You guys, this funeral kicked my ass today. I was trying to be all poignant and well thought out, but its impossible. When you feel it, you feel it.

When my friend got up to speak I lost it. Above all, I was there to show that I cared. I'd only met her twice, but those moments are so vivid in my mind and I could see how much she meant to her grandkids. She only had 3, and I guess when that happens you get more of an opportunity to be around them. I lived with my grandma too, so I know what its like.

She spoke about her grandmother's last moments. How she told her she was gonna leave and that she loved her and everyone. My friend said she was in pain but that was so important for her to let everyone know. My friend said she was the embodiment of a woman. She said her daughter would always know who to look up to.

She seemed a lot more together than she was earlier this week. Turns out her grandma had fluid in her lungs that caught up un her heart. My friend tried to take her for help but she died just as they got there.

Our trip was perfect timing, but it doesn't look like we'll be going. They took grievance leave and won't be able to take a weekend off without negotiating with the other employees to get off. But its ok. We can go some other time and have fun. I told them I'd still cook them dinner though. I literally owe them that.

She seemed ok. But deep down I know that she's been through something that will stay with her forever. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Breezy said he has been with her since that day and she is waking up every night. Jasmine is too young to understand but I know she knows something's missing. These thoughts break my heart. She was so young! We figured there'd still be time to be together. But things change. They don't happen they way you plan.
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