Promise me.

What a world we're in when I even have to ask.

My store has to keep the TV on something neutral. Its the only sound in the place, besides the faint music coming from starbucks and we can only hear that in the front. So we keep it on CNNHN, which is the same stories over and over until 7 PM. (btw, did anyone else notice lindz definitely had coke nose in her mugshot? Look at it again...)

This does 2 things. 1: I know all the main stories in a matter of hours, and if a guest catches a portion of it I can tell them the rest. 2: I get a tad depressed. Especially if Nancy Grace is on talking about another missing mom.

1. The woman whose husband sniped her while she was onstage singing.

2. Yesterday's news of a drunk woman running over her fiance and killing him when he's trying to get her out of the car.

3. Missing Ohio woman, who it was later found she was killed in front of her 2 year old son, by his father. The child now doesn't have a MP or dad and is pretty much scarred for life whether he knows it or not.

4. Chris Benoit, who over the course of a weekend killed his wife, son, and self. People think it was steroids, but I'm not buying it. I think that's the easy way out cuz he was so much of a star based on his merits and not hype, but I think he had serious issues. If he sedated his poor son that sounds premeditated to me.

5. Do I really need to go on? There's a new one every other day.

All this makes me really not want to get married. It doesn't seem to bode well for some. On one hand I think some of these people had to know what their spouse was capable of, but there's the fear of being alone or that "but I love him" syndrome. You know, when you'll forgive just about anything until its too late.

I speak out of semi-personal experience. I was talking to Kesi about this the other night, and I told him that my ex was the type that, if you're on his good side, like I once was, you're his angel, you can do no wrong. Everything is forgiveable. But if you're on his bad side, like his parents or even mine, and me now, well then you better look out. He would go on tirades about them and others, and had a violent side that I witnessed- he could be completely blown up at this person or that, and come to me with an apology for his behavior. I've heard now that he's married he's actually blown up on his wife, who is completely alienated from the world.

So in this conversation with Kesi, who has never been violent toward me (or anyone) in more than a play fighting way- we addressed early on that if he EVER hit me he'd be stabbed with a hot knife- I asked him to make me a promise.

"promise me that you'll never kill me." who would figure that I'd need to ask? I don't see any murderous tendencies in him. He once found out that someone hit me and tried to go after them with a bat, but that is understandable. A guest at work told me yesterday that things change in a person and you never know, but I think there's always a hint whether you ignore them or not, and I'd much rather be alone and alive.

Of course he said he could make that promise. But it is just so odd. I've never been an idealist in that way, that I believe in happily ever after. I know life happens and you never know. But could things go so wrong that I could die? Geez.
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