oh hell no!

so i'm at work, chillin in the shop, when the girl from the bar lounge comes up to me and we chat. but first, backstory:

last winter, she, b, and i went to the bar down the street from our job. we sat in a booth with this guy, who we'll call joe, cuz he had a booth and was alone. while he was with us he made attempts to hit on me but of course i wasnt trying to hear that. besides the obvious reasons, he was hardly my type. stocky and bald, and in case you havent heard kesi once had hair down to his butt. and he's skinny. and the guy wasnt even cute. back to today:

she went to the bar monday night. she tells me he had been asking about me. apparently every time he saw her, he'd ask about me. boo. she repeatedly told him i have a man and am not even thinking about his ass... and this time he listened... and started hitting on her. eh?!? weren't you just trying to long distance holler at her girl? now he switches it up and is telling her how he's a freak and how big he is and bla bla. she was clearly in ew mode.

but here's the best part: after she told him she was hella not interested (Btw she wasnt alone, two other employee guys were with her), they talked and drank and then the bar closed. as she headed to the car he headed to his... scooter.

hold up. this nigga had a scooter? and not like a vespa, no, like a damn kiddie fold up razor scooter. oh, did i mention this bruh is 32? now i am 22, getting long distance hit on by a drunk bald dude on a kiddie scooter! he scooted his way home alone.
but what if she had, against any good judgement, decided to go home with his too old ass? how would she get there? would he have been a gentleman and let her ride while he walked? would both of them fit on it?

oh i lost it. i was in there dying cracking up. dying! i'm in icu right now, in a coma. cuz this nigga is trauma.