The top 10 songs that remind me of someone

So Lauren has inspired me. Songs are so clearly connected to memory, and when I hear a song I haven't heard in a while I end up telling a story about me and so-and-so and that funny thing that happened. So here's my top 10, in no particular order, and an honorable mention for ya!

*"Storm Is Over" -Kirk Franklin.
The summer before my 8th grade year, I went back to CT and stayed with my aunt D and her kids. Around that time, her aunt died, and she literally played this song to death. The aunt was sick, and my aunt D felt like her suffering was finally over. This song really put it into perspective for her, and I learned all the words back and forth from hearing it so much.

*"7 days" -Mary J Blige.
That same summer, "share my world" was also on heavy rotation. My cousin leese and I loved this song, and would crack up at the background singer when he sang "saturday-ay-ay." we would sing our lil faces off and laugh at the same time. I heard the song a few weeks ago and got a lil chuckle out of it.

*"Is you is" - Louis Armstrong.
If its not Louis, its Cab. I can't remember, and here's why: Jerry (of Tom and) sang it. That's where I remember hearing it. That, and my dad sang it to me, complete with the gruff vocals. My mom said he sang it to her too, lol. I may hate him right now, but its still a great memory.

*"Pale September" -fiona apple.
In case you didn't read lauren's most recent posts, or you weren't around when I wrote "voice"(archives!), then you may not know that this song personifies Lauren's and my relationship. We would listen to "tidal" every day, and sing in harmony with each other "all my armor falling down/in a pile at my feet," doing our homework and throwing stuffed animals at each other.

*"Southern girl" - incubus.
The previous song is sung by a woman about a man. This song is sung by a man about a woman. As I am not southern, I do find kesi's ways quite charming, and despite meeting all of my serious boyfriends here, he was the only one born and raised here. "you're an acception to the rules/youre a bonafide rarity/ you're all I ever wanted/ southern girl, could you want me?" sigh...

*"Fergalicious" -fergie.
Shh! None of the hating! This song reminds me of Will, who came to Ga for my birthday. One single part makes me crack up: "hi Stacey." never heard that til he pointed it out, and I died! Its the height of the song.

*"Mama" -boyz 2 men.
Cliché, yes, but would you really respect me if I told you the theme to wheel of fortune reminded me of my grandma? So hush. My mom went and saw soul food and cried at the opening credits. So how can this not remind me of her? As for grandma, the words really do it for her. I think we played this at her 75th bash.

*"Hunter" -bjork.
This song reminds me of my friend Brandi, and our high school dance teacher. Both could wear this song out. Hard. And really dance to it too.

*"dig" -incubus.
"if I turn into another/ dig me up from under what is covering/ the better part of me/ sing this song/remind me that we'll always have each other/ when everything else is gone." I have 4 people I consider my best friends: bre, breezy (B), Lauren and kesi. They are like my legs, and without them I can't stand. They definitely keep my spirit where its supposed to be, in their own unique ways.

*"Just like heaven" - the cure.
I am an 80s music fan, and it doesn't get any better than the cure. I remember during the school Olympics, I was listening to my headphones and this song came on. "show me show me show me how to do that trick," is the first line, and my first love, who was just a friend at the time, found this so funny. Ok, so, doing a trick means something different in this day and age, and he took advantage of that. So when the song pops up on my MP3 player, the intro and first line put me back in that place where I made a lyrical blunder.

Honorable mention:
*"Dick in a box" -Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg.
Oh my god. This is the bestest non-song ever, and it was really a part of my list until I thought of another song. My friend Jason got one key part stuck in his head, "put your junk in that box," sung with such passion and talent. Funny enough, I didn't even know jay could sing before that day.
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god, grant me, the serenity

This weekend was packed! i decided to do mostly photos cuz i took alot, and they say so much!

Thursday, family arrived, and everyone said hi and hugged. My cousin Mar is so cute! He's like 2. But that boy is a lil genius. He fell in love with my turtle as soon as he saw it. He's a big animal kid. And also, not a sleeper. He stayed up later than all of us watching the cartoon channel.

Friday, we all woke up pretty late, except my aunt and Big Mar, who decided to buy presents for the baby. Lol he got a bubble gun and went nuts with it. He was pretending he'd been attacked and did a slow motion fall out. Once we got to the hotel, my cousin figured he was a bubble gangsta. Back to my house to take more photos. Then back in the car to pick up my bro. The youngest BIL was there too, complete with a new mohawk. Sick! Later we went to dinner and his fam got a kick out of it. El nopal has delicious taquittos! And I had a peach daiquiri. Yum! I also realized that kesi's side of the family is nice looking, which is important cuz I aint tryin to have ugly kids.

Saturday, I felt like I woke up at the crack of dawn, and so did everyone else. It took a journey to get to my bro's grad. I mean, we had to get in a lil cab, sit in traffic, and figure out where the hell we were going. The graduation was great, if totally boring! It was already a half hour before were would usually get up (10am) and the principal kept lecturing us as to why we couldn't cheer and applaud. Doesn't he know no one ever listens to that? Then this kid got up to give the occasion and took hella pauses and e-nun-ci-a-ted every syllable in his speech. I mean, "GoD, GranT me, The SereniTy, To CHanGe," bla bla. We quoted that all weekend. We decided to walk back to the station, and on the way Lil Mar's flirt came out. The lil girl and he had a staring moment and he gave her a lollypop. How cute! My bro came home and we had a cookout. he looks so drab in this pic. it is on purpose.We played scrabble and guess who won? Oh yes, lil dictionary herself. After I whooped ass, we headed to the hotel to go swimming. For some reason the hot tub felt great. It was like 80, but that thing was like a spa. As soon as we got out of the 'cuzzi, we got in the pool. I had to ease in cuz I I was still in hot tub mode.Later that night I decided to tag along with my bro to the bowling alley. We fooled around a bit first... It was just really important to chill with my bro; he's an adult now and its time to celebrate. here he is celebrating in my mom's wig... Good thing I wasn't set on bowling, cuz the cops harassed us, and me particularly, cuz I was lapped up in the car and they made us go "home." it was all bull and I'd rather not go into it. Instead we went to city cafe and got horrible service. But we still had fun.

i have more to say, but my clicking finger is dead. i only have 1 more day to cover, but its all too much... more later!

Daddy

"my bones are tired, daddy
I don't get enough sleep
I don't eat as good as I could, daddy
What's that say about me?"
-jewel, "daddy"

Literally seconds ago that song popped into my head. I am smack in the middle of my "vacation," but I had to type this out at the height of my emotion.

I woke up at 730, which is hella early for me. My cousins and aunt drove here from CT, and a different set of cousins came in from SC. We got to where we were going without even knowing how. Why? My brother graduated today, and we were proud of him. There will be more on that in a big ole photo post I am planning.

But... My dad wasn't there. In fact, his phone was off. Not cut off, but turned off.

Clearly my mom got heated right away. She called, no answer. She started crabbing at point 1. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he was there but couldn't find us, maybe something was wrong with his phone, etc. It is my father and I'd like to think he wouldn't miss his son's grad.

But maybe he would. And he did. Are you kidding me Fred? (please remember people who do dumb shit get called out. I would be remiss if I changed that rule just cuz you're my dad) are you fucking kidding me? People made trips cross country and you couldn't make it downtown? Give me a break. My mom said there's three reasons that are acceptable: dead, jail, hospital. But even then a call would be great. He stopped by two days ago to help us get ready for all these people but we coulda starved if he would have showed up.

Don't get me wrong. We still had a nice time. We cheered my bro on. I hate to say that my dad hasn't been the most reliable. But at least he would call. This is the most complete and utter bull. Everyone is mad at him. And with good reason.

How is that supposed to make him feel? You can't go back and redo this. My brother has worked hard to make it. Some dudes in our fam end up in jail before they can get a good education and become a decent man. He knows what he wants to be and we believe in him. Almost 30 years later my mom is still mad that my grandma didn't see her graduate. This will stick with him too.

And hopefully my dad will regret it for the rest of his life.
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The haps.

1. My brother is graduating this weekend! Yay! We have a billion family members coming over to the house from CT, SC, and right around the hood. I'm gonna be so busy this week.

2. My aunt gracie is pregnant. With her 11th child. She's my mom's age. This is the funniest thing I've heard in a while. Like her mother, she has 7 boys and now, 4 girls. And of course, this one was a complete surprise cuz her other daughter is 6. She's averaged a child every 2 years- her oldest are my age.

My cousin trav's wife is pregnant with twins. And my cousin leese has formally announced her pregnancy on myspace, so I can be openly excited for her.

3. I think I wanna write short stories. And have my brother illustrate them. I don't know if we wanna do graphic novel style, or maybe like, kids books where there's an illustration every few pages (see: Ramona Quimby) but with a more mature vibe to it. I don't know that I have an audience in mind, but all my stories will be autobiographical and maybe shaan- my bro- will have some stories too.

4. I bought "dress your family in courdory and denim". Its soo good. I was reading it at work and almost completely ignoring the guests. He's so amusing, such a fish out of water that he was convinced everything was better somewhere, even when it wasn't. My favorite part was him describing the house of the kid that hit him, and he said they had Tiffany chandeliers emblazoned with "budwiser." Not sure Tiffany makes those...
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(I wrote this about a month ago, in a moment of quietness that we all experience. I'm having another one of those moments today.)

"Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why"
Nelly furtado, "all good things come to an end"

Someone once told me that they didn't want me to take their picture. "it steals your soul." every picture I have of him is partially obstructed. Hand, jacket, random object... And half his face.

I love to take pictures. I've mentioned before that I have this fear of losing my memories. Losing a person, place, event. I try so hard to fill myself with knowledge and experiences, and maybe part of me thinks the old thoughts will be overwritten.

I've done this to myself purposely: taken out diary entries, thrown away poems, ripped up pictures, so as to eliminate the memory of a certain person or way of thinking from my brain. If I haven't documented it, it doesn't exist. I regret that. I'm not a regretful person.

I am, an amateur photographer. I have had a camera since I was 15. Got it on the last Christmas I got gifts. I don't know how I afforded developing my pictures. I remember I stole film from the cvs. When I couldn't afford to buy it. I love to take pictures. My favorite teacher once told me after a camping trip that I took shots that weren't worth much. But they were my view from this particular moment and an accurate depiction of my memories. When I look at them 5 years later, I am in the swamps. And I don't think of the fact that they are now burning up. Until I watch CNN again.

Where am I going with this? Actually, I do have a point. Somewhere, I swear there's a picture of my friend that recently passed away, Aina, and our mutual friend, Nicole. I wanted to find it. I categorize my photo albums, so I knew to look in the one that included prom, the swamp trip, and other senior year fun. I didn't find it. Does it exist? It does in my mind. I did find other pictures of her. One of her and another friend hugging and looking silly. And one of her in class staring into space. And another of her and her godson when he was just a baby.

And I felt this heaviness, because as long as its been since I took those pictures, I felt like I was right back there that day, hanging out after school when we all were supposed to be doing something else, and fawning over the baby. It was cold outside. Aina had left something in a class room, we went with her, and suddenly I was taking pictures. It came back to me, rushed over my heart and mind and gave me the sudden sensation like I had just recognized a good smell. I smiled and got a little teary.

Is this what happens every time? Every time I'm gonna say, "oh yeah, I remember"? Will I be refreshed? Is it just this one time? Is it because she's not here anymore? And now I want to scream. Is it better just to not remember? Cuz this hurts.

I have at least 4 pictures of her. And maybe my friend was right. Pictures do take your soul. Not all of it, possibly just a piece. And you are sharing who you were at that time.

I love taking pictures. I love to be in them too. I can share my soul with whomever. Its pretty big...
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Stomatitis.

What is this strange title? you may be wondering. I must start from the beginning.

Tuesday, after my great date with my luva man, I had a lil heart burn. Just, I don't know, it was hard for me to swallow. It felt like food was still caught in my throat. I asked my supervisor about heartburn, and she said that's what it sounded like. I grabbed some tums. That helped.

But not for long. I still had "heartburn" on Thursday. And after lunch I noticed my tongue felt a lil...spotty.

And by Friday my throat was on fire. I woke up in the middle of the night, not able to swallow. Out of hand. I got enough sleep issues. So I called my doctor's office, and got the answering service, who is actually a person. She is not neccessary. She just kept telling me my doc won't be in til tues. Ok, so what about today? Is there an emergency doc? "no." that's all I get? Wait? Yep. So I called in sick so as to throw myself a pity party.

I went to work Saturday and Sunday because 1: it was slow and no one else would be coming in until late, 2: I need money, and 3: sitting at home does nada for my sanity. It wasn't so bad. Kesi bought me some chloriseptic and I was spraying out the wazoo.

My logic through all this was that I had strep. I haven't had strep since I was a pup. But this is what I needed so I could finally get my tonsils out. I'm excited. I'm thinking of how I'll handle not being able to talk or eat solid foods for a bit. I'm getting used to the idea! I'm asking people if they'll come visit me while I'm sadly unable to speak.

Today, Monday, I finally get to go to the doctor. I love my doctor. She is a professionally ghetto white woman, and not in the way that annoys you. She looks down my throat and says I... Don't have tonsilitis. What?

I have stomatitis. Some extended form of canker sore, which I assume comes in one or two lil spots, but what I have is all up in my grill literally. Its also known as thrush, which is what babies get. I have a baby disease! I have to take a maalox/painkiller mouthwash. Barf.

So I'm dealing with this. And my tonsils aren't coming out yet. This is so uncool. Does anyone know what the prefix "stomat" means? Or is it a root word? Eh. I know this is pretty icky to hear, but imagine how it is to experience. I can't get kisses. I can't even pucker.

Has anyone seen cabin fever? That's how I feel. Good news to come soon, I hope.
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Datey

Kesi and I had a date Monday. I tried to wait til I went back to his house and used the computer so I can post pics, but I don't know when I'll get back there cuz we're having car trouble. (in effect, I could walk there, but he said something about dogs, and I don't fucks with dogs.

So anyways, I knew we were going to see spiderman, but where and when was the question. There's this one place we usually go to called Tinseltown, but we'd have to drive there and the car was a nogo. Then there's the backlot 6, which is in Buckhead, and features bar tables, appetizers, and wine. That was a good option. But when I found out my honey had never been to Atlantic Station, well, it was a lock.

I got directions to the AS cuz usually someone drives and we were taking the train. I love working at a hotel. We have that kind of stuff printed out, complete with a store/restaurant list. There's a free shuttle from the train station to Atlantic Station, which by the way is a "multi-use center," which means its an outside mall kinda thing and people live above the stores.

So we got there pretty late by my standards. If there's not a car involved I wanna get er goin. We left at 5. Got there 6ish. We ordered our tix and the girl was all, if you sign up for our discount card you can get candy for $1! Oh hell yeah. $1 is my kinda price.

After that we went to California Pizza Kitchen. Never been there before. Not sure why, but I just never went. We sat out on the patio; it was such a nice day! I wore the short sleeved sweatshirt and the new shirt I bought at the mall on my long weekend. Our waiter had a scar that I couldn't stop looking at. It was like, he got sliced in the chin. Is that bad? It just stood out. And also, it didn't help that when I can't hear a person clearly, I look at their mouths. He mumbled. So much so that I have no idea what his name was.

We got a bbq pizza and I had shrimp rolls. I don't remember what was in it but it was Asian inspired. Yummy. It came with a sesame sauce that I found suprisingly good. Kesi gets sesame chicken at our Chinese spot, and it smells so bad, but he loves it. I guess I see why now.

Kesi and I had the strangest conversations. We were trying to figure out if an old man had a prosthetic leg. He walked on his heels only.we watched people and tried to discern where they were coming from, where they were going, sexual orientation, etc. We discussed whether he'd still think I was pretty if I couldn't see out of my left eye (I did almost lose it at age 9). He said, "are you trying to tell me you're blind?" we have a strange humor. I'll never forget the day I asked him if I became handycapped would he take care of me. "take care of you like the Italians." and last week when he said he might need back surgery, I hugged him and told him I can't be pushing him around in a wheelchair. Cruel! But we know that if something happened we'd be there for the other.

We saw a few friends. Our high school friend Amal worked for the in-area delivery service and was wheeling his lil golf cart around. I didn't recognize him cuz his hair used to be like, short sanjaya, and now its a Caesar. That hurt. Everyone is cutting their hair! Damn! He and kesi could easily be cousins. Except I think amal is actually middle eastern, whereas kesi just looks it. We also saw Melanie, who I've known since middle school and kesi used to date. She was headed "for drinks." its funny to know she was headed to a bar, cuz she graduated at 16 and we always made fun of the fact that she's two years younger than the rest of us.

When at CPK, kesi did NOT talk to the waiter. I blame me. The only thing he said was his drink order. After we (I) ordered my shrimps, he goes, you're doing all the talking! I asked him if he was feeling emasculated, and he said no and I should order his pizza too, just to see how the waiter will react to my being in charge. He was cool with it. I paid too, but kesi kept asking to see the total. I didn't show him.

Spiderman was good. Its funny that I keep hearing bad reviews about it, but I really liked it. I won't give it away, but it was funny, and I felt it came full circle. And of course there was action. Its no secret that Peter gets the ass whoppin of a lifetime.

When we were leaving, I was all raring for my $1 candy. I go to the counter and ask for raisinettes. "raisinettes aren't the $1 candy." he then proceeds to name some random candy that I don't want. So ok, raisinettes are $2 according to the sign on the wall. "$3.25." eh? Apparently they're $2 with a combo. I hate them. And I hate this wack ass discount card. I still bought the raisinettes. We went outside to wait for the shuttle.

Whenever kesi doesn't know what's happening, he asks a bunch of questions. Its cute sometimes. And sometimes I don't know the answers. When I don't know the answers I just wanna wait and see. we're on the shuttle and he asked where we were going. I have no idea in the immediate sense. I can't remember the other questions but I def didn't know the answers. I think I can partly blame myself cuz we have different views, and so when he asks me stuff he doesn't know chances are I do. Eh.

Our date ended with him falling asleep on the train. I have the best pic of him nodding off. So curt (cute). I like our dates even though Jameil and Kyle probably go on more than us. We mostly just hang at home and watch telly. Its nice to get to show off my man.
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Pardon me?

I usually don't post on current events, but I have to say two things:

1 Paris, sit your 26 year old ass down. You are getting off so easy with your 45 days, that everyone knows is gonna be reduced cuz LA has more criminals than they can hold. You drove drunk. Take your damn punishment. If you were really sorry, you wouldn't be trying to get a pardon. You don't even have to go to jail right away. You can even go promote your show. So shh. Deal with it! I know that just because you're used to getting away with stuff, you figure there's some way to get out of this. But you shouldn't. (by the way, I don't work for Hilton. Thank the lord!)

2 verizon. Ooh you all are trifling. Did you not LISTEN to akon's songs before you signed him? Really? And you're mad at him for a mistake? I mean who knew that girl was 14? What the hell was she doing in a club? And he wasn't simulating a sex act per se; if you've ever been to a reggae club, you have danced somewhat like this. And if he had danced like that with a woman of age, would you have hated on him AND Gwen Stefani? You're ass. I am not saying it wasn't icky to watch. Oh he was handling that chick. But he's no "R-uh". He didn't pee on her. And I don't think he has an affinity for grown lookin teens. But I don't think anyone's looking at you, verizon, saying how could you! You lost a lot of money. Akon is still pretty popular, despite whatever opinions I have about his singing.

But, and here's the real question, will you have clips of "The Simple Life" on your VCasts?
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Goin places!

we'll I had written a hate list to go with my love list, but I wrote it so long ago that my phone deleted it and I really don't feel like trying to write it again. A few of the things I "hated" were very in the moment, such as the prescription motrin that at first, made me nauseous, then swelled my kidneys no matter how much water I drank. But of course I'm so much better now- you guys shoulda seen me (maybe you couldve helped)! I was waking up with this pain in my back that was making impossible for me to lay flat or stand straight up. I was fetal all the time. Ugh.

So that's not the point of this post. The point is that another "hate" I had was my inability to take a vacation while all my friends were having fun, cuz I was broke. That is turning out not to be true, necessarily; I'm still pretty broke, but my ma seems to have found a new job, and the bro has his, so it looks like my money won't have to stretch so much and I can put it towards leisure and savings.

This month my lil bro graduates. I'm taking 4 days off. To me, this doesn't REALLY count as a vacay, because I will be working my arse off. Family's coming to town and I have to check them in; then at some point in the weekend we're having a cookout; I'd love to take my lil 2 year old cousin to the aquarium- he's as big an animal lover as i- and possibly the new world of coca cola; and take his mom out for some fun. I'm looking forward to it.

June is CT graduation time. Two of my cousins, the ones I carry as lil siblings in my mind, are waving bye to HS. Because of snow days the grads are on a Monday and Wednesday. Lol. So I'm headed home to see them and my family and relax with the "adults," relatives with kids. So far, with the addition of the graduates, that makes 4 with no kids. Lol do you see why I don't fear it? Every year there's an addition to my family.

As soon as I get back I'm headed to the lake to spend a dual birthday with my friend Kyle and his homie. Fun! I gotta tighten up the abs for bathingsuit situations.

In July, I'm going somewhere I've never been before. Tallahassee! My friend Pierre is getting married and kesi is in the wedding. Yay! I love seeing him in a suit. So we're all road tripping down to tally and spending the weekend. Above that, I'm hoping that either its a small world and stace knows Pierre, who graduated from FAMU too, or the bride, or we can otherwise meet. That'd be so cool.

So I have to make sure I work extra hard so that I can have some spending money and earn paid time off. My coworkers are gonna love me by August.
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time for more pictures!

its that time again! here's a few pix from this weekend:

jeremy and kesi at backlash, really into the promo on the screen. i gotta figure out that glare...

me and kesi posing before we left the house.

my fresh ass outfit, lol. lauren, say what you must about my socks, but 1: they made the outfit, 2: i love argyle, and 3: i gottem at target!

the cowboy star is finally finished! and.... i hate it. it was such a labor i wanted it to come out perfect and it didnt. the points are uneven. but it still sold.

playa status, apparently. thats what the person i made this for said when i handed him the blanket. i wanted to go all modern sophisticate and do abstract squares, and he goes, "how about dice?" oh-kay... but it was fun to make and he's got me making him a flag now, so its all good. give the people what they want.

Weekend fun

So can you believe it, I been off since Friday. I have had so many off days I don't remember what all I did... Let's see:

Friday, I spent a quiet day at home. Bro was at work, mom babysitting for a friend, and I sat in front of the dvr catching up on my shows. And crocheting, naturally. I later found out that kesi lest work early and was at home all night. I wasn't so disappointed; I had a nice time with myself. We went to walmart that night and I got some supplies.

Saturday he had an open house at a college (yay!) and I went to the mall. I had a Victoria's Secret coupon I really needed to take care of. I also got a shirt and a shortsleeved hoodie ($5!) and did really good at holding back from doing a shopping spree montage at Wet Seal. We also hung out with a friend that I haven't seen in ages! And I fell asleep. Took a nap amongst all the rowdyness they kept up. Probably cuz kesi refused to feed me. Lol.

Sunday, we went to backlash. That's a wrestling event for those not in the know. I wouldn't consider myself the biggest wrestling fan, but I love to go to sporting events and it is one of the most entertaining ones you can go to. I had so much fun! I basically rooted for the cuter wrestlers- I'm such a girl- and took tons of pics. At one point I really thought someone was gonna die. Undertaker and Batista (pics to come) fell into the pyro pit, sparks flew, beams fell, it was quiet for a minute. I was on the edge of my seat. Fortunately they got up uninjured. Btw, I had been considering my outfit for like a week. I wore a hot pink tee, a grey sweatshirt, a jeans (mini)miniskirt, pink, grey and black argyle kneesocks, and pink and black pumas. When we were walking back to the train station, this guy yelled out the window, "where'd you get your socks?" I don't think he thought I heard him, so when I asked him if he wanted some like it, he looked mad puzzled. Lol I based the outfit on the socks.

Oh and have you had the frosty float at Wendy's? Man, its yummy. You can get any soda. I think I'm gonna try orange soda next time. Yum.

Monday was the day to get myself together. I finished up the two blankets I was working on, made a hat for kesi's coworker, and started a project for myself which I should be done with tonight. I also joked with two friends who I found out were pregnant. They conceived around the same time and are due christmas-ish. One is moving back to Atlanta so I'll get to babysit. Yay!

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