Saturday morning. 945am. I am roused out of my sleep by an insistent buzzing under my pillow. I roll over to look at Kesi: sound asleep. I roll back over to look at the phone: way too early... Did something happen? Are we found out?
A few seconds later, the phone buzzes again. "you have a new voice message." I try to go back to sleep, wondering if its him or her that called me. The one trying to call me closer, or the one warning me to stay away. What if we were found out? Shit. I don't know how I'll get back to sleep. I nestle under Kesi's arm and close my eyes, knowing that if I listen to the message now I may have more to worry about in these few hours of peace.
"hey Joy, its Barbie*. Just calling to let you know I'll call you tonight. We got the house and I'm so happy and so thankful!"
Whew! Ever since we've reconnected, I've had this fear that he'll find out. That he'll call me and curse me out, tell me to stay away. That he'll think I'm trying to ruin what they have. Every unknown number is him. Every time she calls I think its him.
"understandable. but, not your issue. that's her choice. she has chosen to keep u frm her husband. u havent chosen it. u have to respect that if that's what she feels is best." ah Lauren. Wee voice of wisdom.
"so I have an important question. Ok, it might not be important, but its important to me. Does he hate me?"
"no, he doesn't hate you. He's uncomfortable with us talking, but he knows that I need all the friends I can get."
Another breather moment. So she has told him. But without being on good terms with him, without him knowing all the things that are going on in my life that are reason enough for me to be happy and not mess with their situation, I still feel weird. I'm glad I asked though. I don't want to be leverage. I don't want, "well I've been talking to Joy!!" to come up in an argument. I'm starting to stop looking at him as the evil ex, and more as the friend's husband. Cuz that's what he is.
... Btw, did anyone see beyonce's wacktastic performance on the AMAs? I literally laughed through the whole thing. The chorus was especially hor-e-blay. Please YouTube that hot mess if you missed it.
*also, clearly her name is not Barbie. We call her that because of the old "gangsta bitch Barbie" skit from in living color.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
3 comments:
Wee voice of wisdom? LMAO!! why would you be leverage tho?
I AM kinda wise... and a lil wee. lol
Jam- if I would have called her little, she'd hate that. Leverage like, she's holding in a secret and then one day she blurts it out like I've been telling her all these bad things, which is exactly what he'd think.
La- yes you are. And I love you.
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