Father's day

"Do you wanna just go tomorrow?"
"maybe, I gotta see what my daddy wants to do for his day."
"I KEEP forgetting tomorrow is fathers day!"

I keep forgetting because its been over a year since I've talked to my dad. I've talked about him before, all the drama, but since he chose to not come to my brother's graduation I haven't said boo to him. At one point I wanted to renew the facets of our relationship and have him fix my car, but his number is disconnected, so... At this point I figure if you really missed us, you'd call MY number has been the same for years.

Yesterday, kesi's dad's girlfriend's daughter (yes, all that is necessary... She's separated from us by trifling people) called him. We were napping, as we are wont to do, and his voice was very deep and scratchy as he was telling her, "fathers day is very busy, I can't just not go to work... Nope, I can't come by tomorrow... I don't know we'll see..." etc. She's 13 and doesn't really understand what it is to be fed up with her father like Kesi and I are. Her father died when she was 5. But she lives with Kesi's dad and he's the closest thing she has. Funny how people can be one thing to some people and something else to others. My dad is currently taking care of his girlfriend's child too, I would suppose.

Kesi's brother, H, and I were in the kitchen talking one night and somehow the conversation turned to our wedding: would he be in it, why don't Kesi and I just go get married and spend the money on some big vacation, etc. "will you feel bad if your dad doesn't walk you down the aisle?" I wouldn't. Ok, maybe on some level. But I've got two brothers who would do it. Or a close friend. Someone who's been there more than he has. Of course, traditionally, it would be nice for him to do that, but at the same time, who's to say I wouldn't temporarily have him in my life just for him to disappear again, and then I'm stuck with him tainting the memory of my wedding? And you may say, well the day is not about him, and that's true, and that's why I don't care if he doesn't walk me down the aisle.

Don't get me wrong, my dad isn't all bad. Its just... Its as if there's 2 of him, and I can't really reconcile that. There's the one guy is so proud of me, shows me off to everyone, takes me on boat trips, moves to a different state because his children were moving, calls Kesi his son in law, comes through when I need him, fixes up a friend's hair salon in return for a cheaper hair do for me. Then there's the guy who gets arrested 5 times in Atlanta, leaves the state (long term) without telling us, misses one son's graduation, doesn't know the other's on the way to Iraq, doesn't call, and picks some chick he barely knows over us. I never know what I'm going to get. I don't know him as well as I think I do.

About a week ago, Kesi and I were laying in bed, about to nap, as we are wont to do, when I started reciting: "I love you. You love me." when I would pause, he would nod. "we're a happy family. " "we're not a family." "yes we are." "but we don't have any kids. When we have kids, then we'll be a family." I think he's wrong, but he's right too. And I know that when we do have kids, it will be different. He'll do better. And I won't forget to honor him on father's day.
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stuffed

today was a good day.

i woke up at the boo's house, way too early. mama in law was up cooking and blasting music. btw there's no food except thanksgiving stuff so i have nothing to eat for breakfast. or lunch, seeing as how i went back to sleep and woke up at noon. ah. but now i'm hungry. so i get up and sit in the kitchen where everyone is doing something. i ask for something to do and end up cleaning the tables which i hate. i have to be compelled to clean. things that compel me to clean:

*utter ickiness (Like turtle poop)
*need to impress- this isnt my house, so its null.
*The knowledge that i'm a little messy
*Money- i clean at work.

i hate to clean for other people. i can never do it the way they want and it annoys me. luckily i was just cleaning tables... i was to volunteer at a shelter today at 4. but our car is leaking oil- >:-s - so i had to wait for the in law to take me home so i could leave. wack. i was late but only by a little bit. i also overdresred. why was it a million degrees out? and me with my bubble coat. ha!

we get to the shelter and announce that we're here to help. the guy outside says, you with the white people? que? rude! and yeah we are asswipe. my mom's friends are already there, ingrid and sabrina. ingrid brought some church friends. sabrina is a missionary. wow. the whole thing is pretty easy.its a wonder more people dont serve food. so many are needed.

we make plates and serve sweet tea. the kids are beyond adorable. they are bedorable. this one lady had three kids, one was an infant. angel. he just stared at me then when i pouted he started smiling. works every time. the women in there, man they drink some tea. i kept coming back to refill. they all grubbed, yo. there was tons of food. we ate too but i didnt eat too much cuz i wanted to wait for mom's food. plus i felt wierd about eating food i was supposed to be eating. even though there was alot left over. kid you not, after everyone finished, a guy came by with a literal truckload of food. bread, juice, sodas, veggies... the lady said they were set for the week. only a week? gee. then hosea feed the hungry (a big charity here) dropped off leftovers from their dinner. wowee.

we even had candy for the kids. this one girl got upset because she wanted to help pass them out. we just wanted her to enjoy it and sit for a minute and she was all over cleaning up. she just wanted to help and she was so little. like 9. she wanted to help inventory food and mop and everything. so cute.

my brother, the big hungry almost man that he is, took a cake and two pies home. did i mention he already had cake at home? he's fat-brained. we made a pledge to donate our old fridge- which is currently in my room taking up space cuz we cant get it up the stairs- so they can put all that food somewhere. headed home and ate so much. so good! oh my mom is the bestest cook. i took a photo of the turkey bone for memories. man. i'm sleepy. and i had a great day. pictures to come soon.

the omen

so last night was A (of ABC's) costume party. fun times. but not without personal issues.

first i couldnt find the previously mentioned gingham dress- i think i gave it to charity. but i have this really cute red calvin klein party dress that fits the idea.

i curled my hair before work so it would be cute for the party, but i couldnt find hair spray. and it was raining. so my hair was cute but not as cute as it coulda been. way too much body. bad sign.

so after work we headed to the party. it was B and me. i wasnt gonna dress up cuz i didnt wanna be the only one, but when i walked in all the girls were dressed so i went to A's room to change. i effed up and broke my zipper on the back of my dress. how many guys does it take to fix a zipper? apparently more than 4. finally i safety pinned it and rocked a scarf around my waist with the tail in the back. put on my shoes and i was ready to go!

A and his sister had some stuff called hunch punch. which was that sherbet and soda deal but with alcohol instead. random alcohol. but it was good. and i was a-drinkin and a-dancin. if my hair hadnt already been messed up it woulda been cuz it was hot in there. only girls had costumes on. there was:

a witch doctor
a fairy- dodged that one...
a sexy cop
a retro chick complete with afro
a cheerleader
a school girl
a home wrecker
many indescriminate costumes and
A's sister as mystique from Xmen.

by like the 3rd drink i was a lil goofy. i hadnt eaten since 5 pm so... no i didnt throw up. the witch doctor was taking pictures and this wack bronx bomber in a pink button down wanted to show off. he grabs my hips and pushes me so i'm bent forward and starts posing and grinding. WHAT? did i say we were having sex? his friend was just as bad. who wears a tie to a house party? everyone else is all tees and jeans, this nigga got on casual friday gear. boo... i need another drink.

at some point i went outside, and who's out there? C! he got the biggest hug. he found me a cute lil turtle in his back yard. how sweet! he had on a yellow rain slicker. i kept calling him "Man in the yellow hat" like curious george. did i mention C is very short? he said he was dressed as jermaine dupri. silliness.

you know, watching white girls dance is funny. you have never experienced life until you dance to a sean paul song with a girl named sally. it was all wiggles and funny faces. of course then mr casual friday starts dancing with me and literally holding me. so C starts singing and it was funny and i fell on the floor laughing. when i got up B was like you know you just didnt want to dance with that guy. true... so me and B start dancing to some slow songs and it was like prom or something. so we started doing little spins and dips. so cute.

so i was talking to the witch doctor later that night, looking at pictures and being friendly, when along comes pink shirt. he sits this girl down, on someone else's lap no less, then proceeds to give her a lap dance. are you kidding? no thanx. he was all, yeah girl, i see you, uh huh. ew. so i'm looking at pics, all 200 of them, and pink shirt wraps his arm around me and grabs the camera once he sees a picture of himself. then shows his friend the picture of me and him and states that i was "Representin." whatever. now i was moving backward from 200 and had gotten to 95 when he takes it completely out of my hands and starts flipping in the opposite direction. mind you, he's still got his arm around my neck. i move him and get up and go to A's room to ask who the hell invited this piece of wackness.

in A's room i start taking pictures. also i mention that i hope he's washed his sheets cuz we were lying on his bed. eventually we went back in the den and danced some more. the party had to end at 4 because of party laws- so we walked it out and people left. we stayed for a few more minutes, for no particular reason. A said i was gonna be his baby's daddy in 30 years, which is as wrong as it seems. B tried to holler at the retro chick as we were leaving. cute.

in all, its a fun time. next year, mark my words, i'm going as a dominatrix.

holly-ween

does anyone remember harvest night? i know madam feels me on this one. its when all the kids from church- especially those whose parents had an active role in said church- dressed up as bible characters and played party games on halloween. it was usually held in the fellowship hall. there was candy and music and yummy food, and lots of kids in sheets and sandals.

this was our way of not feeling left out. we never trick or treated. never even answered the door that night. it was the devil's holiday. we had a costume parade at school and i sat in the principal's office with two jehovah's witnesses and a three preacher's kids. but my mom always made sure the teacher understood that i could have candy and soda with the rest of my class. we thank her for that.

where am i going with this? i dont know. i just thought of it because there are two parties this weekend and i wanna go. i've never dressed up, except as bible characters, which is, as previously mentioned, sheets and sandals. i am not looking to be anything demonish, moreso characters i find interesting which i dont get to dress as on a daily basis. for instance:

one option is a butterfly/fairy. a few years ago i was in a bodyart show "dressed" as a butterfly, and i still have the custom made wings. of course this time i'd have on more clothes. only thing is, do i really wanna walk around with wings on?

the other is kind of a fifties pinup type look. i have a gingham dress i borrowed from my high school costume closet and its not at all fit for regular wear. but they do match these candy red pumps i have, and i might even be willing to wear black stockings to give it that aguilera-esque flair. i'm considering pressing my hair anyway, and i could do bangs! i look so cute with bangs!

anyway, fun times. i'm sure i'm gonna catch a lecture from my mom over my weekend plans, but i will take it if i can have a little fun. then on wednesday i'm going to grab some halloween mini reeses for the lowski. yum.

riding, riding, swerving, swerving....

ok, so it's been a minute. and in that minute here's what has occured...

i turned 22. conciderably unevetfully, despite my best efforts. seems jabre was right.- "no one cares after 21." (ok, pity party is a little too crunk) honestly i had a great time. i went to gladys night's chicken and waffles with kesi, although i had planned on more people being there. turns out all my friends are broke. but jabre and another friend kyle and us went to the bar near my job and played pool. and i kicked ass. won every game i played, though i was a tad tipsy. i did look cute doing it, naturally.

after we left the bar a homeless man proceeded to talk to kesi for a good five minutes NONSTOP, until i had to cut him off and tell kesi to roll up the car window. i mean, he already had all the money we could spare, but he just kept talking...after that i really didnt want to hear anyone talking.

after that was valentines day, a day that i think is a waste of time. every year that i have worked in retail, i see people come in to wherever it is that i work and rush last minute to show their love for whomever. but if you feel obligated, then it really isnt sincere, is it? and why do you do it? because its valentines day and thats what you are supposed to do, not because you actually love them (whether you do or not isnt the point). i didnt get anything from kesi. honestly all i wanted were some hotwings and to cuddle. i didnt get either for circumstantial reasons, but my friend who is a cook made all the girls at work chocolate covered strawberries. really sweet, and he didnt have to do it. he's not dating any of us. proves my point. i also got two boxes of mini reeses from my manager because i had mentioned that i was gonna try to pick up some on-sale valentines candy the next day, and she happened to have my favorite in her office. i shared one box and kept the other for myself.

the rest of the week i worked and worked. i really needed money. still do, but my refund should be coming in a few days. lauren called me on saturday and said she was in town, and where was i? stuck with 25,000 cheerleaders (that is NOT an exagerated number), all who want iced caramel macchiatos. youre 11, what do you need with coffee?

i finally got to see her monday night, after her dear dad decided not to drop her off at my house and my dear boyfriend decided to drive 50 miles to go get her(that boy gets a hero cookie). she also had my birthday gift, but if i had known she was coming, i would have told her to save the money and bring herself to ATL. (ok, maybe not- i love my coach wristlet!)

on the drive back we listened to some mixtapes kesi had and lauren heard some new stuff, which she should have heard since our friend Pizo claims to hold it down for the A in DC. one of which was "riding, swerving" featuring Project Pat, who i love...we stayed up til 4AM and ate the last of those valentine reeses, which i was happy to share. she slept on my side of my big bed and took all the covers. i still love her though.

lauren's back in DC now, and i am sad. kind of sad. i will see her in a month, and i'll be done with school for a few months by then. for now we will both be stressed and tired and working and learning and getting older, and forsaking our already late speech outline to type a blog.