the anniversary that isnt

me and kesi's anniversary is in exactly one month. this time 5 years ago he was dating a nympho psycho with a big rack- yeah i had to mention her breasts- and and i had just ended my two year dream sequence gone horribly wrong. but in the spirit of lauren's what-ifs, i'd like to tell a story.

may 2001. mr dream sequence had just broken up for the first time. he read me a letter over the phone that he was possibly going to mail me (Ew, tacky), a letter which included lyrics to a song sung in german which he was so nice to translate for me. lauren why did i like him? and then i cried and told him i loved him and that if he wanted to break up i wouldnt object.

my friends decided to cheer me up and not let me live in a stank. i love them for that. i went to prom with brandi- the one who just got married. we even took really cute pix in our dresses in front of her dad's bmw. we looked like a car ad. another thing i needed to indulge in was my craft. on the day of my ex's prom was the poetry/ fashion showcase. (Can we bring up how equally tacky having a fashion show interspersed with spoken word acts really is? what the hell was our teacher thinking? my parenthesis are now reserved for the mentioning of tacky items in this story.) i could still enter because i was in it the year before and he knew i'd be prepared as i was a drama major.

so the friday came and i was decked out in my showcase tee and black on black skintight zebra pants. i still have those pants and they still fit. i think i wore knee high lace up army boots too. (yep.) and who else was there, hair half braided, lookin so cute? kesi. and also lauren- modeling, naturally- and our friend kyle. the majority of the pre-show was spent running around with the boys being silly. but at one point the flirting began.

something i was, and am, always proud of is my underwear. back in high school i'd wear skater jeans and they'd always show. and if they didnt, i'd mention them in conversation. i've since grown out of that. but that day, lmao. so yes i had on my zebra pants. and there could be no vpl. so i wore a thong. not just any thong, a hot topic g-string with a pocket in the front. i loved them. and i decided, being single, someone should know about them. i may have even gotten a little skanky and managed to show them without giving everything away. but i remember him having the knowledge that i was wearing a thong and him approving. oh god.

the flirting carried on to the stage. we had to sit, cafe style, onstage, during the fashion portions. and when it was our turn to speak we'd get up from our table and go to the mic. we sat next to each other, and pretended to pay attention while we were really being asses and joking around. my math teacher did a poem about how we get on his nerves. or that's what i remember of it. lines about boys with half done hair and girls with short skirts. of course we pointed each other out when he said these things. kesi was on the stage looking like that episode of martin when he joined the cult and his hair effed up. i remember kesi's poem- elements of destruction. it was really good. i've since read it many times. my favorite line: its a wonder man doesnt get and erection at the sight of mass destruction. deep! i mean, we were 17. i did a poem about my ex and the moment i think we started drifting. it was titled christmas.

i think that day of the showcase was when i really started to like kesi. i denied him and anything really serious because i knew he was a good guy and that i was still messed up over my ex. i didnt want to hurt him or waste his time. but what if we had started something that night? did seven months really make a difference?

my vote is yes, it did. in those months alot happened. for one thing, i became a stronger, more independent person. more centered even. and he became the kind of person who could handle a girl like me. the girls before me showed him that, by comparison, i'm not so crazy. chances are i would have never gotten to know him like i know him now if our relationship would have begun then. i was not a person who could have given myself like i do now.

things happen like they do because they are meant to be. he and i are meant to be. that day was just a preview that maybe one day we can tell our kids when we explain what fate is.