ok. lets speak of ladylike behavior.

not the kind of ladylike behavior such as not spitting(do) and crossing your legs(dont do much), but the kind that affects the way males who we have been with percieve us. example:

Girl #1: I hung out with Jeff last night, this guy I just met.
Girl #2: Yeah, did you have sex with him?
Girl #1: NOOO! I just met him, I only gave him a blow job. I know we'll run into each other again and I didn't want things to be awkward.

this is from overheardinnewyork.com. key word, OVERHEARD!!!

i only mention this because i accidentally made myself look like a complete skank the other night. my manager and i were having quite the conversation about sex and sexuality, and that spilled out onto our walk to the safe downstairs (i work in a hotel, all the money goes into a commonly accesible room). we and two other co workers were sharing stories about "our first time" and i mentioned that kesi's and my first included a very unromantic song. on repeat. so someone asks, "was he your first?" and i say, "nooooooooooo," in that way that implies that he wasnt even close to the first, which isnt the case.

so then i had to awkwardly announce that, no i am not a slut, (after not ten minutes before getting molested by another coworker's butt, and telling how kesi likes one of my friends' breasts) and that i REALLY made it seem like i was. then i said all my exes leave atlanta after we break up.

now that i have the weekend off, taking 48 hours of my time to explain all these intimate facts i bandied about the hotel commons, i realize how these things can be misconstrued. should i care? is it affecting much?

i dont know. but i know that if they are anything like me, they will have heard what i said and formulate wild generalizations about me and my private life. for instance, i can pretty much conclude that girl one is a bit of a drinker and has given many men "a piece of her mind," if you know what i mean. so lets just hope they are not like me.

i have an expression that i always say when people say, "did you hear so-and-so did this or that?" and it goes:

"i'm not fuckin them. why should i care?"

that, to me, is ladylike. we're too concerned. then again, we are telling our best friends about random BJs and throwing elaborate quince's-complete with a bellydance routine-in order to make our exes jealous. we have to be more tactful ladies!!!! stop letting the men know our plans! its all about subtlety.

so alas, people i have 24 more hours to mull this over and hope that the night where i was less than subtle is forgotten. we always seem to worry about the stupid or inappropriate things we say, more than the people we say them to seem to. hopefully its true this time. i guess we'll find out monday, if someone starts singing three6 mafia.

is butter a carb?

Ok, its not that i'm fat-i've only gained 15lbs since high school, and i'm still midrange for my height. But that doesnt stop my mom from telling me, seemingly every time she sees me middrift, that she really wishes i would exercise. "because you dont want this to be your future. " of course, she's refering to herself. Her overweight self.

Ok, yes, i do have a bit of a belly and it annoys me, but i'm pretty sure that if i were to do some crunches it would be taken care of. And having my mother tell me what can be interpreted as, "you look cute but not cute enough," can tend to give a chick a complex. I'm pretty sure if i wasnt so strong in mind-and such a food lover- i'd be annorexic.

The funny thing is, she says these things, and i wonder if she really heartfully means it. For one, just the other night, she went grocery shopping and brought back oreos and cookies and cream icecream. Of which i will have none because it'll be gone by the time i realize i want some.when i got upset the last time this happened(when food that was bought for me was eaten before i knew it was there) she said i should keep it in my room or hide it. Contradiction, maybe? i dont want to have to hide foor from my own family.

Also, why so worried about my figure and not your own? I like exercise, hanging in the sun, sweat, running. And i cant tell you how many times she's said she's gonna get on this machine or that machine we have at the house, only to do so once a week and feel accomplished. So is it projection? is she taking out her own self image issues on me? cuz thats just not fair.

yes people in my family have a weight problem, and i dont think its hereditary. i think our lack of will power and low self image is. my grandmother, whose parents were immigrants, came from a land of drought to america, where everywhere you look, there is food. and she ate. still eats. i think its adoreable how she puts a klondike bar on a little plate and eats it with a spoon. only now did i put it together that its probably because she's missing teeth. and she doesnt like to take pictures. she'll gett steaming mad at you if you do. and its carried on to generations. my mother wants to lose weight but wont stop buying junk food. and she looks to me and says, "have you noticed i'm losing weight?" no, but apparently youve noticed all 2.5 pounds i've gained over the past four years, which is all just a result of my not playing softball anymore.

do all parents do this? i dont want to be this way with my daughters... i know she loves me, but all the nagging? it may happen like once a week or so but it feels like every day. i worry about what she might say if i wear this or that, and i'm not comfortable. any suggestions?