So, yall know I love you right? I've been contemplating whether or not to tell this story, simply because its about a very relevant person in today's society. Especially for the black peoples. But I decided to share, and I'll give you a few hints as to who I'm talking about.
*he has the same initials as me. *his son recently publicly chided him on something he said about one of my favorite men. *he is a celebrated orator and tends to rhyme in his speeches. *he does not speak for me.
Got it? Let's go.
So apparently this man, let's call him Folk cuz I can't think of anything clever to call him, was in the hotel to do a speech for the pentecostal group we had in house (woo Jesus save your people, cuz they's a mess) and he decided to stop in the 'bucks. In the store was my girl Mary Lou, this fat chick I don't like, and the girl who I mentioned before whose pinkie toes stick out of her shoes. He walks in, they say good morning and say generally complementary things to this man who is considered a legend among (some) black people. I already told yall he don't speak for me.
So anyway, he says "where's the oj," and keeps it moving. No hi, no thank you, no "keep hope alive!" nothin. Except "where's the orange juice?"
So Mary Lou, who is in no way known for holding her tongue, says, "you can't speak?" I'm sure she wanted to add "reggin" at the end of that, but she was at work, and plus that word has been funeralized and whatnot.
And Folk gets slightly indignant, pauses, and then realizes he was being rude. "I'm sorry, I have a speech today." then he proceeds to give them dap. Mary Lou and fat chick dap him up, side-eyeing but accepting, but Ms pinkie toes (that's so gonna be her nickname!) looks him up and down and proceeds to WALK the FUCK OFF. Just took her partially exposed feet and left Folk hangin. I would give anything to have actually been there at that moment. I would have woken up early to see it.
I never would have pegged her as the type to be so gangsta. I have wished GW would walk into our store just so I could do to him what she did to Folk. Left him with the absolute tight face. When I asked her why she did it, her reply was simple: "he's a douche."
Given his recent actions, I'd have to agree. He's not the man I heard he was in the 80s.
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I'm a music video junkie. When I was 12 I was finally able to watch music videos after bypassing my mom's parental controls (if you put the TV on channel 2 instead of 3, all the channels are one off. At least back in the old days). This was back when MTV showed videos. Nowadays, I have about 8 music video stations, however, the quality is not as up to par as it was back in the mid 90s. You'll note that not many of my choices came from the new millenium. Here are just a handful of my favorites. (If imbedding was disabled, which was the case more than I'd liked, I added the web page.)
1 Bush- "letting the cables sleep"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RX3f0iNg4rk
I kinda love Bush (there's a phrase I never thought I'd say, in times of low approval ratings). Even today, the mere mention of Gavin Rossdale will make me drop things. This was a great, well done, beautiful video. Well shot, so much tension... Then there's the twist at the end. I won't give it away. This was the last video that Bush shot and they rarely showed it on TV. Guess it wasn't trl material.
2 No doubt- simple kinda life
So, um, this song is about Gavin. I promise this isn't a trend, although there is one more Bush vid. This video literally shattered the conceptions of conventional marriage, in 4 minutes. I mean, can you see the fury in Gwen's eyes as she smashes those wedding cakes? Then there's the light up BC pack on the wall... Is it wrong that when I take my BC I think of that? Its such a metaphor! As albums go, Return Of Saturn was probably the best for videos.
3 Korn- freak on a leash
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K27d7Ut5bXo
This was an easy choice. Korn was once my favorite band, and despite the fact that they are hurting right now I still love them. This was their breakthrough video, and though ADIDAS was a lil better, this one fused a lot of elements together seamlessly (each directed by a different person or team). For one, it uses a great transition point: the bullet, then there's the cartoon kids, the band in the room with the holes, the bullet tearing through everything... And its kinda intense music-wise.
4 Bush- greedy fly
This is the only group with 2 videos on my list. They really strived with their videos. I actually own their anthology. This video was based on the movie se7en, if I'm not mistaken, with a bit of magical realism thrown in with the de-winged angel, the egg, etc. I have a still from this video taped in my diary from 8th grade. Its a sickness, really. The whole thing looks grimy and just, somewhere you wouldn't wanna be, and I like that. Who's to say that something visually stunning has to be pretty?
5 Foo Fighters- everlong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_nVa9B8wWA
This is another group with a great body of work, even from the beginning when they did a Mentos spoof. This vid was based on a dream Michel Gondry had (a lot of his videos were based on dreams) where he couldn't control the size of his hands. I also have his anthology, and if you like cinematic greatness, I'd advise you get it too. Shout out to Taylor dressed as a chick! Apparently it was because Dave's girlfriend didn't want any women hugging up on him. This is where those "you never see Taylor and Alanis M in the same room" rumors came from.
6 Bjork- hunter
I remember the first time I saw this video. I was like who is this crazy chick? This ish is weird! It was late at night and it... unsettled me. I love how she turns into a bear but tries to shake it away. Our highschool dance teacher loved this song, and for some reason the video fits it perfectly. I mean, its not the route I would have taken with it, lol.
7 Nas- 1 mic
You may notice there are only 3 rap songs on this list. There are 2 reasons for that. 1, I didn't really listen to rap until I started dating boys who listened to rap (old skool excluded). 2, this was the shiny suit era. Yeah, puff N'nem made some good ones, but they don't beat anything I put on this list. These days rap videos consist of crowds, hot chicks, custom cars, a dance, and one random ass camera effect. So there.
Nas's 1 mic was the shit. The video fit the song perfectly. I mean, the alternating between him talking and yelling was set off perfectly within the video. And that screaming lil girl in the video looks like this dude I went to HS with. The images are powerful and well shot. Caint get no better.
8 Alanis Morrisette- you learn
She wears 11 different jackets in this video. I learned that from pop up video, lol. This vid is one of her best. Even better than her remake of "my humps." and certainly better than her naked "I played God in 'Dogma'" video. Its so colorful! I just like the way she's wandering through people's lives. And I think she stole that horse. The parade scene was an homage to another of her videos.
9 NIN- perfect drug
Mark Romanek. Yes. The birds, the big crazy coats, how everything is black but visually striking... He's known for that Gothic, operatic look. The whole thing reeks of vampire.
10 Outkast- bombs over baghdad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-m3ijMMkSY
I was kinda pissed when this video couldn't be shown after 9/11. It was on a list of "sensitive" videos, all because of its title. But I digress. Was this the first video to explicitly show strippers? Leave it to Big Boi.... I love how the video kicks off with a shirtless Dre running with about 100 kids. The colors were crazy for no reason. Big's hair all in the breeze, flowy and ish... That random ass monkey, and the choir. The video is about as spastic as the song, and still perfect.
11 Missy- get ya freak on
Missy came out the box crazy in 97. And she's been crazy ever since. Did you see America's best dance crew? Fanny Pak killlt this song! Anyways, the guy at the beginning is saying something like "we will make you jump and feel good." true. Missy is headless and dancing. She is spitting in people's mouth, which is nasty. She is hanging from the ceiling doing choreography. This video was freaky. Dave Myers put his whole foot in it. Its no wonder that they keep working together.
12 Janet- got til its gone
This video makes me happy(er) to be black. Look at it. Its so beautiful! It was shot in LA, by Mark Romanek, and is set in a lounge in early 60's apartheid S Africa. Insane right? Again, a visually stunning work. Everything looks so muted, like you could get a great photo if you froze it at any moment. Must be an effect he uses... If you put this video on mute and just watched it, I'm sure it would effect your mood. Make you feel deeply... Something.
13 Gnarls Barkley- gogo gadget gospel
"if you wonder what it look like, look at me." you, sir, are a sock. I did not expect that the first time I saw this video. I literally cracked up through the rest of it because the video chicks were damn socks! This is muppet "you got served." this and other videos (there are at least 4 for st elsewhere) were overshadowed by "crazy" but they were equally awesome and different from mainstream videos. I like that the band never takes center in their vids.
*PS: searching through youtube for these videos, you start to realize how stupid people are. I tend to forget, cuz I read inteligent blogs, but they really let anyone have a computer these days, don't they? And they'll argue with you and curse your soul, cuz you don't feel the same about a song as they do. Of because you spelled a word wrong. Or because you breathe. Womp*
My mother called me from upstairs to ask me to go to the grocery store for her, and also to say she printed 26(!) pages of info on safe and unsafe foods off the net, in reference to their kosher status.
If you don't know, I stopped eating pork when I was 15, because I wanted (still want) to own a pig. I even refused to make my mom what I called "pig sandwiches." oh it was hard; I love bacon and pork chops. But I love the lil piggies more. I have since stopped eating a few other animals because I feel pity for them, lol. Kesi has NEVER eaten pork.
Anyways, eventually my mom and my brother stopped eating pork for health reasons, and I started checking labels for the circled U or K that says there's no pork products in it. So I stopped eating gummy bears and some types of jello, and went about my life.
Until this list.
They took away my Lucky Charms!
You should have seen my face. I forgot that dehydrated marshmallows would have gelatin in it (which is either pig or horse derived). I'm so sad. Oh, and our totino pizzas, which we as people who eat at 2am LIVE off of (and red baron too) have pork enzymes in the cheese. Wah!
So Kesi and I headed to walmart and got all paranoid. We checked everything. Cereal, bread, yogurt, the aforementioned pizzas... It sucks. My diet is about to CHANGE! This list has shook my world.
So my lunch was hummus and club crackers and juicy juice (I'm also breaking from high fructose corn syrup). Kesi and I are headed to WWE/ ECW tonight and after that we will surely be hungry. Its also our half anniversary and besides losing a loved one (food) we're in super high spirits.
And I'm wearing my express outfit!
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Saturday, August 02, 2008
Standing behind the counter is like being a color commentator at the sport of life. Breezy and I (and others, but definitely us two) lean against the counters and talk about people, who's cute, who we "love," who needs to stop, etc. Often we see someone who warrants a face to face complement. We like to brighten days.
"excuse me, where did you get your jewelry? Its neat." yes, I called this amazon of a woman's jewelry; the woven necklace around her neck and the one matching in style double twisted up her arm; neat. There was no other word to describe it that wouldn't have the possibility of being misinterpreted. Funky? Hot? Wild? All accurate, but no. I was curious, and it was "neat."
"somewhere in Africa." she waved her arm as if to say she was well traveled, with an actual interest in Africa, not one of those women who went just to say they did. She turned a head full of bushy, light brown hair toward her friend who had jumped in to say that another friend had also acquired some African jewelry. "yes but hers were south African. Mine... Somewhere north...."
"are you a writer? You look so familiar." after marveling at her gorgeous hair, wondering while Breezy explained to her that in stores we make Iced Double Shots fresh, if it was "hers," noting her neck and wristwear, then her generous and envious breasts and hips in her white blouse and gauchos (I could not wear so much white at once. First of all, I am a mess. Second, it shows off. She wore it with a confidence that said she was fit and didn't need to prove it), I started to realize I knew this woman.
"yes, I write..."
"what's your name?"
"Terry...."
And that's how I met Terry McMillan. It was almost as cool as the time I met Maya Angelou, except Terry seems more accessible. Everyone calls Ms Angelou, "Ms Angelou." but me and Terry? We go way back to 3:30 old coffee friends.
I tried not to gush too hard. But there was a twinkle. She is everything I aspire to be. An artist. Worldly. Strong. Able to handle adversity in public with grace and honesty. Freakin pretty. Humorous. I got this all in a matter of minutes.
So what did you do today?
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So Thursday evening, I'm sitting at home, watching TV and crocheting. I get a picture msg from Barbie. We haven't talked in a few weeks, which is normal, and I'm in a good mood, so I respond with a rousing "lol"....
Barbie: I know, I'm a funny guy! Me: lmao "funny guy". How's things? Barbie: fine. You? Me: workin on a big project. I'm excited! Barbie: really? What kind? Me: Oh I'm making a blanket. But she shipped me yarn to use and everything. Barbie: Oh cool. Make me one! J/K Me: lol I would, but I don't think the hubby would lay under it. Barbie: oh Barbie's at work. This is the hubby.
*Wha?!?! I haven't talked to this guy in 6 years! And now we're being cordial via text? My head is about to explode.... But I must remain calm.*
Me: Oh. Did not know that. I thought Kelly was being silly when she said "funny guy." so you haven't seen any of my blankets. They're mostly baby stuff... Ken: sorry. Thought you knew it was me. [how would I have known? This is text msg!] Me: nope. Didn't figure you'd wanna talk to me tho... Ken: Y not? I still consider u an old friend. [what? When did this happen?] Me: That's good. I told you before that the worst thing about us breaking up was losing a friend. But we haven't talked in 6 years, so... Ken: I just didn't want Barbie to get the wrong idea. You know how she can be. [her!?! This dude was jealous of my love for dmx.] Me: I know how both of you can be. But you two are married and I'm in a committed relationship so there should be no worry.
And so it went. We... Chatted. Nothing heavy, despite my internal monolouge. Mostly about music and concerts and our brothers. And of course, Kesi. Am I crazy? Because I wanted to scream, "why do you think I ruined your life? Or that I cheated on you? You can't just sneak up on me like this!" but I didn't. I was nice. Cuz I'm a nice person. Or a fool. But I don't trust this further than I can throw it. I can't be won easily.
Of course I told Kesi and he didn't like it. I can understand that. He's concerned that my niceness might be taken advantage of. But I doubt things will get that far. I honestly think he'll get one more voluntary conversation out of me where I may get to say all these things I've wanted to say, just because if I don't I'll regret it. I don't know how I can be sure its him on the other side, but fuck it. This is about my catharsis. If I have to stop talking to both of them for the sake of my own sanity and the sanctity of my relationship, then so be it.
I honestly can't imagine a friendship with this man. It would take a lot. And I'm not willing to go there. Its not worth fighting for.
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At 1030, Kesi woke me up and told me to get dressed. He was headed to work, and I was headed shopping! Woo woo! We left the house at about 1120am and went to the chikfila in the center where he works. I could eat chicken sammiches for the rest of my life. Seriously. Btw we passed Naturally Fresh blvd which is where the salad dressing is made and chik's headquarters is located. What kind of name is that for a street? We were laughing cuz there are other, non food companies down there too. What if being "naturally fresh" isn't what their company needs?
After that he dropped me off at the Marshalls so I could go put some stuff on lay away. This time next month I'll be in a surplus, because its labor day weekend, and thus dragon con and major tips for the kid. So by then I'll been some cute fall clothes and I'll have money to buy them! And its the tax holiday? Yesss.
I didn't know it was the tax holiday until I was stuck behind 1 woman for 15 minutes in the line. Are you kidding? She had 3 layaways active which she was going through picking what stuff she didn't want anymore, then she had a cart FULL of shit. And there were 2 people waiting on her. I know they could see me burning a hole in this woman's weave. And her kids were that kind of playful that can be annoying when you are in a bad mood. Which I was after waiting behind this heffa trying to buy marshalls out. Quit it.
So finally I get to the counter. I remember I didn't get to try my shirts on. Damnit! Its all good though cuz I could return them if I don't like it. But I think I will. They're all silky and mature and I'm doing my grown and sexy. *brushes shoulder off. I walked out with a xoxo purse, a Perry Ellis shirt for Kesi, and some unmentionables....
---Hol' up. Sidebar. We's peoples right? When did bras go from emphasis on cute to emphasis on comfort? I mean, beige support situations are not me. Them wide straps... Ugh. I found ONE bra. Thank you Calvin. I only went up one size! Geez! That's why I have so many pairs of draws and my bras share a drawer with my undershirts. They can't win.---
So anyway, my search for yellow shoes were semi fruitful. I found a pair of baby phats but they cost too much and were too busy. Boo man. Then I found some that were a pale yellow (so as not to look like a Laker girl, for them haters) but the biggest they had were 7.5. I tried, and my heel said "girl if you don't stop..." yeah I wear a 8, 8.5. So I walked out of that situation empty handed.
So oh yeah I had a dentist appt. Apparently the rain didn't care, and neither did Marta. I was late and slightly wet. So I went in and got cleaned, and found out part of one of my fillings came out. And I had a cavity. So I gotta go back. Womp. And I started raining again. I didn't leave the dentist til 4. I got there at 215. Stop playing!
So I'm headed home now. Yay. Btw did you know that if you drink something it takes 2 hours for your saliva to get rid of the residual sugars? So if you, like me, drink all day (I still have my lemonade from breakfast in my Starbucks water bottle), sugar is tearing your teeth. I'm lucky I only came out with 1 cavity.
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This weeks Thursday 13 is totally random. Literally the things I was thinking about earlier today:
1 my pinkie toe, which hurts
2 whether or not Tony Snow is dead or if I'm making that up
3 that damn trampoline I should be jumping on more
4 putting a grey streak in my hair
5 how this is not the topic I planned on doing this week
6 the cat in my yard
7 whether or not I sometimes look like a white chick on spring break when I dance to rap songs in the car
8 moving
9 how the decline of actual music videos shown on MTV may have to do with the decline in quality videos made by artists
10 how people don't deserve an explanation when they think they do
11 how smokers are such slaves to their addictions that they'll sit outside in 92 degree weather just to inhale more heat
12 why churches be hating, making black usher board ladies wear white stockings and nurse shoes. Don't NO black woman look good in white tights.
13 the homeless man who snuck behind the bushes at taco bell to ask us for a dollar, then scurried across the parking lot and across the street to the Wendy's in like 10 seconds.
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****this was the post I kept trying to send... I think it was the picture I added, which wasn't mine. I got it off google. So if you are confused about anything here, google it.****
*this guy from the valet svc, I guess he thinks he's being clever, but the joke was old when he said it. He asked if he could "get some Joy in his beverage." I told him we're fresh out. Breezy said I should... Maybe I shouldn't say what he said, lest someone take us seriously. I would never do that.
*my coworker asked me if she could look at my butt because the woman she had rung up was so unattractive she needed a distraction. B had been telling me for a few days that she liked me, lol. I mean, what kind of person asks to look at my ass? I guess she wanted to gauge my reaction, which was "my ass cures all." Kesi's was, "am I gonna have to make an appearance?" she also cursed my wedding day. Hmmm....
*our hotel had a grand reopening Thursday night. There was a rumor Maxwell was gonna be there. I was perked all night. Alas, I don't think he was there. But what was? Techno music and gogo dancers. No lie. B stood outside the store and stared up for the longest time at this one chick. Then we saw her at the parking garage down the street, lol. He was feeling a lil of that perk I had earlier. I was willing to lose my job over some Maxwell.
*apparently there's a work field trip to Body Tap this coming week...
*someone I work with looks like Janice the muppet. I won't say who cuz she can access my blog easily.
*this guy who works for the bell stand asked me why I won't show him any love like I do Walter Lee. Apparently I've been hating on him since day 1. I told him that its because I'm sure Walter Lee won't try to attack me when we're alone. I don't think that really made things better for me.
*so, we have to wear these tee shirts on weekends to promote these smoothies we started carrying about 2 weeks ago. No problem there, the shirts are a nice color, they're not busy... But we have no smalls. In a medium, the shirt comes down to mid thigh. I'm swimming in the arms. Now, my friend Mary Lou is about 20 lbs lighter than me, and she looks like she's wearing a night shirt. We also didn't get any xxl, and so B, this "healthy sized" woman who works mornings, and our 2 morning supervisors can't wear them because they're too tight. Oh, did I mention we are OUT OF one of the main ingredients for the drink? So what are we promoting? Bad fashion?
*i got into an argument with the Evil Supervisor Friday. Short version of it is that she's mad that she doesn't have the new manager in her back pocket like she did the old one. So when she called her on her shit, she decided to take it out on me. At which point I, again, went to the manager and told her what's what. Try me if you wanna.
*the reason why I was even over there helping ES is because the chick that was supposed to be working broke her foot on the Marta and had to take a few days off. Shit, ask me again if I'm gonna help her out. Nobody else better get injured over there, that's all I know, lol. And she's trying to give me the silent treatment. I told her I didn't care, and I'm acting like I don't. I'll still say bye when I leave, whether you respond or not.
*i told the woman in the cafeteria that I could not, could not, show her how to crochet. For one, I'm impatient, and she doesn't follow along easily. 2, I kinda make things up as I go along, and I don't want to be telling people wrong stuff when they're trying to follow along in pattern books. 3, I'm not telling you my secrets. Especially when you're cool with the housekeeper who was hating on my last year. So she tried to do a pattern where the colors stopped and started in tic tac toe squares, and she would tie off the ends before starting a new color, so there are strings everywhere. She asked me what she did wrong (the ugly, string everywhere look is just why I started doing it the way I do now), and instead of telling her that I showed her how to string those bad boys through the row so they wouldn't show. Trying to explain to her what she should have done would have been wrong on so many levels, especially since she started selling blankets too. I mean, I have 15 years under my belt. She has... 6 months. I'm so unconcerned.
*if one more person asks me if we sell sodas....
*there's this one chick who is always complaining about her feet hurting. Why are her shoes split at the top and her socked pinkie toes are visible? Maybe you need new shoes, folk.
I posted on Saturday. Where is this post? No idea. I emailed it to blogger... It even had a picture attached. I got no confirmation email or nothin. I'll try to repost, but I'm afraid I'll have 2 of the same entry. So just to make sure blogger doesn't hate me I'm posting from blogger. This is only a test, lol.
In the spirit of giving you new info, remember that blanket I made last week? I spelled the baby's name wrong. Its not my fault though! They spelled it wrong on the notice they sent out at work. Its actually "briahna." damn it! Its an easy fix if she wants me to, its just really annoying! Age didn't even know I was making it for her, so... Share my pain.
But maybe shouldn't do. According to myself and others:
1 Burp. Some people think its rude or unladylike. I really don't care. I do it in the company of friends who already know and love me, but some of them give me a hearty "DAMN!" when I burp. Apparently La's been telling people I burp like a man, lol. Why thank you.
2 Spit. Rashan is the inspiration for this post, as he is for the one I may do next week. I grew up with 4 boys, all brothers, who nurtured my tomboyish nature. Because of them, and the south's serious pollen count, I spit for form and function. Used to have spitting contests in middle school, which I won.
3 Curse. I curse like a fucking sailor. I think it has something to do with the fact that I wasn't allowed to because my mom didn't. She used them only when she was really mad. The other night I accidentally said "shit" in front of her and didn't even know, even after she asked me to repeat myself. I'll control myself in front of Jameil, since there's a pretty good chance she'll be spending some QT in Atlanta once she leaves PA. (squeak!)
4 Pull my hair out. One strand or partal strand at a time. I mentioned this before, a while back, and I definitely still have this problem. The "kitchen" area of my head is really short on the right corner, so that when I twist it it doesn't stay twisted. I know I should stop but its so subconscious! I'll be at work, doing something with my left hand, and my right hand is pulling out knots and stray hairs. Only the back right side though. . I need to get some braids so I can leave my hair alone for a few months.
5 Drink. My family has a history of alcoholism. My grandma drank a lot before she became a Christian, and my dad drank half a 12 pack of coronas and some crown at my birthday party then drove home. My uncle gets drunk at every gathering, as do his sons. I do know my limits, and when I went out Friday I only had 2 amarreto sours despite the offers by others to buy me more (I was safe with friends). I know my limits, but some might say my drinking at all is pushing it.
6 Have sex. Some people frown on this whole permarital sex thing. And whereas I would have liked to have maybe had sex with LESS people in my life, and who wouldn't, I think that (tmi alert) if they had what I have they'd change their mind. Besides that, we plan on being together and getting married, why not do the fun stuff now?
7 Talk so loud. Apparently I have an inner ear problem. This could be another part of belonging to a big family and not being heard, being a child of my mother, the loudest of all her brothers and sisters by far, or being a drama major and totally using that "projection" thing in every day life. Either way I once threatened to hit a chick with my boot because she called me loud.
8 Bite my nails. I don't do it as much as I used to. Actually I've pretty much stopped biting them OFF, but they're always in my mouth. They're pretty long, so I kinda bite down on the whole nail. Its hard to explain but its comforting to me.
9 Tickle Kesi. He hates it. And I kinda love that he hates it. The effed up thing is that he's so ticklish! I can't even kiss his neck without him putting my face into a head-shoulder vise.
10 Sing. Damn it, I can sing. Harmony mostly. Its just that I oversing the music. And some people, who actually wanna hear Alicia keys sing her song, don't like that. Meh.
11 Eat junk food. I am pretty sure that if I really wanted to lose this weight I keep complaining about, all I'd really have to do is lay off the doritos and fries for a second. But they're so good!
12 Give people the silent treatment. I'll get into a THING with a person, or decide that they've done something wrong. Then I won't talk to them for the rest of ever. I'll just seethe at them. That's not good. Then they think I have a tude, when there's a valid reason why I've stopped liking them. For example, chick who said gays should be stoned. I have been around her since then and my body seizes and all these bad things pop into my head that I could say to her. But I don't. I don't even say, "what you said to me a month ago really effected my feelings toward you and I think we should stay away from each other." no. I just stare at her and walk away before I punch her.
13 Crack my knuckles. And back. And wrist. And ankles. Another bad habit picked up by my tomboy cousins. And plus, I need to crack my hands because of all the crocheting and writing. But the other night while lying in bed I swung my right leg over to the left and cracked my back. Again, a hearty "damn!" was heard. I don't think it bothers him, but then I try to crack his knuckles. I used to do that to my brother, and now he cracks his own.
Is there anything you should stop doing? Why haven't you?
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I been doing it... I just haven't been taking pix. But I really like this one. Its for a work friend. A gift for her new baby. I "started" it about a week ago, after taking apart what I had worked on for a few days because I didn't like it. That VERY same night I'm on fb and I see another work friend's status "congrats to [redacted] on your new baby girl!!!" damn it! The baby was a month or 2 early. But she was big, so...
If you can't tell, cuz camera phones aren't the best, its lavender, yellow and baby blue. La, the grey didn't look right. I didn't wanna do overly girly colors cuz I know how much that annoyed me as a child. But Walter Lee's having a girl and his chick's fave color is red so I'm gonna do various shades of red.
Am I boring you? I'm going all stream of consciousness about yarn colors, lol. Anyway my next plan is to be in the national black arts fest (or some other annual Atlanta fests) next year. Gotta get that business license though. 2009 is mine!
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I have to brag. About how 2 mistakes, the need for yellow shoes, and sneaking out of work got me the deal of the moment.
So I went to work today after going out drinking with breezy and another coworker, Mary Lou (that's just what I call her). I wasn't hung over, just tired. I called dibs on an early cut cuz I really needed lavender yarn for a baby blanket I am making and my walmart is closed by the time I'm home. Breezy called second cut.
Aaanyway, 6PM comes along and its still slow. Breezy says "man we should just go to the mall, I gotta get me some shades." ok. I got time. So we leave and head down to Lenox, leaving our coworkers in what may have been the beginning of a rush (don't feel bad for them, they're some slackers and it wasn't that busy), and I'm all set to spend my lil $10 off coupon from express and find some yellow pumps to go with my white and purple dress (the one I got for my grandma's party that never happened).
We head to express and they have "$20 off when you try on these jeans!" bitch! You want me to use this coupon, huh? At this point it would have been a total of $40 off because of the type of coupon. I try them on. They fit. Nicely. But they're $88 total. Now I got questions to answer. But I know I can find jeans on the sale rack that fit just as nice... I do. Lovely lil x2s. And a cute lil top too! Yay! So I head to the counter (did I mention breezy is GONE! He has no desire to see me waffle over pairs of jeans. I'm sure Kesi doesn't either, but shoot, its in his contract) and I realize... This thing I printed off the net isn't the coupon! Its a copy of my email! I was in kinkos, in a rush, I never did this before! "its ok. Lots of people do that. I got ya." thank you! "your total is 12.98." wha? The shirt and jeans were 20 each, and with the coupon I was only supposed to save 20. Even with their lil 30% off I still would have had to pay more than this because... I mean its math and its boring but it should have been more than 13, for sure. This is express! "oh yeah I think I used the wrong coupon... Oh well, its done now." I like this guy.
Meanwhile B is spending 50 on a shirt in Macy's. He doesn't know. Just being around me makes everythink cost less.
This is my first Thursday 13. I was confused on the whole thing... Was there a set topic that everyone followed, or do we just wing it? I think there should be some place that suggests topics, but alas, I had to think of a topic and then find 13 things that fit under that umbrella...
Well I figured 13 things. Things that, when I say them, people say, "really? I would have not known that about you."
1 my mom is an ordained minister.
"that explains it." apparently that's what some say when they find out my mom is nationally ordained. Explains my "wild and heathenly" behavior I guess. Even though I'm not either. I'm a responsible and well-adjusted adult with my own perceptions about life based on a set of morals that I either adhere to or rise above. So bah. Anyway she doesn't preach much because she doesn't know her pastor as well as we did back in CT, but she will get teachy on you and send you home with some study tools if you ask her a theological question.
2 I grew up in ct.
"There are black people in CT?" tons actually. Most people see CT as big houses and the richest state in the union, which is true, but my home town is a suburb of the biggest city in America. And all those people don't necessarily live in that city- they live in CT. And some of them are black. When immigrants come to the us they don't stop at Ellis island. My great grand parents went across the long island sound and hung out in Bridgeport, the home of the man who invented the American circus.
3 a few years ago I briefly considered being Jewish.
I saw a documentary where this chick was dating a Jewish man and she was Christian, and they were pregnant. Do you know they found a church that celebrates Jewish holidays? Wow. But I considered it in a way that I could be a Christian but acknowledge the same holidays and things that Jesus did. Since, you know, he was Jewish. I could still do that now, but yall know I really don't do holidays. Mainly because they're overhyped, which Jewish holidays aren't, but I'm soured toward the whole thing, lol. I still wanna learn Hebrew though, so I can read the bible in another language.
4 I can clap with one hand.
This always gets laughs. I can do it with both hands, which makes me look like a retard. But I think its from cracking my knuckles all the time. I wish I could show you, lol.
5 I don't have any sisters.
"you look like this girl. Do you have a sister?" if I was home I'd think maybe you were talking about a cousin, but down here, I don't know none of these chicks that supposedly look like me. My cousin Chelsea and I are about 9 years apart and don't know any of the same people, so they couldn't mean her. No. I aint got no sisters.
6 I don't know much about "old school" r+b.
Meanwhile my best friend has every Stevie album ever. My mom didn't play it. But I know yolanda Adams and Commissioned back and front. Any "secular" music I listened to as a chld is because of my cousins or my dad, who was a DJ in the 80s. I'm working to change that. Sort of. I know The majors, but I had to look up Nina Simone when Stace said something about her the other day. However...
7 if given the option I'd rather go to a rock show.
I love rock. Actually the other day I said that I'd have my first dance to "nothing else matters" by metallica and the SF orchestra. Lol that's a definite possibility. Kesi and I went to see Korn and Disturbed for his 19th birthday. I've seen Eve for free and spent $5 on kanye. But when linkin park came to town last year I was kinda sad I couldn't see them. Rock shows don't have any pretense and its just pure energy. So fun.
8 I've never been in the King ctr.
I've stood on the porch, but never went inside. They were closed that day. I missed that field trip in middle school. I'm sure I'd enjoy it if I went, but I just haven't. No I don't feel like its my duty as a black person to go (thank you white guy at work), but I would like to.
9 I live in a dry house.
My mom doesn't drink, ergo I don't when I'm in the house. Except my 23rd birthday. I mean, yeah its my house, but I think it would be a sign of a drinking problem if I couldn't resist drinking for the benefit of my mom. So I go to the bar occasionally or restaurants and get a professional drank.
10 my favorite movie is "the Lil mermaid."
Its quite deep. All the talk of her being an outsider and wanting to belong... I think it took a different meaning when I was older than when I was a lil ocean/redhead loving 7 year old. I absolutely love that movie. I can't go into it now, lol, but trust me.
11 I used to have a perm.
Then my hair started falling out. It has nothing to do with my percieved "afrocentricity" and more to do with really tight pigtails and curling every day. I was bad to my hair. So I stopped getting perms at age 15. People have panic attacks when I straighten it which makes me think I should re-perm just to make people mad, lol.
12 I hate sweatpants.
I'm wearing the only pair I own, some hand-me-ups from my brother. They're for bed only. I feel like sweats encourage laziness. I haven't owned a pair since 6th grade. 13 I have a blog.
Of course you guys already know this. But people who don't read it are all, really? What do you write about? Am I in it? Haha. The answer to that last one is probably. I never tell anyone they can't read it though, but they never ask for the page! My coworker wants me to review her artist's CD (she's a promoter) but I haven't listened to it yet. Not for any reason besides the fact that I literally forgot about it.
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So Kesi and I had this epic talk Saturday night. Not like, world shattering epic, more like we talked like we haven't in a long time. Its very rare that we're up together til 4am and fully dressed if you catch my drift.
Our convo ran the gamut of a lot of things, mostly stuff the other person wasn't there for. We talked about who I was before...
"if he was around I might as well talk to him, cuz everything about you changed." I don't think that was an exact quote, but that was the gist. And looking back, I see that its true. "you dress different. You're more comfortable now. Even back when we first started out you were starting to open up more."
Gosh, when I think about these things... How long its really been, and how true the things he said are... But that's honestly not what this entry is about. Its about how easy it is to get lost in another.
I could have lost- or never had- everything that I am. I didn't know how important this person that I am now, how important she is. To me and to the world. I'm not tooting my own horn here, I'm just saying that if I wasn't here today there are people who would miss me.
I know someone who is like that now. Everything she says is "we/us/together" yada yada yada. Despite the fact that Kesi and I have been together for 6.5 years (ooh OOH!), we still have separate identities, then we have us. There isn't much difference between who we are together and apart, but one of us is not lost in the other. Its more complementary than overpowering.
This chick... I don't know her well enough that way to be like, "you need to find yourself." I remember a time when I was perfectly ok with following someone in whatever they wanted to do and be- a background singer to their rock star if you will. But I know what she's going through. She's blinded. Not by a bad guy per se, its just the way things are. Its easy to see someone with ambition and fall in love with it. Its also easy to let them lead. But...
(I think I'm rambling. Bear with me.) when I look at Barbie I know I could have been her. Oh so literally. I could have had that baby and had to make the choice to stay with Ken even though he's, well, him, or leave and figure things out on my own, with no one to lean on, mainly because he's helped me alienate my loved ones (despite all my bravado a few months ago, its for this reason, and the fact that he's not helping her see that Christianity is an aspiration, that I still answer some of her texts). I could have been swallowed up in his bravado and charisma, his cult of personality. It would have been far worse for me than it is for her, cuz I love deeper than she. Likewise, I see this woman hitting the same path. Standing in the background and never taking the lead. Maybe getting married because he asked. Moving in because it seems "time." loving because he loves, and she thinks no one else will or could. Having earth shattering arguments yet snuggling next to him in bed that night.
And what could you do without him? Who could you be? Where is your future?
Its everywhere. Life goes the fuck on. Cry once and realize that you're still in your skin. Do something. Be someone. Cuz shadows disappear when the lights come on.
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*kesi said the black cartoon from the nuvaring commercial looks like me. If you see that commercial lemme know, lol. He said it even has my bathingsuit strut. Its VERY new. I just saw it Monday for the first time.
Is it possible to have your own personal culture? I think my fairly gigantic (did I mention I have a big fam?) family has their own culture. Their own ways. It basically revolves around saying what you feel cuz no one will remember or even maybe hear you anyway.
This comes to my mind because my friend who I went to hs with came to town and we hung out for a day at her parents' house. This same house was the setting of a strange moment for me. Here's what happened:
*Her parents have some pda moment and share a lil cutey pie kiss. *I say, "ew, old people love!" in a dramatically comedic way. *Later her dad talks to her for an HOUR about what he feels is my "rudeness."
Now I feel that my mom or dad and their significant others (except notsomuch my dad, as his girlfriend is 12 years old), or even La's parents would have laughed along. Matter of fact, I call La's dad old all the time. He calls me fat. This is our way. Is it because I know them on a different level? Meh. Anyways...
So I kinda walked on eggshells at my friend's house all of 7 years later. Made sure to be the kind of polite I would maybe have been at a church I was visiting. But not my home church in CT, as I know them like family and we too have a rapport. Lol.
For the most part I'm considered colorful and funny, and I know I get that from my mother. She has an opinion and though it can be strong and sometimes really narrow (she once said porn created child molesters), sometimes it can be light and fun too. And she taught us to say what we feel. Sometimes- most times- its taken well. And sometimes people wanna talk about my rudeness for an hour.
Clearly this is something that has affected me from then on. And I'm not the only one that thinks my friend's parents are a lil tight, so...
Anyway, is it strange that I have a cousin who lives around the corner from me and I only communicate with her after work on the trains? I have her number, and she has mine, but we never call or text. Also, I just found out she has 20 brothers and sisters. 20! Not all of them are related to me. But about.... Let's give an estimate here... 12, including her, are. My uncle, the one that likes to scare people, and whose son scared me on the train this past winter, despite the fact that he is a lil slow, has a baseball and a basketball lineup, lol. Man I'm stopping at 4. I don't know what I'll do to stop after that, but shoot its clear my fam is hella fertile.
And I'm gonna see them really soon! I'm not gonna share too many details cuz they end up falling through, but I'm going home! Wooo!
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So I was watching Robin Thicke's "lost without you" video today, and I decided to share one of my wants with you guys.
Before I tell you what it is, I wanna say that a few months ago I spent time talking to the wife of an R+B singer songwriter (which one isn't important) and I absolutely love her. When I hear some of his songs on the radio, knowing that he wrote some of them and continues to write songs, I wonder if he's thinking specifically about her. Of course I imagine he is, and the fact that she's so cool makes it easier. And it also makes me SO JEALOUS!
You guys, I want a song.
I didn't realize this was true until my friend (another friend) had a song written about her by her best friend. They weren't even dating! He was apparently inspired by a sermon they listened to together about purity. How sweet is that? Ugh. HATE! K, I love you, but I hate you!
I know a lot of burgeoning musicians. And a few tend to write songs about their loves. I ask Kesi when he's gonna write a song about me... I know it can't be rushed but I'm so antsy! I'm jealous. I think he made an instrumental for me, but he never actually said its for me. And he's written poems for me (shut up, he's a very good writer and I write poems to him too), but now that he's a musician about himself, I want to be among the ranks of Katy Perry (cupid's chokehold), even though her boyfriend is kinda ratty, and all the others I mentioned.
So... Get with it baby! :)
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here is that fool singing on the train. unfortunately you cannot see him until he stops singing, because i didnt want to encourage him singing in my face again. so they were waaaaaay down the car when i started taping. also, the chick who called him over was dancing with him before i started tapoing her. he said her flavor was 'butter scotch.' ugh! also, he claimed to have been on american idol and making the band 4. i shudder to think what they did when he came across diddy's people. and check out his "oooh yeah..." in that one woman's face before he walked back over to my side.
*apparently my ex, Ken, drunk texted a mutual friend of ours bitching her out because she suggested they watch "Juno" and he didn't like it. Whatever he texted her was so rude she wouldn't repeat it. This is a grown ass man ladies and gents, getting mad over a movie review.
*my thumb swells when its hot out. Why is that? Sometimes its my pinkie, and only on the left hand. It gets tight and itchy. Weird.
*the devil's gatorade strikes again. I had put it in my locker after it offended my shorts on Friday (btw the stain came out in the wash), and I decided last night I was thirsty. After getting home late last night I picked it up when I got out of the car, and it spilled all in/on my purse! What the?!? I didn't even bother to take it in the house. I just threw it in the trash. Bitch ass gatorade. I knew I shoulda got vitamin water.
*red ink heals really nastily. It looks like an open wound. Or like "the white meat," as we call it when you really skin yourself and you see the vessels under it? Either way its bad and wrong. Interestingly enough, my flower turned brown as it started healing and now its turning red again. Its like it wilted and died and then came back.
*when I went to Psycho Sisters to get my scarf and shades (see pic) there was a lil white girl, probably about 7, singing jeezy's "put on for my city." she knew all the words and was trying to put in some notes and whatnot! Then I started smiling at her and she got all shy. It was so funny. Imagine a lil girl singing "call me jeezy Hamilton, flying down campbellton..."
*speaking of lil girls, I love that commercial where the lil girl has a dairy queen fort and her dad gets played by her, then when he comes back the dairy queen is "closed." so funny!
These are the texts I sent La at 1125-1130 PM, July 3, 2008.
*Oh God someone is singing and my mp3 player died. He's apparently singing about an "ice cream girl" and asking people what their flavor is. And now there's people playing his song!!! Oh God! This must stop!
*I wish I was lying. Now he's dancing! This is fooley Wang to the fullest!
*And people got the nerve to wanna join in! I hope you're not asleep. I can't take it Jesus.
They eventually left and came back singing a "love in the club" remix. Trust I got video. I'll have it up here ASAP. Just to clarify they texts, apparently I thought he was trying to sing/ hit on a chick, then his homey came up with the casio joint playing the song, and another dude had a camera... Apparently this will be on youtube tonight so if you see a chick with an afro, a frown, and a wife beater, that was me just trying to make it home from work cuz that Negro was in my face. His name... Was SKIIBO. No lie. Can't make it up.
This is just why I takes my camera everywhere.
Jesus, you were a carpenter, now please be a fence.
this picture will not be up long. just know i am a person that keeps her promises.
sunflower= uniqueness and friendship
calla lily= pure love
fitting, huh?
also, kesi decided, after seeing his chick "man up" and get tatted, he wants one too (he's seen his bros get one but the place they were at was kinda low budget, lol). he was trying to waver, so i made him sign a promisory note. i would post it but it has his whole name on it. it says:
"i, (his name), do hereby promise to get a tattoo as repayment for my girlfriend joy c (my last name)'s undying love and affection, and her future promise to have my children."
ha! and he signed it! im so excited!!!! he already decided he wants 3. yes!
...is a stripper. Now, I've always been the type to not judge, so when she told me this I was like ok. It was actually like:
Me: So where you working now?
Her: (insert the name of a downtown gentlemen's club)
Me: Oh so that's why you been stopping by (place that I saw her) so much.
One of two things occurred here. She was expecting a REACTION from me, and she should know by now that that's not my style. Or she was expecting me to be level headed and tell her to get another job, and that aint my place. But where I am unjudgemental, others are not so much.
"man, she can do better than that."
"she gave me a lap dance last night! Woo dog."
"knowing her, its probably more than stripping..."
Sigh. I don't know what to say. And I really don't kno what to do. The more people that turn away from her, the more that makes me not want to turn. Cuz that's the type of person I am. However, she's throwing a "party" at her "job" and invited me. I definitely don't wanna go to a strip club alone. And is she gonna be working? Cuz I also don't want to see my friend nekid. I've had enough of that in the past. (If I haven't seen you naked, I don't want to. And if I have seen you naked, I probably didn't want to in the first place, but these things keep happening to me!) I thought about taking Kesi with me but I want him to see my friend naked way less than I actually want to see it. I thought about taking Breezy with me, but I don't wanna take somebody else's man to the club. And now I'm thinking I'm not gonna go. I'm thinking as I type.
Did I mention she's lost weight? I mean, she looks cute, its not like cracky weight loss, but its apparently thanks to the pole workout. Not fair! I'm breaking a sweat every day at work and she gets a higher salary AND she's thinner than me? And she didn't lose her booty. Hate!
So yeah I had to just get that out. I've had deviant friends, one is even a professional drag queen who likes to dress up as the yellow ranger at dragon*con, but I've never had a stripper friend. Is there a decorum? Things to say or not say? Hopefully this will end well, with her transitioning to an office job and not being someone's trophy wife or baby mama... I'll just keep rambling if I don't stop now. Night...
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Its been a while since I've done a hate list. But considering right now, I'm feeling particularly hateful. But not so much that I can think of more than 5 things that I hate right now. They're big things, but not many things. Its the quality, not the quantity.
1. Late deliveries. Our stock delivery was late at work. And we're very busy. Here are the things we ran out of: *grande cups *Fat Free milk *soy milk *cup sleeves *creme frap base *coffee frap base *coffee light frap base *sugar *Vanilla syrup *"classic" syrup *lemonade Meanwhile we had back to back groups of young adults, which means they wanted frapucinos. Do you know how much money we lost? Additionally, we have ads all over the store for blended lemonade and mint mocha fraps, so of course people want that, and get pissed when we say we don't have it, which I can understand. Then our manager went and got us some frap mix, and we subsequently ran out of mocha and whipped cream. Yay! Yesterday was the wackness.
2.T pain's top hats They're getting bigger. What is he? The ringmaster of coonery? Its not a hot look. Neither are the golds that make his teeth look yellow. And his face doesn't do anything for the equation either. And he wears them everywhere? He must have like 50 top hats of various heights, each reflecting the foolishness of the particular event he's at. The one at the BET awards was the biggest so far.
3. Duffy's dimples Don't get me wrong. I really like Duffy. "serious," "syrup and honey" and "rockferry" are really good songs. I tend to sing along at work. But watching her sing makes me not like the song. I don't think its just the dimples, but they're there even when her face isn't moving and that's weird. I think its more that her voice doesn't go with her face, in my opinion, and so I rather imagine that she looks like she's gone through some stuff. Like Adele. I believe her. She doesn't look packaged.
4. Black men with mohawks. The only acception is Kesi's brother H. He has this loose, curly hair that works for the hawk. But when you're fashioning your afro into a hawk? It needs to stop. I automatically think you're a poseur. Yes, you're such a poser you deserve the "u" added in. H got his mohawk for symbolic reasons (he had one last year too. If you feel like checking the late may/early June archives there's pics there) and it happens to look great. But you, Mr Ed Hardy shirt? Bah to you. You are lame.
5. Gatorade I just missed the bus, so I decided to go to the lil cultural market (its really a corner store owned by Africans, but its not on a corner and they sell African, Caribbean and Spanish food there) and get me a bev. You know, cuz its hot. So I open my drink, and it flies out, leaving drops of red ass drink on me and the bag of "going out" clothes I have in my hand. And on me. So now I'm pissed cuz I'm nowhere near a sink or washing machine, and these shorts I plan to wear are white and light blue sailor stripes. WHITE! And LIGHT BLUE! Ugh. So now I have to figure out how to get this stain out and not be late for work. I have 20 minutes to get off the train and to work, change into my uniform and get a stain off my shorts so they can dry while I work. Not happening. I can't leave it because it'll set in and I'll be even more pissed. And did I mention I've never worn these shorts? Argh! I wanna hit somebody. And I lost most of my appetite for the drink, since spilling it on my shirt makes me look like a 5 year old... Hate.
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Who knew itd take 2 days to program a phone?! I got a new blackberry, same one as the old one, but... New. I was gonna get the 8130 but all it has is a higher res camera and video capabilities and wifi. I don't need none of that and it aint worth $50 extra. So there. My new phone is red! Its so sexy. Lol. And yep, it took me 2 days to take off all the phone numbers and addresses and personal stuff so I could sell the old one. Now, apparently you can do this via PC, but everything's set up on Kesi's PC and its all the way at his house, where I am not. So I did it joy's way. And I have a hand cramp.
The gas tank had a leak. I mean probably all the gas is drained out. Gas is too expensive to be leaking out on the ground like that. It better act like it got some sense. So the car had to be towed and we're not sure when it'll be fixed. Bah. Meanwhile I'm relying on the bus and kesi's mom (my street is long and dark, so...), and if you've been reading my blog for a while you know she likes to "speech." the other night Kesi was outside having deep convos with his friend/ coworker, and I'm inside his job talking to a few other coworkers (more on that later), and so mom sees him out there when she came to pick us up and when I get out the car she lectures him on fidelity and the like. What? It was a conversation! Luckily we have trust in our relationship. He thinks nothing of the fact that I go to parties and clubs with other dudes and I don't care if he did the same (which he doesn't, which is why I go to the club with other people- he's not really a club dude). Its me telling him not to have female friends and him telling me not to have male friends that would drive one of us to be unfaithful, in my opinion. Anyways....
While he was outside, I was inside finding out that his coworker that is from my hometown went to the church I grew up in! Not only that, but my Godsister is her kids' Godmother! And my godmother, day care extraordinaire, took care of her kids before she moved down here. She knows all my peoples! Small world man. My mom was a minister with her aunt. The list goes on, lol.
*Can you say that gay people should be stoned in this day and age? I mean, can you be a young black woman with biracial kids, and be so bigotted and ignorant as to say that gays should be stoned for the protection of said children? Seriously. And accordingly, can this cordiality I have with you continue, knowing that you're so narrow minded and foolish that you would not only think but say such a thing? To me? A rational and loving human being with some sense? Sigh.*
This girl I work with is such a pain. She leaves messes everywhere and will litterally walk away from making drinks so that she can ring up guests (and possibly make tips). Tonight she banked out first and "left" me, exiting with the words, "wow, you're really behind..." meanwhile I left before her because despite wanting to be a cashier all the time she can't count and her drop is always wrong. I am thinking of calling her "green card,". Not because she's an immigrant, but because she was singing Lil Boosie's "independent" and we swear she was singing "she got a green card, she got a green card..." we were like what? So now that's our new song when she does something dumb, which is often. Today she walked away from a whole row of drinks... To take more orders. I was already taking care of the guests and she could have made those drinks, but she's determined to stand her ass at the register. She's so wack. And lazy. And I'm over it.
On to better things. 7 days til whitewater! This will be infinitely better than last year's attempted trip. You know, the one that was canceled by a death in the family. So let's all cross our fingers that everyone that I, Kesi, Breezy and Walter Lee's lives makes it safely to Saturday and beyond.
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No, I'm not asking you to read my blog, cuz um, duh. I'm not even speaking about this particular post. What I'm asking you to do is read in general. At least do so before you comment or email.
What do we owe each other as owners of blogs? Nothing, really. You choose of your own will to read what I write. I do the same for you. Sometimes I feel moved to make a comment. Sometimes you do too. A topic-relevant comment. I do NOT owe you advertisement. I will ignore you. So hard. You will get the internet equivalent of the stone face. I will net-mug the hell out of you. I'm not going to tell my friends about some article you wrote unless I read it and go "hey, yeah!" Your emailing me means nothing if I've never heard of you before. I realize people wouldn't know what annoys you until you tell them. So here I am. Rashan, La and I were talking about this this weekend. And then Adei and I a few days ago. I remember one of my first posts was about how I hate sales people because they manipulate situations so they can make their pitch and try to sell you stuff you don't need. I hate it equally online. And I'm through. On to other things that's on my mind.
Yep, La and I met Rashan. We went to Cafe Intermezzo, and had drinks and a light dinner. Or at least I feel like it was light. The place didn't seem like the type to have big steaks and whatnot. Anywhoo, we laughed and tripped and La's fam just happened to have the same idea of where to go... So they showed up and crashed the table for a minute. We spent a lot of time talking about the people we could see out the window, some of whom were drunk or unfortunately dressed. Rashan was shorter than I thought he'd be for some reason. That's not to say he's short, but I had him at 6 foot. I always think people are gonna be taller than they are. He also had his name tag on from work, lol. I know where he works! Haha. Considering what he does (I'm not saying what) I wouldn't figure he'd need a name tag. I emailed Jameil cuz she said we were lame for meeting him, as if it were so easy to head up to PA and say hi, lol. But she's headed down to Fla, and if she doesn't come up to Atlanta I may cry, lol. And the best, most unexpected thing about the night was that he paid! For the whole bill! Then he was like, "you guys can take care of the tip," at which point Lauren and I just throw down money. "Aren't you gonna look at the bill first?" nope. We both know what its like to work for tips and our waitress was nice, if a lil weird, so we hooked her up. Personally my whole weekend was funded by tips, and I know how good that feels. Let's see what else? I'm not going in any particular order... Oh, we took pictures, and I sent the one of me and Rashan to him, but I can't post it here cuz I'm on my phone. And curiously, the picture of him and la is gone hmmm... The same thing happened in Miami. Interesting, huh? Wonder how that happened.
Watched Michelle O on the view thea morning. She has great legs. She clearly wasn't a tomboy. Cuz my knees are dark. Besides that she's cool and interesting and I love what she said about her oldest daughter's feelings about crowds. "they're not here for me. I just smile and wave and go sit down." ha! What a clever lil chickie. There was nothing of note on the show really, but I'm sure they'll find some controversy and take something out of context. Womp womp.
I'll have new crochet pix soon! Yay! Have a great day!
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"Do you wanna just go tomorrow?" "maybe, I gotta see what my daddy wants to do for his day." "I KEEP forgetting tomorrow is fathers day!"
I keep forgetting because its been over a year since I've talked to my dad. I've talked about him before, all the drama, but since he chose to not come to my brother's graduation I haven't said boo to him. At one point I wanted to renew the facets of our relationship and have him fix my car, but his number is disconnected, so... At this point I figure if you really missed us, you'd call MY number has been the same for years.
Yesterday, kesi's dad's girlfriend's daughter (yes, all that is necessary... She's separated from us by trifling people) called him. We were napping, as we are wont to do, and his voice was very deep and scratchy as he was telling her, "fathers day is very busy, I can't just not go to work... Nope, I can't come by tomorrow... I don't know we'll see..." etc. She's 13 and doesn't really understand what it is to be fed up with her father like Kesi and I are. Her father died when she was 5. But she lives with Kesi's dad and he's the closest thing she has. Funny how people can be one thing to some people and something else to others. My dad is currently taking care of his girlfriend's child too, I would suppose.
Kesi's brother, H, and I were in the kitchen talking one night and somehow the conversation turned to our wedding: would he be in it, why don't Kesi and I just go get married and spend the money on some big vacation, etc. "will you feel bad if your dad doesn't walk you down the aisle?" I wouldn't. Ok, maybe on some level. But I've got two brothers who would do it. Or a close friend. Someone who's been there more than he has. Of course, traditionally, it would be nice for him to do that, but at the same time, who's to say I wouldn't temporarily have him in my life just for him to disappear again, and then I'm stuck with him tainting the memory of my wedding? And you may say, well the day is not about him, and that's true, and that's why I don't care if he doesn't walk me down the aisle.
Don't get me wrong, my dad isn't all bad. Its just... Its as if there's 2 of him, and I can't really reconcile that. There's the one guy is so proud of me, shows me off to everyone, takes me on boat trips, moves to a different state because his children were moving, calls Kesi his son in law, comes through when I need him, fixes up a friend's hair salon in return for a cheaper hair do for me. Then there's the guy who gets arrested 5 times in Atlanta, leaves the state (long term) without telling us, misses one son's graduation, doesn't know the other's on the way to Iraq, doesn't call, and picks some chick he barely knows over us. I never know what I'm going to get. I don't know him as well as I think I do.
About a week ago, Kesi and I were laying in bed, about to nap, as we are wont to do, when I started reciting: "I love you. You love me." when I would pause, he would nod. "we're a happy family. " "we're not a family." "yes we are." "but we don't have any kids. When we have kids, then we'll be a family." I think he's wrong, but he's right too. And I know that when we do have kids, it will be different. He'll do better. And I won't forget to honor him on father's day.
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i just finished reading "when you are engulfed in flames" by david sedaris. last year Jameil advised me to read another of his books and i fell in love with him. im passing that book onto my friend sammy sam because she saw david on the daily show and fell in love with him. i recommend you buy this book. the thing that inspired the title? pure comedy. i was quoting it and laughing and people were very concerned about me. lol so buy it ok? its definitely inspiring the short story writer in me. how he remembers all this is beyond me. but im glad for it.
i just bought NERD's "seeing sounds." im listening to it now. there's a song called "kill joy." damn!!! be that way pharell! after all ive done? psh... anywas i really like "anti matter." the chick on that song, you can almost hear her neck rolling, lol. also, the drums on this album are on point. i love drums. i wish i could play. im not very good at multitasking my whole body toward one thing. i tried once, and got upstaged by a drag queen.
kesi and i just got from Yasin's seafood. i had a po' boy and he had enough whiting to feed his whole family... i mean even the ones in missouri, lol. it was so good. his mom said i be leaving food in the fridge all the time. i dont mean to!!! i just be forgetting! i leave the house at like 2 in the morning and im not thinking about my leftovers. in the middle of the conversation and i was like "ooh you got fudge pops?!?!?!" she was semi amused. but damn it if i dont want that fudge pop right now!!! btw there's half a po' boy in the fridge....
i want that fudge pop so bad cuz its hot!!!! i mean, record breaking temps down here. and aside for a total of 20 minutes the past 2 days, we havent seen rain since aprilish. im sweating in really not nice places. i'll let you think about that. i had a temper tantrum the other night because i was sweating behind my knees. at NIGHT!!! evil! who does that? full dislosure, ive been trying to go without a bra as much as possible. i am currently hating these gifts god has given me, simply because they require a harness. on the upside, its perfect weather for Whitewater!!!! we're going to the water park!!! i plan on spending quite a bit of time in the lazy river, getting my puffy blue-black (or in my case, caramel-bronze) on. kesi will be getting his amber- honey on. light skinned people always remind me of baked chicken at the end of summer.
because its hot and rainless, the water stinks. algae overpopulation for about the past few weeks. its gross cuz then you smell funny when you get out of the shower. you dont smell fresh and clean, you smell like algae, which iosnt bad, just indescribable. and at work, its interesting to wash things in this smelly water. rinse things out. some places had up signs that said "water smells today, we suggest bottled water." its not bad to drink, but im sure it has a tinge of sea monkey to it. you know what else smells? chai. i dont know how los angelista drinks it so much. maybe it changes with the milk. but once i got it on my hands, i then had to choose between smelling that or the weird water. i chose the water cuz its not brown and sticky (btw all starbucks use filtered water in beverages, so dont worry!). in ct sometimes the water would be brown, and they'd tell us not to drink it. but it never smelled....
1 lloyd's hair is delicious. If you didn't know, I have a *thing* for dudes with long hair. 2 this beat is ridic. PM dawn? Help me out here. 3 i needs the kaleidoscope glasses. :50 and 1:25
enjoy
lloyd featuring sonic the hedgehog- "all around the world"
Today is my grandmother's birthday! She's 80. How cool is that? I talked to her earlier while she was eating lunch and she told me she wasn't in the mood for cake. That's fine. I'll have a cookie in your honor. I lived with her for a few years when I was younger, so I know she doesn't like to be fussed over. This task can be a hard one, considering that you have so many offspring, and especially so when you turn 80. We had a surprise party for her 75th and she smacked my cousin (lightly) for not ruining the surprise. I have a great pic of her and Kesi and she's giving him this look. A look that says, "you may be new here, but you should know I don't like surprises!" ever since then she's been trying to steal him from me, lol. of course she had fun. Sat at the head of the table, and when it was time to cut the cake she prayed and thanked God for the (big) room full of people that loved her. You couldn't help but get a lil emotional over that. I miss her. Hopefully I'll get to see her soon.
In conclusion, I just found out I can mail pix to my blog, so I'll leave you with one. The oldest and, as of right now, youngest members of my family.
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So. When last I left you I was putting thoughts of my friend's parents out of my head. Today is no better. But first let's talk about cashiering.
I've mentioned before that as a cashier people drive me crazy. They do stupid things like making their own lines and complaining about the price of stuff as if you can do anything about it. Every Sunday morning towards the end of my days there, I would meet the woman who took the prize for the most annoying guest evar.
She'd come in, slowly, as she was McCain-aged. She was a skinny lil woman, old but still blonder than grey, which seemed natural for some reason. She'd get her paper, then go to the pharmacy. Then you'd hear Dr Li over the intercom, "Jeff to the pharmacy, Jeff to the pharmacy." Jeff was the jerky supervisor. He'd smoke EVERY 45 minutes, no matter what. Anyway. Jeff would talk to this woman about whatever insolvable problem she was having in the pharm. When they were done, she'd continue shopping and then come to me. At this point she'd either thank me for having mayfield butter pecan ice cream in the big tubs, or she'd ask me 12 times if I could order some. Then I'd tell her I don't do the order and mayfield brings in what they want essentially, and she'd ask for my manager. "Jeff to the front counter." that would take another few minutes. At some point she would complain about being charged too much tax on her items, and how it was supposed to be 3% and not 5%. Then we'd tell her she needed to call the government about that... This happened EVERY WEEKEND! Every! And I worked Sunday mornings, so she knew noone but me. And I'd have to explain this to her every weekend. I'm getting annoyed just thinking about it.
So yeah, photos. There were rules to the photos. You had to check all the pix for quality and content. We have to make sure there's no illegal activity in the pix, and if there is we have to report it. And trust me, even if you send them off to be developed, that's true. If you go to wolf camera and do the digital thing, its true. Someone you don't know is looking at your pix. Haha! Someone has seen your worst, most incriminating picture! Some people tended to send off their items, rather than having the doll faced 18 year old develop them. I was the only one qualified in the photo area. You couldn't get one hour til I got out of school, lol. It wasn't that it was so hard, but our store was just that raggedy.
So yeah, despite the fact that I never had to develop naked pix, it didn't mean I didn't see them. For one thing, one day there was a mix up from ko.dak and the photos were not in the packs. So that meant I had to kind of try to figure out which went with what. The fact that some of the people came in and got theirs that day made it easy, but at the end of things there were still a few left, and I had to try to figure out where they went. There was one guy who would get slides developed (snore) so his was easy. Then there were some people who I knew from the neighborhood. Cool. Then there was Mr K, who would come get pix done like every week. I remembered cuz he had one of those hard, Polish names with the unneccessary letters. So since I knew what he looked like, I figured I'd look through the photos and see if I could find him. And I found him... And about 15 naked people. Apparently he takes pictures of ORGIES! Is this a weekly thing? At least there's a nice mix of races here... Ew they're all old! The whole roll is naked! Oh my God how am I going to look at this man? Isn't he married? Is his wife one of these fleshy old people? I have not had enough sex to be scarred like this. I may never have sex again. Oh my head. It hurts....
These are the thoughts that went through my head. I was seriously shocked and disgusted about the whole scenario. Despite all that, it wasn't as bad as the OTHER time I saw some naked pictures.
So as the chick with the sweet job at the pharmacy, my friends would come in for the hook up. I think the statute of limitations are up, so I will say that I would ring people up for the cheap stuff and let them get away with the more expensive things. One time my friend, one who tended to brag about his... Gifts... Wanted me to grab his photos. I did so gladly, since he had recently been fired for hitting me with a wiffle bat(it was funny, but the manager didn't see it that way). I also gladly decided to look at them. Glad turned to "oh lord why!" turned out they were pix of him and his naked high school girlfriend! Ahhh! No! Why?! And, it turns out, he was not as "gifted" as he claimed. He could have kept that, lol. If you have been reading my blog long you know that we ended up working together and I eventually told her that I saw her naked. What you don't know is that she was 2 years younger than us and that was illegal. Through no part of my own doing, the police investigated him for statutory rape and I THINK the pix were involved. He didn't get sent to jail though. And you KNOW I told my friends. Some of which were his friends... So it was quite an inside joke, he and his lil homey...
So that's my adventures with my high school job. I had fun there, in addition to the traumas. Maybe that's why I love working around strangers, you never know what to expect. Lol.
so id been thinking of getting a barack the vote tee for a LONG time. i think since my birthday. but i had decided that i'd wait until he secured the mon, despite the fact that the price would go up. THEN, kesi asked me what i wanted him to buy me with his stimulus check, and i couldnt resist. well....
it came yesterday!
is it a coincidence? is it a coincidence that the as i was trying it on, mr O was 5 and counting away from becoming the democratic nominee? id like to think it isnt. i spent the night text-yelling "5! 4! he's the nominee!" at everyone who would listen.
i think i have a problem.... lol im a bit obsessed. and lastly, an excerpt from the hilarious text comedy stylings of Joy and La:
La: i think im a bit overwhelmed. a black man is the presidential nominee. the most degraded, discounted, depressed and oppressed entity in this country. jesus christ. me: woo hoo! go black man, its your birthday! im gonna use this as a jumping point every time i see a negro doing somthing stupid. "so a black man is the presidential nominee, and youre cheating on your girlfriend? hmmm." LMFAO thats perfect! a black man is the dem nominee, and you came at me with that wack line? bah. LMFAO! a black man is the presidential nominee and u cant find weave that matches your real hair? no ma'am.
From 2000 to 2003 I worked at the cvs down the street from my house in The Point. When I was first hired it was as a stocker, because of course you can't do anything without knowing the store first. Then I became a cashier, and sometimes worked in the pharmacy when they needed help (if it wasn't illegal then, it is now. I should not have been sorting pills, even if it was rechecked by a pharmacist). My favorite job, though it wasn't an all day position except after holidays, was the photo shop. Checking in overnight orders. Breaking open one time use cameras (which, if for some reason you are still using them, you can do at home and save the batteries. You can also electrocute yourself, so be careful, you who lives in the 90s!), using the "black bag," and developing pictures. One hour photo was my favorite part because I am a bit of a voyeur and I like to see other peoples lives without actually committing to being friendships (blog anyone?). All of these areas have their... Interesting points... Especially when people's private parts are at issue.
So in case you didn't do the math, I was at the edge of 16 when I started working at the pharmacy. I was a junior and needed some money in my pocket. And 2 kids in my class already worked there, with more to come soon, thank God. The 2 parts of being a stocker are stocking, naturally, and customer interaction. The want to know where everything is. Even stuff that's right in freaking front of them. I mean, like, rightthere. Then there's the country folk. This man asked me repeatedly for some "tomanal" I was like, I don't know what that is... "tomanal! For a headache!" oh, TY-LEN-OL. It was like on Austin powers where he kept saying "fajja," instead of father. Then of course there's the fun of having the key to the condom/ pregnancy test/ "ointment" case. Picture old men coming for their condoms and finding out this baby-faced teen is the thing keeping them from getting some that night. Loved to watch them squirm. Of course then there's the women who wanna ask me which version of monistat is the best. The one that works the quickest, I guess, geez.
And then there was the time we found some 20 bins of makeup that someone was too lazy to stock, so we got free reign of the stuff for a dollar a piece. I'm talking, loreal, revlon, cover girl, stuff they had since stopped making. 3 bottles of this blood burgundy revlon nail polish that looked delicious on me. I still have unopenned stuff in a big bubblegum container somewhere in my house. La and my mom wrecked shop.
On to working in the pharmacy. For the most part, they needed someone to man the register so they could concentrate on the actual pharm stuff. And it was the best place to be when you had homework. The night pharmacist was a lovely Korean man whose name I cannot remember! I wanna say Dr Li, or some other one syllable situation. Anyway, Li didn't mind if you had your pre-cal (yep, 11th grade, pre-cal) books out as long as when a customer came up you took care of it and he didn't have to get involved unless they asked. Which meant you had to know to look in the fridge for some stuff and tell the people how to mix it, etc. Of course the people would bug him anyway. When it was exceptionally busy, I mighta been asked to count out some pills. They had these lil baskets with the pills and the prescriptions already in them, and all I had to do is count out however many and stick the labels on the plastic bottles and put the pills in there. Then Li or one of the techs would come after and check to make sure you did it right. This is how I found out that a the father of a boy I had known since 6th grade, and also worked with at the time, was using Via.gra. Ew! I did not wanna think of them having the sex. I do remember him coming to get them that evening. I think I got a ride home from them that night too. To this day... I swear the image of my hand holding a bottle of viagre with his name on it is seared in my head. *banging my head* Repress! Repress!
Ok I'll stop there. I need to go rinse my brain. Tomorrow I'll get to the juice: photo shop!
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*Wake up late, all snuggly and rested. *meet Jeremy to give him money. *Oz pizza, yum. *Harold and Kumar *come home and hang out and stare into each other's eyes lovingly.
Yeah... Not so much. Kinda, but not really.
After I got up for my requisite morning bathroom run, I went back to sleep for a few minutes before Kesi says, "my phone is wet." um, what? Dude, I'm the one who talks in my sleep.
So I open my eyes and roll over and he's literally wiping his phone off. It would not turn on. The razr, may it rest in peace. So its 1130 and he decides to head to the phone shop. "do you wanna come with me?" no. I'm still asleep. At some point he comes back and has to use my phone to transfer money within his accts. And then I go back to sleep again. And wake up at 2.
Kesi has already met up with Jeremy and he's at home letting his phone charge. So I decide to get dressed. Why, oh why, did my mother tell me that I wasn't dressed appropriately? First of all, what is her problem? Secondly, I am 24. Thirdly, there is nothing wrong with what I had on. Army green shorts and a blue and green VS camisole, one of those long ones. And she's like its too much skin. Um, again, 24. Also, its 80 degrees out. I do see, not that I understand, that she will dress like she's going into an air conditioned office even though she has to walk to get on the bus and is sweating by the time she get there, but wah. Hush. I'm no one's mom. I will not dress like it.
Moving on. Finally Kesi and I made it to Oz, the best pizza place ever, and the site of our first (unofficial) date. Got me some lazagna and he had 3 slices of cheeze. We talked and acted silly and when I mused that this was where we had many dates and that we should get married on the little grass lot next to the restaurant(joking!), he said, "no, this is East Point. You gotta think about that." lol. Yeah East Point is kinda low rent. But its a romantic idea! Geez.
Turns out, TI's movie theater isn't showing Harold and Kumar. They are still showing meet the browns, but no H+C? Bah. And before you ask, Kesi was not going to see satc. And that's fine. He's probably never seen an episode of the show. So what do we do now? Go home and watch "the labyrinth" the 80s movie featuring David Bowie and Jennifer Conelly. Yeah it was pretty awesome. A gallery opening I modeled in had some of the puppets from the movie. The movie was good, funny, graphics were good for that time period. But JC was over acting just a lil bit. One thing I noticed is how they played with camera tricks which are probably cheaper than graphics and cgi stuff, and more realistic looking because these things are actually happening, not added in later.
After that I watched graham Norton while Kesi took a nap. I do wonder how we'll accomplish anything once we live together. We mostly sleep when we're able, lol.
So that was my Saturday. I'm currently thinking of writing a few flashback posts, especially now that I've discovered ifoundyourcamera.com, which reminds me of my days as a "photo development specialist." you wouldn't believe the things I've seen...
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"if there was a better way to go then it would find me. i can't help if the road just rolls up behind me. be kind to me, or treat me mean; i'll make the most of it, im an extraordinary machine."
i started this blog to figure out who i was and how to make her better. im still wondering and working on both. i am a work in progress, but i like progress. read on.
