the new addition.

"i'm not going to attack you..."
"I know that. i was just thinking aloud."

actually i wasnt. i was passive aggressively letting this man- nice enough to drive me home- know i would stab him if he tried anything. mentioning that the knife in my purse needed to be replaced. and his calling me out on my bull was the start of my friendship with B.

hard to believe now he was so quiet when he first started working at the hotel. i cant remember how long it took for him to tell me we went to the same high school. i dont remember him from there, though we've probably been crossing paths since i first moved to east point. he lived a mile away from my old house and one of his best friends was in class with kesi. also he had english with my brother. the list goes on.

he started driving me and others home. that's him: worried about your safety and things. also, a young drinker. B looks like my older brother (literally, same skin tone, natural hair, big guy: 200 footballish lbs) but in reality he just turned 21 last week. but we'd go drinking last winter cuz he knows people. alcohol will bring people closer. when we'd be headed home, we'd talk about the girls who liked him from work. there are quite a few; he's a charmer.

he's the newest of my best friends. my club buddy. i laugh at his love for women. its almost an obsession. remember that joke by dave chapelle about how guys have things to impress women, where dave goes, "gotcha bitch"? i think every time B gets a phone number this goes through his head. i try to give him the neutral female perspective of things and listen to his views.

and he's freakin funny. i think of all things i can count on him to make me laugh during the workday. especially when the Hater is around. they get to arguing or something... but when we're with friends its even better. i cant even describe it over a blog.

the nature of our friendship is, i think, a catalyst. whenever the two of us are in the same area, neither can be in a bad mood. and usually neither are the people in the general area. of course there's seriousness, like with the dog, but its mostly fun. the kind of comfy fun that makes people best friends.

face head ass

so in case you hadnt heard, mtv's yo mama is coming to the atl. my bro in law and his best friend are the jone kings. we decided that they should definitely try out.

here's a two of the jokes i heard from them this weekend:

your mama got a grill made out of marta tokens.

your mama sprays afro sheen on her back.

but if you ever been joned, snapped on, or chumped off by someone from the A, then you know there are no mama jokes really. we think the name of the show should be changed to "Face head ass."

all the jokes around here involve one or more of those words. for example: the dude from the party with the suit and tie was refered to as "ole yung joc face." i dont know why this is, but believe that when the show airs, that's what you'll hear more than mama jokes.

i've been tagged!

usually i dont do these because they involve getting on an actual computer, but madam asked...

Three Names You Go By:
joy, kaori, yoj

Three Parts of Your Heritage:
cape verdean, ghanaian, american?

Three Things That Scare You:
losing a loved one, stagnancy, great danes

Three of Your Everyday Essentials:
this phone, chap stick, my coach wallet

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
my boo's sweat shirt, lowrise jeans, my burger king shirt.

Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists: only three? fiona apple, outkast, evanescence

Three of Your Favorite Songs:
super star by lutha, i know by fiona apple, cameltosis by korn

Three Things You Want in a Relationship:
love, respect, friendship

Three Physical Things about the Opposite Sex: eyes, smile, hair

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies:
crochet, writing, being silly

Three Things You want really badly right now: hair color, to not have to go to work so early, for my new pet to eat and survive

Three people you would like to see do this:
kesi, kyle, B

Three Non-Physical Things about the Opposite Sex: humor, compassion, the ability to take care of me when i'm ill.

Three Favorite T.V. shows:
lost, boondocks, big love

Three Songs that you have listened to while completing this meme: a beat by my booski, beautiful by snoop and pharell, my girl by sammie and sean paul.

the omen

so last night was A (of ABC's) costume party. fun times. but not without personal issues.

first i couldnt find the previously mentioned gingham dress- i think i gave it to charity. but i have this really cute red calvin klein party dress that fits the idea.

i curled my hair before work so it would be cute for the party, but i couldnt find hair spray. and it was raining. so my hair was cute but not as cute as it coulda been. way too much body. bad sign.

so after work we headed to the party. it was B and me. i wasnt gonna dress up cuz i didnt wanna be the only one, but when i walked in all the girls were dressed so i went to A's room to change. i effed up and broke my zipper on the back of my dress. how many guys does it take to fix a zipper? apparently more than 4. finally i safety pinned it and rocked a scarf around my waist with the tail in the back. put on my shoes and i was ready to go!

A and his sister had some stuff called hunch punch. which was that sherbet and soda deal but with alcohol instead. random alcohol. but it was good. and i was a-drinkin and a-dancin. if my hair hadnt already been messed up it woulda been cuz it was hot in there. only girls had costumes on. there was:

a witch doctor
a fairy- dodged that one...
a sexy cop
a retro chick complete with afro
a cheerleader
a school girl
a home wrecker
many indescriminate costumes and
A's sister as mystique from Xmen.

by like the 3rd drink i was a lil goofy. i hadnt eaten since 5 pm so... no i didnt throw up. the witch doctor was taking pictures and this wack bronx bomber in a pink button down wanted to show off. he grabs my hips and pushes me so i'm bent forward and starts posing and grinding. WHAT? did i say we were having sex? his friend was just as bad. who wears a tie to a house party? everyone else is all tees and jeans, this nigga got on casual friday gear. boo... i need another drink.

at some point i went outside, and who's out there? C! he got the biggest hug. he found me a cute lil turtle in his back yard. how sweet! he had on a yellow rain slicker. i kept calling him "Man in the yellow hat" like curious george. did i mention C is very short? he said he was dressed as jermaine dupri. silliness.

you know, watching white girls dance is funny. you have never experienced life until you dance to a sean paul song with a girl named sally. it was all wiggles and funny faces. of course then mr casual friday starts dancing with me and literally holding me. so C starts singing and it was funny and i fell on the floor laughing. when i got up B was like you know you just didnt want to dance with that guy. true... so me and B start dancing to some slow songs and it was like prom or something. so we started doing little spins and dips. so cute.

so i was talking to the witch doctor later that night, looking at pictures and being friendly, when along comes pink shirt. he sits this girl down, on someone else's lap no less, then proceeds to give her a lap dance. are you kidding? no thanx. he was all, yeah girl, i see you, uh huh. ew. so i'm looking at pics, all 200 of them, and pink shirt wraps his arm around me and grabs the camera once he sees a picture of himself. then shows his friend the picture of me and him and states that i was "Representin." whatever. now i was moving backward from 200 and had gotten to 95 when he takes it completely out of my hands and starts flipping in the opposite direction. mind you, he's still got his arm around my neck. i move him and get up and go to A's room to ask who the hell invited this piece of wackness.

in A's room i start taking pictures. also i mention that i hope he's washed his sheets cuz we were lying on his bed. eventually we went back in the den and danced some more. the party had to end at 4 because of party laws- so we walked it out and people left. we stayed for a few more minutes, for no particular reason. A said i was gonna be his baby's daddy in 30 years, which is as wrong as it seems. B tried to holler at the retro chick as we were leaving. cute.

in all, its a fun time. next year, mark my words, i'm going as a dominatrix.

girlfriend, and other things i heard.

1. when was the last time you said the word girlfriend? not as in girlfriend/boyfriend, but like, "girlfriend, i like your shoes," or "girlfriend, did you see that show last night?" meanwhile, this man, a thirtyish straight white man who has probably never used it in that context, called my coworker girlfriend. like, "well girlfriend, i'll just just let them know you sent me." what? boo. i get that alot from people who i dont think see black people that often and must assume we talk like that. essentially they are playing themselves. but i was stuck between laughing and being mildly offended.

2. i am so tired of hearing people brag about "switching lanes." ok you got a nice car, but why is your ability to move from one lane to the other supposed to amaze me? i mean, even justin timberlake said it in "summer love." also poppin bottles, and talk of your quarter to 8. getting old dear, gettin old.

3. my friend X wanted it to be known that he never said my breasts were saggy. BUT! he did say that they would be by the time i turn 23. and seeing as how i'll be 23 pretty soon, he was wrong. like i said. boom.

that is all.

holly-ween

does anyone remember harvest night? i know madam feels me on this one. its when all the kids from church- especially those whose parents had an active role in said church- dressed up as bible characters and played party games on halloween. it was usually held in the fellowship hall. there was candy and music and yummy food, and lots of kids in sheets and sandals.

this was our way of not feeling left out. we never trick or treated. never even answered the door that night. it was the devil's holiday. we had a costume parade at school and i sat in the principal's office with two jehovah's witnesses and a three preacher's kids. but my mom always made sure the teacher understood that i could have candy and soda with the rest of my class. we thank her for that.

where am i going with this? i dont know. i just thought of it because there are two parties this weekend and i wanna go. i've never dressed up, except as bible characters, which is, as previously mentioned, sheets and sandals. i am not looking to be anything demonish, moreso characters i find interesting which i dont get to dress as on a daily basis. for instance:

one option is a butterfly/fairy. a few years ago i was in a bodyart show "dressed" as a butterfly, and i still have the custom made wings. of course this time i'd have on more clothes. only thing is, do i really wanna walk around with wings on?

the other is kind of a fifties pinup type look. i have a gingham dress i borrowed from my high school costume closet and its not at all fit for regular wear. but they do match these candy red pumps i have, and i might even be willing to wear black stockings to give it that aguilera-esque flair. i'm considering pressing my hair anyway, and i could do bangs! i look so cute with bangs!

anyway, fun times. i'm sure i'm gonna catch a lecture from my mom over my weekend plans, but i will take it if i can have a little fun. then on wednesday i'm going to grab some halloween mini reeses for the lowski. yum.

my liberal lifestyle

this one's for jamiel...

as some of you may know, i grew up half in bridgeport ct, and half in atlanta suburbs. this creates an interesting break in my ideals, because i think i have gotten used to my actions and opinions being viewed as a little wierd compared to that of others. jamiel went into an "i am a southerner" thing on her SOBA post and it moved me to the point where i had to respond in my own, liberal way.

i said that its more a lifestyle than a political. i'd have to say this is because of the way i was raised. i have always been able to state my opinions and respect others' however wrong i think they might be. for example, my spirituality. its a really big thing to me. but i never discounted anyone because i felt like their affiliation was wrong or forced my beliefs on them. i enjoy talking with people and gaining perspective. oddly enough, on a political note, i did leave a church because they made me feel like a pariah because i had a john kerry button. to me, liberalism is about giving people the freedom to choose their own truths. God is the judge and i feel that he will rule. but i do think scientology is the dumbest ever.

i'm not a tree hugger. or maybe i am. honestly i have no idea what that even means. lol. i'm surely a nature lover. i believe recycling is good and smart, though i dont do it much. i love to camp. my dream is to camp out on cumberland island on the beach, to be able to see the wild horses again and the ruins of the carnegie mansion.

i'm not against guns either. i'm against senseless violence and i'm therefore completely for gun control. better yet gun respect. i'm against people waving them around like a bravery flag. i saw a girl get shot on my front porch when i was 7. over complete nonsense. someone not knowing the worth of her life or the danger of the weapon in their hands. i carry a knife and i know that it would be quite a thing for me to actually use it. but i would if i had to. also, i've cut myself with one of them. ouch. i have respect for this thing i need to protect myself. i have it for no other reason.

i have an ex who hunts. i dont wanna hunt. i dont need a gun. i have no desire to shoot anything. but i'd never want an animal to die for fun. i learned from my granddaddy and my ex that you use what you kill. clothes or food. circle of life and all that. but anything i want to eat or year i can buy. i dont feel like doing it myself. i'm not that patient. but if you are, lock yourself out. i think it sucks to hang it on your wall. but that's my opinion. i wont force it on you.

they dont necessarily have to be opposites, but i dont think liberals and conservatives are alike at all. the word conservative implies that you dont want things to change. or you want them to be how they were. sorry. things are changing. and i cant stop it, so i allow it. its the way of the world. i'd have to write my blog by candle light on parchment and hand it out on the street like frederick douglass did if things hadnt been changing every day. of course things sometimes scare me: i wonder what this world will be like once i have kids. but it wont stop me or it or anything.

i'm sure there's more i could ramble on about, and i hope that this wasnt too ouch rambling. i believe i'm a liberal because i dont need a beurocracy to make my decisions. its different for everyone, and i respect it.

my X best friend.

that's just a play on words. i still love X. we are still friendy friends.

his brother asked me how we became friends. how we met. i said, "Apparently lauren and i were lying on the floor, and he was standing over us. is that right?" i honestly dont remember. what i do remember is that we were in drama class together and that we bonded over the fact that we went to the same middle school, albeit for 5 weeks.

he had a crush on my friend. lol, ah memories. the three of us used to spend hours on the phone being ridiculously goofy. i used to love to watch him freestyle outside after school. we worked on costumes together in drama after school, which is kind of funny to think about if you knew him.

then he moved away. but we still kept in touch. i'd braid his hair and go see movies and things. we went to the same church, though that meant nothing to our relationship considering how big that church is.

he's like a brother to me really. we're very candid with each other and joke all the time. i listen to his music and laugh at the references he makes like theyre our own private jokes. we had a class together last spring and i felt like we disrupted with our lil giggles.

but we have our serious side too. i think sometimes i'm his outlook to what "typical" females think and feel. giving him the maybe's and possibly's and the other side of the story. we have really deep talks about spirituality and the future.

he's gonna see the world. i am too, but his experience will be more jam packed and whirlwind and lights and sounds. i'll be here to celebrate with him and take his call from france or wherever. i have faith in his talent and i'm glad he's my best friend.

and X, if youre reading, you could be right about where you'd be at your age. almost there! you were however wrong about the condition of my boobs. still perky!

ah, fall.

fall means three things for me:

1. pommegranates are back in season. yum.

2. lost is back on.

3. its worth it to press my hair and i can finally get it trimmed.

usually when i straighten my hair it fluffs back up at the thought of humidity or wetness. now that its colder and dryer i can do something to it! before my friend's wedding i wanted to curl it but it needed cutting and so i ended up with a ponytail that i didnt like. wednesday when i washed it i decided to curl it and let my mom cut it.

letting that woman near my head with scissors is asking for a panic attack. the last time she "Trimmed" it i got a toni braxton. you know, breathe again, super short... i didnt ask for it. all my hair was gone two days before school. i hated it. that was 7th grade. almost 10 years ago.

when she cut it this time she did something that had me worried. she immediately put it into two braids. didnt even let me see it. wtf? i let it go. at least its still long enough to do that.

today i finally took it out and styled it. cute! my hair was never long and it looks like i only lost an inch. still kind of chin length and in layers. i curled it up and kesi actually commented on it. "Somethin to pull," he chuckled. lol its got body, due to the fact that it wont resist its urge to get into an afro. yay tress cuteness!

ps: i wanna be at homecoming like i go to howard. have a little fun for me!

the doll

let me just say this has been rolling around in my brain for a few hours, so if it comes out a little crazy please forgive.

today i was in the car, listening to ryan cameron, my radio idol. he was talking about she revival of the doll study, where a child is shown a black doll and a white one and asked which was the good one. in the school in harlem, 16 out of 20 black children chose the white doll.

i have a problem with it right there. the conclusion is that the child is responding to the what they see in today's society. however, the angle of the question suggests that the child even has to chose, and will continue to chose in life.

when i took my sociology class last spring, i learned about an interesting aspect of american society. i cant remember what it was called but it had to do with only one being the best or the champ or the winner. i call it the highlander theory. "there can be only one." and to say you must chose is to say if this one is good, everything else must be bad.

i didnt read the study yet but i wonder if they asked the kids why they chose what they did. i dont think i ever had the idea that my race was inferior, but you can never be sure what a child is thinking. my favorite doll may have been of any race. she kind of looked like lauren. it wasnt her race that made me like her, it was her hair. i have always loved red hair, and even today i dye my brown hair burgundy.

i'm in no way trying to negate the truth that our society is racially biased. but we do now have the power to fix that. being from a mixed family and even my neighborhood, my mom has taught me that no one is better than me because they look different. we need to know that and make it a reality.

and are we black people the only race that feels this way? are we the only ones they studied? discuss.

best wedding ever

at least til i get married...

i went to my friend's wedding yesterday. i've known her since we were 15 and she was the one who introduced me to kesi. i was really excited about being there because she's one of those people where, if she's getting married, you know its for real.

before i get to the ceremony, lets talk outfits. i wore a brown dress with blue and cream dots on it. its low cut, halter, very sarah jessica. the boobs were on display. brown strappy nine wests, my birthday coach clutch, and a cream wool shawl. sexay. it'll be on my myspace page soon. the boy wore a cream shirt with an ivory/cream paisley tie and black pants with black stacey adams shoes. even a pocket watch. stop playin! ow! too much for ya'll.

the ceremony was simple but beautiful. the bridesmaids had really nice teal strapless gowns and her lil sis was the junior bride. right before she came out a cute lil kid, who i later found out was her stepson(!), came out with a bell and yelled, the bride is coming! how cute! i considered kidnapping him too.

she looked BEAUTIFUL. white strapless with her hair up and a tiara. i almost cried. i mean, we met in 9th grade science and now she's walking down the aisle, truly in love with a guy who is certainly her match.

her father in law did the ceremony, could you imagine? i could see him try to hide his pride. there were two songs, one by the best man and one by a bridesmaid. when they finished i wanted to clap but no one else did and i didnt wanna show out, lol.

they lit the unity candle, which was like, cute cuz one of the tapers went out so they held the other one together. thinking on their toes! after that was rings and bride "saluting," then we went to the reception downstairs.

we sat with a few high school friends and our magnet program director. i dont know if there are any teachers i'd invite to my wedding. except dad, but he's a given. no matter how much you eat before a wedding, you will always be hungry waiting for the wedding party to finish taking photos! i think i'll let people eat before we get back. just save me a plate. geez. we jammed to stevie wonder and reminisced until they came.

finally they got back and i got to hug my friend and meet her husband, and stepson. they are both are great and she's just so happy. i was literally that good kind of jealous where you know a person is so happy and youre like, i want it too! the little one is a dream. i told him he did his thing with the bell, and he did that lil sly backhand motion and says, "yup," like he's just too fly! how cute! we took some pictures and she and kesi chose to take a "gangsta" pose. too freakin funny.

we did the bouquet thing, and i didnt catch it. i did catch a bow to the face... the bride's little sister caught it. but guess who caught the garter? lol, we all know traditionally he's supposed to put it on the one who caught the bouquet, but seeing as how she's 10, i just put it in my purse. perfect souvenir.

then the live band started playing. here's the thing though: groom on piano, bride and best man singing. crazy! so you get married and then do a concert? what? i hadnt heard her sing since we were in school. the girl is so talented. she would compose songs on a whim. i'm still supposed to teach her to play violin... so anyway they sang 3 songs, one original, and i taped some of it on my phone. after that we did the electric slide (naturally) and went on home.

great wedding. i'm glad we connected again so i could be there to see it. i've been to 6 and this is the only one i was completely amazed over.

to my best friend 2: kesi

i met kesi in 9th grade. i remember the event as if it were today. i was sitting on the floor with my friend and she said, "that's my friend kesi." i remember he looked like a middle school friend omar: tall, skinny, cute... and so i asked about him. was he american? he's got a funny name. he's in 9th too?

after that we were semi-cool. we both wrote poetry and would share what we wrote. we even sat next to each other in our school's poetry showcase... which was when i realized i REALLY liked him. but i was in a very turbulent relationship then and so we remained friends.

he knows alot about me that the average chick might try to hide from a guy. but he was there for it. we talked- and still do talk- openly about situations in our lives. he's a good listener, and a good distraction from those things at the same time.

ok so we eventually got "booed up" or what have you, but that's like an accessory. it was funny how our relationship really didnt change except that we had a new title and kissed more often. i'd say that he's two things to me. he's my boyfriend, my love, but he's also my best friend. i think one lends to the other. if we hadnt started dating we wouldnt be as close, but if we hadnt been able to laugh with each other i wouldnt have been so attracted to him. i think if we werent together i'd still want him in my life because he brings a brightness and a different view to things.

above all he's my giggle buddy. we have so much fun. we can take a joke and make it last months. i still call him shnookie, and that was something we got from a cartoon years ago. people sometimes feel wierd about hanging with us cuz they think they'll be the odd one out, but around others we're friends and i'm like one of the guys.

i try to give him some of the world he's never seen. give him new perception. and the same goes for him toward me. i think of all my friends, he and i are the most different. we look at the world from different views...

like i said i see our friendship lasting the rest of our lives. through whatever phases life takes us we'll always have the ability to undertand and grow with each other. that's why he's one of my best friends.

we all should know better.

here's a few things to remember, in order to make sure your fellow woman-
me- doesnt look at you with less respect than you thought possible:

1. do not get fall over drunk.
2. do not leave a good guy in the house to go sit in the car of a glorified pimp whose had sex with you but never knocked on your door before today.
3. do not get mad when the good guy leaves.
4. do not yell at your best friend that she's ruining your birthday when she calls the good guy and he says he's not coming back.
5. do not neglect your son and his need for a diaper change for the pimp outside.
6. do not leave your own birthday party with the pimp who wasnt invited.
7. when you return to get your shoes, do not make a rushed attempt to change your pee soaked son then leave him laying on the couch, still in change-position, without so much as a kiss goodnight.
8. do not let a man make you call another man who you care for and tell him you arent allowed to see him anymore.
9. do not show me that not only are you bad at the game, your son is gonna get first-hand training on how to treat a woman badly.

the same girl did all this in the course of an hour. never been more ashamed to be a woman in my life. i wanted to slap her because no matter what, you have a child and he is so much more relevant than anything else going on, and on your 20th birthday, when you are officially not a teen anymore, you need to know that. you should have known that the day he was born.

if it isnt love, why do i feel this way?

so i'm at work friday, working the national black MBA, which is interesting in its ways. my friend calls me to talk about her ripped pants so i go to the gift shop to chat about that, when who walks in? ronnie from new edition!

excuse me... new edition was the first concert i ever went to, at the age of 5, for my birthday, at the hartford civic center. ronnie is my second favorite, behind ricky. my aunt stacey was in love with them and therefore so was i.

so i had a nut attack. i was cheesing and gushing and wilding out. i asked to shake his hand because that's all i'm allowed to do as an employee, but then an equally goofy woman walked in and asked for a picture. while she was getting her battery situation correct i jumped at the opportunity. i GOT A PICTURE WITH RONNIE DEVOE! are you effin kidding?

and i met his wife. shamari or something like that, from blaque. she looked cute and she was a little drunk but it was all good. the only reason i know they were married is cuz she paid credit. and she had this stupid ring on. diamonds for months. she has small hands so it wasnt garish, but it sure was shiny.

rumor has it they went to the bar at the hotel and got drunk(er) and she flashed a waiter and made comments about her nipples. lol. lawd.

more coming soon about another best friend and the worst display of womanhood i've ever seen.

hungry...

why am i doing this to myself?

let me preface my post by saying i have little to no will power. its the reason i stole as a child and stayed in trouble in high school.

i am on a diet. a small diet. i have, as of thursday, 9 days until my friend's wedding. i bought a new dress and new shoes, which you will hear about in detail when i post on said wedding. but i decided to go light on my snacking until the wedding.

please believe that i have no misconceptions about my weight. i'm healthy looking and curvy. but i havent been sleeping well and i have been eating french fries "like an irish person" says my brother in law. and so i gotta do something.
plus i wanna look and feel extra cute in my dress.

monday was when i got this brilliant idea. that night i had my "last meal." a shrimp quesadilla for lunch and red baron pizza cites for dinner. yum. yesterday i had minestrone for lunch and an apple pie from mcdonalds for dinner. sad! i snuck a rice krispie treat and nibbled on pistacchios before work. today i made a smoothie from a mango i had way too long, oj, a banana, strawberries and pineapples. it was my savior when lunch came and i decided to eat some chicken gumbo that was not hittin. btw i hate soup as a rule. but if its thick i'll eat it. for dinner, leftover quesadilla from monday. still delicious!

will i make it? gee this is hard. i know that snacking is good to keep up your metabolism but i cant find anything to eat that's not starchy or fatty. suggestions?

lalala...i luv you...

i decided that i would write an entry about the 4 people i consider my best friends. then i decided trying to write about all of them in one entry would be really long. so this one's about lauren.

i met lauren the first week of school in 7th grade. she's transfered from a catholic school and i'd been in ga for a year from ct. people who never went to school in ct dont realize how alike those two things are.

our relationship was almost doomed when someone told her i said she was a whore. i didnt. but clearly that's a reason for her not to like me.

we had mutual friends though. she was dating one of the funnest guys ever, name withheld, and there was another lauren who she became attached to. by spring everything was cool and she we were having sleepovers and the usual 13 year old thang.

i liken our relationship to a sisterhood, but its more than that. we can tell each other everything and not get judged. we can hang out and do absolutely nothing and feel completely comfortable. we have similar sense of humor.

she's the only girl who i have been consistently close to. its funny. you hear alot of women say they dont hang out with other females too much but she is literally the only one. kesi says when we're together its like i'm a different person. probably cuz i hang around boys all day.

so after 10 years, (our friendship anniversary is oct 22) our friendship has grown and changed but i dont think i'd be such a sane person if i didnt have her to rely on. i think we were destined to be friends in order to keep the other from going totally nuts. my mom has a friend like that too- 25 years or so. no matter how far they are from each other they know the other is there.

so yes... lauren and i will be, pardon the cliche, friends forever. sans cats, no matter what she says. no cats woman! our kids will grow up together and be like cousins except that two of them will fall in love and have genetically superior children. lol.

part two: lets have babies now!

So when we last left me i was ducking in the back of the F150 so i wouldnt see us inevitably hit the dog, which looked like charlie from "All dogs go to heaven."

my eyes were shut tight, and my mind saw the poor doggie dying under the wheels of this big truck. i hear a bump, and after what seems like forever i get up.

"You hit it! oh my god. we killed it!" i look back but the road swerved and i couldnt see. C and B alternate what sounds like chanting: it got up. it got up.

"Are you sure?"

"I hit the break and the right tire hit it. should i go back?"

"No, i dont wanna see the dead dog!"

"Its not dead! it got up!"

"are you sure?"

it went on like this for a minute. i was hysterical. i know i felt something, but that was a big dog. maybe we didnt hit it. B prayed for it anyway. it was the most endearing prayer. "please let the dog live, but if it dies please know i would never kill any of your creation." i cosigned that the dog have someone who cares about it and will find it and nurse it.

it was quieter in the car until we got to campbellton and the hater called for the first time since we left her. lots of where are you's and what you doin's... booty call. later they went to ihop without me, which i believe was purposeful on her part; she waited til i was gone to ask if he wanted to go. boo. everyone knows i love ihop! but i went home and went to sleep. 5am. i was tired.

the next day i woke at 1, did some laundry, and kesi and i headed to X's 23rd birthday party. he's my oldest friend. oldie. i mock his oldness.

we went to anthony's, which i'd been to before but didnt know it. i call it food amnesia. it was so good i wanted it to be new again. X was an hour late to his own party. no matter how he argues, i know its true because he drunk dialed me the night before and said 630, 7 cp time. we were there by 7 despite getting turned around. i bought him a shirt with riley from the boondocks on it which he loved.

we sat in the italian equivalent of a booth, near pix of james dean and the beatles. i was so hungry. i ordered eggplant parm with spaghetti and challenged X to a game of pool. i lost, but not badly. i only play good when i drink. i kicked ass on my birthday after two midori sours.

the place was packed with people, some whom i've known since high school, people X raps with- he's super talented and so is his crew, and his family. his ex was there; they're still cool even though she was crazy for a minute. i decided to be nice to her and not flat out ignore her after she was a bitch to my friends. he has another friend named joy, and he found pleasure in saying, "hey joy!" and watching us both turn around.

these people are the most made for each other group ever. fun times. most of the night was spent laughing at inside jokes.

after i had eaten half of my delicious dinner and gotten a doggie bag, X's cousin jayla arrived. she's 8 months old. she stole the friggin show. she's adorable! i called her chubby and he goes, "Dont say that! she's smart!" ok... she's also chubby... and cute. when he got up he handed her to me and she immediately started sucking her thumb and put her head on my chest. i looked up at kesi and said, "Lets have babies now!" she stole my heart. he decided to walk away from my delirious ass.

later, she decided it was time to be fed. i had on a pink vickies camisole under a long-sleeved red henley- no bra (In addition to my flare leg jeans and a red scarf. my hair was still a mess from last night). lil jayla pulled down my cami- luckily she doesnt have much of a grip- and almost turned this into a different kind of party. she also passed gas on me. they said, "aw, that means she's comforatable with you!" as a person with at least 20 cousins smaller than me, i handed her off cuz i knew what it really meant. i did not wanna be on diaper duty.

later there was freestyling (funny stuff despite interruptions by parents and phones) and lots of jokes, then the place closed and we headed to the parking lot. kesi pulled out some beats he made. he's very proud of them and i'm proud of him. he makes better music than i do and i'm taking classes for it. and then X pulled out a cd of some of his songs. at this point i started beating on him because despite my asking for at least a year he wouldnt let out anything but what is now on his myspace page. i then hijacked the cd from him. he protested but gave in and i now have 10 songs on my mp3 player. ha! i win.

we talked and kicked it in the lot til 12. it was funny, people i dont know were so familiar. everybody hugs. i might have to steal his friends like i did lauren's dc crew. fun night. i told him to enjoy cuz this'll be the best year of his life.

sigh. that was my weekend.

all dogs go to heaven.

so my nights were great, barring a few incidents. here we go...

friday i went out to the royal peacock, as per usual. it was just me, B and two of his friends who are fast becoming my friends. funny enough, their names begin with A and C. i think, in my quest to not use people's names, i shall call the trio ABC.

So anyway, somehow people at work found out we were going out. natural progression; we made these plans last week. but one of these people was the hater. another was mr not gay. btw i dont at all call him that because i think being gay is wrong, i call him that cuz he does. they called B and me to find out what was up. Not Gay said he'd go if someone was paying his way and Hater wanted B to run her all over town so she could get ready. he said no and she hung up on him.

so off we go at midnight. i wore low rise jeans and a peach colored tank with a flower on it. also my white and peach pumas and glow perfume. hair half braids half fro. B's car alarm system was bootleg so as i open the door it goes off. when you turn on a light it goes off. it was janky. Hater calls on the way to ask if he'd come get her from home. he says no and they argue. lol he called her snaggle tooth. i told him to thank god he wasnt with her anymore.

fast forward. we're in the club and i look mad important cuz i have three boys with me. lol or like a ho. the important thing is if i dont want to dance with kingston's exile, i can give them a look and they come save me. A asked if he was my bodyguard. i said yes. i'm not drinking tonight cuz i cant afford it. thanks comcast.

so at about 230, in the depths of a soca mix, who shows up? Hater! and mr Not Gay and Hater's best friend. we'll call her Doll. so they jump in and start dancing and drinking immediately. i'm the only one sober, lol, but no biggie. i usually only get one drink anyway... these girls cannot dance to soca. or any caribbean music. it was all southern booty shaking from them. dont get me wrong i love my down dirty, but you gotta know how to at least wind it up people. you gotta know how to react to a man doing more than a two step.

every time i tried to dance with B, here she was trying to cut in. see why i call her hater? she was definitely choosin. but he was not trying to get chose. C on the other hand... he and Doll were trying to expand their family on the dancefloor. lots of head rubbing and major groping and grinding. they danced for an hour. haaaay...

one of the guys i danced with bought me a bottled water- closed ladies! no date rape drug! how nice. i mean, no questions asked. just as a thanks. i found $10 on the floor. LUCKY! Not Gay got drunk/high and started doing interpretive dance or something. then they played "chichi mon." dont know if youve heard it but its about how the jamaicans dont tolerate the chichi men. you know what a chichi man is. blatant intolerance, and possibly a hint?

the lights come on. we look a mess. the back of my fro is a different texture than the rest. sweat, foundation stains, soreness. i took off my bra in the car. i brought a sweatshirt so i could cover up.

driving home we roasted Hater and them and joked about the fun we had. somewhere on the West End, we're the only ones on the road, looking for the house where the man sells rims, when i look ahead...

"OH MY GOD YOURE GONNA HIT THE DOG!" I scream and duck into the back seat.

wow, havent even gotten to X's party. guess this is as good a time for a cliffhanger. part two soon.

QUICK HITTERS

GENERAL:

*Who is that kid dancing in the monica video and counting money in the young dro video? i'm sorry but that is a funny looking lil boy.

*despite all his protests, doesnt it sound like big boi is saying he and andre are breaking up in the 3rd verse of "The train"? cant really quote it but when you listen he's talking about touring alone, which has happened. but he says something like, "but now i call upon my crew." hmm... still love 'Kast and the album though, so...

*"i hope that youre ready, cuz i'm about to bring you." why change the lyric from "show" to "bring," danity kane? imagine my annoyance when singing the version i know, in which dawn (i think) belts it out, only to be left in the wrong key. oops.

SPECIFIC:
*we got our second ticket yesterday for our malfunctioning seatbelt. crap! college park is running game. *bleep*

*yay lauren! i hope you and your comfy shoes had a great first day.

*i'm going out clubbing (sp) tonight and tommorow is X's birthday. yay! partay!

*comcast wont gimme my money back. i accidentally paid them twice (their fault) and now i gotta wait to get my money back. i'm feelin so broke right now.

obsessions

madam's inspiration:

MUSIC
i've always loved music. and i've loved all kinds, except most jazz. i play the violin and have a guitar that i can only toy with. i'm really into foreigners right now: MIA and lady sov are high on my list. and of course i love to dance. dancehall is my groove of choice.

LOST AND BONES
my absolute favorite shows on tv right now. they competed with times last year but now one's at 8 and the other is at 9. both are brilliantly written and make me feel smarter for watching.

UNDIES
i have about 70ish pairs. why? in high school, i got it in my head that no matter what i was wearing/doing, having a cute pair of drawers would make me feel confident. it was my lil secret. they are mostly from vickies (pink line) but occasionally i'll find nice ones from target or marshalls. i'm a fan of innuendo, so i own a few with felix the cat and cookie monster.

WRITING AND BLOGGING
i've been writing since i can remember. the first i can recall was a story about my imaginary pet fish. i was 5. i'm always thinking of new things to blog about, and occasionally stealing ideas...

MY PHONE
its a tmobile SDA. i use it to type most of my entries. also to read all you guys' and listen to music. and text and take pix and play games and im... i always have it on me just in case things get boring. strangely i dont talk on it much...

THE WORK COOKIES
no, that's not a euphemism. my job has the best cookies. i have to put myself on restriction when i feel my addiction is getting out of hand. these things are so good they were part of lauren's birthday present this year.

WRITERS
especially roald dahl, anne rice and chuck palahniuk. they are the best in their respective genres. i would rather read MATILDA, QUEEN OF THE DAMNED or FIGHT CLUB than watch them any day.

BOONDOCKS
i have uncle ruckus singing 'new niggas' as a ring tone. i been reading the strip since high school and have all the books. aaron mcgruder is a genius and inspiration for the comic i have yet to write.

there ya have it. my obsessions.

i dont even like jelly.

so... i purchased dane cook's RETALIATION on tuesday. funny shit. we've been listening to it in the car since then and cracking up to the point of almost tears.

my favorite is his jokes on "nothing fights," in which a couple pretty much hates each other and picks fights about the dumbest stuff. kesi and i do it for fun, just to get a reaction from people, then we start laughing.

just my luck mr cook's VICIOUS CIRCLE was on hbo friday morning at about 3am and we stayed up and watched it. around the part where he's talking about wanting to have 19 kids, i realize i have a funny-guy crush on him. he's adorable. and i'm so going to see EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH when it comes out.

so anyway you should too. i just want everyone to know he's funny and i think he's cute. the end.

ps: suri cruise is the cutest baby ever. still convinced she will help her dad with that whole antichrist thing... but she's a lil muffin!

labor day weekend

did you know that if you jump out a hotel window and dont die, you could be charged with destruction of property? yep. but that's monday. lets go back to friday.

if you didnt know, i work in one of the biggest hotels in atlanta. and every labor day we and two other hotels host the biggest sci-fi convention in america. as a people-watcher, this is my favorite weekend to work. here are some pix from this year and last year, of some people dressed in the most elaborate costumes you will ever see.

on friday, the day started off pretty slow. i saw one of my old high school friends, jvoc as i called him, in a yellow ranger costume. his friend was trying to hit on my "not gay" coworker which was funny. he got all stuttery and protested way too much...

we stayed open late and around midnight we started getting the giggles. then a man in a horrible jesus type costume that was too short, he decided to grace us with his presence. and so came a coworker's comment that he could have tried harder. if you looked at my pics you can see that a man in two sheets wasnt winning any costume contests. then his friend walked up. his friend was wearing what could be described as a jiggly puff halter dress. he kept pulling it up as if he had the proper- ahem- accessories to hold up his outfit. then, THEN, he starts singing the jiggly puff song! at which point i am in the back coffee station literally screaming in laughter! i mean i was on the floor. and it was only friday.

saturday was shopping day. i went to work an hour early on a search for a shirt inspired by aqua teen hunger force. for the boy. couldnt find it in his size, so i bought it for myself. before you start calling me selfish, i got him an awesome thundercats shirt which he loves and has worn 22 times since last saturday night. yes that's him modeling it in the photos.

while taking pictures a little later i witnessed an obvious cry for help. a black woman began talking to me. despite the words she said her subtext cried, "hello fellow black person. i was so uncomfortable until you came along. stay with me?" but i rarely feel the discomfort of being the only anything anywhere. and plus it was time to go to work and she smelled a little, as people who wear the same thing three days in a row often do...

a woman came up in an awesome rainbow bright costume. i really wish i'd had a picture of it. she had to have made it. one of my coworkers decided it'd be the perfect outfit for her to wear while giving him a lapdance. i immediately got images of the doll dancing for him. childhood memories tainted. to add to the horror of rainbow bright on a pole, two men came up in their superman costumes and ordered sandwiches. the one in the silver costume had the misfortune of not having that funky red undie thing the classic supe has, and alas, i could see his- ahem- beans and franks. barf. i mean, this is an adult man who might usually have the luxury, during more intimate moments, of more fabric. it was like a car wreck. i could only imagine how classic superman felt about his bud's... attire.

sunday was a great day. i saw lauren, whom i havent seen since april. we did what we usually do, pretty much nothing, but it was nice. we watched wrestling in spanish because kesi hadnt seen it when it aired in english. she made fun of my having cassie as kesi's ringtone. also she laughed at me when the boy didnt catch me and i fell in the laundry basket. i was so happy to see her. probably wont again for 20 years...

sunday was also the last day before my day off. at this point we were out of potato chips and just about anything caffeinated. also all the atms within a three block radius were out of money. fun day. i did see people dressed as the burger king, wendy and the colonel. i was gonna leave early but the hater said her daughter was sick and she left. i dont think the child was sick and but who am i to get in her business, haha? and so i stayed and made my money. and i had the next day off.

when i got back to work on wednesday, there was a nice story there about a man who drove in from ackworth with $8000 and some drugs, got a room got high, and here's where it gets funky: he sliced off part of his calf, threw a table out of his second story window, and jumped. he landed on the tunnel to one of our restaurants and broke the glass on that window. oh yeah, and his back. and clearly didnt succeed in killing himself... and just when life cant suck any more, it does. he's going to jail.

and that was my weekend. and it only took a week to write.

no ashanti on this list.

its no secret that i'm scared of lightning. i almost got struck when i was a teen and since then i pretty much need to be under the covers to feel safe. last wednesday i was stuck outside during ernesto's torrent, waiting for kesi to get off work and pick me up. the only thing keeping me from a panicked rage was my music.

*outkast, "Vibrate" "prototype" and "da art of storytellin pt2"
"that's just god doin his work."

*dixie chicks, "changes"
dont judge me! really great remake...

*bjork, homogenic. especially "hunter" and
"all neon like." heavy drums... also, "possibly maybe" from post: "but afterwards i wonder, where's the love you promised me?" deep.

*Erykah badu, "certainly" and "next lifetime"

*busta rhymes, "gimme some more"
the PSYCHO sample goes great with rain.

*deftones, "Lucky you"
this song is just sexy.

*rahiem devaughn, "you"
yes...

*Fiona apple, "Tymps" "oh well" and "pale september"
her voice floats over bad weather.

*incubus, "aqueous transmission"
nice cricket sounds at the end...

*ludacris, "war with god"
unreleased dis track to an unknown rapper. the lady singing does her thing.

*MIA, "amazon"
another song with nature sounds. you could fall asleep if she wasnt talking about being kidnapped...

*maroon 5, "sweetest goodbye"
"how does it feel to know you'll never have to be alone..." pretty good, thanks.

*MCR, "the ghost of you"
*NERD, "provider"
songs about losing love...

*nelly furtado, "Showtime"
"Not fair to love you in chains"

*danity kane "right now"

last but certainly not least...

*TI, "get it"
"cuz i got it bitch."

i was remarkably calm when he finally arrived. the power of music. :)

look ah that!

i'm back after a long weekend...

if there's one thing i am, its an animal lover. and a lover of fellow animal lovers. so last night at about 3am i was riding home and i read that steve irwin died. the croc hunter. just about the most famous animal guy in the world. the car went sad and quiet while i read aloud what little information was given at the time. he was stabbed by a stingray. died trying to teach us about the animals he loved. you could see it in his eyes, he was passionate about what he did.

the boyfriend and i would watch his show and get all giggly every time he'd say, 'look ah that! what a beaut!' it got to be one of our sayings.

he was 44! my mom is that age. and he's got kids. at least they're old enough to remember him and that he was a good man.


more on my weekend and the biggest sci-fi convention in the US coming soon.

it aint always easy...

so about a year ago, i started this blog in the hopes of becoming a better person. through that year, alot has happened which has helped and hindered this goal. i feel i am more the person i need to be, but in some areas i still need help. i started off on this journey because i was afraid of being the reason i'd lose the best thing that ever happened to my life, and lose the future we were making for ourselves. with that said, here's a look at my progress.

me pookie... hi.
him shup. what you doin?
me nothing. definitely not eating. just laying here thinking.
him bout what?
me us. how good you are.
him freak.
me not like that! i been thinking with all the shit going on with me i might not notice if something was going on with you.
him so what you saying?
me i dont know. maybe i'm not paying attention to you. i wouldnt know.
him what made you think about this?
me i dont know. just watching you make music today. and last night you were telling kit you werent inspired to write or something like that.
him well recently i been feeling a little looked over as far as my feelings about doing things.
me what you mean?
him like me not wanting to do something isnt valid anymore. like with the burger king situation.
me i understand. its just hard to see why that would be such a problem if we were going that way. but that's just that situation.
him i really didnt wanna go there. i told you that before. but we did anyway and my brother ended up being late for work and i was feeling anxious and rushed.
me sorry...

we further debate the lack of food choices...

me and i'm generally stressed and get my mind set on something that'll make me feel better.
him but we could have dropped him off and got you something.
me but when i'm told i cant have it i feel bad cuz it doesnt seem like so much to ask for. like the turtle thing. yeah. i'm a brat.
him it isnt. its just that you come at me with this vibe that puts mad pressure on me. its hard.
me i'm sorry babe. i'm a jerk.

i secretly start crying.

him i know that its not that serious but i hate being thrown off by something so small.
me ok. i'll try to do better.

we continue im-ing and joking around. but i dont necessarilly feel settled...

me how will you live with me the rest of your life? i'm crazy. and lucky.
him what you mean?
me i just am. you think growing up in a big family would teach me how to treat people.
him i'll ignore you when you act crazy. learned that from an old couple. in big families everyone's fighting for attention.
me that'll work. i dont know. i just cant get over how absentmindedly i do things.
him yep.
me i just want our relationship to be like new all the time. and i dont want you to feel something and not tell me. i mean, what if i hadnt asked?

i start to cry again.

him then i'da thrown you down some stairs, lol.
me lol. seriously babe.
him yeah. i woulda said something at some point.
me ok. i just want you to be happy with me.
him are you happy with me?
me of course! you make me feel like... i dont know. i didnt used to think i was supposed to be happy. youre my reward for all the shit i endured. i cant fuck it up.
him lol.
me i'm serious. i'm over here hyperventilating over this. i need you.

pause.

me. this is where you say you need me too...
him lol why you hyperventilating?
me i was crying. alot. my nose hurts.
him lol i do need you baby. now stop crying. i thought you was gangsta!
me i am gangsta! i'll cry and whoop your ass while doing it.
him doubt it.
me its just when i think about losing you it really fucks me up.

we continue to talk and joke. we ended on a good note and i'm glad we did or it would have just ate away at me.

so i think i'm getting better. i'm not totally caught off guard by my bad behavior... now if i could only stop it before it happens. this past week i've taken it as a lesson learned and i feel like we've grown. still waiting on that turtle.

i really curse alot huh?

chicken pox: a story with no real point.

althea got chicken pox last week. she came back to work with scratch spots all over her. adults still GET chicken pox? gee whiz...

i got chicken pox when i was 7. i may have contracted it at my grandma's funeral. one of my cousins had it and gave it to everyone. but she also lived upstairs from me so i may have been a carrier...

my grandma lula mae was born and raised in monks corner, sc. my grandfather too. as it goes, my mom's dad was born in rome, ga, so i have a deep southern heritage that i try to deny. anyway, monks corner was a 14 hour ride away, on a coach bus with family members who i knew and didnt know. my mom sat in the front and my dad in the back. not because they needed to be separated, but because they werent together anymore and werent bound by compromise to sit near each other. i would bounce back and forth on the bus to one of them or the other, and bug relatives for snacks and to hear what they were listening to on their tape players.

south carolina was CUNTREE! as compared to the biggest city in connecticut, complete with projects and latin gangs, i was in the deep woods. whole new experience. big as crickets and mosquitoes... i swear i had never seen a field before then. a "hills are alive, hey is that corn?" field. i played until dusk with distant cousins and came in the house dark as a tollhouse chocolate chip.

it was there that i smelled the worst smell i'd ever. some meat maybe, boiling on the stove. even with the lid on it filled the house with the stench of death. chitlins. the "c" must be a typo. i asked my mom what it was and she told me intestines. i thought she was joking. ew. i picked at that night's food.

that small town was beautiful. even though i was there to say good bye to my grandma i have really good memories. but that doesnt suprise me. she lives in every scarf or blanket i ever crocheted. its funny, all my life, she was sick. diabetes. she had her leg amputated and her prosthetic would sit next to her when she was watching tv, with a flat black loafer and a knee high stocking. i would touch it and look at her missing lower leg, but i wasnt afraid.

she made great iced tea. it had a whole lemon in it. cut, of course.

so i got chicken pox at her funeral. couldnt go to school for a week, and i actually liked school then. my dad had to take care of us when my mom was at work. we played all day and at one point i climbed into our jennifer couch and made my dad look for me before i jumped out and scared him. i know he was probably thinking my mom was gonna kill him if i wandered out into the street in a fever hallucination. he once sent me back home without bathing me and she's still mad about that.

dont they call it shingles when older people get pox?

hello, pot? this is monica. youre black.

friends, in case you were wondering. one of the funniest lines.

so anyway, i'm at work right now, bloging, cuz in life, bitches be hating. and they always gotta hate over a man. ugh!

it all started with a kind gesture. lets set the scene.

nice chick: i was gonna bring these forms to you. i'm just so kind!
me: thanks. and shallow...(we laugh)... if i
can admit it about myself i can say it about you.
hater: can you admit that youre nosy?

see, right here i could have been like damn who was talking to you. instead, i answered her in my continued lighthearted manner. yes i am nosy, but mostly cuz i'm absent minded and when i tune back in i'm usually lost on the whole conversation whoever was having. they used to call me "Huh" in middle school.

i refused to give in to her passive aggressive silliness. it was highly hypocritical of her to ask me that, when earlier today she was all in mine about why am i going on break so early, and dont i eat at home, and what does anemia have to do with this whole thing... bear in mind i had been at work for 4 hours.

and now the bitches be hating theme song:

"so tell me what you on,
tell me what the hell you want,
need to worry bout your own,
i'm about to put you on blast...
i dont think you really want it..."
danity kane is doin the thang people.

i really think this stems back to her and my friend b. he used to date her, and was the one who said he was torn between kissing her and kicking her. i think she's jealous that we're close and she fucked up her chances with a good man. but i never told him to break up with her. it was obvious he should. but it was hard cuz he really loves her daughter.

now i think she thinks i'm running back to him telling her things. but the truth is, he doesnt care. and she thinks she's being sneaky, talking to like 4 dudes in the hotel, but everyone knows and no one gives a damn. between her and her best friend they are all high school, making their smart comments and spending their time thinking about me and feeling threatened over the fact that i'm cool with their man and former man. and her best friend is not doing a good job of disguising the fact that she's dating someone in our department. boo bitch... i dont want him.

so how long can i let this carry on, her little coy innocent yet snarky thing she's doing? its all just to see me get mad and snap on her so it looks like i'm ms crazy... but i'm a natural born talker, and i know how to have her whole shit laid out for everyone to see. i wouldnt dare incriminate myself so she looks good. i'm to smart for that. and for all she thinks she's got on me, i definitely got something for her.

"breeze... blowing in the wind... baby please believe i'm alright,
cuz its 70 degrees and sunny over here,
you can stay up out my ear."

ps: visit www.laurenashleigh.blogspot.com for other hating bitches.

retail therapy only works when you have money

so next weekend i was supposed to go to a white party but despite my nag- ahem- asking kesi to request the day off he didnt and he cant go. i was very disappointed because if you notice, everytime i mention going out he's not in those posts. we find it very hard to get the same days off. i still might go, but that's not the point of this entry. the point is i was let down.

today, my day off, i was supposed to get a turtle. i have a $20 petsmart card ready to go but, did you know turtles cost hundreds of dollars? i didnt. i've never had a pet of my own and i was really excited about it being something cool, not like everyone else's dog or cat. i dont have hundreds of dollars and so my sadness continues. i still might get a fish- a few tiny sharks- but once again, not the point.

so i decided to go shop. i also had a $10 target card i was ready to get rid of. but due to my sullenness i spent a half hour wandering around with an empty cart and no real need to buy anything. i had planned to use the card on tank decorations.

i could help one of the problems i was having. at lauren's wise advice, i texted kesi and told him how i was feeling that he didnt listen to me, and that it was part of a bigger problem that had to do with us never going out together. long story short he told me he was sorry and that he loved me, and despite the fact that i might still be spending a night of fun without him, i'm not so distracted by things i didnt say.

with that, i went on a search for work pants. i cant believe things cost more at target than at marshall's all i wanted was black pants. $30! i didnt find pants there, but i did buy my brother some school supplies and get hit on by a guy with a gray beard.

on to marshall's. found a cute skirt for just $3 and an electric blue v-cut sweater that was perfect but too big. i dont think they were supposed to be such a display in the shirt. i sadly put it back after hoping i could find it in my size. i also spied the cutest burgundy pumas, which were so devastatingly hot i took a picture of them. i'm hoping they'll be there when i come back.

i finally found some work pants at ross. stretchy, which is good and bad. they stretch right around my butt and leave nothing to be imagined. but they only cost $8...

after all that i forgot to get bus fare. luckily kesi works really close by.

ms new booty

in high school i got on birth control and my breasts got bigger. not that they were small to start with...but the point is that people noticed. i'm not the one to throw it in people's faces (literally or figuratively) but i dont care if they notice.

now in adulthood, my bike butt has returned. it never went away, but i havent actually been on a bike in ages and in ages has anyone but kesi made comments on my rear. until the short shorts.

i have a pair of shorts that literally only covers my ass. i wore them to a concert (if you seen my myspace page you've seen that whole outfit) and looked sexy but not hoochie. but i had to go to the grocery store first...

and so began old guys buying cereal and saying DAMN! as i walked by. since then its like they put out a memo. joy=booty. i'm not used to this! i cant control the butt. its hard to hide or cover up when not in use. at least when i'm at work i'm not cleavage central, but i have to wear lycra pants...

another thing is that my face, body and brain dont match. i had an older guy -who i'm comfortable with- tell me that men his age would hit on me if they talked to me cuz my mind isnt 22. i can hold my own in an intellectual convo. but if he tried to take me somewhere he'd look like a molester cuz my face is too high school. i actually had a very charming 17 year old hit on me at work cuz he thought i was his age. at least he's got taste...

and maybe that explains 32 year old scooter man.

dont get me wrong. i love my body. i'm glad i'm cute. and i always say that if my butt was flat i'd be sad. to which some nearby guy replies, me too.

i forgot the best one!

naturally...

"you go to bed with an itchy butt, ya wake up with stanky fingers!" a poker playing guest, to which my supervisor replied, "i hate when that happens."

and honorable mention:

"i skeet devon all the time." my other manager today in a meeting. skeet is the noise she makes when she doesnt agree with you.

work-isms

just a few things that cracked me up on the 3 to 12...

"no ma'am." nadia's boyfriend over the speaker phone when she asked him if he would come get her.

"what floor is that on?" many a guest when told we're located on the garden level.

"uh uh boo." me to the loud drunk guests.

"sometimes i wanna kiss her, and sometimes i wanna kick her in the back!" b telling me about his ex, who also works with us.

"i got five kids!" denny anytime people ask her about money, life, general well being...

"i dont do 9 am." me.

"i guess i'll be alright." the guest who BLED ON ME!

"ya'll should stay open til like 3 am." a narcotics anonymous guest when told we'd only be serving coffee until 11.

"sang it, damn it!" a coworker mocking my mother in law.

"you know, i work for the president." a secret service worker who hit on me and subsequently made racist comments about my friend and me.

"who else got a pole in their room?" my supervisor, who has grandkids, and can eat a banana whole.

"6.25?! you take visa?" guests buying cigarettes.

"all the rooms should have one!" a woman mad at the lack of fridges in the 1700 room hotel.

"it's a fantabulicious friday!" My 'not gay' male coworker answering the phone.

"the first man to touch me was an old white guy! i was so confused!" bri talking about her first trip to the gynocologist.

and there are many more...

jinx!

if you havent seen ludacris's making the video, it'll be on friday at 10:30 am. he looks so good.

i been a fan of luda since fat rabbit. he used to be on hot 97 here in atlanta when i was a teen and i'd listen to him every night. i've met him twice. once in a club i was too young to be in, on christmas, while my ex was cheating on me. but it wasnt even a big deal cuz he called me beautiful. swoon...

i'm also a fan of hair. a few posts ago i mentioned that kesi had hair down to his butt. i once told him, before we got together, that i'd marry him and have kids with gorgeous hair. he cut it before his 21st. actually i cut it cuz it was the only thing that would cheer me up about his cutting it. i still have a braid in one of my old diaries.

when he had his hair people said he looked like cris. we might start hearing that again
since luda cut his hair too. lauren thinks i'm i'm a jinx. everyone whose hair i like ends up cutting it. but they both look damn sexy to me. i cant wait for the new cd. drool...

oh hell no!

so i'm at work, chillin in the shop, when the girl from the bar lounge comes up to me and we chat. but first, backstory:

last winter, she, b, and i went to the bar down the street from our job. we sat in a booth with this guy, who we'll call joe, cuz he had a booth and was alone. while he was with us he made attempts to hit on me but of course i wasnt trying to hear that. besides the obvious reasons, he was hardly my type. stocky and bald, and in case you havent heard kesi once had hair down to his butt. and he's skinny. and the guy wasnt even cute. back to today:

she went to the bar monday night. she tells me he had been asking about me. apparently every time he saw her, he'd ask about me. boo. she repeatedly told him i have a man and am not even thinking about his ass... and this time he listened... and started hitting on her. eh?!? weren't you just trying to long distance holler at her girl? now he switches it up and is telling her how he's a freak and how big he is and bla bla. she was clearly in ew mode.

but here's the best part: after she told him she was hella not interested (Btw she wasnt alone, two other employee guys were with her), they talked and drank and then the bar closed. as she headed to the car he headed to his... scooter.

hold up. this nigga had a scooter? and not like a vespa, no, like a damn kiddie fold up razor scooter. oh, did i mention this bruh is 32? now i am 22, getting long distance hit on by a drunk bald dude on a kiddie scooter! he scooted his way home alone.
but what if she had, against any good judgement, decided to go home with his too old ass? how would she get there? would he have been a gentleman and let her ride while he walked? would both of them fit on it?

oh i lost it. i was in there dying cracking up. dying! i'm in icu right now, in a coma. cuz this nigga is trauma.

last week's mini vacay.

my homie came to town and we went to the Ga aquarium. biggest in the world. here's a link to the photos i took there, if you like to look at tons of fishies. "Jelly glow" is my phone's wall paper...

we also went to gladys and ron's chicken and waffles. the food was so good i took a picture of that too, but i cant find it for some reason... internal fatness coming out. i probably erased it for pain of memory.

we DIDNT however, jump in the fountain like we were supposed to. he said next time. he will be back next week or something of the sort.

that is all. and yes, la, cassie is a terrible singer.

Eh, i'll get to it.

had two days off. today i cleaned my room.

basically my room is the biggest in the house. its the basement, separated into two parts by a wall built by my mom's 'gentleman suitor.' i call him that because he's too old to be called a boyfriend. but i digress.

one part of my room is literally that. where i sleep. its generally clean, except that i'm a nester. there's stuff near my bed. so that was easy. i moved stuff and swept.

but the other part, the den, if you will, is a hot mess. i dont go in there much, since there's no tv in there anymore. and plus my neighbors are disgusting and they infested my yard with rats, so i cant use my private entrance that leads to that part of the room.

and so- hot mess. cobwebs everywhere. my skin was crawling. alot of dust. my problem is that i knew i had to do it but i kept saying, eh, i'll get to it. blah. its not that dirty... but it was.

i've got to stop being a procrastinator. otherwise, i will end up with spiders all over my house.

romance vs reality: loose change

finally a day off! now onto change.

change is important. change is good. " i never seen change without a fire." -nelly furtado.

but what is the fascination with changing our mates?

my mom-in-law told me a story about a woman she knows. she tried to commit suicide by jumping off the roof of her apartment, but landed on the grass and survived. when they got her to the hospital they found bruises all over her. she didnt want to tell anyone her boyfriend had been beating her for 9 YEARS.

my theory is that she'd been hoping he'd change. she was too scared to leave so she let him keep doing what he wanted in the hopes that one day he'd tire of it. sometimes its cheating, or lying, or just plain being an idiot. but you keep hoping it'll be ok. eventually... and besides, he loves you!

uh no. that's a fantasy. in reality he's a prick and youre wasting your time. he's not the person you want or need and hoping and wishing that he will be is as fruitful as a rain dance. actually, it'll rain eventually. he'll still be a prick.

then there's the polar opposite. the woman who forces change. you got a nice guy, cute, smart... but something's missing. you know what he offer to be a complete man. and you WILL give it to him. whether he wants it or not. he'll thank you! he loves you!

there was an episode of a british comedy called 'coupling,' in which one of the characters has a new boyfriend. when her friends asked when they could meet him she says, 'when he's finished.' she ended up chasing him away with her nitpicking and attempts to make him 'better.'

deal breakers. what is or isnt. we have to know the difference. change is important, but so is letting things go and be what they are. we all have an image of what love should be but we cant force that into the real world. when we get that, we get the love we deserve.

internally fat.

alton brown is eating a pig's foot. i almost hate him, but he hated it.

i love 'good eats'. i love the food network in general. but especially this show. every night at two i watch alton tell me how to better cook my food. btw, i havent cooked anything other than the ramen noodles i just polished off in a very long time. but i watch him cook because its unbelievably intriguing.

when i was 11 i met a man. his name was steven. he was so smart. and he kept my interest. he made me laugh, and made me smart too. he was a dork but the kind that makes you wanna be just like him. whenever i got bad grades he'd look at me in a way that let me know we both knew i could do better.

this man, steven, is the reason i'm good at math. also, the reason i ended up with such a smart man myself. also, my best friend's stepdad. we call him dad.

alton reminds me of him. he's a smart man who takes the most simple of subjects, melons, for instance, and makes you sit there for a half hour and listen to him talk about why cantelopes are really musk melons in america because you can only find cantelopes in europe.

now i'm watching his new show, feasting on asphalt. he was in savannah- he's from toccoa and tapes mostly in ga- eating a pickled pig's foot as a cultural experiment. he interviews owners of restaurants about their love of food and its effect on their lives and the people around them. great show. must watch.

btw, i'm internally fat because i'm small but i love food. most people think i dont eat. but man- i am a slave to my appetite. i believe in good eats.

romance vs reality part one: the mary syndrome

dear woman, is this you?
-confident
-cute girl next door who can clean up nice.
-friendly despite what the haters say.
-so unpretentious you've been accused of being a lesbian.
-the one with more male friends than female.

thats just a few- the list goes on but i will not. you have it: the mary syndrome.

we've all seen "there's something about mary," right? they all loved her. she was the object of many men's affections because she was so different from every other girl. all she was was herself. i call it a syndrome not because its a bad thing, but because youre born with it. i have it. lauren does too. that's why bitches be hatin.

this brings me to my heading.

romance. shockingly this refers to the males. its a fantasy. you give them a compliment. put your head on their shoulder. smile and joke. next thing you know theyre in love with you. and you are stuck with the scooby face. you know the one. the one that makes you go, rorgh?

reality. you thought they smelled good that day. you were actually playing cute for the other guy by putting your head on his shoulder. it was a funny joke!

ok, yeah sometimes you flirt. but quite never the syndrome makes your flirt indistinguishable from general niceties. and youre already a pretty girl, and since they've already pictured you naked, your flirting or not flirting turns them into a man milkshake. and not a good one, but one that is melted and sticky.

you manage to make many male friends. they all admit that at one point they had a crush on you. either that or you and he have dated, kissed or had a quick fling that didnt work out as planned. this is the origin of your guy friends: guys who at one point or another wanted you. or are gay. you spend your time trying to find them a girlfriend who will almost surely be jealous of you and him and this friendship you share. if she gets over it, she's marriage material.

ever notice they never try to hook you up with guys? that would ruin the dream. that one day you'll realize you want him and he'll have just what he wants: a best friend he can have sex with and instead of cuddling with after, play San Andreas with.

kesi and i were friends. he even liked one of my friends before me and i encouraged her to try and date him. i implied before that he was just waiting for me to become single but i dont really completely believe that. the good thing about this syndrome is that you are confident enough to make the first move. it has its successes, because you have the fortune of getting to know someone before you make a commitment. this ensures an honest foundation and less arguements.

embrace this phenomenon. you have an allure. it is a gift.

stay tuned for part 2- on the theory of change and why we feel so strongly about it.

putting my 2cent in.

its 4 am and i cant sleep. i been thinking and i need to get this out.

i am fortunate enough to have 4 best friends. kesi, of course, lauren, a man who i call X on this blog (See post 2 way back when), and my newest, b, my club buddy. this deals with la and X.

no matter that people's intentions are toward me, when they cross my friends, we cant hang. la and X and i have a very close bond. a network of sorts where we know whats happening in each other's lives and where if it affects one, it affects us all.

this week one got affected. the affectee disrespected X so that it even hurt my feelings. and la's, and she got deep. you read it. and then the affectee disrespected la while attempting to and stated that she had 'nothing but love' for me. but that cant be true. affectee hates 40% of my circle.

i dont have to defend them. they do a good job on their own. but anyone who has a best friend knows they hold grudges long after you've let go. protective instinct. so i'm holding. and its unfortunate. bros before hos.

ps: if you have class you never have to tell anyone about it. to mention it 'negates the breezy.' lauren knows what that means. thats why she's the only chick in my circle.

the heart is like a marching band. i'm a fan in the stands.

one month and one week. it was a tuesday.

we were headed to oz, the best pizza place in atlanta, also conveniently located next to the subway station we'd need to go to to get home from school.

we'd sit at the high, bar style tables by the window. that way our bookbags could sit in the sills and not touch the floor. two cheese slices for him, one for me. and share a root beer. its possible we'd have a staring contest that day, though who won is lost in history. we're locked in a tie right now. he never wants a tie breaker, lol. this was 4 years ago mind you.

after eating and talking we'd always retreat to the coffee house section with the ugly but comfortable green chairs. in the one that faced the street, we'd sit and watch traffic until it was time for him to go. of course we'd talk and make out a little. but mostly watch people go by.

this particular day, in the quiet of the room, watching people walk and drive, i got to thinking. about how, in this one month and one week, i'd been happier than in two years with the ex who'd inevitably let me down. with the man who let me sit on his lap after every other school day, sometimes watched me fall asleep and never complained about my being too heavy or his leg cramps, i'd had the most innocent fun. nothing was ever expected of me. he just wanted me to be there.

and here we were, him staring out the picture window, oblivious, me with my head on his shoulder looking deeply at the bricks, trying so hard not to... but i did.

i started to cry. ok, like weep. but the fact is, no one ever sees me cry. no matter if we were friends for three years beforehand.

"what's wrong?" he looked so concerned.

"i'm scared."

"why?"

"i think i love you."

that's right. i quoted david cassidy. cheesy but all true.

and he just held me. he smiled a little. he wiped the tears from my eyes. i told him he didnt have to say it back. thats how i really knew i meant it. i wasnt looking for validation. just understanding. i calmed down and we stared out the window a little longer before we left. i felt a little embarrassed but very light. i almost started crying again on the bus home, as i almost did as i type this.

one month, one week, one day. he says it back. said he wanted to wait a day so it didnt seem like he was just saying it.

love list.

once again, the majority of these will be things, not people...you can tell by my blog who i love.

*the snickers commercial with the two guys singing.
*the victoria's secret pink line.
* the word awesome.
*the fact that kesi makes fun of me and i can laugh at it too. we saw a deer and i got scared and he said i had 4 heart attacks.
* the world series of pop culture.
*the language i share with my friends.
*blue doritos.
*music in general.
*blender magazine.
*my phone, a t-mobile sda that cost my left foot
*the cape verdean flag. and the country for that matter.
*knives- though i cut my finger a few days ago.
*plastic surgery shows.
*ihop.
*grafitti.
*animals, any kind really. as long as they're smaller than me.
*timbaland's music. best producer evah.
*summertime.
*the beach.
*t-shirts with words on them.
*dragon-con. only a month til it comes back around!
*toddlers running and smiling.
*Drunk friends.
*my house, in spite of my dirty neighbors.
*lost.
*portishead and bjork.
*all you guys' blogs.
*The smell of cartier basier du dragon. and glow.

of course there's more, but i could probably go on for so long this would never get published. after doing a hate list i had to do a love list. especially since i'm faultfully optimistic.

love and marriage...

unlike my blog homie jameil, i so wanna get married. i think the boy and i started talking about it 6 months in. please note we had been friends for 3 or so years by then. i even remember one day seeing his uncle at burger king and being introed as his fiance, just to see how uncle would react. that day i told him he was not allowed to propose in the fast food joint.

so what's keeping us? money. we are two broke college students with full time jobs and hella bills. we would not be able to afford the momentous event that would be the wedding i have planned in my head. i always say the only thing that would let me get married now is the lottery. and i dont play.

we've had a few friends get married since high school. all of them are divorced. i think we could've suffered the same fate if we were in a hurry. but having a "boyfriend" for the past four years is great and allows us to still grow separately and together. but now i'm confident in saying the only thing keeping me from marrying him is circumstance.

my friend brandi is getting married in a few months. i think she's prepared. i'm excited for her. i've also known her for 7 years- she introduced me to kesi- and seen her go from who she was then to who she is now, and the way she talks about her guy, its more than a whim, or a duty, or anything thats not complete. i'm looking for a cute green dress to wear to the ceremony so i wont clash.

i'm glad that my parents didnt get married. they dont belong together that way. they are great as friends and can talk and joke, but as a couple, my ma is way more mature than my dad. he left to get some tools and we havent seen him since yesterday. he'd do that when they were together too, and of course, arguements insued. (side note: i do the same thing, but seeing how it bugs her, i try to call and say i'm not coming home.) but now she doesnt care other than getting her sink fixed. plus my dad still tells people he's 17. which is believable, despite having a 22 year old daughter.

love and marriage. sigh. i dont think it should be an institution cuz its not for everyone. but someday it'll be for me.

Some things that's going on.

1. my dad's in town. he's staying in the guest room, at least until my mom finishes having him fix stuff. then he'll probably head to my aunt's house. not that my mom is kicking him out... a bug- a big one- crawled on my hand last night and he came running downstairs to kill it. i screamed my face off, but he noted that i wouldnt hang up the phone or even drop it. that was kind of nice that he rescued me, lol.

2. lauren tells me every day how much she hates houston. i hate it too. i wish she could come live here. she could, but two broke people does not a plane ticket make.

3. went out again last friday. i'm really bummed that i cant see kid capri this friday. my job is staying open an extra two hours for TD jakes mega fest. its a documented fact that church groups are terrible tippers. but i'll be working 54 hours this week. back to the club- fun times. some guy put his boner on my stomach while we were dancing. needless to say i didnt dance with him no more. ew.

4. i hate on that rihanna song but if i cheated on my man it'd probably kill him too. and i'm sorry, but that cassie song is a tad whorish. the guys heard she was good? who told? but its good to dance to. and beyonce! her video is insane! lauren, that's your ringtone. whoo!

5. i spent saturday and sunday morning with kesi. i felt like i hadnt seen him in ages, when it was really only a week. took goofy pix of him asleep. ah, love.

6. i cant wait for dom to get here so we can run through the fountain in centennial olympic park. i'm saving the moment for the two of us.

the more i think about it,

the funnier, or at least more interesting this story is. so i'm telling it. last friday i went to the club. with:

b, my best work friend and the guy who drives me home when i dont wanna take the train.

bri, new chick at work who's as cute- and smart- as a button.

marcia, a night shift regular who feels my pain, and my love of reggae.

denny, a morning shifter from the usvi who has breathing problems and a mantra: i got five kids!

and nadia, also from the islands, whose birthday it was, and who wanted to go out despite not dancing with ANYONE but b.

so friday night we leave work at record time. the royal peacock closes at 4am but we want to have as much fun as a $20 can legally get ya. despite the fact that the club is only a few blocks away, we have to go all the way to nadia's to pick her and denny up.

we get there at about 12:30. i'm the first one dressed in my cute new extra long pink tank and shorts i refer to as "jeans underwear." accessorized with a multicolored sash worn as a belt and a vickie's bra you can almost see through my shirt. whoo that girl was smokin.

an hour, a plum and an orange soda later and we're outa there. we find parking easily and discuss why guys think yelling out a car window is supposed to make a girl with any sense want to answer. we also discussed how b looked like a pimp with 5 scantily clad girls walking down auburn ave with him.

we enter the club after being frisked, wristbanded and serenaded by a toothless crack head singing "i wanna sex you up." we head for the bar and everyone gets a drink including b and bri, who are a litte less than legal.

the music is bumping. many reggae songs i've only heard once. but all it takes is for me to finish my double of malibu- lauren's influence- to get loose enough to dance. and in a reggae club all it takes is a girl with her ass wiggling to magnetize some dude(s).

i'm dancing. bri's dancing, and she's looking like she's gonna be in a video next week. but the guys like it. nadia is of course dancing with b and the others are getting their individual grooves on. we see j, another islander who works downstairs from us. he's wearing just a white a-shirt. and he's muscles for days. and he can dance, naturally.

about this time, mr straight from a beanie man video comes up. we dance. he tries to one up me but i'm right with him. at some point he attempts to take me to the floor rump shaker style, and manages to land flat on his ass. my friends see this and do the point and laugh. needless to say he didnt wanna dance with me anymore.

j tells me he respects me. oh, so you didnt before? i tell him i grew up around jamaicans and he seems impressed. haha. so we dance and he seems more impressed.

bri starts telling guys i'm her girlfriend so she wouldnt have to dance with them. i do a very unconvincing job of making them believe it. but seeing how i'm not a lesbian...

denny had to work at 6:30 am. at about 3, she went to sit down. and directly fell asleep. asleep! mouth open, maybe some drool. in a club of bumping music. she has apnea so she's constantly nodding off. but this did it. i've never seen anyone full on snore in a club.

so 4:15 rolls around and the lights come on. actually they'd been on for a few minutes but they didnt start playing slow music until then. so we got on the highway, opting to go to bri's house first cuz she lived the farthest away, near six flags. only one problem: she really had no idea where she lived.

we drove around for almost an hour. from camp creek, the fairburn side, to cascade road and back. i'd like all of you with sidekicks, blackberrys, and the new sda like mine, to pat yourselves on the back. you will never have to worry about a drunk 19 year old who doesnt know how to get home. please visit mapquest.com to see how not close those things are to each other.

once we have an affirmed way to her house, we stop at a gas station. he made bri pay for the gas. looking back, this must have been the moment b really looked like a pimp. me in my booty shorts and nadia in her ridiculously short skirt went to the store to get food with b. some guy asked me how old i was. "Old enough not to answer you." b told me to stay until nadia finished.

we take bri home. she also has to work soon and mentions cheerios as she stumbles to the door. we drop marcia off but she cant get inside at 6am and opts to sleep in her car. next is nadia and denny, who live near me. and i get home and go straight to bed. i too have to work later that day.

i left my voice somewhere at that club and still havent really gotten it back. everyone made it to work saturday but bri. she and the cheerios had a fight. they won. we're going back the 21st to see kid capri. i loves him.

body movin'

so kesi and i went on our first date in a while. usually we meet up after work and watch tv. we had the option of the water park, the aquarium, and the bodies exhibit. it rained yesterday, and the aquarium aint going anywhere, so he chose the exhibit.

it was awesome. i wouldnt say fun, cuz it wasnt like the discovery museum, but it was enlightening. there were little facts on the walls about the body, like that the tongue may have a taste for msg.

the rooms were separated into different subjects: muscles, brain, other organs, males and females, babies, diseases. it was all nicely done. none of it was, like, splayed out. i went on a little tangent about how small the uterus was, despite the fact that it holds babies.

speaking of, they gave you the option of not going into the room where the babies were. i didnt wanna miss anything though. the lights were low in there. it was very reverent. i wont talk about it- i been sitting here trying to figure what to say that wouldnt sound morbid or insensitive. but know it wasnt disturbing and i left feeling smarter.

my favorite room was the reproductive room. you walk in to two cases, one with female sex organs and one with male. then there was a male body posed so you can see how things are 'positioned,' and god bless him that guy had nothing going for him. fyi: kesi pointed that fact out. i merely agreed.

the woman was in half, since all our stuff is internal. there was also a display of breasts where you could see the milk ducts that grossed me out cuz they're literally holes. seeing that was worse that seeing the cancerous lungs.

at the end, next to the whale spine bone the size of a propeler, there was a chick in a lab coat standing at a table. wednesday i had an arguement with a coworker about where they got the bodies for the exhibit. he said they stole them. which doesnt even make sense cuz you have to get a body before it really starts to decay. the woman said they came from japan, which has the same rules and ethics for the bodies as we do here. if they are unclaimed within three days they get sent to to medical schools to be studied, or become a part of an innovative american exhibit. its pretty sad that no one knows who these people are.

and we left. i really connected to the exhibit. i know because i would look at some part and touch that part of my body or move it. it was one of the best dates we've been on. go see it if you can. i'm sure it will inspire many to take care of ourselves and put some more good doctors in this world.