girl I know is smoking cigarettes. What should I do?" The officer over the class, one of my aunt's coworkers from all the way in Waterbury- what, were our cops too busy patroling to volunteer in their own city? Waterbury was not close by- was very little help. The advice she gave was stuff Adela already tried, probably because she took the class the year before and was the type to retain information. I was crestfallen.

At lunch that day, I was greeted by the inquisition. Shirley and Krystin. Shirley was the type of girl who, even in elementary school, you knew she was gonna be a skank by the time she was a teen. She was always kissing someone or showing off undeveloped private parts. Oh Shirley... Krystin was still considered the new girl, and having her first friend be Michael Smith, the biggest dork in our class (also known as my first kiss, who I think is gay now, figures) was a double blow, so she was trying to be up on info in order to be cool.

"I recognized your handwriting on that question earlier..." and who are you now Shirley? Jessica Fletcher? Ugh!

"what? I didn't write it! You're crazy."

"oh come off it! Who's smoking, Joy?" and now I see that Krys is playing bad cop. Pointing and getting stern in her voice.

I folded pretty easily, I now see. But I thought I was safe. I made them pinky swear. And any self respecting girl can tell you pinkie swears are law. Apparently one of these two had no respect for themselves or me.

The next day I arrived to school ready to greet the day.
"there she is!" Shirley came bounding up to me while I was standing in line waiting to enter the building. "Her! Joy!"

Behind her was Evelia. Let's take this time to describe our opponents, shall we? Joy- 10 years old, 85lbs (if that), 4foot 9, baseball and kickball player. Strong points: running, climbing, the ability to brush off bumps and bruises. Weak points: violence. Can't fight a lick.

Evelia- 12 years old, 120lbs, 5foot 3 (not fat, but surely a big chick), sports unknown. Strong points: close relation to the devil. Weak points: I sure if I would have tripped her she would have fallen pretty hard.

Back to the story: Shirley disappeared as quickly as she ratted me out. And Evelia was about 2 feet away from me. "who told you I smoked cigarettes?!" I don't think you guys understand. This bitch was huge.

"I'm not telling." I even distinctly remember crossing my arms in defiance.

"WHO TOLD YOU I WAS SMOKING?!?!" at this point she took a step closer to me and the fires of hell came out of her mouth and melted my steel reserve.

"Adela." and she was gone. For a big girl, she was swift (I'd like to point out that I was her height and weight at high school grad. So when I say she's big, its the perspective of a wee 4th grader, not "if only I weighed 120" current Joy). At this time I noticed that everyone was looking at me. I imagined they were thinking, "that Joy, she just ratted on her best friend! If I was adela I'd never speak to her again. Tsk tsk." I mean, that's what I was thinking. And that bitch Shirley was back in my face trying to be all sympathetic. Thankfully the doors of the school openned- where were they 5 minutes ago?- and the longest day in history began.

I didn't see Adela until we got on the bus. She was crying. Apparently she and Evelia got into a big thing and they weren't talking. And she was really mad at me. At that point I felt I should have gotten my ass kicked rather than snitched on her. As much as I wanted to I couldn't take it back. And so I did the only thing I could do, which wasn't enough. I told her I was sorry, and that I could understand if she never wanted to share a seat ever again.

Adela and I fortunately remained friends, though it took a minute before she would share any secrets with me again, which is understandable. She and I left Bridgeport the same year, and we even stayed in touch for a while after that. Her little brother ended up being my cousin Ms Lady's best friend. Small world, huh?

These days, when a person confides in me, I think of her. How I almost totally lost my friend and my credibility, and how I never want it to happen again.

And, you know, almost getting my ass beat certainly helped too...
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Thursday 13:The joy-tionary

I have a way with language. A... Finesse, if you will. The ability to make up words that eloquently express what I'm trying to say, without having people go, "what?!"

At least that's what I like to think. Sometimes, being that I use ACTUAL words that people don't know, sometimes when I use my made up words they think I'm being cute and trying to make them look silly for not knowing what I'm talking about.

Anyways, here's a few words and phrases that are seared into my personal lexicon. Most of them are actual words or word derivatives, they just mean something different in my world. I even used some in a sentence!

Bedorable- so adorable it warrants moving down the alphabet from a to b. "my cousin BJ is so bedorable! He looks just like his big brother did when he was a baby!"

Boom-boom- I have made my point, albeit comically, and usually a simpler and wronger answer than the actual reason. "the reason cop cars don't have seat cushions in the back is because people don't wanna spend tax money making sure the person that robbed them has a smooth ride to jail. Boom-boom."

I'm over it- I don't want to talk about it. Usually said when something is so confusing or angering that I can't complete a thought or a sentence.

Mashed potato- a person who is mushy and emotional. See: the owner of this blog. Coined on my 5th anniversary with Kesi, when I started crying at maggianos.

Mmmkay- an affirmative to people who overexplain or ask me something stupid. Said like Mr Mackey from South Park. "could you make sure my coffee is hot?" "mmmkay."

Owneenknowhatatelyafolk- "I don't even know what to tell you folk." said when a person hints that they need something instead of just coming out and asking. "dang, I don't have enough money for lunch!" "Owneenknowhatatelyafolk."

Patois- private parts. Coined by my brother and our friend Sam (who said it sounded like a French word) when I tried to explain to them that Jamaican is a nationality, not a language. "Don't touch my patios!"

Rafiki- in the past. Rafiki, of course, is the monkey from the Lion King who said "it doesn't matter, its in the past!"

Shnookie- a loved one. Said in a deep, manly voice. From the cartoon "Invader Zim," wherein an alien baby said his earth name, Noogums, was inbefitting of him as a warrior. When asked what his real name was, he replied "Shnookie!"

Skeetastic- lasciviously sexual and highly freaky. A combination of the slang word "skeet" and "fantastic."

Sneeze- the smell of breath. A smell that apparently only Breezy and I can identify.

Under-face- your chin. Not sure how it started but we say it all the time. See also: back-face, also known as "hair."

Your face/ your butt- a line of dialog between my brother and I when we're just being jerks to each other. "your shirt is dirty." "your face is dirty!" "your butt is dirty!" it can get more intense and hilarious when we talk about things that don't characterize a face or a butt, like, "you left the door open." "you left your face open!" "you left your butt open!"

Feel free to use these terms in your everyday life.

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you know you want one!!!!

after 2 years, i finally did it! i started my crochet blog! ok its not really a blog, more of a display of things thiat ive made and information on how i can make something FOR YOU!!!! if that is your wish. there is no pricing info, cuz i feel like that should be between the person i make it for and myself. also, the items are named after the people i made them for, if they are originals (unless i made 2 or more for them, then i have to be creative). yes my friends have strange names.

so check it out!!!
http://annalula.blogspot.com/

Exhale

"I'm sorry that your friend died. That really sucks. I know that ur probably having a hard time right now, but I have 2 say something. For the sake of my own mind I cant continue this. I cant act like we were once friends that just drifted apart. What we had ended badly, at least thats how I see it. So I cant just talk to you now like everythings ok. It makes my head and my heart hurt and it puts me back where I was when we were 17. I'm so different now. I just want you to know that I never cheated on you and I never lied to you. Whatever you may think, that's the truth. There r so many questions that I had back then that r unanswered and thats fine."

I finally got to say what I needed. And I got a really unexpected answer...

"If u don't want 2 talk, i understand. U were my 1st, and that's a big deal! Don't want 2 make u uncomfy! I was lied 2, just want u 2 know, i'm sorry. Kesi is a very lucky man! U r a great woman!"

Wow. Surprising me at every turn. And an extraneous use of exclamations. I thought I was bad.

"I owe u an explanation. U will always have part of me, and 1 day u'll want 2 know why i gave up on us."

That's left to question, but I told him that if he wanted to explain I'd listen. Its all rafiki to me, but I can appreciate the need to get things off your chest and taking that opportunity.

La asked me if I feel better:

"I really do. No longer like screaming, but I may cry when I get home. I mean, every time I thought about our relationship there was always the remorse of "oh well, so many things unsaid," but I think I have closure now. I hope he's happy with his cats.*"

For the record, I didn't cry. I snuggled with Kesi and watched cartoons. A much better release, I think.



*the line about the cats is from "FRIENDS." that was a funny scene.


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Me and my life

*Cross your fingers that I'm going to St Louis this fall. I neeeed to go. Why?
1 I haven't left this state in over 2 years.
2 I don't really know Kesi's family and I would like to.
3 its a wedding, and I love weddings! Love, a party, and free drinks and cake? I'm there, thanks.
4 I'll have somewhere to wear my dress that's just sitting, waiting to be loved. I don't believe in that white after labor day falderall. That's right I said falderall.
5 maybe I'm old enough to go on a casino boat now!

Kesi and I need a break! And I hear the crack headed girlfriend is out of the picture. The one who, last time I went to STL decided to announce to people I just met that she gave Kesi and I condoms. Yeah, I can do without her.

*So people at my job are really irking me these past couple of days. Remember waay back in like 2006, when I was talking about the guy who decided to ask me if "your man let you out the house in those pants?" Johnny is his name. Well when I went to the gift shop he was like "oh I see they made you change." and I told him nicely to keep my ass out his mouth before I replace it with my foot. Over time I really started to see his chauvinistic ways, as we have gotten into it (politely) about what he feels is a "woman's place." its not at all surprising to me that he's single.

So Wednesday, I'm sitting in the cafeteria on the computer looking at blogs. My friend Lewis and I were laughing at Durty Mo's site, when Johnny comes up and starts looking too. After Lewis leaves, and Johnny heads for the door, he said "I see your man is letting you wear those pants again." oh, really? So I let him have it.

"no man, not my boyfriend, my father, especially not you, has ANY control over what I do with my ass and what I put on it. You have been saying this to me for years and I told you to let it go. Its a tired joke and I never found it funny." oh, and when I get mad, I get loud. And did I mention we were in the caf? So he hits me with "ima leave you alone because I see you're sensitive about it." nigga what? "yeah. I am. I don't know what time you live in but today, a man does not 'let' a woman do anything. So you can 'let' that shit go." and I walked off. I mean he had me boiling. And for the record, I do believe that he's making these comments because he likes what he sees. Which is just plain harassment, because either they look and don't say anything, or they say, "you look nice today Joy. No one has made any adverse comments about the appropriateness of my uniform. I've been wearing them on and off since 05. He's lucky I don't report him.

*Then, yesterday, Green Card decides that she wants attention. She sees me reading the paper (google Lavonia, Ga, AJC, and Hostage, 3 Years to see what I was reading.i It is a very interesting article) and she called my name. Still reading, I say, "yes?" I guess that wasn't enough because she gets right in my face (I was leaning sideways over the counter) and starts banging on the paper saying, "listen to me!" heffa how OLD are you? At this point I look her dead in the face and tell her to stop. She then proceeds to smack the paper some more, smiling playfully the whole time. "answer me!" "Green, if you don't get away from me acting like a violent child..." my face was close enough to the paper that she could have hit me in the nose and it would have been on. All she wanted was to know my middle name. Isn't that the kind of question one could answer without having to devote absolute attention to the asker? "chantelle." "oh. What's wrong with you?" oh I'm sorry I would rather read than apease your crazy-ass cry for attention. She does it all the time and I'm over it. I am pretty sure I would have laid hands on her if she would have accidentally hit me. Not too much though. I need my job and I don't think any of yall have time to make "FREE JOY" shirts.

*so as not to choke a bitch, I left work early. I had already asked to go home because I was feeling "cranky" and it was dead slow. So I send Kesi a text telling him I'm heading to the house. "you walked? Its dark out!" he hates for me to walk in the dark, and so do I, because I am small and defenseless, except my knife and a short stint as a track runner. I explained to him that it was dusk and that I had to get home to put some work into the blanket I'm making. "I'm cranking out the hits." he replies, "you're like the Dr Dre of arts and crafts, lol." what? I guess he meant I'm in demand and dedicated to my work. I'll take it.

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13 things that I hate about the space/book

I love social networking. I use myspace to keep up with family in CT and to listen to my friends' music. I use facebook to look at peoples' pix and to find old high/ middle school friends. Overall they're great sites and good ways to pass time, but then there's things that make me wanna roll my eyes or log off. Here's my list of the 13 things I hate about Space/Book

1 RIP?
This is #1 because it inspired this list. Some time ago someone posted a status that said something like "gone too soon, RIP lil Pookie, I know you're flying with the angels now." then others started following suit regarding this guy. I didn't know him but someone I know did, and so I asked about him. "he's dumb as hell." "you know he died right?" "you know he got shot in the stomach robbing a convenience store, right? He didn't even need money. He was just trying to be hard." damn. Word? And I'm still seeing people's status making him out to be 1 miracle short of the Savior. And I can't hate on a person for loving someone, but let's not try to gloss over the truth.

2 random friend requests
Do I know you? No? "ignore." I sometimes have no desire to know the people I interract with daily. I'm not trying to add to that.

3 rude comments
I had a video up a while back, and someone decided that itd be fun to berate and make derogatory comments about someone on the video, AND my 3 year old cousin. Not to mention that this person was not even my friend and I didn't even know you could do that. And so I sent this person a message stating that they'd be wise to stop talking about my family and friends before I came and saw about their young ass (this kid was about 8 years younger than me. Really youngster?). Then a few weeks later this child tried to add me as a friend and say they were "kidding." I let him know that I was not.

4 passive aggressive statuses
This chick I know, every time I get on the face, her status is something like "I'm sick of these boys, I'm looking for a real man, I'm not giving my heart out any more." I'm talking about every other day. It seems to me that she keeps putting herself in these situations and then decides to make us feel sorry for her or get on a "men aint shit" wall post tangent. I'm not for that, lol. Me and men are on good terms. Then there's the chick who puts "don't be putting ish out on facebook, if you were real you would come to me like a woman." pot calling the kettle black anyone? Both of them are clearly talking about 1 person, why not just talk to them instead of putting them on front street?

5 booty shot pix
I don't wanna see your ass. Thanks. I'm talkin bent over, half dressed, Luke video auditon. Its just not necessary. Save it for the jailhouse cell wall.

6 spam groups
I'm all for supporting my peoples, so when they have music fan groups or event groups I join. But why is 3 or 4 members of the group sending out the SAME email to members of said group? Do they not realize they're sending it to the same person? And these teasers to events that haven't been announced? Stop! I don't like having 12 things in my inbox that are literally the same message, or are so cryptic that I have a headache when I'm done.

7 messenger
I hate myspace messenger. I've never even used it. But facebook messenger is a waste of energy. You're on whether you want to be or not! When I'm on fb I'm probably on other things too. So when I click back to fb, I have some person going "hello? Joy! Are you there?" for the past few minutes. There's no pop up or bells, and its all at the bottom of the page, so I wouldn't know it was there. Wack.

8 facebook frenemies
We weren't cool back in the day. But you wanna add me? I'll accept strictly to see if you're gonna apologize.

9 busy ass pages
My cousin Boochie's page takes 6 minutes to load on Kesi's high speed. Wtf? She's got lil dancing things, music imbedded, neon colored spinning guitars in the background, so even once I get on the page, I now have vertigo. I haven't been on her page since last year. The headache just stopped.

10 old people
"what is this mein-space?"
This German guy at my job has a teenage son who loves the "mein-space." he decided to ask some younger employees about it, rather than making his own profile, thank God. But why is my old ass former manager on the fb? And a bunch of other older people too. Womp. I can see teachers, cuz it started as a student site and I do be looking for certain favorite teachers, but when my mom gets a fb account, I'm leaving.

11 tmi cousin!
My cousin Chris's profile picture is his bare chest. Ever heard that phrase "put the bird back in the cage"? Yeah. Then we have other relatives who wanna declare their teenage love for a different not every week or have bikini shots or talk about what kinda "nigga gets me goin and keeps me coming"... Sigh... My mom had to have a lil talk about discretion to one of them while she was in CT.

12 how they're almost identical
Facebook just changed their look and it looks just like myspace, which now has status updates for you and your friends like facebook, which got that damn messenger after myspace did. Soon they'll be one entity.

13 "online now" stalkers
There's this kid who I "friended" who, every time I'm on the space, sends me a "hi," "what's good," "let's IM." how could he possibly be online so much? I sometimes think he's been hacked, but usually if they want to spam you they just cut to the chase, right? Then I think, "his messenger name is so inappropriate (its a porn term), it can't be him ." then I think, "maybe it is. Maybe he's just a freak." And this happens every time I go on there!

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Half-aversary

Last Tuesday, August 5, marked 6.5 years for Kesi and I. Back at years 1&2 we'd celebrate it, but by the time you reach 3 or 4, a semiannual love celebration gets to be costly and exuberant. But this year ECW and smackdown was coming to the Philips arena, and it happened to fall on our "half-aversary." I actually like wrestling, and besides, I can watch any sport live, so we were in there like swimwear. (what does that mean? People say it and it makes no sense!)

After the pork fiasco (double bubble has pork in it?!?) and the subsequent depressing grocery trip, Kesi got dressed and we got going. He wore the rocawear thermal(!) I got him for his birthday last year, and I wore my new express shirt over a fuschia tanktop, and matching fuschia pumas. We had quite a moment removing all our knives from our pockets and stuff before we got on Marta.

We ate at the CNN ctr, somewhere we hadn't been in about a year. Arby's turkey sandwiches and frappuccinos for lunch. Mmmm... We're a simple folk. This is when the "obama is a celebrity" ad first came up so I had to see McCain's face on the big screen. Ew!!! Lol. We enter the venue and make good on our promise to get our friend Sam a souvenir. She got an undertaker shirt; Kesi, one with HHHs hella expensive design on it; me, one with an old school Nintendo cartridge cartoon of John Cena on it. Swoon! If you have no idea who that is, I invite you to google. Don't worry, I'll wait............................

done? Yeah. Right? He used to "rap" back in the day, but thank God he stopped that. He's on RAW, but that's ok cuz we're going to see that in November, and I'm gonna dress like him. Crazy? What's your point?

Anyway so we get to the entry and Kesi CANNOT. FIND. HIS. TICKET. Do you know how annoyed I was? I wanted to scream. See, he keeps everything in his pocket, receipts from weeks ago, a letter I wrote him years ago, crumpled money, thousands of pens (but no paper), etc. So how did you lose your ticket? We retrace our steps and by the time I get to the door we came into I realize the floor is SPOTLESS. There's people sweeping everywhere. Everywhere. I ask the janitor how long he's been there. "a few minutes." so even if the ticket was swept up, he didn't do it. I meet back up with Kesi; he dropped the ticket when he reached in his pocket to get his wallet to pay for our tee shirts and it was still sitting on the floor. Whew!

We head to our seats, which leads to us bypassing the "club." I hear someone say something about a hennessey and coke. Ooh, yeah. Lol. Ironically, there's a less crowded tee shirt kiosk right there. Bitch! Come on!

The show was great. The undertaker wasn't there Rashan, but we've seen him before so its all good. I'd have to say my favorite parts were Jeff Hardy and his crazy acrobatic ass, and HHH running edge out of the stadium and then staying for about 15 minutes shaking kids' hands. It was really sweet of him.

On the way back we sat on a hot ass train for about a half hour. Or should I say stood.... There were no seats, naturally. Apparently some woman decided to jump in front of a train, which held up like 3 trains full of hot, tired, whiny people. One thing I can't stand is people who complain to people who can't do anything about it. This soman said about 6 times, "I can't miss my bus, I don't have cab fare!" well we're all on this train and I can assure you no one's giving you cab fare, so hush.

Eventually things got moving, and we got to the crib without losing our minds. It was a great day altogether and we had a lot of fun.

Maybe tomorrow I'll write about how I'm halfway to age 25.... And what that all means to me.

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"He's a douche"

So, yall know I love you right? I've been contemplating whether or not to tell this story, simply because its about a very relevant person in today's society. Especially for the black peoples. But I decided to share, and I'll give you a few hints as to who I'm talking about.

*he has the same initials as me.
*his son recently publicly chided him on something he said about one of my favorite men.
*he is a celebrated orator and tends to rhyme in his speeches.
*he does not speak for me.

Got it? Let's go.

So apparently this man, let's call him Folk cuz I can't think of anything clever to call him, was in the hotel to do a speech for the pentecostal group we had in house (woo Jesus save your people, cuz they's a mess) and he decided to stop in the 'bucks. In the store was my girl Mary Lou, this fat chick I don't like, and the girl who I mentioned before whose pinkie toes stick out of her shoes. He walks in, they say good morning and say generally complementary things to this man who is considered a legend among (some) black people. I already told yall he don't speak for me.

So anyway, he says "where's the oj," and keeps it moving. No hi, no thank you, no "keep hope alive!" nothin. Except "where's the orange juice?"

So Mary Lou, who is in no way known for holding her tongue, says, "you can't speak?" I'm sure she wanted to add "reggin" at the end of that, but she was at work, and plus that word has been funeralized and whatnot.

And Folk gets slightly indignant, pauses, and then realizes he was being rude. "I'm sorry, I have a speech today." then he proceeds to give them dap. Mary Lou and fat chick dap him up, side-eyeing but accepting, but Ms pinkie toes (that's so gonna be her nickname!) looks him up and down and proceeds to WALK the FUCK OFF. Just took her partially exposed feet and left Folk hangin. I would give anything to have actually been there at that moment. I would have woken up early to see it.

I never would have pegged her as the type to be so gangsta. I have wished GW would walk into our store just so I could do to him what she did to Folk. Left him with the absolute tight face. When I asked her why she did it, her reply was simple: "he's a douche."

Given his recent actions, I'd have to agree. He's not the man I heard he was in the 80s.
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13 favorite music videos

I'm a music video junkie. When I was 12 I was finally able to watch music videos after bypassing my mom's parental controls (if you put the TV on channel 2 instead of 3, all the channels are one off. At least back in the old days). This was back when MTV showed videos. Nowadays, I have about 8 music video stations, however, the quality is not as up to par as it was back in the mid 90s. You'll note that not many of my choices came from the new millenium. Here are just a handful of my favorites. (If imbedding was disabled, which was the case more than I'd liked, I added the web page.)


1 Bush- "letting the cables sleep"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RX3f0iNg4rk

I kinda love Bush (there's a phrase I never thought I'd say, in times of low approval ratings). Even today, the mere mention of Gavin Rossdale will make me drop things. This was a great, well done, beautiful video. Well shot, so much tension... Then there's the twist at the end. I won't give it away. This was the last video that Bush shot and they rarely showed it on TV. Guess it wasn't trl material.

2 No doubt- simple kinda life


So, um, this song is about Gavin. I promise this isn't a trend, although there is one more Bush vid. This video literally shattered the conceptions of conventional marriage, in 4 minutes. I mean, can you see the fury in Gwen's eyes as she smashes those wedding cakes? Then there's the light up BC pack on the wall... Is it wrong that when I take my BC I think of that? Its such a metaphor! As albums go, Return Of Saturn was probably the best for videos.

3 Korn- freak on a leash

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K27d7Ut5bXo

This was an easy choice. Korn was once my favorite band, and despite the fact that they are hurting right now I still love them. This was their breakthrough video, and though ADIDAS was a lil better, this one fused a lot of elements together seamlessly (each directed by a different person or team). For one, it uses a great transition point: the bullet, then there's the cartoon kids, the band in the room with the holes, the bullet tearing through everything... And its kinda intense music-wise.

4 Bush- greedy fly


This is the only group with 2 videos on my list. They really strived with their videos. I actually own their anthology. This video was based on the movie se7en, if I'm not mistaken, with a bit of magical realism thrown in with the de-winged angel, the egg, etc. I have a still from this video taped in my diary from 8th grade. Its a sickness, really. The whole thing looks grimy and just, somewhere you wouldn't wanna be, and I like that. Who's to say that something visually stunning has to be pretty?


5 Foo Fighters- everlong

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_nVa9B8wWA

This is another group with a great body of work, even from the beginning when they did a Mentos spoof. This vid was based on a dream Michel Gondry had (a lot of his videos were based on dreams) where he couldn't control the size of his hands. I also have his anthology, and if you like cinematic greatness, I'd advise you get it too. Shout out to Taylor dressed as a chick! Apparently it was because Dave's girlfriend didn't want any women hugging up on him. This is where those "you never see Taylor and Alanis M in the same room" rumors came from.

6 Bjork- hunter


I remember the first time I saw this video. I was like who is this crazy chick? This ish is weird! It was late at night and it... unsettled me. I love how she turns into a bear but tries to shake it away. Our highschool dance teacher loved this song, and for some reason the video fits it perfectly. I mean, its not the route I would have taken with it, lol.

7 Nas- 1 mic


You may notice there are only 3 rap songs on this list. There are 2 reasons for that. 1, I didn't really listen to rap until I started dating boys who listened to rap (old skool excluded). 2, this was the shiny suit era. Yeah, puff N'nem made some good ones, but they don't beat anything I put on this list. These days rap videos consist of crowds, hot chicks, custom cars, a dance, and one random ass camera effect. So there.

Nas's 1 mic was the shit. The video fit the song perfectly. I mean, the alternating between him talking and yelling was set off perfectly within the video. And that screaming lil girl in the video looks like this dude I went to HS with. The images are powerful and well shot. Caint get no better.

8 Alanis Morrisette- you learn


She wears 11 different jackets in this video. I learned that from pop up video, lol. This vid is one of her best. Even better than her remake of "my humps." and certainly better than her naked "I played God in 'Dogma'" video. Its so colorful! I just like the way she's wandering through people's lives. And I think she stole that horse. The parade scene was an homage to another of her videos.

9 NIN- perfect drug


Mark Romanek. Yes. The birds, the big crazy coats, how everything is black but visually striking... He's known for that Gothic, operatic look. The whole thing reeks of vampire.

10 Outkast- bombs over baghdad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-m3ijMMkSY

I was kinda pissed when this video couldn't be shown after 9/11. It was on a list of "sensitive" videos, all because of its title. But I digress. Was this the first video to explicitly show strippers? Leave it to Big Boi.... I love how the video kicks off with a shirtless Dre running with about 100 kids. The colors were crazy for no reason. Big's hair all in the breeze, flowy and ish... That random ass monkey, and the choir. The video is about as spastic as the song, and still perfect.

11 Missy- get ya freak on


Missy came out the box crazy in 97. And she's been crazy ever since. Did you see America's best dance crew? Fanny Pak killlt this song! Anyways, the guy at the beginning is saying something like "we will make you jump and feel good." true. Missy is headless and dancing. She is spitting in people's mouth, which is nasty. She is hanging from the ceiling doing choreography. This video was freaky. Dave Myers put his whole foot in it. Its no wonder that they keep working together.

12 Janet- got til its gone

This video makes me happy(er) to be black. Look at it. Its so beautiful! It was shot in LA, by Mark Romanek, and is set in a lounge in early 60's apartheid S Africa. Insane right? Again, a visually stunning work. Everything looks so muted, like you could get a great photo if you froze it at any moment. Must be an effect he uses... If you put this video on mute and just watched it, I'm sure it would effect your mood. Make you feel deeply... Something.

13 Gnarls Barkley- gogo gadget gospel


"if you wonder what it look like, look at me." you, sir, are a sock. I did not expect that the first time I saw this video. I literally cracked up through the rest of it because the video chicks were damn socks! This is muppet "you got served." this and other videos (there are at least 4 for st elsewhere) were overshadowed by "crazy" but they were equally awesome and different from mainstream videos. I like that the band never takes center in their vids.


*PS: searching through youtube for these videos, you start to realize how stupid people are. I tend to forget, cuz I read inteligent blogs, but they really let anyone have a computer these days, don't they? And they'll argue with you and curse your soul, cuz you don't feel the same about a song as they do. Of because you spelled a word wrong. Or because you breathe. Womp*

Everything's kosher

Or not.

My mother called me from upstairs to ask me to go to the grocery store for her, and also to say she printed 26(!) pages of info on safe and unsafe foods off the net, in reference to their kosher status.

If you don't know, I stopped eating pork when I was 15, because I wanted (still want) to own a pig. I even refused to make my mom what I called "pig sandwiches." oh it was hard; I love bacon and pork chops. But I love the lil piggies more. I have since stopped eating a few other animals because I feel pity for them, lol. Kesi has NEVER eaten pork.

Anyways, eventually my mom and my brother stopped eating pork for health reasons, and I started checking labels for the circled U or K that says there's no pork products in it. So I stopped eating gummy bears and some types of jello, and went about my life.

Until this list.

They took away my Lucky Charms!

You should have seen my face. I forgot that dehydrated marshmallows would have gelatin in it (which is either pig or horse derived). I'm so sad. Oh, and our totino pizzas, which we as people who eat at 2am LIVE off of (and red baron too) have pork enzymes in the cheese. Wah!

So Kesi and I headed to walmart and got all paranoid. We checked everything. Cereal, bread, yogurt, the aforementioned pizzas... It sucks. My diet is about to CHANGE! This list has shook my world.

So my lunch was hummus and club crackers and juicy juice (I'm also breaking from high fructose corn syrup). Kesi and I are headed to WWE/ ECW tonight and after that we will surely be hungry. Its also our half anniversary and besides losing a loved one (food) we're in super high spirits.

And I'm wearing my express outfit!
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Standing behind the counter is like being a color commentator at the sport of life. Breezy and I (and others, but definitely us two) lean against the counters and talk about people, who's cute, who we "love," who needs to stop, etc. Often we see someone who warrants a face to face complement. We like to brighten days.

"excuse me, where did you get your jewelry? Its neat." yes, I called this amazon of a woman's jewelry; the woven necklace around her neck and the one matching in style double twisted up her arm; neat. There was no other word to describe it that wouldn't have the possibility of being misinterpreted. Funky? Hot? Wild? All accurate, but no. I was curious, and it was "neat."

"somewhere in Africa." she waved her arm as if to say she was well traveled, with an actual interest in Africa, not one of those women who went just to say they did. She turned a head full of bushy, light brown hair toward her friend who had jumped in to say that another friend had also acquired some African jewelry. "yes but hers were south African. Mine... Somewhere north...."

"are you a writer? You look so familiar." after marveling at her gorgeous hair, wondering while Breezy explained to her that in stores we make Iced Double Shots fresh, if it was "hers," noting her neck and wristwear, then her generous and envious breasts and hips in her white blouse and gauchos (I could not wear so much white at once. First of all, I am a mess. Second, it shows off. She wore it with a confidence that said she was fit and didn't need to prove it), I started to realize I knew this woman.

"yes, I write..."

"what's your name?"

"Terry...."

And that's how I met Terry McMillan. It was almost as cool as the time I met Maya Angelou, except Terry seems more accessible. Everyone calls Ms Angelou, "Ms Angelou." but me and Terry? We go way back to 3:30 old coffee friends.

I tried not to gush too hard. But there was a twinkle. She is everything I aspire to be. An artist. Worldly. Strong. Able to handle adversity in public with grace and honesty. Freakin pretty. Humorous. I got this all in a matter of minutes.

So what did you do today?
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Brain ache

So Thursday evening, I'm sitting at home, watching TV and crocheting. I get a picture msg from Barbie. We haven't talked in a few weeks, which is normal, and I'm in a good mood, so I respond with a rousing "lol"....

Barbie: I know, I'm a funny guy! Me: lmao "funny guy". How's things?
Barbie: fine. You?
Me: workin on a big project. I'm excited!
Barbie: really? What kind?
Me: Oh I'm making a blanket. But she shipped me yarn to use and everything.
Barbie: Oh cool. Make me one! J/K
Me: lol I would, but I don't think the hubby would lay under it.
Barbie: oh Barbie's at work. This is the hubby.

*Wha?!?! I haven't talked to this guy in 6 years! And now we're being cordial via text? My head is about to explode.... But I must remain calm.*

Me: Oh. Did not know that. I thought Kelly was being silly when she said "funny guy." so you haven't seen any of my blankets. They're mostly baby stuff...
Ken: sorry. Thought you knew it was me. [how would I have known? This is text msg!]
Me: nope. Didn't figure you'd wanna talk to me tho...
Ken: Y not? I still consider u an old friend. [what? When did this happen?]
Me: That's good. I told you before that the worst thing about us breaking up was losing a friend. But we haven't talked in 6 years, so...
Ken: I just didn't want Barbie to get the wrong idea. You know how she can be. [her!?! This dude was jealous of my love for dmx.]
Me: I know how both of you can be. But you two are married and I'm in a committed relationship so there should be no worry.

And so it went. We... Chatted. Nothing heavy, despite my internal monolouge. Mostly about music and concerts and our brothers. And of course, Kesi. Am I crazy? Because I wanted to scream, "why do you think I ruined your life? Or that I cheated on you? You can't just sneak up on me like this!" but I didn't. I was nice. Cuz I'm a nice person. Or a fool. But I don't trust this further than I can throw it. I can't be won easily.

Of course I told Kesi and he didn't like it. I can understand that. He's concerned that my niceness might be taken advantage of. But I doubt things will get that far. I honestly think he'll get one more voluntary conversation out of me where I may get to say all these things I've wanted to say, just because if I don't I'll regret it. I don't know how I can be sure its him on the other side, but fuck it. This is about my catharsis. If I have to stop talking to both of them for the sake of my own sanity and the sanctity of my relationship, then so be it.

I honestly can't imagine a friendship with this man. It would take a lot. And I'm not willing to go there. Its not worth fighting for.
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