-dedicated to lauren(better to write it down than keep it in and get fat and explode) and aaron mcgruder.-
this is a compilation of random things that bug me on a daily basis. there's plenty more things, these are just the ones i thought of in the half hour trip from my house to school on the train...
*emo titles ("panic! at the disco" is the one i hate the most. also, "a little less 16 candles, a little more touch me." how bout a little less need for research when trying to listen to a song? most of the kids who listen to fall out boy are too young to know who samantha fox is. i barely know who she is.)
*old people who think things that teens do are so much worse than anything they did. Sometimes it is but they definitely overexaggerate on things.
*people who sigh in your face or put money on counters instead of in your hands. (this happens to me alot at work. alot.)
*wet money. Why is it wet!?
*people with love handles who wear low rise jeans with short tees. youth is not qualification for wearing low rise. do some crunches.
*hipster haircuts on dudes. (Do you really need to comb that much hair forward?)
*guys who talk to you when you are ACTIVELY trying to ignore them.
*the assumption that guys and girls cant be friends.
*white men who call me homegirl. Stop. No more.
*hilary duff
*people who get mad when people when people look at your breasts for like, a second. As long as you dont outwardly stare... I mean, theyre out there for a reason
*religious intolerance in the scale of hate. This excludes any episode of south park and any jokes about scientology or mormonism
*people who think they can be models cuz theyre pretty.
*thinking all male hairdressers/ dancers/ designers are gay
*people who dress like school is a club. all that makeup is uncalledfor.
*random people in the background of your pics.
*people who judge when you say you were 16 when you went on birth control. (bonus points if they have kids)
*most republicans.
*waking up before 10 am
*that "youre beautiful" song. his voice drives me up a damn wall.
*people who let their kids run all over them. or scream in public. all those kids on "Nanny 911" while we're at it. who lets it get that far?
feel free to add on or make your own. hate is natural. better to blog than kill someone. i often have to weigh the pros and cons of murdering the reciever of my hate. please remember that i mostly love...
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
how could i be so imature?
how could i be so imature
to think he could replace
the missing elements in me
how extremely lazy of me
how could i be so imature?
-bjork, "imature"
this song has been in my head all weekend, while talking to my friends who are also in relationships. both couples got into arguements and each had a different result:
couple #1 had an arguement over spilled coffee, literally. what started out an innocent game of keep away ended up with one person soaked to the drawers in latte, saying things he did not mean, and the other person taking the bus home at midnight. they fortunately made up, but now kind of keep each other at arm's length around beverages.
couple#2 got into it over Quality Time. when you see a person every day, you shouldnt get mad when they'd like a change of pace...and especially dont think it is because they dont love you or want to "screw" someone else. no one likes to do anything with someone else every day. not even sex. it gets tiring, believe it. they broke up, and its not the first time. i wonder if they will get back together because they are a good couple who just need to mature individually.
so my question is this: why do couples argue? what is there to gain? you say hurtful things and feel like you cant take that person any more, and usually the arguement is over something so stupid, just because you weren't considerate of the other person or you have held it in for a while and you explode.
kesi and i have never argued. we talk things out as they happen, and try to think of the other when making decisions or speaking as a couple. of course we have had conflicts, but we always allow ourselves to see the other person's point, and if one of us is wrong we fix that. usually the things we might conflict about has nothing to do with our realtionship, like if one of us fucks something up and the other is like "i told you, you shoulda dont this and that..." which is annoying wether you are getting told by a boyfriend or your mom.
it is weird to me. do these people who get into arguements argue with their friends too? i dont. if i do, its, you know, over how said friend ditched me for a random guy and left me stranded without my clothes til 2am... and thats what is known as a deal breaker. you dont hold on to those kinds of people. so why do we hold on to relationships like that?
one reason-the reason- lonliness. we are so afraid to be alone!!! god! we'd rather be argueing and fussing than to be just one person. we have to become mature enough to be ourselves, do what we want, spend time with ourselves enough to come up with guidelines for someone who will love us to live by. and it wont be a burden to them because they will come "perprogrammed" with those guidelines. we wont have to settle. we wont have to argue in order to have someone to hold us while we sleep.
i make it sound so much easier than it is. i spent the time "maturing" when my ex was actively cheating on me. but i knew i never wanted to go through that again, and i owed it to myself to be with someone i didnt have to fight for- or fight with.
so i hope my friends get the hint and realize those missing elements could only be replaced by themselves. i love them and want them to be happy too...with or without someone.
to think he could replace
the missing elements in me
how extremely lazy of me
how could i be so imature?
-bjork, "imature"
this song has been in my head all weekend, while talking to my friends who are also in relationships. both couples got into arguements and each had a different result:
couple #1 had an arguement over spilled coffee, literally. what started out an innocent game of keep away ended up with one person soaked to the drawers in latte, saying things he did not mean, and the other person taking the bus home at midnight. they fortunately made up, but now kind of keep each other at arm's length around beverages.
couple#2 got into it over Quality Time. when you see a person every day, you shouldnt get mad when they'd like a change of pace...and especially dont think it is because they dont love you or want to "screw" someone else. no one likes to do anything with someone else every day. not even sex. it gets tiring, believe it. they broke up, and its not the first time. i wonder if they will get back together because they are a good couple who just need to mature individually.
so my question is this: why do couples argue? what is there to gain? you say hurtful things and feel like you cant take that person any more, and usually the arguement is over something so stupid, just because you weren't considerate of the other person or you have held it in for a while and you explode.
kesi and i have never argued. we talk things out as they happen, and try to think of the other when making decisions or speaking as a couple. of course we have had conflicts, but we always allow ourselves to see the other person's point, and if one of us is wrong we fix that. usually the things we might conflict about has nothing to do with our realtionship, like if one of us fucks something up and the other is like "i told you, you shoulda dont this and that..." which is annoying wether you are getting told by a boyfriend or your mom.
it is weird to me. do these people who get into arguements argue with their friends too? i dont. if i do, its, you know, over how said friend ditched me for a random guy and left me stranded without my clothes til 2am... and thats what is known as a deal breaker. you dont hold on to those kinds of people. so why do we hold on to relationships like that?
one reason-the reason- lonliness. we are so afraid to be alone!!! god! we'd rather be argueing and fussing than to be just one person. we have to become mature enough to be ourselves, do what we want, spend time with ourselves enough to come up with guidelines for someone who will love us to live by. and it wont be a burden to them because they will come "perprogrammed" with those guidelines. we wont have to settle. we wont have to argue in order to have someone to hold us while we sleep.
i make it sound so much easier than it is. i spent the time "maturing" when my ex was actively cheating on me. but i knew i never wanted to go through that again, and i owed it to myself to be with someone i didnt have to fight for- or fight with.
so i hope my friends get the hint and realize those missing elements could only be replaced by themselves. i love them and want them to be happy too...with or without someone.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
free advertising.
you may not have noticed i put a link on my "shamelessly stolen from everyone" post. if you didnt, here it is again. its one of my best friends, and he's super talented. so like him, K?
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
march is: National Major Misconception Month!
so there have been many a post this month about people and how they are seen, whether they are light skinned or have natural hair. i must say that i too am misconcieved because of my outward appearance, and i feel its time to share, in the hopes that people will stop making stupid comments directed at yours and mine truly:
1: i am not one of those "concious" girls.
i got this one today in electronic music class. we were talking about The Game, who i think is generally wack, and when asked what kind of music i listen to i mentioned Talib Kweli and Mos Def, along with others who the guy i was talking to chose to ignore.
"so you one of them concious girls?"-he notices my andy warhol print scarf on my head (cuz i didnt wanna do my hair-more on that later)
"no, i just like good rappers. The Game is typical. and also wack."
ok people... just because i refuse to fall into the G-Unit trap, doesnt mean i am one of those "the black struggle" people. honestly, i'm struggling enough for me, i dont need to worry about the rest of us. stop trying to figure me out!!! if he had asked who my favorite musicians were, it would have been a long time before a rapper's name would have popped up. i prefer rock. but since i am african american, that never even registered to him. so maybe i am concious in the way that i am smarter than most people, but that has nothing to do with my musical preferences. kweli likes 50 cent. think about that.
2: i am not muslim.
i cannot recall the ammount of times people "a salam alakum"-ed me when i had a scarf on my head. once again, sometimes i dont wnna do my hair. i have about 5-6 scarves for just such an occasion. they are pretty, and serve their purpose. i have alot of hair, despite the fact that my fro is usually tightly curled. i dont know SHIT about islam, except what a few of my friends and my theologist mother has told me. i saw malcolm X once... i was little. anyone can cut up some fabric or go to the hair store and get a damn scarf. dont play yourself. (side note: women never assume i am muslim. is this some kind of pick up line?)
3: i have my hair natural because...
when i turned 15, it started falling out. not for any ethnic or religious reason. pure vanity. ironically, i was dating a caucasion when i first started growing my fro.
vanity is also the reason i color it. i think it looks better red than brown. why did i press it last week? vanity. like i said, it curls tight and i love it, but it takes me HOURS to do anything to it. i usually have to have a day off just to wash it. its versatile. i'd never get a perm again, or dreads, so stop asking!!!!!
4: i do care about my looks.
i just dont care what you think of them. not even my mother cant get me to not wear jeans and sneakers to church. i cant remember the last time i wore a dress. my philosophy on shirts is, "if youre gonna stare at my breasts, you should have something to read." i dont wear makeup because i'm already that pretty. i have great skin and i'd like to keep it that way. furthermore, i am SO VERY SHALLOW. its a sickness really.
5: i actually love pork.
i just dont eat it. when i was 15, i saw a show where a group of people taking care of baby pigs. they are so cute! adoreable! so i decided that when i got older i was gonna have a runt pig (like wilbur from charlotte's web). knowing pigs are smart, i decided to stop eating pork. ever once in a while i'd eat bacon, but i'd only regret it and it made me sick. turkey bacon tastes better too. once again, not a religious thing. also, i am not a vegetarian. i'm just a picky eater.
for those of you that know me, this was probably just a laugh. if you dont know me, maybe we could all stop making assumptions about people. take the time to learn about people. we're pretty interesting and dont fit any mold but our own.
1: i am not one of those "concious" girls.
i got this one today in electronic music class. we were talking about The Game, who i think is generally wack, and when asked what kind of music i listen to i mentioned Talib Kweli and Mos Def, along with others who the guy i was talking to chose to ignore.
"so you one of them concious girls?"-he notices my andy warhol print scarf on my head (cuz i didnt wanna do my hair-more on that later)
"no, i just like good rappers. The Game is typical. and also wack."
ok people... just because i refuse to fall into the G-Unit trap, doesnt mean i am one of those "the black struggle" people. honestly, i'm struggling enough for me, i dont need to worry about the rest of us. stop trying to figure me out!!! if he had asked who my favorite musicians were, it would have been a long time before a rapper's name would have popped up. i prefer rock. but since i am african american, that never even registered to him. so maybe i am concious in the way that i am smarter than most people, but that has nothing to do with my musical preferences. kweli likes 50 cent. think about that.
2: i am not muslim.
i cannot recall the ammount of times people "a salam alakum"-ed me when i had a scarf on my head. once again, sometimes i dont wnna do my hair. i have about 5-6 scarves for just such an occasion. they are pretty, and serve their purpose. i have alot of hair, despite the fact that my fro is usually tightly curled. i dont know SHIT about islam, except what a few of my friends and my theologist mother has told me. i saw malcolm X once... i was little. anyone can cut up some fabric or go to the hair store and get a damn scarf. dont play yourself. (side note: women never assume i am muslim. is this some kind of pick up line?)
3: i have my hair natural because...
when i turned 15, it started falling out. not for any ethnic or religious reason. pure vanity. ironically, i was dating a caucasion when i first started growing my fro.
vanity is also the reason i color it. i think it looks better red than brown. why did i press it last week? vanity. like i said, it curls tight and i love it, but it takes me HOURS to do anything to it. i usually have to have a day off just to wash it. its versatile. i'd never get a perm again, or dreads, so stop asking!!!!!
4: i do care about my looks.
i just dont care what you think of them. not even my mother cant get me to not wear jeans and sneakers to church. i cant remember the last time i wore a dress. my philosophy on shirts is, "if youre gonna stare at my breasts, you should have something to read." i dont wear makeup because i'm already that pretty. i have great skin and i'd like to keep it that way. furthermore, i am SO VERY SHALLOW. its a sickness really.
5: i actually love pork.
i just dont eat it. when i was 15, i saw a show where a group of people taking care of baby pigs. they are so cute! adoreable! so i decided that when i got older i was gonna have a runt pig (like wilbur from charlotte's web). knowing pigs are smart, i decided to stop eating pork. ever once in a while i'd eat bacon, but i'd only regret it and it made me sick. turkey bacon tastes better too. once again, not a religious thing. also, i am not a vegetarian. i'm just a picky eater.
for those of you that know me, this was probably just a laugh. if you dont know me, maybe we could all stop making assumptions about people. take the time to learn about people. we're pretty interesting and dont fit any mold but our own.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
shamelessly stolen from everyone...
1) A favorite political track.
'MIA' or 'who's ya leader' by MIA
2) One of those tracks that make you dance on the dancefloor no matter what.
'shake' by Pitbull (mentirosa!!!!)
3) The song you’d use to tell someone you love them.
'dont' by Jewel
"southern girl" by incubus (youre an exception to the rules/ youre a bonified rarity/ youre all i ever wanted- southern girl, could you want me?)- bonus cuz kesi's southern and i'm not. of course i change girl to boy...
4) A song that has made you sit down and analyze it’s lyrics.
anything by Fiona Apple or Incubus
5) A song that you like, that a two-year-old would like as well.
'check on it' by Beyonce. My cousin Shamar's favorite.
6) A song that gives you an energy boost.
'faint' Linkin Park. 'Cameltosis' by Korn. That song is sexy.
7) A song that you and your grandparents (would probably) like.
anything by Youthful Praise, the choir my cousin is in. They have two cd's and they are great.
8) A song that you really liked when you were 14-16, and still really like now.
'time' by Stone Temple Pilots, 'linger' by Cranberries
9) A sad song that would be in the soundtrack of the movie about your life.
'the ghost of you' by My Chemical Romance.
10) A peppy song that would start the opening credits of the movie about your life
'better than fine' Fiona Apple
11) A good song from a genre of music that no one would guess that you liked.
'any man of mine' Shania Twain. 'canon in d' by Pachelbel.
12) A song that you think should have been playing when you were born.
'oceania' by Bjork. Reminds me of the womb.
13) A favorite artist duo collaboration.
'stickwitu remix' PCD and Avant.
14) A favorite song that you completely disagree with (politically, morally, commonsensically, religiously etc.)
'dance dance' Fall Out Boy- I dont know half the words he's saying. And for that matter, 'love' by Keshia Cole. Dont repeat the verse and think we dont notice.
15) The song that you like despite the fact your IQ level drops several points every time you listen to it.
'lemme see ya do it' Lil John.
'Rodeo' Juvenile.
16) Your smooth song, for relaxing:
'aqueous transmission' by Incubus
17) A song you would send to someone you hate or are mad at.
'kill you' by Korn. The name alone says alot.
18) A favorite track from an outfit considered a “super-group.”
'like a stone' by Audioslave
19) A song that makes you reminisce about good times with a family member.
Pale September by Fiona Apple- well yes lauren is right. But also the lion king theme, thanks to kesi's first thoughts about my grandma's birthday party.
20) Your favorite song at this moment in time.
'riding swerving' by Project Pat,
'on and on' by Brefontaine.
'MIA' or 'who's ya leader' by MIA
2) One of those tracks that make you dance on the dancefloor no matter what.
'shake' by Pitbull (mentirosa!!!!)
3) The song you’d use to tell someone you love them.
'dont' by Jewel
"southern girl" by incubus (youre an exception to the rules/ youre a bonified rarity/ youre all i ever wanted- southern girl, could you want me?)- bonus cuz kesi's southern and i'm not. of course i change girl to boy...
4) A song that has made you sit down and analyze it’s lyrics.
anything by Fiona Apple or Incubus
5) A song that you like, that a two-year-old would like as well.
'check on it' by Beyonce. My cousin Shamar's favorite.
6) A song that gives you an energy boost.
'faint' Linkin Park. 'Cameltosis' by Korn. That song is sexy.
7) A song that you and your grandparents (would probably) like.
anything by Youthful Praise, the choir my cousin is in. They have two cd's and they are great.
8) A song that you really liked when you were 14-16, and still really like now.
'time' by Stone Temple Pilots, 'linger' by Cranberries
9) A sad song that would be in the soundtrack of the movie about your life.
'the ghost of you' by My Chemical Romance.
10) A peppy song that would start the opening credits of the movie about your life
'better than fine' Fiona Apple
11) A good song from a genre of music that no one would guess that you liked.
'any man of mine' Shania Twain. 'canon in d' by Pachelbel.
12) A song that you think should have been playing when you were born.
'oceania' by Bjork. Reminds me of the womb.
13) A favorite artist duo collaboration.
'stickwitu remix' PCD and Avant.
14) A favorite song that you completely disagree with (politically, morally, commonsensically, religiously etc.)
'dance dance' Fall Out Boy- I dont know half the words he's saying. And for that matter, 'love' by Keshia Cole. Dont repeat the verse and think we dont notice.
15) The song that you like despite the fact your IQ level drops several points every time you listen to it.
'lemme see ya do it' Lil John.
'Rodeo' Juvenile.
16) Your smooth song, for relaxing:
'aqueous transmission' by Incubus
17) A song you would send to someone you hate or are mad at.
'kill you' by Korn. The name alone says alot.
18) A favorite track from an outfit considered a “super-group.”
'like a stone' by Audioslave
19) A song that makes you reminisce about good times with a family member.
Pale September by Fiona Apple- well yes lauren is right. But also the lion king theme, thanks to kesi's first thoughts about my grandma's birthday party.
20) Your favorite song at this moment in time.
'riding swerving' by Project Pat,
'on and on' by Brefontaine.
Friday, March 03, 2006
-I'm a cheerleader! -Thats because you look cute in the skirt.
(originally written a few days ago. i'm still swolen and still cant get a doctor.)
This is all very true. Over the past week alone, i've comforted a friend who lost money, did the seat shimmy for another who rapped, and encouraged a third that her post graduation plans were perfect for her. I have the uncanny ability to see the bright side of everything while still being realistic, which i think is the reason they love me.
But right now, i'm sitting, surrounded by people, trying not to cry. Last thursday i woke up to a mildly swolen ankle. My ankle swells from time to time; my heel dropped into a hole and overextended when i was playing softball in high school. It goes away and is never a big deal. I even joked that kesi kicked me while we slept the night before.
Later that day, i was tired of limping and decided to get an ankle wrap from first aid at work. Its been wrapped on and off ever since. Its tuesday.
So today i decide enough is enough. My mom, who massaged my ankle and leg (did i mention the pain shoots up my leg behind my shin?) said i should go to the clinic near my brother's school. Long story short, the lady there tells me that:
a. theyre closed,
b. they are by appointment, and
c. the's next available one is in april.
If my ankle is still swolen by then, i'm the stupid one for letting it be.
So i cant be the cheerleader right now. I can barely walk and its throwing my whole body off. It makes me sad and i feel crippled. So i'm gonna try another doctor friday, the only other day i have off. I wish i could see the bright side of this, and i wish i could run to it.
This is all very true. Over the past week alone, i've comforted a friend who lost money, did the seat shimmy for another who rapped, and encouraged a third that her post graduation plans were perfect for her. I have the uncanny ability to see the bright side of everything while still being realistic, which i think is the reason they love me.
But right now, i'm sitting, surrounded by people, trying not to cry. Last thursday i woke up to a mildly swolen ankle. My ankle swells from time to time; my heel dropped into a hole and overextended when i was playing softball in high school. It goes away and is never a big deal. I even joked that kesi kicked me while we slept the night before.
Later that day, i was tired of limping and decided to get an ankle wrap from first aid at work. Its been wrapped on and off ever since. Its tuesday.
So today i decide enough is enough. My mom, who massaged my ankle and leg (did i mention the pain shoots up my leg behind my shin?) said i should go to the clinic near my brother's school. Long story short, the lady there tells me that:
a. theyre closed,
b. they are by appointment, and
c. the's next available one is in april.
If my ankle is still swolen by then, i'm the stupid one for letting it be.
So i cant be the cheerleader right now. I can barely walk and its throwing my whole body off. It makes me sad and i feel crippled. So i'm gonna try another doctor friday, the only other day i have off. I wish i could see the bright side of this, and i wish i could run to it.
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