Thursday, July 27, 2006

romance vs reality part one: the mary syndrome

dear woman, is this you?
-confident
-cute girl next door who can clean up nice.
-friendly despite what the haters say.
-so unpretentious you've been accused of being a lesbian.
-the one with more male friends than female.

thats just a few- the list goes on but i will not. you have it: the mary syndrome.

we've all seen "there's something about mary," right? they all loved her. she was the object of many men's affections because she was so different from every other girl. all she was was herself. i call it a syndrome not because its a bad thing, but because youre born with it. i have it. lauren does too. that's why bitches be hatin.

this brings me to my heading.

romance. shockingly this refers to the males. its a fantasy. you give them a compliment. put your head on their shoulder. smile and joke. next thing you know theyre in love with you. and you are stuck with the scooby face. you know the one. the one that makes you go, rorgh?

reality. you thought they smelled good that day. you were actually playing cute for the other guy by putting your head on his shoulder. it was a funny joke!

ok, yeah sometimes you flirt. but quite never the syndrome makes your flirt indistinguishable from general niceties. and youre already a pretty girl, and since they've already pictured you naked, your flirting or not flirting turns them into a man milkshake. and not a good one, but one that is melted and sticky.

you manage to make many male friends. they all admit that at one point they had a crush on you. either that or you and he have dated, kissed or had a quick fling that didnt work out as planned. this is the origin of your guy friends: guys who at one point or another wanted you. or are gay. you spend your time trying to find them a girlfriend who will almost surely be jealous of you and him and this friendship you share. if she gets over it, she's marriage material.

ever notice they never try to hook you up with guys? that would ruin the dream. that one day you'll realize you want him and he'll have just what he wants: a best friend he can have sex with and instead of cuddling with after, play San Andreas with.

kesi and i were friends. he even liked one of my friends before me and i encouraged her to try and date him. i implied before that he was just waiting for me to become single but i dont really completely believe that. the good thing about this syndrome is that you are confident enough to make the first move. it has its successes, because you have the fortune of getting to know someone before you make a commitment. this ensures an honest foundation and less arguements.

embrace this phenomenon. you have an allure. it is a gift.

stay tuned for part 2- on the theory of change and why we feel so strongly about it.

putting my 2cent in.

its 4 am and i cant sleep. i been thinking and i need to get this out.

i am fortunate enough to have 4 best friends. kesi, of course, lauren, a man who i call X on this blog (See post 2 way back when), and my newest, b, my club buddy. this deals with la and X.

no matter that people's intentions are toward me, when they cross my friends, we cant hang. la and X and i have a very close bond. a network of sorts where we know whats happening in each other's lives and where if it affects one, it affects us all.

this week one got affected. the affectee disrespected X so that it even hurt my feelings. and la's, and she got deep. you read it. and then the affectee disrespected la while attempting to and stated that she had 'nothing but love' for me. but that cant be true. affectee hates 40% of my circle.

i dont have to defend them. they do a good job on their own. but anyone who has a best friend knows they hold grudges long after you've let go. protective instinct. so i'm holding. and its unfortunate. bros before hos.

ps: if you have class you never have to tell anyone about it. to mention it 'negates the breezy.' lauren knows what that means. thats why she's the only chick in my circle.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

the heart is like a marching band. i'm a fan in the stands.

one month and one week. it was a tuesday.

we were headed to oz, the best pizza place in atlanta, also conveniently located next to the subway station we'd need to go to to get home from school.

we'd sit at the high, bar style tables by the window. that way our bookbags could sit in the sills and not touch the floor. two cheese slices for him, one for me. and share a root beer. its possible we'd have a staring contest that day, though who won is lost in history. we're locked in a tie right now. he never wants a tie breaker, lol. this was 4 years ago mind you.

after eating and talking we'd always retreat to the coffee house section with the ugly but comfortable green chairs. in the one that faced the street, we'd sit and watch traffic until it was time for him to go. of course we'd talk and make out a little. but mostly watch people go by.

this particular day, in the quiet of the room, watching people walk and drive, i got to thinking. about how, in this one month and one week, i'd been happier than in two years with the ex who'd inevitably let me down. with the man who let me sit on his lap after every other school day, sometimes watched me fall asleep and never complained about my being too heavy or his leg cramps, i'd had the most innocent fun. nothing was ever expected of me. he just wanted me to be there.

and here we were, him staring out the picture window, oblivious, me with my head on his shoulder looking deeply at the bricks, trying so hard not to... but i did.

i started to cry. ok, like weep. but the fact is, no one ever sees me cry. no matter if we were friends for three years beforehand.

"what's wrong?" he looked so concerned.

"i'm scared."

"why?"

"i think i love you."

that's right. i quoted david cassidy. cheesy but all true.

and he just held me. he smiled a little. he wiped the tears from my eyes. i told him he didnt have to say it back. thats how i really knew i meant it. i wasnt looking for validation. just understanding. i calmed down and we stared out the window a little longer before we left. i felt a little embarrassed but very light. i almost started crying again on the bus home, as i almost did as i type this.

one month, one week, one day. he says it back. said he wanted to wait a day so it didnt seem like he was just saying it.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

love list.

once again, the majority of these will be things, not people...you can tell by my blog who i love.

*the snickers commercial with the two guys singing.
*the victoria's secret pink line.
* the word awesome.
*the fact that kesi makes fun of me and i can laugh at it too. we saw a deer and i got scared and he said i had 4 heart attacks.
* the world series of pop culture.
*the language i share with my friends.
*blue doritos.
*music in general.
*blender magazine.
*my phone, a t-mobile sda that cost my left foot
*the cape verdean flag. and the country for that matter.
*knives- though i cut my finger a few days ago.
*plastic surgery shows.
*ihop.
*grafitti.
*animals, any kind really. as long as they're smaller than me.
*timbaland's music. best producer evah.
*summertime.
*the beach.
*t-shirts with words on them.
*dragon-con. only a month til it comes back around!
*toddlers running and smiling.
*Drunk friends.
*my house, in spite of my dirty neighbors.
*lost.
*portishead and bjork.
*all you guys' blogs.
*The smell of cartier basier du dragon. and glow.

of course there's more, but i could probably go on for so long this would never get published. after doing a hate list i had to do a love list. especially since i'm faultfully optimistic.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

love and marriage...

unlike my blog homie jameil, i so wanna get married. i think the boy and i started talking about it 6 months in. please note we had been friends for 3 or so years by then. i even remember one day seeing his uncle at burger king and being introed as his fiance, just to see how uncle would react. that day i told him he was not allowed to propose in the fast food joint.

so what's keeping us? money. we are two broke college students with full time jobs and hella bills. we would not be able to afford the momentous event that would be the wedding i have planned in my head. i always say the only thing that would let me get married now is the lottery. and i dont play.

we've had a few friends get married since high school. all of them are divorced. i think we could've suffered the same fate if we were in a hurry. but having a "boyfriend" for the past four years is great and allows us to still grow separately and together. but now i'm confident in saying the only thing keeping me from marrying him is circumstance.

my friend brandi is getting married in a few months. i think she's prepared. i'm excited for her. i've also known her for 7 years- she introduced me to kesi- and seen her go from who she was then to who she is now, and the way she talks about her guy, its more than a whim, or a duty, or anything thats not complete. i'm looking for a cute green dress to wear to the ceremony so i wont clash.

i'm glad that my parents didnt get married. they dont belong together that way. they are great as friends and can talk and joke, but as a couple, my ma is way more mature than my dad. he left to get some tools and we havent seen him since yesterday. he'd do that when they were together too, and of course, arguements insued. (side note: i do the same thing, but seeing how it bugs her, i try to call and say i'm not coming home.) but now she doesnt care other than getting her sink fixed. plus my dad still tells people he's 17. which is believable, despite having a 22 year old daughter.

love and marriage. sigh. i dont think it should be an institution cuz its not for everyone. but someday it'll be for me.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Some things that's going on.

1. my dad's in town. he's staying in the guest room, at least until my mom finishes having him fix stuff. then he'll probably head to my aunt's house. not that my mom is kicking him out... a bug- a big one- crawled on my hand last night and he came running downstairs to kill it. i screamed my face off, but he noted that i wouldnt hang up the phone or even drop it. that was kind of nice that he rescued me, lol.

2. lauren tells me every day how much she hates houston. i hate it too. i wish she could come live here. she could, but two broke people does not a plane ticket make.

3. went out again last friday. i'm really bummed that i cant see kid capri this friday. my job is staying open an extra two hours for TD jakes mega fest. its a documented fact that church groups are terrible tippers. but i'll be working 54 hours this week. back to the club- fun times. some guy put his boner on my stomach while we were dancing. needless to say i didnt dance with him no more. ew.

4. i hate on that rihanna song but if i cheated on my man it'd probably kill him too. and i'm sorry, but that cassie song is a tad whorish. the guys heard she was good? who told? but its good to dance to. and beyonce! her video is insane! lauren, that's your ringtone. whoo!

5. i spent saturday and sunday morning with kesi. i felt like i hadnt seen him in ages, when it was really only a week. took goofy pix of him asleep. ah, love.

6. i cant wait for dom to get here so we can run through the fountain in centennial olympic park. i'm saving the moment for the two of us.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

the more i think about it,

the funnier, or at least more interesting this story is. so i'm telling it. last friday i went to the club. with:

b, my best work friend and the guy who drives me home when i dont wanna take the train.

bri, new chick at work who's as cute- and smart- as a button.

marcia, a night shift regular who feels my pain, and my love of reggae.

denny, a morning shifter from the usvi who has breathing problems and a mantra: i got five kids!

and nadia, also from the islands, whose birthday it was, and who wanted to go out despite not dancing with ANYONE but b.

so friday night we leave work at record time. the royal peacock closes at 4am but we want to have as much fun as a $20 can legally get ya. despite the fact that the club is only a few blocks away, we have to go all the way to nadia's to pick her and denny up.

we get there at about 12:30. i'm the first one dressed in my cute new extra long pink tank and shorts i refer to as "jeans underwear." accessorized with a multicolored sash worn as a belt and a vickie's bra you can almost see through my shirt. whoo that girl was smokin.

an hour, a plum and an orange soda later and we're outa there. we find parking easily and discuss why guys think yelling out a car window is supposed to make a girl with any sense want to answer. we also discussed how b looked like a pimp with 5 scantily clad girls walking down auburn ave with him.

we enter the club after being frisked, wristbanded and serenaded by a toothless crack head singing "i wanna sex you up." we head for the bar and everyone gets a drink including b and bri, who are a litte less than legal.

the music is bumping. many reggae songs i've only heard once. but all it takes is for me to finish my double of malibu- lauren's influence- to get loose enough to dance. and in a reggae club all it takes is a girl with her ass wiggling to magnetize some dude(s).

i'm dancing. bri's dancing, and she's looking like she's gonna be in a video next week. but the guys like it. nadia is of course dancing with b and the others are getting their individual grooves on. we see j, another islander who works downstairs from us. he's wearing just a white a-shirt. and he's muscles for days. and he can dance, naturally.

about this time, mr straight from a beanie man video comes up. we dance. he tries to one up me but i'm right with him. at some point he attempts to take me to the floor rump shaker style, and manages to land flat on his ass. my friends see this and do the point and laugh. needless to say he didnt wanna dance with me anymore.

j tells me he respects me. oh, so you didnt before? i tell him i grew up around jamaicans and he seems impressed. haha. so we dance and he seems more impressed.

bri starts telling guys i'm her girlfriend so she wouldnt have to dance with them. i do a very unconvincing job of making them believe it. but seeing how i'm not a lesbian...

denny had to work at 6:30 am. at about 3, she went to sit down. and directly fell asleep. asleep! mouth open, maybe some drool. in a club of bumping music. she has apnea so she's constantly nodding off. but this did it. i've never seen anyone full on snore in a club.

so 4:15 rolls around and the lights come on. actually they'd been on for a few minutes but they didnt start playing slow music until then. so we got on the highway, opting to go to bri's house first cuz she lived the farthest away, near six flags. only one problem: she really had no idea where she lived.

we drove around for almost an hour. from camp creek, the fairburn side, to cascade road and back. i'd like all of you with sidekicks, blackberrys, and the new sda like mine, to pat yourselves on the back. you will never have to worry about a drunk 19 year old who doesnt know how to get home. please visit mapquest.com to see how not close those things are to each other.

once we have an affirmed way to her house, we stop at a gas station. he made bri pay for the gas. looking back, this must have been the moment b really looked like a pimp. me in my booty shorts and nadia in her ridiculously short skirt went to the store to get food with b. some guy asked me how old i was. "Old enough not to answer you." b told me to stay until nadia finished.

we take bri home. she also has to work soon and mentions cheerios as she stumbles to the door. we drop marcia off but she cant get inside at 6am and opts to sleep in her car. next is nadia and denny, who live near me. and i get home and go straight to bed. i too have to work later that day.

i left my voice somewhere at that club and still havent really gotten it back. everyone made it to work saturday but bri. she and the cheerios had a fight. they won. we're going back the 21st to see kid capri. i loves him.

Friday, July 07, 2006

body movin'

so kesi and i went on our first date in a while. usually we meet up after work and watch tv. we had the option of the water park, the aquarium, and the bodies exhibit. it rained yesterday, and the aquarium aint going anywhere, so he chose the exhibit.

it was awesome. i wouldnt say fun, cuz it wasnt like the discovery museum, but it was enlightening. there were little facts on the walls about the body, like that the tongue may have a taste for msg.

the rooms were separated into different subjects: muscles, brain, other organs, males and females, babies, diseases. it was all nicely done. none of it was, like, splayed out. i went on a little tangent about how small the uterus was, despite the fact that it holds babies.

speaking of, they gave you the option of not going into the room where the babies were. i didnt wanna miss anything though. the lights were low in there. it was very reverent. i wont talk about it- i been sitting here trying to figure what to say that wouldnt sound morbid or insensitive. but know it wasnt disturbing and i left feeling smarter.

my favorite room was the reproductive room. you walk in to two cases, one with female sex organs and one with male. then there was a male body posed so you can see how things are 'positioned,' and god bless him that guy had nothing going for him. fyi: kesi pointed that fact out. i merely agreed.

the woman was in half, since all our stuff is internal. there was also a display of breasts where you could see the milk ducts that grossed me out cuz they're literally holes. seeing that was worse that seeing the cancerous lungs.

at the end, next to the whale spine bone the size of a propeler, there was a chick in a lab coat standing at a table. wednesday i had an arguement with a coworker about where they got the bodies for the exhibit. he said they stole them. which doesnt even make sense cuz you have to get a body before it really starts to decay. the woman said they came from japan, which has the same rules and ethics for the bodies as we do here. if they are unclaimed within three days they get sent to to medical schools to be studied, or become a part of an innovative american exhibit. its pretty sad that no one knows who these people are.

and we left. i really connected to the exhibit. i know because i would look at some part and touch that part of my body or move it. it was one of the best dates we've been on. go see it if you can. i'm sure it will inspire many to take care of ourselves and put some more good doctors in this world.