Today is...

My dad's birthday. He's 47.

I realized this fact at about 3PM today.

I haven't talked to him since May.

Around this time last year, he was drunk in my kitchen, telling my brother and I he was proud of us.

But he didn't show up to his graduation, and he has no excuse. Or apology.

He is wack.

But I love him.

And I miss him, and I wish he would just act right.

When I was 9, he was a counselor at a camp, and when my mom went to TX for a week, I stayed with him and went to the camp. I remembered thinking, "I didn't know my daddy had a job." turns out, my dad is a jack of all trades. You name it, he can do it, or at least try and do a better job than a novice should. He is very smart.

Anyway, the field trip that week was to one of our favorite places: a beach in CT called Sherwood Island. It was further out I think, closer to rhode island. The sand was the same color as my skin, and so much cleaner than Seaside, which was littered with sea shells and the trash of urbanites.

The summer before, my 3 year old brother had caught an almost record setting fish, and I had sworn off fishing because it was boring, and I couldn't understand why my brother could do it and I couldn't. He respected that and took me for a walk on the rock cliffs.

This year, I was his shadow. I don't think I was officially enrolled in the camp, so no one missed me and I just stayed by his side. He took me out on a canoe. I wore a lil life jacket under my pink and black racing-themed suit and was so scared. But I knew he wouldn't let me fall overboard and drown. This was my daddy.

We seemed so far from everyone. They were on the shore, and if they were waving at us, we couldn't tell. It was just he and I. "you having fun joy-joy?" I was.

That seems like so long ago. But it really exemplifies me and my dad. We were so cool when we were together. I could trust him to keep me safe. As long as he was around.

So today is his birthday. And I couldn't call to say hi. Not that I wouldn't, I just don't have a number. And he didn't dial up on Dec 6. Does he even know Jay's in the marines? I really love him. And he's such an ass.
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