Taking Over

"I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
But who can decide what they dream?
and dream I do..."
-evanescence, "taking over me"

Dreams are powerful things. They say all those things you don't say when you're awake. My friend texted me the other day about a weird one she had:

"He and I were locked in a house together and couldn't leave. But we couldn't talk to each other. We had to write on the walls and everything we said ended up being a long elaborate poem. Once we were finished, all the doors and windows opened."

Deep. These two, he and she (the ones who I mentioned while Kesi was shampooing my hair, who used to be friends until his girl got in the way) are drawn apart by beauracracy. His girlfriend doesn't like her. And I'm still friends with both parties. So I get a lot of that. And a lot of this:

"How is she? I thought of something the other night and I knew she'd laugh at it."

Yeah, she would. But other people were allowed to interfere with your situation. That, and fear... And now any conversation you two would have would be clouded with tension, and any laughter would be strained and forced. Nothing is natural between you two. The distance is not natural.

"does she do this? Does she ask about me too? I hate the way things turned out, Joy. It kills me."

Yes she asks about you. You know she does. You two are fucking soulmates. And circumstances have really gotten in the way. Maybe this would be easier if this was onesided, but she thinks, and you think. I have stopped wishing you two were together. I don't think its an option anymore. Now I just wish you two could talk.

"Have you forgotten all i know and all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you
And touched my hand
I knew you loved me then..."

And so I have become this metaphorical wall she spoke of. They tell me, and I tell them. They can't speak to each other, and right now I think that's best. But I feel like she's missing out and he's cheating himself. Some people are not meant to enter and exit your life so easily. So what do you do? If you fight, your entire life turns upside down. If you let it be, you're plagued with questions. I think they have to wait until those questions are so big that there is no other alternative. And until then I'll continue to listen. I'll be the connection, just so they can share something.

"I told my girl about the dream I had... Nothing sexual, always talking. I don't think she believed that, but..."

This girl, this... Problem, if you will, she will never believe it. She will always know the truth about what goes on in your mind, whether you admit to it or not. My question is, why does she stay? Why do you stay? Are you in too deep? There is no duty in love. You do a real good job of looking happy.

"I look in the mirror and see your face, if I look deep enough..."

We all managed to meet up recently: it was so awkward, random small talk to avoid the real issue. You ever just want to scream at people? But walls don't talk. They just stand strong and display what you put on them. And so I stood there. Actually, I walked away, hoping something deep would happen while I was gone. It didn't.

The worst part of lost love is lost friendship.
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