face head ass

so in case you hadnt heard, mtv's yo mama is coming to the atl. my bro in law and his best friend are the jone kings. we decided that they should definitely try out.

here's a two of the jokes i heard from them this weekend:

your mama got a grill made out of marta tokens.

your mama sprays afro sheen on her back.

but if you ever been joned, snapped on, or chumped off by someone from the A, then you know there are no mama jokes really. we think the name of the show should be changed to "Face head ass."

all the jokes around here involve one or more of those words. for example: the dude from the party with the suit and tie was refered to as "ole yung joc face." i dont know why this is, but believe that when the show airs, that's what you'll hear more than mama jokes.

i've been tagged!

usually i dont do these because they involve getting on an actual computer, but madam asked...

Three Names You Go By:
joy, kaori, yoj

Three Parts of Your Heritage:
cape verdean, ghanaian, american?

Three Things That Scare You:
losing a loved one, stagnancy, great danes

Three of Your Everyday Essentials:
this phone, chap stick, my coach wallet

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
my boo's sweat shirt, lowrise jeans, my burger king shirt.

Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists: only three? fiona apple, outkast, evanescence

Three of Your Favorite Songs:
super star by lutha, i know by fiona apple, cameltosis by korn

Three Things You Want in a Relationship:
love, respect, friendship

Three Physical Things about the Opposite Sex: eyes, smile, hair

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies:
crochet, writing, being silly

Three Things You want really badly right now: hair color, to not have to go to work so early, for my new pet to eat and survive

Three people you would like to see do this:
kesi, kyle, B

Three Non-Physical Things about the Opposite Sex: humor, compassion, the ability to take care of me when i'm ill.

Three Favorite T.V. shows:
lost, boondocks, big love

Three Songs that you have listened to while completing this meme: a beat by my booski, beautiful by snoop and pharell, my girl by sammie and sean paul.

the omen

so last night was A (of ABC's) costume party. fun times. but not without personal issues.

first i couldnt find the previously mentioned gingham dress- i think i gave it to charity. but i have this really cute red calvin klein party dress that fits the idea.

i curled my hair before work so it would be cute for the party, but i couldnt find hair spray. and it was raining. so my hair was cute but not as cute as it coulda been. way too much body. bad sign.

so after work we headed to the party. it was B and me. i wasnt gonna dress up cuz i didnt wanna be the only one, but when i walked in all the girls were dressed so i went to A's room to change. i effed up and broke my zipper on the back of my dress. how many guys does it take to fix a zipper? apparently more than 4. finally i safety pinned it and rocked a scarf around my waist with the tail in the back. put on my shoes and i was ready to go!

A and his sister had some stuff called hunch punch. which was that sherbet and soda deal but with alcohol instead. random alcohol. but it was good. and i was a-drinkin and a-dancin. if my hair hadnt already been messed up it woulda been cuz it was hot in there. only girls had costumes on. there was:

a witch doctor
a fairy- dodged that one...
a sexy cop
a retro chick complete with afro
a cheerleader
a school girl
a home wrecker
many indescriminate costumes and
A's sister as mystique from Xmen.

by like the 3rd drink i was a lil goofy. i hadnt eaten since 5 pm so... no i didnt throw up. the witch doctor was taking pictures and this wack bronx bomber in a pink button down wanted to show off. he grabs my hips and pushes me so i'm bent forward and starts posing and grinding. WHAT? did i say we were having sex? his friend was just as bad. who wears a tie to a house party? everyone else is all tees and jeans, this nigga got on casual friday gear. boo... i need another drink.

at some point i went outside, and who's out there? C! he got the biggest hug. he found me a cute lil turtle in his back yard. how sweet! he had on a yellow rain slicker. i kept calling him "Man in the yellow hat" like curious george. did i mention C is very short? he said he was dressed as jermaine dupri. silliness.

you know, watching white girls dance is funny. you have never experienced life until you dance to a sean paul song with a girl named sally. it was all wiggles and funny faces. of course then mr casual friday starts dancing with me and literally holding me. so C starts singing and it was funny and i fell on the floor laughing. when i got up B was like you know you just didnt want to dance with that guy. true... so me and B start dancing to some slow songs and it was like prom or something. so we started doing little spins and dips. so cute.

so i was talking to the witch doctor later that night, looking at pictures and being friendly, when along comes pink shirt. he sits this girl down, on someone else's lap no less, then proceeds to give her a lap dance. are you kidding? no thanx. he was all, yeah girl, i see you, uh huh. ew. so i'm looking at pics, all 200 of them, and pink shirt wraps his arm around me and grabs the camera once he sees a picture of himself. then shows his friend the picture of me and him and states that i was "Representin." whatever. now i was moving backward from 200 and had gotten to 95 when he takes it completely out of my hands and starts flipping in the opposite direction. mind you, he's still got his arm around my neck. i move him and get up and go to A's room to ask who the hell invited this piece of wackness.

in A's room i start taking pictures. also i mention that i hope he's washed his sheets cuz we were lying on his bed. eventually we went back in the den and danced some more. the party had to end at 4 because of party laws- so we walked it out and people left. we stayed for a few more minutes, for no particular reason. A said i was gonna be his baby's daddy in 30 years, which is as wrong as it seems. B tried to holler at the retro chick as we were leaving. cute.

in all, its a fun time. next year, mark my words, i'm going as a dominatrix.

girlfriend, and other things i heard.

1. when was the last time you said the word girlfriend? not as in girlfriend/boyfriend, but like, "girlfriend, i like your shoes," or "girlfriend, did you see that show last night?" meanwhile, this man, a thirtyish straight white man who has probably never used it in that context, called my coworker girlfriend. like, "well girlfriend, i'll just just let them know you sent me." what? boo. i get that alot from people who i dont think see black people that often and must assume we talk like that. essentially they are playing themselves. but i was stuck between laughing and being mildly offended.

2. i am so tired of hearing people brag about "switching lanes." ok you got a nice car, but why is your ability to move from one lane to the other supposed to amaze me? i mean, even justin timberlake said it in "summer love." also poppin bottles, and talk of your quarter to 8. getting old dear, gettin old.

3. my friend X wanted it to be known that he never said my breasts were saggy. BUT! he did say that they would be by the time i turn 23. and seeing as how i'll be 23 pretty soon, he was wrong. like i said. boom.

that is all.

holly-ween

does anyone remember harvest night? i know madam feels me on this one. its when all the kids from church- especially those whose parents had an active role in said church- dressed up as bible characters and played party games on halloween. it was usually held in the fellowship hall. there was candy and music and yummy food, and lots of kids in sheets and sandals.

this was our way of not feeling left out. we never trick or treated. never even answered the door that night. it was the devil's holiday. we had a costume parade at school and i sat in the principal's office with two jehovah's witnesses and a three preacher's kids. but my mom always made sure the teacher understood that i could have candy and soda with the rest of my class. we thank her for that.

where am i going with this? i dont know. i just thought of it because there are two parties this weekend and i wanna go. i've never dressed up, except as bible characters, which is, as previously mentioned, sheets and sandals. i am not looking to be anything demonish, moreso characters i find interesting which i dont get to dress as on a daily basis. for instance:

one option is a butterfly/fairy. a few years ago i was in a bodyart show "dressed" as a butterfly, and i still have the custom made wings. of course this time i'd have on more clothes. only thing is, do i really wanna walk around with wings on?

the other is kind of a fifties pinup type look. i have a gingham dress i borrowed from my high school costume closet and its not at all fit for regular wear. but they do match these candy red pumps i have, and i might even be willing to wear black stockings to give it that aguilera-esque flair. i'm considering pressing my hair anyway, and i could do bangs! i look so cute with bangs!

anyway, fun times. i'm sure i'm gonna catch a lecture from my mom over my weekend plans, but i will take it if i can have a little fun. then on wednesday i'm going to grab some halloween mini reeses for the lowski. yum.

my liberal lifestyle

this one's for jamiel...

as some of you may know, i grew up half in bridgeport ct, and half in atlanta suburbs. this creates an interesting break in my ideals, because i think i have gotten used to my actions and opinions being viewed as a little wierd compared to that of others. jamiel went into an "i am a southerner" thing on her SOBA post and it moved me to the point where i had to respond in my own, liberal way.

i said that its more a lifestyle than a political. i'd have to say this is because of the way i was raised. i have always been able to state my opinions and respect others' however wrong i think they might be. for example, my spirituality. its a really big thing to me. but i never discounted anyone because i felt like their affiliation was wrong or forced my beliefs on them. i enjoy talking with people and gaining perspective. oddly enough, on a political note, i did leave a church because they made me feel like a pariah because i had a john kerry button. to me, liberalism is about giving people the freedom to choose their own truths. God is the judge and i feel that he will rule. but i do think scientology is the dumbest ever.

i'm not a tree hugger. or maybe i am. honestly i have no idea what that even means. lol. i'm surely a nature lover. i believe recycling is good and smart, though i dont do it much. i love to camp. my dream is to camp out on cumberland island on the beach, to be able to see the wild horses again and the ruins of the carnegie mansion.

i'm not against guns either. i'm against senseless violence and i'm therefore completely for gun control. better yet gun respect. i'm against people waving them around like a bravery flag. i saw a girl get shot on my front porch when i was 7. over complete nonsense. someone not knowing the worth of her life or the danger of the weapon in their hands. i carry a knife and i know that it would be quite a thing for me to actually use it. but i would if i had to. also, i've cut myself with one of them. ouch. i have respect for this thing i need to protect myself. i have it for no other reason.

i have an ex who hunts. i dont wanna hunt. i dont need a gun. i have no desire to shoot anything. but i'd never want an animal to die for fun. i learned from my granddaddy and my ex that you use what you kill. clothes or food. circle of life and all that. but anything i want to eat or year i can buy. i dont feel like doing it myself. i'm not that patient. but if you are, lock yourself out. i think it sucks to hang it on your wall. but that's my opinion. i wont force it on you.

they dont necessarily have to be opposites, but i dont think liberals and conservatives are alike at all. the word conservative implies that you dont want things to change. or you want them to be how they were. sorry. things are changing. and i cant stop it, so i allow it. its the way of the world. i'd have to write my blog by candle light on parchment and hand it out on the street like frederick douglass did if things hadnt been changing every day. of course things sometimes scare me: i wonder what this world will be like once i have kids. but it wont stop me or it or anything.

i'm sure there's more i could ramble on about, and i hope that this wasnt too ouch rambling. i believe i'm a liberal because i dont need a beurocracy to make my decisions. its different for everyone, and i respect it.

my X best friend.

that's just a play on words. i still love X. we are still friendy friends.

his brother asked me how we became friends. how we met. i said, "Apparently lauren and i were lying on the floor, and he was standing over us. is that right?" i honestly dont remember. what i do remember is that we were in drama class together and that we bonded over the fact that we went to the same middle school, albeit for 5 weeks.

he had a crush on my friend. lol, ah memories. the three of us used to spend hours on the phone being ridiculously goofy. i used to love to watch him freestyle outside after school. we worked on costumes together in drama after school, which is kind of funny to think about if you knew him.

then he moved away. but we still kept in touch. i'd braid his hair and go see movies and things. we went to the same church, though that meant nothing to our relationship considering how big that church is.

he's like a brother to me really. we're very candid with each other and joke all the time. i listen to his music and laugh at the references he makes like theyre our own private jokes. we had a class together last spring and i felt like we disrupted with our lil giggles.

but we have our serious side too. i think sometimes i'm his outlook to what "typical" females think and feel. giving him the maybe's and possibly's and the other side of the story. we have really deep talks about spirituality and the future.

he's gonna see the world. i am too, but his experience will be more jam packed and whirlwind and lights and sounds. i'll be here to celebrate with him and take his call from france or wherever. i have faith in his talent and i'm glad he's my best friend.

and X, if youre reading, you could be right about where you'd be at your age. almost there! you were however wrong about the condition of my boobs. still perky!

ah, fall.

fall means three things for me:

1. pommegranates are back in season. yum.

2. lost is back on.

3. its worth it to press my hair and i can finally get it trimmed.

usually when i straighten my hair it fluffs back up at the thought of humidity or wetness. now that its colder and dryer i can do something to it! before my friend's wedding i wanted to curl it but it needed cutting and so i ended up with a ponytail that i didnt like. wednesday when i washed it i decided to curl it and let my mom cut it.

letting that woman near my head with scissors is asking for a panic attack. the last time she "Trimmed" it i got a toni braxton. you know, breathe again, super short... i didnt ask for it. all my hair was gone two days before school. i hated it. that was 7th grade. almost 10 years ago.

when she cut it this time she did something that had me worried. she immediately put it into two braids. didnt even let me see it. wtf? i let it go. at least its still long enough to do that.

today i finally took it out and styled it. cute! my hair was never long and it looks like i only lost an inch. still kind of chin length and in layers. i curled it up and kesi actually commented on it. "Somethin to pull," he chuckled. lol its got body, due to the fact that it wont resist its urge to get into an afro. yay tress cuteness!

ps: i wanna be at homecoming like i go to howard. have a little fun for me!

the doll

let me just say this has been rolling around in my brain for a few hours, so if it comes out a little crazy please forgive.

today i was in the car, listening to ryan cameron, my radio idol. he was talking about she revival of the doll study, where a child is shown a black doll and a white one and asked which was the good one. in the school in harlem, 16 out of 20 black children chose the white doll.

i have a problem with it right there. the conclusion is that the child is responding to the what they see in today's society. however, the angle of the question suggests that the child even has to chose, and will continue to chose in life.

when i took my sociology class last spring, i learned about an interesting aspect of american society. i cant remember what it was called but it had to do with only one being the best or the champ or the winner. i call it the highlander theory. "there can be only one." and to say you must chose is to say if this one is good, everything else must be bad.

i didnt read the study yet but i wonder if they asked the kids why they chose what they did. i dont think i ever had the idea that my race was inferior, but you can never be sure what a child is thinking. my favorite doll may have been of any race. she kind of looked like lauren. it wasnt her race that made me like her, it was her hair. i have always loved red hair, and even today i dye my brown hair burgundy.

i'm in no way trying to negate the truth that our society is racially biased. but we do now have the power to fix that. being from a mixed family and even my neighborhood, my mom has taught me that no one is better than me because they look different. we need to know that and make it a reality.

and are we black people the only race that feels this way? are we the only ones they studied? discuss.

best wedding ever

at least til i get married...

i went to my friend's wedding yesterday. i've known her since we were 15 and she was the one who introduced me to kesi. i was really excited about being there because she's one of those people where, if she's getting married, you know its for real.

before i get to the ceremony, lets talk outfits. i wore a brown dress with blue and cream dots on it. its low cut, halter, very sarah jessica. the boobs were on display. brown strappy nine wests, my birthday coach clutch, and a cream wool shawl. sexay. it'll be on my myspace page soon. the boy wore a cream shirt with an ivory/cream paisley tie and black pants with black stacey adams shoes. even a pocket watch. stop playin! ow! too much for ya'll.

the ceremony was simple but beautiful. the bridesmaids had really nice teal strapless gowns and her lil sis was the junior bride. right before she came out a cute lil kid, who i later found out was her stepson(!), came out with a bell and yelled, the bride is coming! how cute! i considered kidnapping him too.

she looked BEAUTIFUL. white strapless with her hair up and a tiara. i almost cried. i mean, we met in 9th grade science and now she's walking down the aisle, truly in love with a guy who is certainly her match.

her father in law did the ceremony, could you imagine? i could see him try to hide his pride. there were two songs, one by the best man and one by a bridesmaid. when they finished i wanted to clap but no one else did and i didnt wanna show out, lol.

they lit the unity candle, which was like, cute cuz one of the tapers went out so they held the other one together. thinking on their toes! after that was rings and bride "saluting," then we went to the reception downstairs.

we sat with a few high school friends and our magnet program director. i dont know if there are any teachers i'd invite to my wedding. except dad, but he's a given. no matter how much you eat before a wedding, you will always be hungry waiting for the wedding party to finish taking photos! i think i'll let people eat before we get back. just save me a plate. geez. we jammed to stevie wonder and reminisced until they came.

finally they got back and i got to hug my friend and meet her husband, and stepson. they are both are great and she's just so happy. i was literally that good kind of jealous where you know a person is so happy and youre like, i want it too! the little one is a dream. i told him he did his thing with the bell, and he did that lil sly backhand motion and says, "yup," like he's just too fly! how cute! we took some pictures and she and kesi chose to take a "gangsta" pose. too freakin funny.

we did the bouquet thing, and i didnt catch it. i did catch a bow to the face... the bride's little sister caught it. but guess who caught the garter? lol, we all know traditionally he's supposed to put it on the one who caught the bouquet, but seeing as how she's 10, i just put it in my purse. perfect souvenir.

then the live band started playing. here's the thing though: groom on piano, bride and best man singing. crazy! so you get married and then do a concert? what? i hadnt heard her sing since we were in school. the girl is so talented. she would compose songs on a whim. i'm still supposed to teach her to play violin... so anyway they sang 3 songs, one original, and i taped some of it on my phone. after that we did the electric slide (naturally) and went on home.

great wedding. i'm glad we connected again so i could be there to see it. i've been to 6 and this is the only one i was completely amazed over.

to my best friend 2: kesi

i met kesi in 9th grade. i remember the event as if it were today. i was sitting on the floor with my friend and she said, "that's my friend kesi." i remember he looked like a middle school friend omar: tall, skinny, cute... and so i asked about him. was he american? he's got a funny name. he's in 9th too?

after that we were semi-cool. we both wrote poetry and would share what we wrote. we even sat next to each other in our school's poetry showcase... which was when i realized i REALLY liked him. but i was in a very turbulent relationship then and so we remained friends.

he knows alot about me that the average chick might try to hide from a guy. but he was there for it. we talked- and still do talk- openly about situations in our lives. he's a good listener, and a good distraction from those things at the same time.

ok so we eventually got "booed up" or what have you, but that's like an accessory. it was funny how our relationship really didnt change except that we had a new title and kissed more often. i'd say that he's two things to me. he's my boyfriend, my love, but he's also my best friend. i think one lends to the other. if we hadnt started dating we wouldnt be as close, but if we hadnt been able to laugh with each other i wouldnt have been so attracted to him. i think if we werent together i'd still want him in my life because he brings a brightness and a different view to things.

above all he's my giggle buddy. we have so much fun. we can take a joke and make it last months. i still call him shnookie, and that was something we got from a cartoon years ago. people sometimes feel wierd about hanging with us cuz they think they'll be the odd one out, but around others we're friends and i'm like one of the guys.

i try to give him some of the world he's never seen. give him new perception. and the same goes for him toward me. i think of all my friends, he and i are the most different. we look at the world from different views...

like i said i see our friendship lasting the rest of our lives. through whatever phases life takes us we'll always have the ability to undertand and grow with each other. that's why he's one of my best friends.

we all should know better.

here's a few things to remember, in order to make sure your fellow woman-
me- doesnt look at you with less respect than you thought possible:

1. do not get fall over drunk.
2. do not leave a good guy in the house to go sit in the car of a glorified pimp whose had sex with you but never knocked on your door before today.
3. do not get mad when the good guy leaves.
4. do not yell at your best friend that she's ruining your birthday when she calls the good guy and he says he's not coming back.
5. do not neglect your son and his need for a diaper change for the pimp outside.
6. do not leave your own birthday party with the pimp who wasnt invited.
7. when you return to get your shoes, do not make a rushed attempt to change your pee soaked son then leave him laying on the couch, still in change-position, without so much as a kiss goodnight.
8. do not let a man make you call another man who you care for and tell him you arent allowed to see him anymore.
9. do not show me that not only are you bad at the game, your son is gonna get first-hand training on how to treat a woman badly.

the same girl did all this in the course of an hour. never been more ashamed to be a woman in my life. i wanted to slap her because no matter what, you have a child and he is so much more relevant than anything else going on, and on your 20th birthday, when you are officially not a teen anymore, you need to know that. you should have known that the day he was born.

if it isnt love, why do i feel this way?

so i'm at work friday, working the national black MBA, which is interesting in its ways. my friend calls me to talk about her ripped pants so i go to the gift shop to chat about that, when who walks in? ronnie from new edition!

excuse me... new edition was the first concert i ever went to, at the age of 5, for my birthday, at the hartford civic center. ronnie is my second favorite, behind ricky. my aunt stacey was in love with them and therefore so was i.

so i had a nut attack. i was cheesing and gushing and wilding out. i asked to shake his hand because that's all i'm allowed to do as an employee, but then an equally goofy woman walked in and asked for a picture. while she was getting her battery situation correct i jumped at the opportunity. i GOT A PICTURE WITH RONNIE DEVOE! are you effin kidding?

and i met his wife. shamari or something like that, from blaque. she looked cute and she was a little drunk but it was all good. the only reason i know they were married is cuz she paid credit. and she had this stupid ring on. diamonds for months. she has small hands so it wasnt garish, but it sure was shiny.

rumor has it they went to the bar at the hotel and got drunk(er) and she flashed a waiter and made comments about her nipples. lol. lawd.

more coming soon about another best friend and the worst display of womanhood i've ever seen.