Ena.

Sunday: kesi sent me a text saying she died. I didn't believe it. Partly because it was April fools day and partly because I didn't want to believe it. She was Nicole's best friend. But Nicole and the rest would never think to play such a cruel joke...

Monday: Jeremy calls to ask if we need a ride to the funeral. Its Friday morning. Shit. She really is gone. A car accident. Do I have a black dress? She was such a nice girl. We had anatomy together. She was smart too. Sat next to victor, who sat next to Brandon, who sat next to me. She was always drawing. And I remember her with Nicole, especially when she was pregnant. I took a picture of them too. I think I called her Nicole's baby mama. Lol...

Tues: after the movie kesi and I go to walmart. Besides groceries we need black shirts. I pick up a black sweater, even though its pretty warm out. Its the most appropriate thing I can find. Kesi gets a buttondown. This is the most depressing shopping I've ever had to do. Every time I think of her my body gets loose. I'm so sad about it. She was my age. In the car I ask kesi how he knew her. They went to middle school together and we're in band. She played the baritone. I can see that. This was a girl he grew up with.

Wednesday: I'm at home all day. I show my mom pics of her on Nicole's myspace page. And we look for her obit on AJC.com. I text a few people to make sure they know and come through. God, this is so much.

Thursday: I go to work and look through the paper for her. There she is, and all her nicknames. And among other things, talk of wanya, her godson. He was barely 1 last time I saw him. Such a big head. Cute. My manager is sympathetic. No one I've known in my adult life has died. And when I start talking about how I knew her, the little interaction we had, I can't take it. There are some people you can find fault in. Not her.

Friday: I get up early to get ready. Kesi's mom asks so many questions and tells me I look nice. I have to wear stockings. Jeremy picks us up and we're an hour early. Kesi goes to look at her. I can't take it. I don't want that to be the last way I see her. I sit in the back as he walks up. "she doesn't look the same man." more people come. Christina, jocelyn. People I haven't seen since school ended; people I should have kept up with. The church is packed. Filled with people. I see Nicole walk in with the family and I see her crack a little, which makes me lose it. Damn.

The service was so her. Her art was on the program, along with one of the poems she wrote. Two of her songs played during a slideshow of her life. Her brother and sisters spoke, along with her best friends. Kesi cried. I've never seen him cry. Everyone cried. We laughed at memories and were amazed at her talent. The preacher told us this was just the beginning for her, and life isn't measured in years but in quality. She was quality.

If there was one thing she'd be happy about its how it was such an impromptu reunion. After, we exchanged numbers and I decided to have a potluck one night soon. There was no reason for us to drift apart, and the reason for us coming back together was way too big. It shouldn't have taken a funeral. We're to young to be catching up this way. We need to be making memories every day. How is it that my friend managed to get married and have another baby? I don't want to regret not knowing a person better when its too late to.

I called Lauren after. Her birthday was yesterday. I needed to hear her voice. I thought about her a lot. What if I lost her? I don't want our time to be wasted. I asked her when she was coming back. Soon? I hope. I'm gonna call my grandma tomorrow. I can't wait to see her either.

Rest in peace Aina (ena).
You were a true light.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile