Exhale

"I'm sorry that your friend died. That really sucks. I know that ur probably having a hard time right now, but I have 2 say something. For the sake of my own mind I cant continue this. I cant act like we were once friends that just drifted apart. What we had ended badly, at least thats how I see it. So I cant just talk to you now like everythings ok. It makes my head and my heart hurt and it puts me back where I was when we were 17. I'm so different now. I just want you to know that I never cheated on you and I never lied to you. Whatever you may think, that's the truth. There r so many questions that I had back then that r unanswered and thats fine."

I finally got to say what I needed. And I got a really unexpected answer...

"If u don't want 2 talk, i understand. U were my 1st, and that's a big deal! Don't want 2 make u uncomfy! I was lied 2, just want u 2 know, i'm sorry. Kesi is a very lucky man! U r a great woman!"

Wow. Surprising me at every turn. And an extraneous use of exclamations. I thought I was bad.

"I owe u an explanation. U will always have part of me, and 1 day u'll want 2 know why i gave up on us."

That's left to question, but I told him that if he wanted to explain I'd listen. Its all rafiki to me, but I can appreciate the need to get things off your chest and taking that opportunity.

La asked me if I feel better:

"I really do. No longer like screaming, but I may cry when I get home. I mean, every time I thought about our relationship there was always the remorse of "oh well, so many things unsaid," but I think I have closure now. I hope he's happy with his cats.*"

For the record, I didn't cry. I snuggled with Kesi and watched cartoons. A much better release, I think.



*the line about the cats is from "FRIENDS." that was a funny scene.


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